Parallel Lives
by jamiepage19
Summary: One galaxy, two Shepards; their lives will never be the same again. With the Collectors defeated, John Shepard is about head back through the Omega 4 relay when the unthinkable happens and he and his crew are suddenly teleported back to Virmire. Once there, they stumble upon the Normandy SR-1 and he soon finds out that there's a Jane Shepard in charge and nothing is as it seems.
1. When Worlds Collide

**A/N: **Greetings!

The premise story is based off an idea that my friend **Silver-06** gave me back when I finished 'Different Horizons', about what would happen if John Shepard time-warped back to an alternate Virmire and stumbled upon Jane Shepard and her crew. Me and another author, **Mine6Chan** are both writing our own versions of it. I highly encourage you to head over to her profile and read "Dual Reality". It's totally different from my version.

NOTE: While **Silver-06** came up with the idea of the Omega 4 mishap that results in the two Shepards meeting on Virmire, the rest of the plot line is my own creation.

You all know the drill: I do not own Mass Effect. All rights belong to BioWare and EA Games.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy! ~J

* * *

><p><em>"And I am you and what I see is me." - Echoes, Pink Floyd<em>

**Chapter One - When Worlds Collide**

"This is for Miranda, you sons-of-bitches!" John shouted as he emptied his assault rifle into the eyes of the giant human-shaped reaper. It didn't take long for the heat sync to reach its capacity but he was too driven by anger and hatred to notice until the gun clacked repeatedly in response.

John Shepard knew that going up against the Collectors on their home turf could very well turn out to be a one way trip – a suicide mission. But he'd been cocky enough to think that he and his team would come through it unscathed. That assumption had been dead wrong.

It had all started when the Normandy went through the Omega 4 relay. Since no one had ever returned from a trip through the relay, they had no idea what to expect on the other side. Joker had been quick on his feet – so to speak – and maneuvered the Normandy past all the debris from the mangled ships that had gone on only to be torn apart, but he wasn't quite fast enough. The ship clipped a large hunk of twisted metal, sending it and the crew inside somersaulting through the stillness of space, crashing into more fragments as it went. Thane had been the first casualty, having been impaled by a steel girder as the Normandy tumbled about – the first of many.

They had barely righted themselves when a Collector ship launched from a port in the very base they were trying to reach and began a slow, measured attack. Knowing full well what the Collector ship was capable of, Joker weaved in and out of the wreckage trying desperately to stay out of the reach of the massive beam that had torn the first Normandy apart.

Even still, the white hot stream penetrated the hull in the starboard observation room. Samara had scrambled to get to safety before everything around her was seared with fire, but the flames quickly encompassed the small area. She never stood a chance.

Joker throttled the engines to full power and angled the Normandy straight up so that he could loop around and attack the Collector ship from behind. It was a risky move that most pilots wouldn't dream of attempting. But then again, most pilots weren't Joker. Unfortunately the bold move came at the cost of yet another crewmate. The engines, taxed to capacity, overloaded and the resulting explosions had quickly ended the life of Tali Zorah vas Neema.

When the listing Normandy finally crash landed on the Collector base John gathered the remaining crew members together in the debriefing room.

"We need to attack the Collector's where they live," he had told them, pummeling his fist into his other hand. "They attacked our ship, took the lives of our crew – our friends. We're not just going in there to defeat them, we're going to make them regret ever teaming up with the Reapers!"

From there the crew had split up into separate groups. Legion had agreed to crawl through the ventilation shafts. Garrus took charge of the first fire team, Miranda the second. They were making good progress. After making the gruesome discovery about what happened to the crew and the colonists, Shepard had sent the survivors back to the Normandy with Mordin.

The next step had been to navigate the remaining tunnels toward the core of the base. Miranda had volunteered to escort the ground team through the seeker swarms using a biotic barrier. However, it was a slow and grueling process and toward the end of the tunnel Miranda was starting to feel the strain. She didn't have enough energy to push back the swarms tha rushed them when they reached the doors and as a result, Grunt had been carried away.

But even that wasn't the worst of it.

No, the final straw was when they took Miranda from him. They seemed like such an unlikely pair at first. She was cold and a bit of a snob and well, he could be an asshole at times, but somehow they had made it work. The team had just made it to the doors and was trying to get them shut when a stray bullet slipped through the gap and struck Miranda in the gut.

She'd staggered backward before collapsing to the ground, a look of shock and grief in her pale lavender eyes. "There were just too many of them," she whispered as he cradled her in his arms. "I'm sorry John…"

He had lingered a little longer than he should have, but he just couldn't let her go.

The heavy reaper toppled forward against the edge and then fell into the chasm below in a deafening jumble of twisted metal. The platform they were standing on rocked dangerously back and forth before it finally tilted to one side.

Garrus slipped.

"Not one more!" John growled as he dove after Garrus.

He managed to grab hold of one of the turian's taloned hands just as the he went over the edge and pulled with all his might. He'd already lost Miranda; he couldn't lose Garrus as well. The gruff officer had been with him since the beginning and had made it clear that he was with Shepard no matter what.

Garrus shifted his weight and thrust his other hand up to John. He caught it, dragging him back over the edge to safety just as the platform shifted in the other direction and crashed violently to the ground.

When John came to he was lying underneath a heavy slab of rock. Though things were quiet around him, he could hear the muted sound of gunfire in the distance and knew that he didn't have much time. He still needed to get to the other half of his team before the bomb went off. With a mighty effort he pushed himself free and stood up. Garrus was lying on his back, but was clearly okay. Jacob however, was still pinned underneath a similar chunk of stone.

"Jacob!" he called out as he struggled to move the boulder. The young soldier gave no answering reply. John slammed his fist against the ground. "Damn it!"

"Shepard!" Zaeed called over the comm. "We're taking heavy fire! I recommend extraction immediately!"

"Fall back to the Normandy! We'll be right behind you," he ordered.

John and Garrus broke into a run, hoping they could get back to the ship before the Collectors finished them off. The ground shook as they raced through the winding hallways and on several occasions they had to dodge stasis pods and crumbling pieces of rock that fell from the ceiling and nearby walls.

He could see light at the end of the corridor and after a few more steps the Normandy came into view. Joker and EDI had managed to repair it enough to get them out of there and it was now hovering patiently, waiting for them to jump on board. He could see Joker standing in the open airlock, an assault rifle in his hands as he tried his best to keep the Collectors at a distance.

Beneath them the narrow walkway started to buckle. Garrus leaped head first through the airlock and slid along the metal floor. But just as John made to follow him, the ground under his feet gave way. He held his breath and jumped.

The pain that exploded in his chest was acute as he slammed against the edge of the airlock, but it was overshadowed by the intense feeling of relief that washed over him. Garrus knelt down and pulled him up as Joker continued to fend off the hordes of Collectors that were rushing the ship, despite the absence of the walkway. They gathered at the edge of the crevasse and peppered the side of the hull in a shower of armor-piercing rounds.

"Thanks," John said to Garrus as he stood and brushed the dust off his armor. "Let's get the hell outta –"

Joker screamed as a bullet tore through his right shoulder, splintering it into tiny pieces. The gun he was holding clattered to the floor and then dropped soundlessly out the airlock into the open expanse below.

Somewhere outside, an explosion rocked the base.

"Joker!"

Joker doubled over. John pushed Garrus aside and ran to the pilot, barely catching him by his left hand as he fell through the opening.

"_GAH!"_ Joker yelped as the brittle bones in his forearm snapped. "Commander!"

"Hold on Joker!"

"I can't!"

"Yes you can!" John could feel Joker's grip weaken as a result of the fractures in his arm. He grit his teeth together in an effort to keep the pilot from plummeting into the void. "I've got you!"

Another explosion erupted on the ground, this time powerful enough to shake the Normandy roughly. Joker's hand slipped.

"_Joker! No!"_

And then he was gone.

John didn't have time to be sad or angry. The entire base was rapidly falling apart and he literally had only minutes to get the Normandy away from it and to the Omega 4 relay before they were completely wiped out from the blast of the bomb he'd planted in the core.

"EDI!" he shouted as he ran through the CIC to the cockpit. "Can you get us out of here?"

"I can," the AI replied smoothly, "but it will take someone else at the helm. Where is Mr. Moreau?"

"Gone," he said sliding into the plush leather seat that Joker loved so much. "Shit! You're gonna have do this with me then. There's no time to find someone else on this damn ship who can drive this thing!"

EDI was silent for a moment and then said, "Thrusters are to your right. Throttle to full power."

The Normandy shakily pulled away from the Collector station and took off.

"This isn't so hard," John said with an uneasy laugh. "I see the relay up ahead."

"Shepard, you need to plot a course to the next relay."

"Okay. So how do I do that?" He started tapping frantically at the console in front of him.

"Stop pressing buttons!" the AI snapped in a tone that almost sounded reprimanding. "Shepard, you are confusing the interface!"

"I got it! I got it!" he fired back, waving her voice off with his hand.

"Shepard!"

The console started to beep loudly as the ship was captured in the bright red energy field of the Omega 4 relay and instantly they were warped to a distant destination.

"Where are we?" he asked when the Normandy reappeared moments later.

EDI was uncharacteristically silent. Then, after a minute she said, "My scans show that we are in the Hoc System, somewhere close to the planet Virmire, but…something is wrong."

Just then, another ship flew overhead, just barely missing the top of the Normandy. It seemed to come out of nowhere and involuntarily John found himself ducking in his seat to get out of the way. A large explosion lit up the atmosphere of the blue-green planet in front of them.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed. "EDI, see if you can get a lock on them and channel me through to that pilot. I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind!"

"Patching you through, Shepard."

"Pilot, identify yourself!" he raged when the comm. opened. "I demand to speak with whoever's in charge!"

The voice that answered back froze the blood in his veins.

"This is the SSV Normandy SR-1." Joker replied. "Standby for Commander Shepard."

**.x.x.x.**

"You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."

Jane looked up at the deep red hologram of Sovereign – an actual reaper – and swallowed hard. Behind her Kaidan voiced the words that seemed caught in her throat.

"They're harvesting us!"

"We are beyond your comprehension," it replied. "This exchange is over."

Sovereign's imaged vanished and suddenly Jane Shepard had the most awful feeling of foreboding. In all the time that she had been chasing Saren across the galaxy, she could never have guessed that it was more than just a rogue spectre and his geth. This new information settled like a hard rock in the pit of her stomach.

"This changes nothing," she finally managed, looking over her shoulder at Kaidan and Garrus. "We need to get back to the landing zone and arm that nuke."

She wished that Sovereign had been the first terrifying discovery that day, but it wasn't. Upon arriving at that salarian outpost camp she and her crew had unearthed the grizzly details that Saren had created a cure for the genophage and was going to use it to engineer his own breed of Krogan. Coupled with the geth that had already allied themselves to his cause, he would be virtually unstoppable.

As the commander of the Normandy she had been in the unfavorable position to make a decision, a choice that had almost cost her a crewmate. Wrex had passionately disagreed with her. His people had been waiting for a cure for centuries, he'd argued, and who was she to throw all that away? The moment had quickly turned tense when Wrex pulled his assault rifle on her. She lifted her pistol in return and the two had paced in a slow circle.

"Help me out here Shepard," he'd said, looking down the barrel at her.

"These aren't 'your people' Wrex. Saren is using them, making them into slaves. Do you really want that to happen?"

The rifle shook in his hand. "No. You're right."

He holstered his weapon and Jane waved off Ashley, who had been standing behind the krogan with her own rifle trained on a spot at the back of his head.

After that the team had split up into three groups. Wrex and Ashley went with Captain Kirrahe to help with the ground assault while Kaidan and Garrus went with Jane to infiltrate the compound and disable the AA guns. Tali and Liara stayed behind to ready the nuclear bomb.

"We'd better get going," Kaidan said, bringing her back to the present.

Garrus waited until Kaidan had exited the small room before pulling Jane into his embrace. She sighed against the cold metal chest plate of his armor and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"How are you holding up?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine. The visions are painful and there is still a lot of stuff I don't understand about them, but it's over now," she replied.

She had been haunted with visions ever since they'd found that prothean beacon back on Eden Prime. Every now and then another piece of the vision would unravel, like a puzzle, and the muddled images that flashed in her mind would become a little clearer. And that's exactly what had happened when she activated the beacon right before Sovereign had appeared.

She pulled away to look into the deep blue eyes of her mate and was rewarded with his easy smile.

Something had sparked between them the moment they'd first laid eyes on each other back at the Citadel Tower. At the time he was trying to investigate Saren but C-Sec kept tying him down with procedures and red tape. When Jane offered to let him join her crew, he'd jumped at the chance. From there the two had been nearly inseparable and what had started out as a mutually beneficial friendship soon blossomed into a deep abiding love.

"I guess we'd better catch up to Kaidan," she said.

The bright light of the mid-day sun glinted off the water as they made their way to the landing zone. Off in the distance big dark clouds hung low in the sky and the first rumbles of thunder could be heard ahead of the impending storm.

Joker slowly brought the Normandy down, momentarily blocking out the sun. The three of them were helping Liara and Tali unload the bomb when the first shots were fired. Jane looked up to see Saren and at least two dozen geth steadily advancing toward them.

"Shit!" she cried. "Everyone get to cover!"

Because Tali and Liara were unarmed, they ran back inside the ship to get their weapons. But as soon as they were safely inside Jane radioed to Joker and told him to take the Normandy and retreat. She couldn't risk Saren or the geth somehow disabling it and preventing them from getting off the planet once the bomb was armed. Besides, she knew that Kaidan and Garrus were more than capable of helping her dispatch a few geth. And if they were lucky, they would get Saren in the process.

"Keep them distracted," Garrus shouted as he knelt down to open the control panel on the nuke. "I'll arm this thing and then we can get the hell out of here."

Jane threw out a biotic shockwave that managed to send three geth flying before she dropped to her knees in an attempt to make herself as small a target as possible. Out in the open like they were, there weren't many places that the small group could use to hide behind. A well placed pistol shot brought down one of the geth snipers, but not before it got a chance to fire off a round in return. She ducked and quickly rolled out of the way.

Something splashed in that water behind her.

"Infiltration team to ground team, come in ground team! We've got a man down and need immediate back up. I repeat: Garrus is down!" Kaidan called frantically over the comm.

His words sounded so distant as they echoed in her ears. She looked down at her right to see the turian laying face down in the water and everything went dim around her.

"Garrus?" Dropping her pistol she scrambled over to him and turned him over. Bright blue blood gushed from the bullet wound in his temple. _"Garrus!"_

"Shepard!"

Kaidan's warning came too late. Suddenly a thick three-fingered hand swooped down and caught her by the neck, its talons digging sharply into her soft flesh. Saren hoisted her away from Garrus's limp body and dangled her high above him like she weighed next to nothing. She clawed at his hand in a desperate fight for air.

"You cannot win Shepard," he snarled. "The reapers will come and there is nothing you can do to stop them."

"Maybe not," she spit back, "but I can stop you!"

"We're coming LT!" she heard Ashley yell from somewhere behind them.

It was just the opportunity she needed. While Saren was distracted by the advancing ground team she took advantage of the diversion and slammed her fist into the side of Saren's face. Stunned, he dropped her and staggered back a few paces.

As she landed on her hands and knees in the water she heard Kaidan ask, "Where's Captain Kirrahe and the rest of the salarian troops?"

"Gone. Me and Wrex are all you get."

To Jane it felt like a lifetime, but in reality the exchange took only a fraction of a second and soon all three of her teammates opened fire in Saren's direction. Shock had made her numb, frozen her body to the ground and made it seemingly impossible for her to move. She watched as Saren and the remaining geth retreated and then crawled back over to Garrus.

"There's no time for that Skipper!" Ashley hollered. She ran up to the commander and grabbed her by the collar of her armor. "We've got less than a minute to get the hell out of dodge!"

"No!" Jane cried. She reached up and pried Ashley's hand off her armor.

A large black shadow fell over them as Joker brought down the Normandy once more.

Two pairs of strong hands lifted her away from her dead mate and together Kaidan and Wrex dragged her toward the ship.

"There's nothing more you can do Shepard," Kaidan coaxed.

She knew he was right, but that didn't stop her from struggling against them.

"Garrus!" she sobbed.

As soon as they entered the cargo bay Wrex closed the hatch and she felt Joker fire up the Tantalus drive core and the Normandy sped away. For a long moment she just sat on the floor, staring at the empty station next to the Mako.

"I'm so sorry Shepard," Tali said, giving her shoulder a slight squeeze.

However, comfort was the last thing Jane wanted or needed at the moment. "Don't. Let's just get as far away from this shithole planet as possible," she muttered, getting to her feet.

She had barely reached the elevator when Joker's voice came over the comm. "Uh Commander, I think you need to see this."

She sighed, all thoughts of secluding herself in her cabin vanished as she started toward the bridge. But her annoyance quickly turned to confusion when she arrived at the cockpit to find Joker staring out the window at a frigate that looked almost identical to theirs, only it was double the size and had Cerberus markings all over it. It even bore the same name, but instead of having 'SR-1' it had 'SR-2' painted on the hull.

"What the?" She looked down at Joker. "I thought the Normandy was a prototype. Did you hear anything about there being another one in production?"

The helmsman shrugged. "Beats me Commander."

Just then an angry male voice came over the comm. channel. "Pilot, identify yourself! I demand to speak to whoever's in charge!"

"This is the SSV Normandy SR-1," Joker replied. He took his finger off the 'talk' button. "Man this guy's an asshole," he said, which elicited a smile from Jane before he pressed it again. "Standby for Commander Shepard."

Jane took a deep breath to answer the request but the man's next words stopped her cold.

"No, I'm _Commander Shepard_ and somebody better tell me what the hell's going on here!"


	2. Two Shepards are Better than One

**A/N: **Wow! I'm amazed at how much response I got from the first chapter alone! Thanks to everyone! You guys are awesome!

On a side note: There will be many different pairings between both crews, but I don't want to say any more since that would only ruin it by giving things away early. You'll just have to keep reading to see how it unfolds during the plot ;-)

Okay, now that we've got all that taken care of, on to the next chapter! Please tell me what you think! Things are slowly starting to make sense now. ~J

_"We're in now, now." Col. Sandurz, Spaceballs_

**Chapter Two - Two Shepards are Better than One**

"What did he just say?"

Jane looked down at the pilot to make sure she had heard the voice over the comm right, but Joker could only offer another shrug of his shoulders as he gazed quizzically out the windows at the large ship with its brazen Cerberus insignia displayed on the hull.

Thinking that she might have misheard him, she leaned past Joker and pressed the button to the comm. "There must be some kind of mistake," she said. "You see, I –"

"You're damn right there's been a mistake!" the man fired back at her.

"I think someone's playing an awfully mean joke on you Commander," Joker commented.

"I don't have time for this," she muttered. After all, she had just lost her bond mate and still had Saren to go after. What she needed most was time to collect herself, to decompress after what had happened on Virmire so she could ready her team for the upcoming battle. She pressed the button again, this time more forcefully. "Look buddy, I don't know who you are or what you're doing here, but you picked the wrong ship to mess with. I'm Commander Shepard and I don't take people who try to impersonate me lightly. Now move aside or I will be forced to open fire."

The line buzzed in silence. Jane shifted her weight to her back foot and smiled down at the pilot smugly. He just shook his head and chuckled as he took back control over the comm.

"That's what I thought," she quipped.

"You're a chick?" He laughed incredulously. Then, in a tone almost as arrogant as hers had been he asked, "How did things go on Virmire?"

"Wha-?" She unfolded her arms and dropped her gaze back down to Joker.

"Did you get the location of the Conduit from the beacon? What did you think of Sovereign?"

"H-how did you know all that? It only happened just a few moments ago…I…I haven't even told anybody about that yet."

"Because, I'm Commander Shepard."

Jane let her eyes roam back to the window and stared at the ship that was essentially larger replica of her own. Something fluttered in her stomach, something that told her all was not right and that somehow, inexplicably, things had suddenly changed.

"I think we need to talk," she said finally.

**.x.x.x.**

"I'm having a hard time believing this myself EDI, are you sure this is gonna work?" John asked the bright blue orb. He had been ready to shout back a heated reply to the other commander's self-satisfied remark when the AI intervened.

"It's a theory, Shepard. Her answers will either confirm or debunk it."

"Okay…"

There had been something all too familiar about the scene that had unfolded in front on them, almost like déjà vu. But when he saw the SR-1 speeding away from the planet as the nuclear device was detonated on the surface he was sure that he was watching a replay of the past, caught up in some sort of residual memory.

It would have been as easy as that to explain away, but then the voice that answered back over the radio was that of a woman, claiming to be Commander Shepard. Nothing made any sense, and yet he couldn't deny what he was seeing right in front of his eyes, couldn't deny that he'd just heard the voice of his dead pilot over the comm.

EDI had been right on the mark. When he asked her how the events on Virmire had gone, he heard the surprise and disbelief in the commander's voice. Then, to his utter amazement she had suggested they talk, not over the comm but face to face. And if that idea hadn't been crazy enough, she had asked that the conversation take place only between the two of them. Her reasoning was so they wouldn't alert either crew. He had agreed, but that wasn't going to stop him from going fully armed.

With EDI's helped he directed the SR-2 to an agreed location on a neighboring planet and after the bumpy landing he went to the armory to grab his choice of weapons.

"What are you expecting out there?" Garrus asked him as John checked the heat sync on his assault rifle before sliding it into the appropriate holster.

"Don't know." He met the turian's gaze as it swung up from his assortment of armaments. "But I'm gonna be prepared for anything."

John secured the shotgun to his back and then made his way to the cargo bay. Garrus trailed along behind him, offering to accompany him one more time, citing all the reasons why it was wrong to go without backup.

John stopped just short of the hatch and pointed at the officer. "I'm not going without backup. You're going to get Zaeed and Jack and wait just inside the doors. If things get too out of hand, like her crew rushes me or something, you guys come out hot and hit them everything you've got."

Garrus nodded and disappeared into the cargo bay as John lowered the hatch. While he waited he surveyed the open space between the two ships. The SR-1 had landed directly across from them. So far there wasn't any sign of anyone on the other side, though the cargo hatch had been lowered just like his had. Who was going to make the first move, he wondered with a wry smile.

He was surprised a moment later when a pair of slender legs began the walk down the ramp. Placing his hand firmly on the edge of the open doorway he stared as those shapely legs grew longer, followed by the gentle curves of her hips and slim waist. She was clad in armor that wasn't unlike the kind he used to wear before the battle of the citadel took place – except the black, tan, and white camouflage pattern fit her in all the right places, accentuating the swell of her breasts and the lean frame of her squared shoulders. Like him, she had chosen not to wear a helmet and as he stepped down the walkway of the SR-2 her face swam into view. Her complexion was slightly tanned and was topped by a shock of auburn hair, cropped just above a soft, yet strong jaw line. Her brilliant green eyes flashed with annoyance and a touch of anger as they settled on him.

She reached around her back and settled her hand on her weapon, a move that made John chuckle inwardly with amusement and respect. They were more alike than he'd originally thought, and he knew right then and there that he was dealing with a woman that wasn't about to be taken as a fool.

"Commander Shepard, I presume?" she stated with haughty sarcasm.

**.x.x.x.**

"You're going out there alone?" Tali exclaimed. "Have you lost your mind?"

The quarian frowned as Jane finished pulling on her gloves. She had suggested to the other commander that they meet on neutral ground, alone, to sort out the problem that seemed to have presented itself. She had wanted it to be one on one so as not to alert the crew that anything was amiss. The less everyone knew about it the better – at least until she could figure out what was going on. But even with all that in mind, Jane couldn't help confiding in her best friend.

"I can take care of myself," she said, twisting her pistol in her hand for emphasis.

"But from what you said, this guy sounds like he has a really short temper. What if this is a trap? This is Cerberus we're talking about.

"He's just one man." She slid the pistol into the holster on her side and then looked at Tali thoughtfully. "But just to be safe – you know, in case it is a trap – I want you, Wrex, and Ash to wait just inside the door."

That seemed to satisfy her friend.

Jane looked around the cargo hold absently, her eyes lingering on the vacant spot by the Mako. How much stronger would she be right now if Garrus was still there to stand beside her? His death had hit her deeper than any of the crew could have guessed and it was killing her to stay focused on the situation at hand instead of mourning the loss of her companion.

"The lift to the other ship is dropping."

Tali's voice sliced through her thoughts. She nodded and slowly moved toward the hatch and peered out cautiously. The SR-2 was easily double – if not triple – the size of her ship and was almost identical in design. Seeing 'Normandy', the name of _her_ ship, on the side of its hull was unsettling.

Soon they were joined by Wrex and Ashley and once they had taken their positions Jane started down the gangplank to the ground below. When she was about halfway down she noticed that the other commander had started his descent as well. She was immediately struck by how tall he was. He towered over her petite frame when they met in the middle to the two ships, and even though he was wearing deep red armor she could tell that he was well built and defined underneath it.

He had a ruggedness about him, the kind of visage that no doubt made all the women around him swoon. His features were smooth and angular with a chiseled jaw and a good, strong nose. He kept his light brown hair short, well within military regulations, and she could see the faintest beginnings of five o'clock shadow around his mouth and chin.

But it was his eyes that were perhaps the most striking of all. Pale blue and gorgeous in the light of the fading sun, they also held in them a pain that could only have come from years of experience. This man had seen things and it had left its mark upon him.

Soon it became apparent that while she was assessing him he was sizing her up as well. She reached around and grabbed her pistol, ready for anything he might try next as his eyes traveled slowly from her feet up to her face, and when he finally met her gaze the corner of his mouth quirked up in an amused grin. That simple movement, that cocky little smile that implied that he was better than her, was all it took to get the blood pumping hotly through her veins.

"Commander Shepard, I presume?" she asked in a voice that dripped with sarcasm. When he continued to stare at her she removed her hand from her pistol and folded her arms across her chest. "Is there a first name that goes along with that?" she prompted.

Again that easy, infuriating smile.

"It's John." He extended his hand in a gesture that caught her completely off guard. "And you are…"

"Jane," she managed finally. She imagined she could hear the collective sigh of relief from her crew just inside the doorway as she took his hand and shook it firmly. Then, unable to contain herself any longer, she fired back at him, "Now do you mind explaining to me what in the hell is going on and how you seem to know so much about me and my mission?"

"I already told you, I'm Commander Shepard."

"Bullshit. This has gone far enough, don't you think?"

He sighed. "This would be a whole lot easier to explain inside." He threw a thumb back in the direction of the SR-2.

"I'm not going in there! You're Cerberus!"

He let out a frustrated groan. "I only teamed up with Cerberus because they were willing to help with the Reapers."

"Cerberus knows about the Reapers?"

"If you would shut up for a minute," he sighed again, "I could tell you. Now, will you come aboard or not?"

Jane glared at the Cerberus symbol on the hull and took a deep breath. "Not without my crew."

He looked like he was about to disagree but suddenly something skittered across his eyes and he grinned again, this time revealing a set of perfectly straight, white teeth.

"Fine."

**.x.x.x.**

"I want everyone to meet in the debriefing room in five minutes," John announced over the comm when he re-entered the SR-2.

He couldn't have come up with a better plan if he had thought of it himself. It was obvious that Jane still didn't believe him. Hell, it was hard enough for him to digest. But she would change her mind pretty damn quick when she walked into a room full of people she might find very familiar. At least, that was what he was banking on. He wasn't sure how many other things had changed on the SR-1.

Soon what was left of his once full crew filtered into the room and he was met with more than one curious glance.

"Where's Garrus?" he asked when everyone but the turian was situated around the large table.

"He muttered something about calibrations and said he'd be up as soon as he was done," Kasumi said with a graceful shrug of her shoulders.

"What's all this about Shepard?" Zaeed demanded.

John had been hoping to explain everything to his crew beforehand and was more than a little irritated that Garrus felt his calibrations were more important that hearing what he had to say. But he didn't have much time to stew over his insubordination because Kelly burst through the door a few moments later with Jane in tow.

All of his preconceived notions vanished as her crew filed in behind her and he realized that nothing was how he expected it to be. His eyes widened as Kaidan entered the room behind Liara, followed by Ashley.

"But your…you…" he stammered to the gunnery chief before swinging his eyes back to Kaidan. "I don't understand…I-I had to make a choice…"

Jane raised an eyebrow and proceeded to look at him like he was a blubbering idiot. He trailed off, trying to wrap his head around the discrepancy. And so he was doubly shocked when the krogan marched into the room next.

"Wrex!" He spread his arms out wide.

"Do I know you?" the krogan asked gruffly.

Nothing seemed right. Although he was ecstatic to see Wrex still alive, since he had been forced to kill the krogan when he was on Virmire and leave his gunnery chief there to die, his mind reeled at seeing both him and Ashley standing in the same room right now. He was suddenly struck with the uneasy realization that his plan had backfired. It was he, not Jane, who found himself in a room with people he recognized. Jane wouldn't know any of his crew members, since the people who were left had all been recruited by Cerberus.

Wrex grumbled and shuffled farther into the space to make room for the last members of Jane's crew and it was then that John got his last shock of the night. Part of him assumed that naturally, Tali would be among the ranks of her team. After all, it had been that way when he was the commander of the SR-1. But seeing her now, just like hearing Joker's voice over the comm, was like staring into the eyes of a ghost. To him it felt like only hours had passed since she had perished in the engine room explosion.

"Why is he looking at me like that?" Tali asked. She made no effort to disguise the discomfort in her voice as she turned to Jane for answers.

"What sort of fucked up shit is this?" Jack quipped from the back of the room. "Tali's dead!"

"I-I'm what?"

"Yeah, and ain't that scrawny guy that uptight asshole from the Alliance back on Horizon?" Zaeed threw in.

"Me?" Kaidan pointed a finger toward his own chest questioningly. "I've never –"

"What the hell you trying to pull on us Shepard?" Jack pushed off the wall she was leaning against and pushed her way through the crowd to level her eyes on Jane with with a mixture of suspicion and disgust. "Who's the bitch?"

Brilliant blue energy enveloped Jane's hands as she stared back at the strangely tattooed woman. Clenching her hands into fists in an attempt to restrain herself from throwing her across the room she spit, "What's the matter? Cerberus couldn't afford to buy you a whole uniform?"

Behind her Ashley laughed. "Good one Skipper."

"I don't have anything to do with Cerberus!" Jack screamed.

The same blue energy surrounded her entire body as she lunged for Jane, but John caught her by the arm and yanked the biotic backward.

"_Enough!" _

Jack snarled and wrenched her arm out of John's grasp to circle around once more and shoot Jane with a look of pure venom. "You'd better watch yourself sweetheart."

"I said that's enough, Jack! Stand down!"

"What does she mean, 'I'm dead'?" Tali asked, stepping next to Jane. "Shepard, what's going on?"

Jane turned back to look at her small crew. Each and every one of their faces held expressions of confusion and apprehension.

"That's what we're here to find out," she stated and looked pointedly at John.

"EDI," John sighed, "I'm gonna need your help on this one."

"Certainly Shepard," EDI responded as the blue sphere appeared on the table.

"Why does everyone keep calling _him_ Shepard?" Liara whispered to Tali.

The quarian just shrugged. "And why does everybody seem to think I'm dead?"

"What's that?" Jane asked and pointed to the glowing orb, ignoring the comments behind her.

"I am the Normandy," EDI replied. "More specifically, I am an enhanced intelligence defense system."

"So…you're an AI?"

"Yes."

"Aww, look. The AI and the princess are getting along. How sweet," Jack mocked.

John glared at her and she threw him a hateful stare before going back to rest against the wall.

"Tell them what you told me," he coached.

"According to my calculations, there was a malfunction when we went through the Omega 4 relay. Somehow, we were transported back to Virmire, except it appears that we arrived at an earlier place and time."

"Wait a minute EDI. Are you trying to tell us that we went back in time?" Kasumi asked incredulously.

"Not exactly. If the Normandy had simply traveled through time, you would be looking at a younger version of John, not someone of the opposite sex."

"What are you suggesting then?" Jane hated the fact that her voice quivered with uncertainty.

"I believe that we are in some sort of alternate reality," the AI went on. "A reality in which Ashley did not die in the nuclear explosion, Wrex survived his encounter at Saren's krogan cloning facility, and Commander Shepard is a woman."

"Hmm, a tear in the fabric of time," Mordin mused aloud and then shook his head. "No, no, no – a worm hole!"

"Is he okay?" Tali asked.

"Who, Mordin?" Kelly laughed. "He does this all the time. Best to just let him ramble."

"If we truly traveled through time," the salarian continued, "must be careful not to create a paradox."

"What's a paradox?" Ashley inquired.

"Universe ending event."

"Uhh Skipper, let's make sure we don't do that, okay?"

"The likelihood of a paradox is less than one percent," EDI informed them.

John folded his arms. "What makes you so sure?"

"By warping into an alternate reality, everything you know to be true has been altered. You have memories of what happened in _your_ past, but here and now, that world doesn't exist."

"What do you mean?" He didn't like the sound of that.

"In this timeline, nothing past Virmire has happened yet. It's essentially a clean slate, if you will."

John rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "So let me understand this – Saren's isn't dead and Sovereign is still out there?"

"Precisely. The events of the citadel haven't taken place yet."

"But they still could, right?"

"If things progress normally they would, "EDI said."But your decisions will affect the future of _this_ reality.

"Can we go back?"

"I do not know Shepard. At the moment the possibility is unlikely."

"What happens to everyone in the world we came from?" Kelly asked quietly.

"They simply ceased to be. Kaidan isn't stationed on Horizon, Liara isn't working as an information dealer on Illium, and Tali isn't dead," she explained patiently. "Therefore, there is no chance of running into ones future self and creating a paradox."

The whole room got quiet as everybody digested what they had just learned.

Zaeed was the one to finally break the silence as he threw his arms into the air. "Well, what the hell are we supposed to do now?"

**.x.x.x.**

Jane agreed with the rough looking man. What were they supposed to do with this new information? Carry on and pretend like nothing happened? Try to carve out their own future and ignore the fact that a small group of people already knew how it was going to turn out?

She sighed. Her head was beginning to pound from trying to keep everything straight.

"I think we should team up and go after Saren and the Reapers together," John suggested.

"I don't need your help!" Jane snapped. "Me and my team are more than capable of doing that on our own!"

He crossed his arms and smirked. "Oh really? Have you found the conduit yet? It's on Ilos."

"Ilos? Of course!" Liara exclaimed. Jane glared at the doctor and she quickly looked at her feet, trying to stifle her excitement.

"I don't need you parroting what you've already done in my ear, thank you. Maybe what I'm planning is totally different from how you did it."

"Are you always this uptight? I'm offering you an opportunity of a lifetime here."

She scoffed.

"What choice have you got? You can either join my crew and we'll help with Saren or you can do it on your own and face the consequences."

"What sort of consequences?"

That same fleeting look of pain crossed his eyes again briefly before he narrowed them at her. "Guess you'll just have to wait and find out."

She rolled the idea around in her head. "Wait a sec – what do you mean join _your _crew?"

"Easy. Your crew comes aboard the SR-2."

"Like hell! Your ship's falling apart and I'd never get Joker to abandon the Normandy."

John's expression darkened once more. "Trust me; I think you can persuade Joker into flying this Normandy. Mention leather seats."

She raised an eyebrow at that remark and he laughed.

"Look," he reasoned, "there is more room for everybody here and all the equipment has been upgraded. Let me take the parts I need from the SR-1 and she'll be better than new."

"I'll think about it," she said hesitantly. "But I want to discuss it with my crew in private first."

She turned and made for the door, signaling the end of the conversation, but it hissed open before she got there.

"Sorry Shepard," the turian said apologetically. "I just barely finished with those calibrations. What did I miss?"

He quickly scanned the crowd of people in the small room and Jane felt her heart slide into her feet as she found herself staring into Garrus' dazzling deep blue eyes.


	3. Gone But Not Forgotten

**A/N: **OMG! I'm soooo sorry it's taken me this long to post an update! I really wanted to take my time with the next chapter, and really focus on adequately portraying what Jane was feeling after seeing Garrus. I hope that I've managed to do so.

This chapter will be kind of short. I had so many things that I wanted to do, but they each had a different theme. In the end I decided it would be better to split them up into two different chapters, so I'm posting them both back to back! Yay! I don't know if you guys are excited, but I am! It's feels good to be writing again.

And I would be a very happy girl if you would let me know what you guys think about both chapters :-)

Thanks again to everyone that has reviewed/added me to an alert/favorited me! You're all awesome! ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>Changes fill my time,<em>

_Baby that's alright with me,_

_In the midst I think of you,_

_And how it used to be." – Ten Years Gone, Led Zeppelin_

**Chapter Three – Gone But Not Forgotten **

The large turian fixed her with a penetrating gaze and Jane lost herself in the deep crystalline pools of his eyes. He looked the same, and yet infinitely different at the same time. Older maybe. Wiser. The same chiseled, almost craggy angles comprised his face in that oh-so-familiar way that made her heart skip a beat. Even the face paint he wore was in the same design. The only noticeable difference that distinguished this Garrus from the one she knew and loved was the off-white bandage that was fastened across his right cheek. The dressing covered most of his face on that side, but she could see the puckered patches of scarring on his lips and mandible and suddenly found herself wondering how he had come by such injuries.

A huge chunk of his armor was missing around his cowl and upon closer inspection she could see the dark scorch marks where the metal had been melted. Was that a result of the same incident that had damaged his face? The rest of the armor was in the same dark blue hue that he had always been so fond of. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized her mistake. Their appearances were so identical that she found herself automatically slipping into the belief that Garrus – _her_ Garrus – was standing right in front of her. Of course, making comparisons between them was inevitable, but the cruel reality of it all hurt more than she could bear.

"Apparently I missed a lot," this new Garrus said, more to himself than to the others. A slow, somewhat awkward smile spread across his face, as though he was suddenly ashamed of his late entrance to what had obviously turned out to be a very important meeting. He looked around the room sheepishly, taking in all the new faces before dropping his gaze back down to the petite woman who stood before him. "Hello."

Jane however, had not taken her eyes off the turian. With her back as rigid as a steel rod she remained where she was, glued to the spot with her mouth slightly agape as she stared up at him, transfixed.

"Uhh, Jane?" John prompted.

Her mouth went completely dry and no matter how many times she tried to swallow or lick her lips, she just couldn't seem to form any intelligent response. "Um…I…I-I gotta go! Excuse me…"

As she made to push past Garrus into the hall Tali called out after her.

"Shepard!"

To her dismay there wasn't a clear exit back to the Combat Information Center, and flustered as she was, she couldn't remember which way the perky redhead had ushered them through. Garrus's voice drifted into the hallway behind her.

"Did I do something wrong? What was that all about?"

"Beats the hell out of me," she heard John reply.

Even the intonation and flanging in his voice sounded the same! She had to get out of there, had to put distance between herself and its owner before she lost complete control and made a fool out of herself even more.

She bolted left into the armory and was relieved to find another door once she stumbled farther into the room. By the time she ran down the ramp and crossed the empty void between the two ships she was in tears. It took nearly everything she had to hold them back in the comm. room, but she refused to cry in front of her crew. No matter what happened or how bad things got, they depended on her to be their pillar of strength and it just wouldn't do if she fell apart on them now.

The metal ramp rang out loudly beneath her feet as she bounded up the incline into the cargo hold of the SR-1. Her chest burned from exertion, not only from running the entire distance, but also from the effort to hold in her sobs. The bay was eerily quiet and the silence only seemed to exacerbate the emptiness she felt in her heart.

In front of her the Mako sat, forgotten, half covered in the dark shadows that seemed to be lurking in every corner of the Normandy. Slowly, she made her way over to it, pausing to run her hands over the console that Garrus would use to calculate the small adjustments that were needed to bring the off-road vehicle back up to operating condition once she was done beating the hell out of it on missions. Unable to contain herself any longer, she laid her hot cheek against the vehicle's cool metal surface and released the cry of grief that she'd been holding in since Virmire.

"Why Garrus?" she sobbed into its pitted exterior, her small frame shaking from the emotion that poured out her chest, making it burn even more. She was no longer the tough commander of the Systems Alliance. She was just a woman – a woman who had lost her bond mate in battle and hadn't yet had time to grieve about it properly. "Why did it have to be you? Why? Of all people, Garrus, why couldn't it have been me instead?"

"_How did your report to the council go over?" _

_She pushed past him with an angry frown and collapsed to the ground with an exhausted sigh. Slumping back against one of the Mako's large tires, she pulled her knees to her chest and gazed up at Garrus. He had been busily typing away at the console when she stomped over to him and had now turned around to listen intently. _

"_They approved of my decision to pick up Liara first, and gave me the green light to set a course for Noveria." _

"_So then, what's the problem?" His mandibles twitched slightly as he struggled to understand what had gotten her so aggravated. _

"_I don't know Garrus," she said. "Sometimes it feels like they're just humoring me. I don't know why they even made me a Spectre if they aren't going to listen to what I'm telling them." _

_Balancing her forearm on one of her knees she idly opened and closed her palm, letting the blue energy of her biotics encase her hand only to snuff it out once she closed her fist. _

"_Jane?" _

_She dropped her hand and let her head fall back against the tire. "What if Benezia's gone before we get to Noveria?" she said finally. "What if we can't stop Saren?" _

_He twisted around and settled himself on the ground next to her. The move was so unexpected that she felt her heartbeat quicken and hurriedly looked around the cargo bay to check if any of the other crew members had witnessed her display of weakness. Fortunately the deck was empty. Most likely the rest of the crew were enjoying the few precious hours of downtime in the mess hall or in their quarters. _

"_We'll stop him." _

"_You sound so sure." She didn't look at him as she voiced her doubts, focusing instead on the row of white and red lockers across from them. _

"_I am sure," he replied confidently. _

"_But how –"_

"_Look Jane, you are the most courageous woman I've ever met. When you put your mind to something there's nothing that can stand in your way." He paused and gave her a side-long glance. "I knew that the moment I saw you standing there in the Citadel Tower. It was one of the reasons why I wanted to join your crew to begin with." _

"_What were the other reasons?" _

_Christ, why did she just say that? Here he was trying to bolster her confidence, in the way only he seemed to be able to do, and she was peppering him with questions about his motives. _

_Garrus reached over and tenderly brushed the hair out of her eyes with one of his talons before he moved closer and placed his mouth over hers. Her gasp of surprise was quickly muffled by the gentle but insistent pressure he was applying to her lips. She couldn't deny that she had felt something when they first met, something that might have come close to attraction, but she would never have considered the possibility of having a relationship with a turian – or any other alien for that matter. _

_Until now. _

_When his arms wrapped around behind her she allowed herself to melt into his embrace. She hesitated only a second before she threaded her arms around his waist, bringing one hand up to touch his cheek as she deepened their kiss. A surge of fire shot through her when his tongue nudged against her lips, begging entry into her mouth to mingle with her own._

_There was something thrilling about what they were doing, almost as though it was forbidden, and maybe that what made it so exciting. Kissing Garrus was so completely different than any other kiss she had shared with a human before, and not just because of the way his mandibles fluttered lightly against her cheeks or that fact that he really didn't have any lips. It was more than that. Much more. It just felt…right. _

_Garrus pulled away, his eyes twinkling as he smiled at her. _

"_Does that answer your question?" _

"Shepard?"

Jane swiped the remaining tears off her face and whipped around to see Tali walking up the ramp.

"Tali! Hi!" she sniffed. "What're you doing here?"

Tali's beautiful eyes narrowed behind the smooth glass of her helmet as she crossed her arms over her chest. Jane immediately looked down, ashamed that she tried to hide her feelings from her friend.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. She passed a hand restlessly through her short hair and then let it drop back to her side heavily. "I don't know what came over me. I just had to get out of there. I wasn't expecting to see…"

"Are you okay?"

"No." Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. Quietly Tali stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. "It hurts so much, Tali. It just hurts so damn much!"

**.x.x.x.**

"What the hell got in to her?" Jack complained loudly, but it wasn't out of concern so much as it was out of annoyance.

The rest of the SR-1 crew seemed to take the behavior of their commander in stride, but that didn't stop the room from falling into an awkward silence after she left. It was a full five minutes or so before Tali finally excused herself and ran after Jane.

"Could be suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome," Mordin muttered thoughtfully. "Or…would that be _Pre_-Traumatic Stress Syndrome?"

"This whole time travel-alternate universe concept is making my head hurt," Kasumi groaned.

Kelly giggled. "Well, if Mordin can't even understand it, what hope do the rest of us have?"

Meanwhile Garrus had stepped farther into the room and was listening patiently as John quietly explained to him everything that he'd missed during the meeting. Every now and then his gaze would wander over to where Wrex and everyone else from the SR-1 were standing, huddled together near the exit. Kaidan was anxiously talking to the rest of them and after he nodded the group silently slipped out of the room.

Jack didn't even wait for the door to finish closing before she went off.

"That's just great! Just fucking great! We get stuck in the wrong place and time and just because you've gone and met up with some crazy-ass chick that thinks she's you, along with her ragtag team of pussies, we're all supposed to be friends now?"

"I don't recall needing to ask you for permission, Jack," John replied in a razor sharp tone. "Last time I checked, I'm the one that makes decisions around here. And if any of you got a problem with that, you can get the hell off the ship right now." He swung his eyes briefly around the room before leveling them on the angry biotic. "Understood?"

"Yeah, yeah. We all get to be one big fucking happy family. I get it. Just keep them away from me," she spit as she marched out.

John shook his head and sighed.

"Oh I don't know Shepard," Garrus smirked, "I think that went very well, don't you?"

**.x.x.x.**

Later, after Jane had had a chance to collect herself, she joined her crew in the comm. room to discuss everything that had happened.

"Does anybody else think this whole thing is really weird?" Ashley asked. "It gives me the heebie-jeebies. And seeing Garrus…" She shuddered at the recollection.

"Ash," Kaidan chastised quietly, looking pointedly at the gunnery chief before he nodded his head at Jane.

"Oh. Sorry Skipper," she said, her voice low and repentant.

Jane waved off the sentiment. She didn't want to think about it any more. Right now she needed to stay focused on their strange predicament. "Aside from it being 'weird and creepy' – because trust me, I know that it's messing with your heads right now – I want to know what everybody else thinks about all this."

The room fell silent. No one, it seemed, had any comments other than how freaked out they were by it all.

Jane exhaled slowly and leaned against the railing, trying to put on a more casual air in the hopes that it would put her crew more at ease.

"What about John's offer to join his team on the SR-2?" God, it felt so unprofessional to call him by his first name, but she'd be damned if she was going to call him 'Commander Shepard'.

"Is it wise to abandon the Normandy, Commander?" Kaidan asked. "I mean, we don't know anything about these guys. What if it's a trap?"

"They seem to know an awful lot about us," Liara interjected. "It's quite possible that they're telling the truth."

"But they're Cerberus!" Ashley reminded them.

"That's right," Tali chimed in. "How many bases did we raid and destroy, and how many of their twisted experiments have we try to stop in the last few months?"

"Too many," Wrex grunted.

"They many be a 'humanity first' movement," the quarian continued, "but even they've proved they're low enough to sell out their own race."

"I know that look Commander," Kaidan said. "What're you thinking?"

"I don't know…" she said. "When I asked him about Cerberus, he told me that they were the only ones willing to help stop the Reapers."

"He could just be lying," Ashley stated.

"But why?" Jane countered. "What could they possibly have to gain by lying? This situation is certainly screwed up, but I just didn't get that feeling from anyone on the other crew."

"Shepard," Liara said slowly. "If he said that Cerberus was the only entity willing to help with the Reapers, could that mean he was having the same problem with the council where he came from?"

The concept still sounded ludicrous, but there were just too many factors to ignore. Too many 'what if's'.

"That's just it, we don't know. And we're never going to find out if we don't give them a chance." She pushed off the railing and began pacing around the small circle. Doing so always seemed to help her think more clearly. "Liara's right. They know things about us that are impossible to know about unless they've seen and done them for themselves. How else would he know about the conduit? And they have irrefutable…" she swallowed hard, thinking about the Garrus on the other ship, "…evidence that they're telling the truth. Maybe this was the way it was all supposed to happen. Maybe not. But I think we'd be crazy to turn our backs and walk away."

"You're absolutely sure about this Commander?" Kaidan questioned apprehensively.

She took a long moment before she answered him, letting her gaze linger on each of their faces. "John alluded to something while we were on his ship, something bad I think. He's hiding something and for whatever reason he's not willing to share it with me. And I'm pretty sure it has to do with us. I know you guys are uneasy about their intentions, but I just can't shake the feeling that we'll really regret it if we don't do this."

The five people before her exchanged quick glances before Kaidan spoke up.

"Okay Commander. But you're telling Joker."


	4. A Clash of Command

"_I reject your reality and substitute my own!" – Adam Savage, Mythbusters_

**Chapter Four – A Clash of Command**

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this, Commander," Joker half sighed, half whined as he hobbled beside her through the cargo bay of the SR-2.

While the rest of the crew had agreed to take the risk, albeit uneasily, it had taken some real negotiating on Jane's part to even persuade the pilot to come aboard the SR-2 to look around. Kaidan, Ashley, and the rest of the crew had stayed behind at her request so that she could give Joker the opportunity to check out the ship's systems without any pressure or the influence of their opinions.

The walk from the cargo bay door was excruciatingly uncomfortable. A handful of people were gathered about, some working out on the gym equipment that was scattered about, while others talked in small groups off to the side. Every single one of them had stopped what they were doing to watch the pair as they made their way to the lift that would take them to the CIC. She could feel their eyes burning a hole in her back. The bald woman with whom she'd had the encounter with earlier glared at her from atop a pile of blue mats in the corner and when Jane tried to make eye contact with her, she snarled and stormed off angrily, shoving another teammate aside when he failed to move out of the way fast enough.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…

The ride in the elevator didn't last nearly long enough as far as she was concerned and when the doors opened her own inner doubts were silenced by Joker's gasp of surprise. He stepped out into the CIC without waiting for her and slowly scanned the large deck, taking everything in with all the wonder of an excited child. She had been too focused and on edge when she was on the ship earlier and really hadn't taken the time to look at her surroundings. But then why would she, she reminded herself. Never would she have thought that this huge vessel might soon be her new home.

Just like the SR-1, the galaxy map was the main focus of the room. But what struck her was not only the sheer size of the area, but also how bright it was. The fluorescent lighting gleamed off the shiny metal floors, chasing away the dark shadows and muted colors that always seemed so prevalent on her Normandy. Instead of navy blue and black, the walls mostly consisted of gray and yellow. It was funny, but she'd never really thought of her own ship as drab and depressing till now.

"This ship is huge!" Joker exclaimed as they walked around the galaxy map on the way to the bridge. "We could almost fit the whole Normandy just in here! Cerberus certainly didn't skimp on the creature comforts, did they Commander?"

"It would seem so," she replied cautiously. She was hesitant to express too much excitement and awe, even though inside she secretly agreed with her pilot. The last thing she wanted was to give John the impression that she could be won over by a few upgrades.

"Ohh and leather seats!" he cried when they stepped into the cockpit. He limped over and eased himself down into the chair like he had every right to do so. "Wow Commander, this is really comfy. You should try it out. Seriously, I'm starting to realize just how cheap the Alliance really is."

It was at that very moment that John appeared behind them. "How are you liking the new Normandy?" he asked. "Is she everything you thought she'd be?"

Joker swiveled around, a big smile on his face. "She's amazing! Just like my baby but someone went in and made her even better!"

John turned to paste Jane with a satisfied smirk. She glared back at him but resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She wanted to wipe that smug look right off his face.

Just then the blue orb popped up from a hub next to the pilot.

"It's good to have you back at the helm, Mr. Moreau," it said, almost affectionately. Then, the AI lowered its volume as if to speak so only Joker could hear, "The Commander knows absolutely nothing about piloting the ship."

Joker nearly jumped out of the seat. "Uhh, what the hell is that thing?"

John laughed heartily in response, giving Jane the distinct impression that he knew something they didn't. "EDI, introduce yourself to Joker while I show Jane the rest of the Normandy. I'm sure you guys'll be _great _friends."

He didn't give either of them any time to object. Seizing Jane by the wrist he pulled her back out into the corridor between the cockpit and the CIC. She turned to look at Joker helplessly and managed a weak, apologetic shrug of her shoulders. "Sorry," she mouthed before she was dragged from his view.

He didn't look convinced.

"You can let go of me now," she snapped, yanking her hand from his grip when they were once again standing in front of the galaxy map.

"Okay, okay! Take it easy!" he laughed, holding his hands in the air. "No need to get your panties in a twist over it."

"I don't –" She stopped herself. She was _not_ going to have a conversation with him about anything that had to do with her undergarments.

Unfortunately she had said just enough before she cut herself off to give him all sorts of ideas as to how to finish that sentence. She could see his mind going to work at it as he smiled wickedly at her and continued to chuckle, relishing every second of her discomfort. She hated the fact that she was letting him get to her.

"Are you always this immature?" she flared hotly.

"I don't know. It depends, I guess. Are you always this bitchy?"

"Ugh!" she blustered, searing him with a fiery look. She spun on her heel and stomped off toward the elevator.

"Is that a 'yes' then?" he called after her.

**.x.x.x.**

Joker shifted awkwardly in the new leather chair that he had only moments earlier considered so cozy. Leaning slightly, he followed Jane with his eyes as she was dragged out of the cockpit, throwing her a "yeah, right" sneer when she mouthed a quick apology to him.

However, the sudden presence of the glowing blue orb was incredibly hard to ignore.

"I knew there had to be a catch," he complained. "This all seemed to be too good to be true."

"I am an integral and valuable addition to the Normandy," EDI replied flatly. "You've said so yourself on many occasions."

"Ah, don't do that!"

"Do what, Jeff?"

"That!"Joker cried. Pretending like you know me. It's freaking me out!"

"Technically I do know you. Aside from obviously looking identical, you also have all the same mannerisms and characteristics as the other Jeff Moreau."

Joker held up his hand. "Stop. Just stop."

"Careful Jeff. Last time you fractured your thumb on the mute button."

"_Shepard!" _

**.x.x.x.**

Jane was still fuming as she strode through the cargo hold. With each step she took she pounded her frustration over John into the ground.

_Stupid. Arrogant. Asshole! _

She couldn't wait to get off this ship and back to her own.

"Hey Commander. Where are you going?"

She looked up just in time to avoid a collision with Kaidan.

"Shit Kaidan!" She brought her hand up to her chest. "You scared me. I wasn't expecting to see you here yet."

"I was just…" He raised an eyebrow as he regarded her thoughtfully. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, waving her hand in the air. She really didn't want to go into the particulars of her conversation with John.

However, Kaidan didn't move.

She and Lieutenant Alenko went way back. She remembered the feeling of instant connection when he first joined the crew of the Normandy, back when Captain Anderson was still in charge. There weren't that many human biotics around and they had quickly bonded over having that in common; especially since they were the only biotics on the ship.

As they got to know each other, their relationship only deepened. She would sit by his side for hours when one of his migraines struck; the result of his L2 implant. She herself had been implanted with the newer L3 and so had never suffered from any of the side-effects that had plagued her friend.

Kaidan's kind and unassuming nature helped put her at ease whenever she was around him, and after a couple of months of serving together she finally felt comfortable enough to confide in him about how painful it was losing her family back on Mindoir at the age of sixteen. He listened patiently and held her hand as she recanted the horrid details of that day, and the events that took place afterward that helped shape her career.

Later, she was able to return the favor and offer her shoulder to him as he told her all about 'Brain Camp' (which was a nickname given by the kids who went there for Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training), and his first real love; a girl named Rahna. It was heartbreaking to hear how he had stood up to Vyrnnus – a turian instructor that had disliked Kaidan from the beginning – after the teacher broken Rahna's arm and ended up accidentally killing him with a biotic kick when Vyrnnus pulled out a knife. Rahna was terrified of Kaidan after that, and had wanted nothing to do with him. Shortly after the incident, BAaT was shut down permanently, and Jane knew that Kaidan still felt somewhat responsible.

The events of their pasts helped strengthen the bonds of their friendship and it didn't take long for Jane to realize that she had finally found the one thing she had been searching for for so many years: family.

As a result, Kaidan was very adept at reading even the minutest details of Jane's face and body language, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide anything from him.

"Well, I just had…" What did she have? A tiff? A spat? She shook her head as she realized just how petty the exchange had really been. "I really should go back and talk to John," she relented with a heavy sigh.

After all, he still needed to show her around the SR-2 and discuss the details of how things would be when the two crews blended together. But this time, she vowed, she wasn't going to let him irritate her so much.

"Thanks for the talk, Kaidan."

The lieutenant looked at her, his confusion evident in his voice. "Any time…glad I could be of help."

**.x.x.x.**

"Evening Commander," Mess Sergeant Gardner greeted amicably. "What can I get for you?"

John had laughed at how flustered he was able to get Jane all during the elevator ride to the mess hall and now he was feeling thoroughly parched.

"How 'bout a beer?" he said, leaning one elbow on the counter casually.

"Coming right up."

Gardner reached around and pulled an ice-cold beer from the refrigerator and popped the top before sliding it to John. He took several long gulps before he set the bottle down on the countertop and smacked his lips.

"So," Gardner began conversationally, "Rumor has it we're going to have some changes around here."

"You heard right."

"I'm not sure I get what happened with the whole space-time continuum thing, but I suppose we could be in worse company. That other commander sure is something to look at."

"Yeah, I suppose," John said, "if you like the frigid, stuck-up type." He took another swig from his bottle.

Gardner cleared his throat and John turned his head just in time to see Jane making her was around the corner from the elevator. The cook did his best to look contrite, but John made no effort to move from his relaxed position.

"You must be the 'Jane Shepard' I've heard so much about," Gardner said when she approached them.

The corner of Jane's mouth lifted in a cautious smile; as if she was surprised that word had traveled so fast.

"I guess." She looked to John, waiting for him to make the introduction. He looked down at his beer.

"Well, I'm Mess Sergeant Rupert Gardner. Resident cook and janitor," Gardner said proudly when it was clear that John wasn't going to take the initiative.

"Cook _and_ janitor?" Jane made a face.

"He washes his hands." John winked at him. "Most of the time."

John couldn't hold back a chuckle of amusement as she visibly paled. God, sometimes she made it too easy for him.

"What brings you back so soon?" he asked, trying to sound innocent and not too inconvenienced at the same time. He was actually surprised to see her right away. Considering how pissed off she got in the CIC, he wasn't expecting her to surface for another couple of hours.

"I was hoping to get down to busi– _is that a beer_?"

"Yeah."

"How can you drink at a time like this?"

"Easy. Want one?"

"No!" she replied incredulously. "I'm on duty! And so are you!"

John twisted his head around to Gardner and shot him a look that said, "See what I mean?" Then he tipped the bottle upside down, emptying the last of its contents into his mouth before he set it down deliberately and wiped his lips.

"What's the matter Jane? Don't you drink?" he tsked. "You really need to learn how to loosen up a bit."

"Yes, I drink. But there is a time and a place, and now's not it."

"Well, it's my ship and I say it's happy hour," he said.

"God," Jane breathed and raised her eyes to the ceiling, trying to reign in her patience. "Can we just get down to it?"

"Sorry, but you're not my type."

Jane's face turned two shades of red. "I meant down to business!" she spit through clenched teeth.

"I suppose," he said, rolling his eyes with an exaggerated sigh.

She didn't find his attempts at mocking her amusing.

**.x.x.x.**

"Well, I have to hand it to you John, this Normandy is certainly impressive."

Jane was still smarting from John's earlier comments, but she had to give the man his due. He had taken her on a full tour of the ship, starting with the crew deck. From there they went to the cargo area, then back up to the CIC. The only place she wasn't privileged enough to see was John's quarters on the first deck, but she wasn't necessarily that heartbroken about it. It was probably a disaster anyway, full of all the things that made men like John, well…men.

After a lengthy discussion and much deliberation, the two commanders had come to a reluctant agreement. Though John wouldn't go into detail about why, he told her that a few areas of the ship had recently been vacated and the members of her crew were welcome to them.

And so, it was decided that Kaidan would move into Life Support; Liara would take the Starboard Observation area once it was fully restored; Ashley would feel right at home in the armory; Wrex didn't really care where he ended up, so long as he had a quiet place in the cargo hold – the port side would do well enough; and Tali would be overjoyed with working on the SR-2's engines down on the engineering deck.

That left only one other person.

"Where am I going to stay?" she asked.

John stopped walking and pulled the corner of his mouth in. They had just come from Life Support and were headed back to the elevator when she'd thrown the question at him.

"Uh…" he uttered as he tried really hard to come up with something. Jane was tempted to tease him about forgetting about her and maybe give him a taste of his own medicine, but she thought better of it.

"What about that?" she suggested, pointing to a door located at the end of the corridor on the left-hand side. "What's in there?"

John followed her finger. "Um, nothing important," he said evasively.

Something about his tone of voice piqued her interest. This time she did tease him.

"What do you mean 'nothing'? It doesn't sound like 'nothing' to me."

She flashed him a smile and then took off toward the door. John was right on her heels.

"Jane!"

"What?" she laughed. "I just wanna see what's inside."

"It's private!"

The door slid open to reveal a rather posh office. There was a huge desk in the center of the main area, complete with a private terminal. A couple of cozy looking chairs sat in front of it, and one that was a bit more of a recliner was off to the left. A huge bed was located directly behind the desk, neatly made with large fluffy pillows.

"Wow," Jane whispered as she walked further into the room.

She was really impressed with the picture window that afforded her the most spectacular view of the starry expanse of space. Underneath the window was a nice leather couch, upholstered in black with a thick stripe of tan running through the middle of it.

"This is absolutely gorgeous!" She exclaimed. "Who does this office belong to?"

John had gotten very quiet and was hovering just inside the doorframe. A dark frown clouded his face when only moments earlier it had been lit up with the sarcasm and sadistic pleasure he'd derived from giving her a hard time.

"It used to belong to a Cerberus Operative," he said slowly. His voice was now almost completely devoid of emotion. "But they're gone now."

"Oh," she mouthed and scrunched up her face.

There was something lying just under the surface of his carefully concealed reply, but Jane couldn't quite put her finger on it. They'd hurt him somehow, she guessed. Probably hurt his pride. It could have been that the person was closer to Cerberus than to John's ideals of how things should have been run, or maybe something happened between the two of them and John had made the person leave the ship. Whoever it was, it was clear that he didn't want to revisit the subject.

"So, it's empty then?"

"Well, technically but–"

"Then why can't I take this one?"

"The office belonged to my XO," he replied.

"So?"

She was determined to keep pushing him, and soon a little bit of that playful spark returned to his eyes. He probably realized he was fighting a losing battle.

"If you take this office then you'll have to be my XO."

"Like hell I will," she retorted. What a ridiculous thing to even suggest! "I'm a commander too, you know."

He folded his arms with a smug smile. "My ship. My rules."

"What? You're joking, right?" Now he was just being childish.

John didn't say anything.

"I'm not going to be your XO," she said dryly. She crossed her arms over her breasts to match his own stance. He wanted to play hardball, then that's what he was going to get. "We're the same rank. I want the same level of authority that you have. It's only fair. Besides," she added as an afterthought, "I don't think my crew would be very amenable to my stepping down."

He rocked his head from side to side, and then after a minute said, "I can see your point."

"Wow. Did that hurt?"

"Did what hurt?"

"Being nice for a change."

"Just for that, you get busted back down to XO, at least in regards to my crew," he fired back with a sly grin.

Jane thought it over. "Fine. And you'll be the XO for my crew. Deal?"

She extended her hand and waited. He looked at it as he considered her counter-offer.

"Deal," he agreed and clasped her hand firmly.


	5. Everything to Hide

"_If there isn't light when no-one sees,_

_Then how can I know what you might believe,_

_A story told that can't be real,_

_Somehow must reflect the truth we feel." – Sign of the Southern Cross, Black Sabbath_

**Chapter Five – Everything to Hide**

It was often said that there are only two things in life that you could be certain of: death and taxes. It wasn't so much the taxes that bothered John. He could deal with those, although without Cerberus and the Illusive Man's funding it had become decidedly more difficult. No; it was death that had put him in his current state of mind. Not his own. He had blazed that dark trail once before and although he wasn't in any particular hurry to experience it again, he certainly wasn't afraid of it. It was theirs.

In the quiet dimness of his cabin John contemplated the lives of his crew that had been lost during the final battle with the Collectors and what he could have done to prevent it. He had situated himself on the couch across from the giant aquarium that took up the whole wall and had already made it three-quarters of the way through the bottle of vodka that sat next to him on the coffee table.

The past few days had been so crazy and out of sorts that he really hadn't had any time to dwell on the events that took place on the other side of the Omega 4 relay, and it wasn't until Jane started moving her possessions into Miranda's office that those losses really hit home.

He reached for the bottle and poured himself another shot. His hands shook unsteadily and some of the liquor spilled out onto the table as the neck of the bottle clinked against the rim of the glass. He muttered a curse and lifted the glass from the puddle, sipping at some of the vodka that had run down the length of the glass before he downed the rest of its contents without enthusiasm or emotion.

The smooth liquid burned down his throat in the satisfying way that only alcohol seemed to provide and settled in the pit of his stomach to warm up his insides. He didn't give that feeling a chance to go away as he quickly poured himself another shot. Maybe if he drank the whole bottle it would numb the pain he felt over losing her…

**.x.x.x.**

It was late in the evening when Jane finally plopped down the last crate that contained her belongings on the desk in her new office. It had been a bittersweet experience to clean out her old cabin, knowing that the next day the Normandy would be gutted so that all the available parts could be used in repairing the SR-2. But, at the same time, the ship held with it so many memories that it was almost refreshing in a way, to leave it behind. Almost.

As much as she didn't want to admit it to herself, she knew deep down that she would never be able to fully move on and begin the healing process if she continued to stay in a place that reminded her of Garrus every time she turned around. Of course, the problem with that plan was that Garrus _was_ there every time she turned around, but that was solved easily enough by simply avoiding him altogether.

She pried off the lid to the crate and began unpacking the assortment of odds and ends stowed away inside; files and datapads that contained the details of her search for Saren, an old holo of her family, taken a month or so before the batarians attacked Mindoir, and one ailing plant she'd scooped off some garden planet she couldn't even remember the name of.

After placing the holo on the nightstand next to the bed and pushing the heap of reports aside, she put the cactus-like plant down next to the terminal and switched on the monitor. She could at least check her messages before she turned in for the night.

The blank monitor powered to life with a faint hum and as she waited for the screen to load she idly opened and closed the drawers of her desk in an attempt to keep herself occupied. The contents of the drawers ranged from everything from old snacks and combs to Cerberus personnel files and reports on various missions. The largest folder was labeled 'For the Illusive Man'.

Jane frowned. Nothing about the state of the drawers suggested that the person who used to occupy this office was actually gone. From the looks of things it would have been easy to convince herself that they were just in another part of the ship, or perhaps on shore leave. In fact, it looked like nothing had been touched or moved around the entire room, including an old coffee cup that was wedged between the monitor and the desk lamp.

She leaned back in the chair, totally unnerved by the feeling that she was intruding on someone's personal space. Whatever had happened between John and the Cerberus official, they had obviously left the ship right afterward and hadn't stopped by even to grab their effects. Or maybe they weren't given the chance. She waited for a moment, hoping that the feeling would pass, and when it didn't she pushed away from the desk and jumped up, throwing a hesitant glance back at the terminal before she hurriedly left the room.

The panel on John's door was red as Jane stepped off the elevator, but she didn't think it was late enough for him to be asleep. She raised her hand and gave it a timid knock.

"John?" she called through the cold metal. "Do you have a minute? I need to talk to you."

There was no answer from within.

She knocked again, this time with more confidence.

"Go away!" he finally answered her.

"It'll only take a sec." She stepped closer and put her ear to the door to listen for any signs of movement on the other side. "The person who used to inhabit my office left a lot of their stuff there. I need to know what you want me to do with it. Maybe we could send it to–"

She heard the sound of something glass shattering before the door hissed open. Suddenly John was there standing with both his hands braced against the frame. The look in his eyes was wild and furious, bordering on the threat of violence. Jane gasped and took a step back to put distance between them.

"_I said, go away!" _

Jane stumbled backward in complete shock and before she even had a chance to process what happened, the door slid shut and the access panel turned red once again. She stood there in the hallway for a long moment, absolutely dumbfounded, and then slowly made her way back to the elevator, casting one more glance at John's door before she pressed the button that would take her back down to the third deck.

Once the doors shut, effectively blocking her from John's irrational behavior, the surprise of it all had worn off and left her feeling more than a little angry at the whole situation. How dare he talk to her like that? She wasn't just one of his subordinates that he could order around and verbally abuse any time he felt like it! She was his equal, goddamn it! She had half a mind to go back up there and tell him so.

By the time she reached the crew deck she was furious. Any chance of getting to sleep within the next few hours had completely evaporated and so Jane altered course at the last minute deciding to head to the mess hall instead of her office. Since she wouldn't be sleeping anyway she might as well find something caffeinated to drink. At the very least it would help to dull the headache she now had raging at her forehead and the base of her skull.

Tali must have had a similar idea because the quarian was bent over with her face in one of the refrigerators when she walked up.

"Hey Shepard!" Tali greeted. "Did you know they have two refrigerators on this ship? One for dextro-amino foods and the other for–"

"God, that man is so…so…_infuriating_!" Jane shouted.

Tali straightened and closed the door. "Who?"

"John!"

"What happened?"

"Everything!" Jane ran her fingers through her hair and then grabbed a handful of it as she clenched her fist. "I swear to God that man's sole purpose in life is to aggravate the living shit out of me!"

Tali smiled, or at least Jane thought she did. It was difficult to tell behind the helmet, but she had gotten adept enough at reading the quarian's body language to know that she was amused.

She was about to elaborate but a sudden movement behind them drew her attention to the corridor just outside the main battery. Jane clamped her mouth shut and stepped in front of Tali, using her to shield herself from view.

"What are you doing?" Tali asked. She twisted around so she could see why Jane was suddenly acting so weird. "Oh."

Garrus slowly walked down the metal gangplank, stopping just short of the mess hall to give both of them a questioning look.

"Come on," Jane whispered, tugging on the sleeve of Tali's exo-suit.

Taking great care not to make eye contact with him, she hastily pulled her friend toward her office, all thoughts of a snack completely forgotten as they scurried away. Once they were inside she let out the breath she was holding and sat down heavily on the bed.

"You can't keep avoiding him forever," Tali said after a long pregnant pause. "Maybe you should just tell him what happened."

"No!" Jane exclaimed, horrified. "No one on this ship can ever know! No one!"

"Why?" Tali countered. "That was incredibly awkward…"

"Just…just please Tali," she sighed. "Please don't tell anyone."

**.x.x.x.**

The sound of raised voices pulled his attention away from re-calibrating the Thanix Cannon. He had been trying to fix the damn thing ever since they made the jump back through the Omega 4 relay and any and all attempts Garrus had made so far had been unsuccessful.

With his concentration now broken he suddenly realized just how hungry he was. He'd been so absorbed in the process that he had forgotten to eat and hadn't even felt the hours of the evening slip by. It wouldn't hurt to take a break. Maybe the change of scenery would do him so good and give him a chance to clear his head.

He found Jane and Tali in the mess hall. So that was where the voices were coming from, he thought to himself. But as soon as Jane set eyes on him she immediately stopped talking and a panicked look settled over her face. She said something to the quarian and then took off in the direction of Miranda's old office.

His mandibles twitched as the ridge of his brows contracted into a puzzled frown. She had been steadily avoiding him since their first encounter in the debriefing room and he still couldn't figure out if he'd said something wrong. Despite John complaining that she was just a – what was the word he used…a hard-nosed bitch? – Garrus thought there was more to Jane Shepard than what she was allowing people to see. The sudden changes and resulting adjustments had been rough on all of them. Maybe she was just misunderstood. Or maybe she just didn't like turians.

**.x.x.x.**

"Whoever said 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' obviously didn't know what the hell they were talking about," Jane muttered as she picked a blueberry off her muffin and put it in her mouth.

"Uh, isn't that a proverb, Commander?"

She fixed Kaidan with an icy glare. "Don't help."

He laughed and scooped up a forkful of his scrambled eggs.

"Hey, this stuff is pretty good," he said in between bites. "Sure beats the provisions the Alliance was supplying us with."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "Nothing quite like ten-year-old military rations to whet the appetite, huh? There were times when I didn't know what would kill us first: the enemy or the food."

"It's a good thing they didn't advertise that in any of the recruitment vids, or nobody would've signed up!"

Jane smiled. She could always count on Kaidan to lighten her mood.

"I suppose we'll have to inform the Alliance and the Council of what happened," she sighed. "I doubt they'll be happy to hear that we cut up their prototype and joined a rogue crew of Cerberus operatives manned by a 'mythological' male Commander Shepard."

"That's going to be a fun one to explain," Kaidan agreed with a grin.

She nodded in a gesture of amused defeat. "Well, we'll have to tell them sooner or later. The Council will be wanting a report of how things went on Virmire anyway. I can't keep them waiting for too much longer."

Kaidan polished off the last of his eggs and sopped up the small pieces that had fallen off his fork with his toast. "I recommend actually traveling to the citadel for that conversation, Commander. Our situation is really more of the 'need to see it to believe it' type.

Jane sighed again and picked off another piece of her muffin. Today they were going to start cutting off sections of her Normandy to repair the holes in the SR-2's hull. It would be the first big chance to watch both crews in action and see how well they could work together.

She and John had both agreed that it was a good idea to split the crew up into two teams, and to combine people from both squads to keep things from becoming too one-sided. John would take Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Jack, and Zaeed and start fitting the sections on the hull where the breaches were; and Jane, along with Kaidan, Kasumi, Tali, Liara, and Mordin were in charge of scouring through the inside of the SR-1 to find anything that could be of future use.

"The Alliance and Council aside, Jane, how are you holding up?" Kaidan asked quietly.

She didn't get a chance to answer his question honestly because at that very moment the elevator stopped at the third deck and John, Tali, and Jack came strolling into the mess hall.

She followed John with narrowed eyes as he trudged over to Gardner and order up a strong cup of coffee. He looked like shit. His eyes were hooded, his complexion was sallow and he looked like he hadn't slept very well, if he had slept at all. If she didn't know better she would almost think that he was suffering from a very bad hangover.

He took a tentative sip of his coffee and then walked past the small group without even stopping to say a word or offer an explanation about last night. Disgusted, Jane got up from the table and dropped what was left of her muffin in the trash before she stalked back to her quarters.

She was almost there when she heard Jack approach Kaidan and ask him a question. Curious, she tucked herself into the corner and listened in.

"So tell me, is your commander always such a snobby-ass bitch?"

"E-excuse me?" Kaidan stuttered, clearly taken aback by her caustic bluntness.

"You heard me," Jack continued. "Does she always act better than everybody else, or does she just reserve that special for us?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't," she snorted derisively. "You've got your head buried so far up her ass you can't see the light of day. I bet you follow her around like a little puppy, don't you?"

"Leave the man alone, Jack," Garrus cut in.

Jane peered around the corner and saw Garrus step up to the table. His voice sounded weary and lacked any edge to it, but to her amazement the biotic shut up and left. She ducked back against the wall to avoid being seen as Jack stomped back to the elevator and as soon as the threat had passed she peeked out once again to listen to the exchange.

"Sorry," Garrus said with a small laugh. It sounded like a weak attempt to dispel the tension. "She's kind of a psychopath, but you'll get used to her."

"That's putting it mildly," Kaidan quipped and Garrus laughed outright.

Tali joined Kaidan at the table and they shared a moment of relative silence before Garrus leaned down and said, "I do have one question though. Has your commander always hated turians?"

Tali sputtered.

"Hated turians?" Kaidan echoed and raised one eyebrow. "That's ridiculous. How could she hate turians when she was–"

Underneath the table Tali's foot connected with Kaidan's shin.

"Ow! Tali! What was that for?" he cried.

Fortunately the quarian was spared having to explain her actions as John's voice boomed over the comm. and announced it was time to get to work.

Jane sighed with relief and slipped into her quarters to suit up.

**.x.x.x.**

"How are things going up here?" Jane asked as she stepped into the cockpit and placed her hands behind her back.

"You know, that was just mean Commander," Joker replied.

"What was?"

"Leaving me all alone with a creepy all-knowing AI who derives some sort of sadistic pleasure out of reminding me that she knew me 'before'," he grimaced and hooked his fingers for emphasis.

"She?"

"Well, it has a girl's voice and it nags like a woman."

"You agreed that this interface had the most appropriate tone of voice, Mr. Moreau," EDI said.

"Not me!" the helmsman cried. "The _other_ me!"

"Well, you're still here," Jane smirked. Listening to them argue was highly amusing. She'd have to make it a point to stop by and visit more often. "I assume you've both worked out your problems and learned how to get along?"

"Yeah." Joker rolled his eyes. "But if you don't get a Christmas card from me this year, you'll know why."

She chuckled and peered out the window. "Where are we going?"

The SR-2 was on approach to the Citadel, but Jane had never seen this section of it before.

"To dock in the Zakera Wards. Somehow I don't think it would be a very good idea to park a Cerberus vessel in the Alliance port."

That made sense.

"Good thinking Joker."

"Not my thinking," he informed her. "John's."

"Oh," she said and pulled in the corner of her mouth. "Well, the next time that happens, just lie to me, okay?"

The Zakera Wards were larger and geared more toward industry and shopping than the small markets and interconnecting hallways that joined the clubs with the C-Sec Academy on the other side of the station were. However, they lacked the breathtaking views of the thoroughfares and the Citadel's arms and had more of a seedy underground feel in some places than their counterparts did. When she commented on that to John he had just laughed and told her to wait until she saw Omega. Behind him Garrus had scoffed.

She had been less than thrilled when she learned the turian would be accompanying them to see the Council, but unless she wanted to list the reason for her discomfort, she'd just have to suck it up and accept him as part of the squad.

And so, John and Garrus meandered along behind her, Kaidan, and Ashley as they made their way through the presidium and over to the embassies to meet with Captain Anderson. He was waiting for them in Ambassador Udina's office.

"Shepard!" Anderson said and extended his hand to Jane. She took it and shook it firmly. "You've been off the grid for almost a week! We thought the worst – that you hadn't escaped the blast back on Virmire."

Jane stepped back and assumed the 'at ease' posture. "Virmire was a…success." She pushed down the feelings about Garrus as they tried to surface. Now was not the time. "We gathered a lot of evidence on the Reapers, evidence that proves Saren is allied with them. Unfortunately none of the salarian outpost teams made it."

"I see. But it looks like your team managed to come out of it unscathed," he said and nodded at Garrus. Jane closed her eyes and clamped down on her tongue. Then he pointed to John and looked at her questioningly. "Who's this?"

She took a deep breath. Here it goes, she thought.

"I think we'd better request an audience with the Council before I explain more," she said.

Twenty minutes later they were on their way to the Citadel tower where the Council and the human ambassador were waiting for them.

"Shepard," Anderson said quietly as they climbed the stairs, "you've been acting really strange since you got here. What's going on?"

"Let's just say I found more than evidence on Virmire," she answered in a cryptic whisper.

"Commander Shepard," the turian councilor sneered as her team approached the dais. "What nonsensical ravings have you brought for us today?"

Oh God, she gulped. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"Sovereign isn't just Saren's flagship, it's an actual Reaper," she began. "And right now Saren's heading for Ilos in search of the conduit. We need to go after him!"

"I'm still not convinced that these 'Reapers' exist," the turian said.

"The only way to Ilos is through the Mu relay, located in the very heart of the Terminus Systems. To send an Alliance ship in there would start a war," the asari councilor patiently explained.

Behind them, John nodded his head and rolled his eyes. Jane shot him a reprimanding look and he gave her an "I already know this, so why are we here?" expression.

"One ship can get through. Send me in. The Normandy's got the best stealth systems in the fleet." She hoped anyway. She had no idea just was the SR-2 was capable of.

"Stop being so goddamned ignorant!" John suddenly fired at them. "The longer you sit there denying what we're trying to tell you, the more likely it is that your precious Citadel will end up as flaming ruins!"

"And you are?" the salarian councilor demanded, looking down on John imperiously.

"I'm Commander John Shepard!"

_Crap._ Jane smacked her forehead with her hand.

"Commander?" The salarian turned to look at her. "Do you care to explain yourself?"

"Umm…" _Crap! Crap! Crap!_ "Something happened while we were on Virmire and we kinda…ran into…our…future selves." She stopped and thought about it some more as she pointed to John. "Well, almost. Except the future Shepard's a male and…nothing like me. I know it's hard to understand but–"

"Have you lost your mind?" the turian blinked.

"No," she replied shakily. This is so not how she wanted to introduce the Council to their particular problem. She was going to kill John later!

"Councilors, thank you for agreeing to speak with us," Udina intervened. "I'm sorry that we've wasted your time. Commander Shepard has obviously succumbed to the amount of stress she's been under. I am hereby grounding her till further notice and am recommending that she undergo a full psychiatric evaluation."

"_What?"_ she exclaimed. "You can't do this Udina! You can't sell me out!"

Udina turned, ignoring her heated protestations and keyed up the radio on his omnitool. "Citadel control? Yes, I need locks put on the SSV Normandy…"

"Jane!" John whispered furtively. Jane turned around to see that both John and Garrus had wandered over to the stairs and John was waving at her frantically. "Jane, come here!"

She slowly approached them while still trying to keep an ear trained on the ambassador's conversation.

"What?" Udina shouted suddenly. "What do you mean there's 'no Normandy' docked in the Alliance bay? Where is it?"

"We need to go!" John urged. "Now!"

"Shit!" she muttered and took off after John at dead run.

"It'll take them a while to figure out where we're docked. The Cerberus logo should throw them off for a bit," John called over his shoulder as they ran through the open hallways of the Zakera Wards.

"Is that the real reason why we docked down here?" she asked breathlessly.

"Sort of. They tried to ground me when I told them about Ilos too."

She stopped. "You mean to tell me this whole damn thing could've been avoided?"

"Jane, come on!" he shouted. "We don't have a lot of time!"

The small group reached the airlock of the Normandy and then he finally turned to look at her. They waited for the rest of the shore party to make it inside before John b-lined for the cockpit with Jane hot on his heels.

"Joker, plot a course for the Mu relay," he ordered.

"Aye Commander." The console beneath his fingertips lit up as he entered the coordinates.

Out in the hallway Jane was still trying to catch her breath. She stopped John on his way out of the cockpit and asked, "So how come we just didn't go to Ilos in the first place?"

"Because you were the one who wanted to fill Anderson and the Alliance in one what you were doing. Still think it was such a bright idea?"

"No, they think I'm crazy."

John started off again toward the CIC. "Kelly, tell the crew Jane and I want to meet with them in the debriefing room in five minutes!"

She lingered for a moment longer in the hallway and then trailed after him. "If you already know what's on Ilos, why are we still going there? Why don't you just tell us and we can save the trouble?"

He stopped and turned to her with a mischievous grin. "Because. I have a plan."


	6. Breaking the Chain

"_Head them off at the pass? I hate that cliché!" – Hedley Lamarr, Blazing Saddles_

**Chapter Six – Breaking the Chain**

"Don't you think we ought to talk about this before you go announcing it to the rest of the crew?" Jane cautioned as she followed John into the debriefing room.

"There's no time," he fired back at her.

His voice was gruff and determined, laced with a 'no nonsense' kind of tone, and left absolutely no room for argument. Instead, he marched over to the table and ordered EDI to bring up a schematic of the conduit. Jane watched in awe as they very thing her team had been searching for materialized right before her eyes.

None of this made any sense. If John knew as much about the future as he claimed to, then why weren't they just skipping all the fuss and using that knowledge to their advantage?

Her words echoed back to her, word she had thrown back at John the last time they were together in this room, when she told him that she'd rather do thing her own way. Well, her way had almost gotten them grounded on the citadel. In fact, they would have if John and Garrus hadn't been there with an escape plan. On top of that, the ambassador thought she was certifiably insane and she had lost her credibility with the Council.

Maybe it was time to listen to him.

**.x.x.x.**

John watched intently as everybody shuffled into the debriefing room, paying close attention to those that were members of his crew. He was aware that he wouldn't be able to make the distinction much longer, since the two teams were now going to be working together.

As he studied everyone it suddenly struck him that aside from himself and Garrus, the rest of the crew that had survived the attack on the collector base was recruited after he'd brought down Saren and Sovereign. So for the majority of his group, it would be a new experience to them as well. The irony wasn't lost on him.

While he waited he had EDI bring up a picture of the conduit. It would help to have a visual aid, but he couldn't help shuddering as he thought back to the last time he'd traveled through it. Jane's eyes were plastered to it.

The last person filtered in and he smirked as he noticed that the two groups still remained segregated; with Jane's crew standing to the left of the table, and his off to the right. Both sides continued to show reluctance at letting down their protective barriers, choosing instead to keep to the relative safety of their own teams, but that was going to have to change. They needed to work together.

"Pretty picture Shep," Kasumi commented, coming to stand in front of the conference table. "What is it?"

"This is the conduit."

"It looks like a mini mass relay," Ashley said.

"It is actually," John told her. Then he turned to his half of the crew and said, "Two years ago a rogue spectre name Saren Arterius joined forces with the geth in search of the conduit. He was working as an agent for the reapers."

Jane had gone rigid, riveted on his every word. So had the rest of her crew. He imagined if any of them had any lingering doubts as to the validity of the whole situation, they would be put to rest soon.

"Saren tracked the location of the conduit to Ilos, and my team pursued him. After talking with a VI we learned that the protheans had been annihilated by the reapers, and that the machines were following a cycle that reset, if you will, every fifty thousand years."

Jane's face paled as her eyes suddenly clamped shut. Her already tense figure tightened even more as she shook from the mental onslaught of images that flashed through her mind. John sympathized with her; he knew exactly what she was going through and he wasn't sorry that they were gone from his head.

Kaidan stepped forward and grabbed her gently by the shoulders as the vision ended. "Are you okay, Commander?"

Somewhat dazed, she silently nodded at him and then looked back to John. "I'm sorry," she said breathlessly. "Please go on."

"The beacons were a warning," John continued, using Jane's vision as an opportunity to explain them to the rest of the crew. "The protheans sent a message out in hopes that other races could stop the cycle of destruction."

Some people looked at Jane curiously.

"So what does all this have to do with the conduit?" Zaeed asked.

John held up his hand. "I'll get to that. But first you need to know that the protheans did not create the mass relays – the reapers did." He flicked his gaze to Jane. No doubt she had just learned that after speaking with Sovereign on Virmire, and he remembered how outraged he had been when the hologram insinuated that all organic life had developed along the paths the reapers had desired, simply because they'd 'allowed' it.

He waited for the murmurs of shock to and understanding to die down from the rest of the crew and then went on.

"The conduit is actually a backdoor to the Citadel, and when a signal is activated it will open the relay and allow the reapers to enter from dark space. In a final attempt to prevent their extinction, the protheans were able to alter the signal so that when Sovereign sent the signal to activate the relay this time, the keepers ignored it."

"Wait, what? The keepers?" Jane's brow scrunched as she sought to keep up with what he was telling her.

"Yes, the keepers," John nodded. "According to the prothean VI, the keepers pre-dated their race and could possibly have been the first race the reapers encountered and enslaved. Nobody knows for sure."

"It's all starting to become clear," she said quietly. "The visions, what Liara's learned from her research, everything. I wonder if that's the reason Saren teamed up with the geth…machines are easier to control."

John allowed himself the faintest of smiles. She might be a way-too-uptight control freak, but she was smart as hell.

Ashley folded her arms across her chest. "So what now?"

"Now we go to Ilos."

"But why?" It was Jane's turn to drill him with questions. "If you already know that the conduit is the backdoor to the Citadel, why still go there? I don't understand?"

"Well, first and foremost, we need to get that data file from Vigil. It will allow us to gain temporary control of the Citadel's systems and stop the reapers from invading."

"From who?"

"The VI," John sighed. Time was growing short, as was his patience, and it was going to take forever to explain his plan if Jane kept questioning every word that came out of his mouth. "But what I'm really hoping is that we can head Saren off at the pass and stop him from even reaching the Citadel."

Thankfully she nodded and seemed to accept his answer.

"Okay, so what should we expect?"

He took a moment to look around at everyone before he replied, "I hate to throw the term around loosely, but there is a possibility of this being a suicide mission. I don't think I need to elaborate on what will happen if we fail."

"Jesus, Shepard! _Another_ suicide mission?" Jack rolled her eyes. "You're starting to make a habit out of this."

While Garrus did his best to hide a smile, Jane swung her widened eyes from the biotic to John, watching to see what his reaction would be. He let the remark slide. He knew that Jack was just giving him shit, and that she was actually eager to be in on the action.

Jane's crew however, looked like he'd just given them a death sentence. All of them, their commander included, had grown quiet and had unconsciously huddled closer together.

"What's our ETA on Ilos?" Jane finally asked.

"Joker?" John deferred the question to the pilot. He had opened the comm. link when everyone had entered the debriefing room.

"ETA's about six hours Commander," he replied.

"Okay everybody," John said, slapping his hands together. "You heard the man. I suggest you all take the time to get to know each other. We'll reconvene in five hours and thirty minutes. Dismissed."

**.x.x.x.**

Jane's head hurt and despite her rampant use of analgesics, no amounts of painkillers was taking away the dull throb caused by the overload of information, no matter how hard she tried. Her mind was still reeling from everything that John had divulged.

She rested her elbows on her desk and put her head in her hands with a sigh. Softly she kneaded her temples, willing the pain to subside. Images from the vision still lingered when she closed her eyes, leaving a bad taste in her mouth. Things were starting to make more sense now that John had provided more insight into them, and she hoped that now that she knew what they meant they would soon go away for good.

It had been almost half an hour since she left the debriefing room and she had gone straight to her quarters to collect her thoughts before she went to speak with her crew. She was somewhat distraught over the way John had acted so cavalier about everything. Yes, it was true; he had done it once before, but wasn't anything subject to change? Would the events in her world unfold exactly as they had in his, or did his merely being here set everything upon a different path?

She groaned and let her head fall to her chest. She could go crazy thinking about it all. And it was doing nothing to ease the incessant pounding beneath her skull. Sighing heavily, she stood up and rolled her head from side to side. When that didn't help she stepped around the desk, grabbed a towel from one of her drawers, and walked out of the office in the direction of the women's restroom. Maybe splashing cold water on her face would make her feel better, at least more refreshed if nothing else.

The lavatory was empty, which Jane was immediately grateful for. She didn't want anyone to see how anxious she was about the mission. To everyone outside the room, she was strong and ready to meet the challenge head on, with no doubts and reservations. Alone, she was terrified. Terrified of what the next few days and weeks would bring should they fail.

The cool water had the desired effect and left her tingling cheeks with a ruddy complexion. Slowly she could feel the dull ache start to subside. It didn't disappear completely, but it was now at least at a manageable level. She wiped off the remaining water with the towel and threw it over her shoulder before she stepped back out into the hallway.

And right into Garrus.

The large turian had just pushed his way through the crew quarters door and must have been on his way in a hurry because he collided with her with full force. Her left cheek struck the chest plate of his armor first, followed by the rest of her body, and she was thrown roughly to the ground. Garrus didn't have any time to react. He fell to the floor as well, sprawling out on top of her.

Jane couldn't move, and not just because there was a hulking turian crushing down upon her. She lay there helplessly, paralyzed as the familiar rush of excitement coursed through her, powerless to stop it. How she had longed for the sight of his face above hers again, his gorgeous blue eyes gazing down at her with love and admiration.

"Uh…sorry Commander," Garrus stuttered awkwardly and instantly the moment, and the memories, was gone, leaving her suddenly feeling very foolish and even more red-faced. "I uh…I wasn't watching where I was going." He scrambled to his feet and offered her a hand up. "Are you hurt?"

"No," she said quickly, ignoring his proffered hand. "I'm fine."

She stood up and brushed off her navy blue uniform. All she wanted to do now was slink back to her quarters and put the whole embarrassing incident behind her.

Garrus, it seemed, had other plans.

"What are your thoughts about the upcoming mission?" he asked as she turned to go.

Damn it! It was bad enough that she'd literally run into him, even worse that she had allowed herself to picture him as _her_ Garrus, but now she was being forced into have a conversation she really didn't want to have with him.

"I'm just looking forward to stopping Saren." It was true enough, even if it was vague. "John sounds like he had a good plan for doing just that. It'll be interesting to see how it all pans out."

He chuckled lightly, flashing her a grin that showed most of his teeth. Of course, he knew how it could – or would – turn out, although she didn't find his confidence all that comforting.

However, she wasn't about to let him see how worried she really was. She laughed and returned his cocky smile with a self-deprecating smile of her own. "Well, at least I have you and John here to keep me from screwing things up too badly."

To her surprise he saw right through her attempts at self-mockery.

"Hah. Like you need us to keep you in line! I get the feeling that you're more of a badass than you're letting on, Commander." He leaned in closer. "Maybe you could show Shep– err…John, a thing or two."

Before she could even reply he was walking off toward the mess hall. She lingered in the hallway for a few minutes after he was out of sight, trying to make sense of everything that had just happened.

**.x.x.x.**

Garrus found himself alone in the debriefing room. John had called the crew in, but so far he had been the only one to arrive. The door whooshed open and Zaeed appeared, followed shortly after by Wrex and Ashley. The krogan lifted his chin in a quick greeting while Ashley regarded him warily. He shook his head slightly. Apparently Gunnery Chief Williams still harbored animosity towards aliens, even in this world. Some things never changed.

The sliding panels parted again and John and Jane walked in side by side. Both of them quickly assessed each other's crew choices, but when Jane's eyes fell upon him, she blushed and hastily looked away.

Now he was thoroughly confused. He hadn't meant to plow right into her, and he felt really bad about knocking her to the floor, but if anyone had the right to be embarrassed it should be him. After all, he was the one that landed on top of her. So why was she suddenly acting so strange?

John reached the head of the table and placed both his hands on the edge, using them to bear the majority of his weight.

"The four of you have been selected to accompany us to Ilos," he said matter-of-factly. "In about twenty minutes Joker will drop us in the Mako. I want all of you to suit up and meeting me in the cargo hold in ten."

"Can Joker pull off a drop like that?" Jane asked uncertainly. For the first time Garrus noticed worry make its way through her strong façade.

"Trust me," John reassured her, "if anybody can pull it off, Joker can."

And with that he left the room, leaving the five of them standing there. That was his commander; a man of few words.

Wrex shrugged his shoulders and plodded out. Zaeed said something about wanting to visit the armory and sauntered out with Williams, already engaged in an intense conversation about heavy weaponry. That left only him and Jane.

When Jane realized this she turned to him with an uneasy smile. Every muscle in her body went taut, as if she was fighting off the urge to run. He didn't get it. A few hours ago he could've sworn he'd seen something close to attraction pass through her eyes, and now she was behaving like she didn't even want to be in the same room with him.

"Well, I guess I'll see you down in the cargo hold," he said to her, hoping to dispel some of the tension. He watched as she swallowed her discomfort and regained her authority.

"Yep," she replied. "See you soon." Then she pivoted on her heel and hurried from the room.

John was waiting for him in the cargo bay. It hadn't taken Garrus long to get ready, since he usually wore his armor while he was on the ship anyway. He believed in being prepared for anything at a moment's noticed, and besides that, he just felt funny wandering around in his civvies.

The commander was standing with his back to him, gazing up at the Mako with distaste and a bit of nostalgic regret.

"Remember all the trouble we used to get into with this thing?" he said as he approached.

"Oh yeah," Garrus laughed. "And I remember all the time I spent fixing it. You sure liked to beat the crap out of it. I definitely don't miss that."

"Well I don't miss _that_," John said, pointing to the six-wheeled rover. "Talk about pain-in-the-ass ancient technology. Seriously, the Kodiak is so much better."

Garrus looked up at the Mako. "So why are we taking it with us then? Wouldn't the drop be much easier in the shuttle?"

"Because," he chuckled with a sly smile, "I'm hoping the damn thing will get destroyed like it did last time and I won't have to deal with it anymore."

Garrus's deep rumbling laughter filled the cargo area. That was one thing about John; he didn't mind speaking the truth and usually didn't care what others might think about his opinions.

"So, what's up with Jane?" he asked after his laughter subsided.

"Who the hell knows," John shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering if she had been acting strangely around you or anybody else."

"She must like you." John didn't look up. He was too focused on inspecting one of the Mako's wheels.

"What?"

He stood up and cracked his back. "She stares at you when she thinks you're not looking."

"She does?" This was news to him.

"Yep. And boy, do I feel sorry for you," he teased, slapping the turian hard on the back.

"Yeah," Garrus said quietly.

Was that the reason she had always been so uncomfortable around him? Was that idea even possible? He'd never found humans attractive before, never gave any of them a second glance really. But Jane? He didn't know of too many human-turian relationships, and those he had heard of were usually wrought with strife, since both species still frowned upon them. Maybe he had been wrong in thinking that she didn't like turians.

His train of thought was broken as the rest of the ground party filtered into the cargo hold. He tried to catch Jane's gaze, hoping to see some of what he'd seen earlier and maybe validate what John was saying, but she wouldn't look at him directly.

Soon he became aware that Shepard was watching him watch her. He knew that John was sure to give him hell if he caught him even entertaining the notion that he might be attracted to the small commander, and he was certain that he would never let him live that down if he did.

He quickly straightened and cleared his throat. "You ready for this Commander?" he asked gruffly.

"As I'll ever be," John sighed and climbed into the Mako.


	7. From Ilos With Love

"_Out along the edges_

_Always where I burn to be,_

_The further from the edge_

_The hotter the intensity." – Highway to the Dangerzone, Kenny Loggins_

**Chapter Seven – From Ilos with Love**

Things had pretty much started to go wrong the minute they landed on Ilos. Joker had pulled off the drop seamlessly, but after that things had quickly turned to shit. Despite John's insistence that he could accurately predict what was going to happen, and that he knew just what to do to counteract it, Saren remained one step ahead of them.

Now, as the Mako sat at the end of a long culvert, data file from Vigil in hand, Jane was beginning to have her doubts that they'd ever be able to stop the rogue Spectre.

"He's getting away!" she yelled, pointing her finger at the small windshield.

"I can see that!" John growled.

"Well then, what're you waiting for?" she cried.

John twisted in his seat and plastered her with a look of angry annoyance. "This is hard enough to do without you craning over my shoulder! Go back and sit the hell down!"

Jane, who was standing between his and Garrus' seats, didn't budge. She was still pissed off that he'd assumed control over _her_ Mako, arguing that he could better navigate the watery channels since he'd done it before. Then, to add insult to injury, he'd suggested that Garrus ride shotgun. The turian had just grinned, as if he knew something that she didn't.

"Armature!" she shrieked, focusing once more on the windshield.

Muttering a string of curses John whipped his attention back to the winding corridor and yanked the wheel hard to the left. The rover banked, the sudden movement causing Jane to lose her balance. She dropped to one knee and grabbed the back of both John and Garrus' seats to steady herself.

"See what I mean!" he roared.

"Saren is almost to the conduit," Garrus said, bringing both John and Jane's attention back to the task at hand. "It won't be long till it closes!"

Still swearing under his breath John hammered down, maneuvering around the armature at the last minute. Jane righted herself and looked out the window at the vertical relay. Even though it was a smaller version of its counterparts, the thing was still massive in size, both exquisitely beautiful and dangerous at the same time.

"Everybody hold on; we're going through!" John yelled. "Brace yourselves for impact!"

"Shit!" Jane exclaimed.

She pushed off the back of the seats with her hands and twisted around to run back to her own to buckle up. Maybe she should have listened to John after all and stayed back there with the rest of the ground team. But before she even had a chance to scold herself for her poor decision making, the Mako was lifted into the air, captured by the conduit's energy field, and then suddenly there was a brief sense of weightlessness as it was transported through the relay.

In all her experience with relay jumps she was used to the soft re-entry followed by the gradual slowing of the Normandy. She was not prepared for the violent force that hit them like a shockwave as they exited the conduit onto the Citadel. The Mako shot out of its center, flying over the once pristine blue-green lake of the presidium, and smashed into one of the walkways. Jane's breath was knocked out of her roughly as lost her footing and skidded to the back of the rover.

The awful sounds of crunching metal permeated the air around them as the Mako barrel-rolled not once, twice, but three times. On the second rotation two of the tires on the right side were torn off causing the axles to quickly fold in on themselves, while at the same time the hull was ripped apart by the sharp, twisted steel. Inside, sparks flew as the instrument panels short-circuited and the wires were severed along what used to be its ceiling. She had no time to react before she was thrown around the cabin like a ragdoll, brutally buffeted against the hard, jagged surfaces each time it rolled. To her, it seemed like the event lasted an eternity, although in reality the fiery wreck was over in a matter of a few seconds.

All of a sudden an indescribable pain exploded in her abdomen. The Mako finished rolling and landed on its top, scraping along the concrete until it came to a rough, abrupt stop. Distantly she could hear the crackle of flames, but it was nothing compared to the burning heat that coursed through her stomach and chest. Just taking a breath had become excruciating, and any attempts to fill her lungs with air were next to impossible.

Someone called her name, but it was difficult to tell from which direction it had come from or who had said it. Her heartbeat thumped in her ears, effectively blocking out all other sound around her. Her head was still spinning from being tossed about and she was having the hardest time getting her bearings. Even forming intelligible thoughts was becoming a chore.

As if it wasn't enough that she had to fight through a fog to clear her head of confusion, her body seemed to be incapable of even the smallest of movements as well. The pain had not subsided; in fact, it had only grown steadily worse with each minute that passed. The metallic taste in her mouth was almost enough to make her retch. The edges of her vision were starting to get fuzzy. She blinked rapidly in a desperate attempt to focus. With great effort she lifted her hand and tenderly explored the area on her abdomen that hurt the most.

Almost immediately her hand was snatched away, but she thought she caught a glimpse of blood covering her fingers before Garrus' face swam into view. He hovered above her, concern clearly etched on his chiseled features. She smiled warmly and whispered his name, comforted that her mate had come to guide her through the darkness into the beyond.

**.x.x.x.**

"Everybody okay?" John groaned.

Garrus opened and closed his eyes. "Yeah," he coughed.

Shaking his head to rid it of all the dizziness, he unbuckled his seatbelt and dropped to the ground, which in all reality was actually the ceiling of the Mako. Offhandedly, he smiled at the fact that John had accomplished his goal of demolishing it.

As John fought to untangle himself from his own harness, Garrus rose slowly to his feet and gazed around the cabin. The vehicle was a disaster. Most of the exterior had buckled inward, and one of the axles on the right side had pierced through the hull. Several of the support beams that ran along the ceiling were now littered haphazardly about, and there were a number of small fires that burned nearby.

Aside from the fire and the spurts of sparks from the damaged instrument panels, the cabin was relatively dark. In the distance he could faintly see the outline of the heavy krogan and the two humans behind him. All three appeared to be strapped safely to their seats. However, there was no sign of the small, outspoken commander.

"Where's … _Jane!_"

In a shadowy corner in the back of the Mako, Jane was laying flat on her back, her body partially propped up by the sharp metal beam that protruded through her middle. Garrus rushed over to her and fell to his knees. Even in the dim light he could see the blood gushing from the injury. Her face had completely drained of any color, which made the red trail that ran down from the corner of her mouth stand out all the more.

She groaned and tried to open her eyes. Spirits, she was still alive! She looked around, though it was clear that she was not completely aware of her surroundings, and then she slowly brought her hand up to investigate the source of her pain. He quickly caught it before her exploring fingers got to the actual metal, not wanting her to know the extent of her injuries. No doubt she was already suffering from shock, and the burst of adrenaline she'd get after discovering just how bad off she was would only make it worse, not to mention start pumping more blood to the gaping wound.

Her green eyes swung up slowly and settled on him, the confusion in them instantly vanishing as she mouthed his name with happy relief. Her body relaxed as she smiled up at him and she breathed a contented sigh. Then those eyes rolled to the back of her head and she went limp.

"Jane? Jane!" Garrus cried. He resisted the urge to shake her back into consciousness, instead tightening his grip on her hand while he brought the other up to her pale cheek and patted it rapidly. "Stay with me Jane! I need medi-gel!" he demanded.

By this time the rest of the crew had extricated themselves from the confines of their own seats and had formed a small circle around the turian and the commander. Someone pushed a packet of medi-gel into his hand and it was then that he realized just how ineffective it was going to be.

John pushed through the small crowd and immediately started barking orders. "Williams, help Garrus get her off that thing! Zaeed, Wrex – you're with me!"

"Aye, sir," Ashley said and moved into position on Jane's left.

"Let's go!" John shouted to the other two. "Saren isn't going to wait around for us to get our shit together! Move out!"

"What about Jane?" Garrus asked. He still hadn't moved.

John was almost outside before he turned back to him. "You and Williams get her back to the Normandy." Then, without another word, he was gone.

While Ashley radioed Joker for pickup, Garrus cradled Jane in his arms the best he could and slowly pulled her off the spike. Holding her close to his chest, he pivoted to the right and then gently laid her back down, instantly covering the crater it left with medi-gel, hoping that what little effect it had on such an injury would be enough.

It would be a miracle if she survived. Something heavy settled into his chest. She just had to…

There was nothing in the twisted wreckage to stave off the bleeding, and while the medi-gel was helping the injury to slowly clot, she was losing more blood by the second. In a moment of sheer desperation he sat down, pulled her onto his knee and stripped off his gloves, applying pressure to the wound with the empty medi-gel packets. When Ashley noticed what he was doing, she quickly unfastened the chest piece of her armor and ripped the sleeves off her Alliance uniform, handing them hastily to the turn.

"Here, try these."

He mumbled his thanks and turned his attention back to Jane, substituting the medi-gel packets for the fabric. It didn't take long for them to soak through, but the flow seemed to be ebbing. She was growing colder as the shock settled in. How long would it take for Joker to reach the citadel? Would he even be able to get close enough to make the pickup? Had John been able to track down Saren?

"Come on, Jane," he whispered. Unconsciously he had started to rock back and forth. "Just hold on for a little while longer."

It seemed like they waited an eternity. All around them the sounds of explosions and battle echoed around them. Hopefully that was a good sign, one that meant the Normandy had arrived and hopefully brought reinforcements with them.

"The shuttle's here," Ashley cried from the mangled doorway.

Garrus looked up in time to see the Kodiak land through the slit in the door. Without waiting for her assistance, he scooped Jane up in his arms and sprinted out of the flaming wreckage and into the shuttle. It lifted off, an inconspicuous white speck against the plumes of smoke from the burning presidium. It seemed to take just as long for them to meet up with the Normandy as it did for the damn thing to land in the first place, and once they were in the cargo hold he bolted toward the elevator.

It was chaos all around him. Every crew member rushed about, firing the main guns, keeping an eye on the engines, and whatever else was needed to help Joker in the fight against Sovereign. No one noticed him as he ran by with the injured commander in his arms.

Dr. Chakwas took charge the second he arrived in the med-bay and just as quickly dismissed him.

"John ordered me to watch over her," he hastily lied and the good doctor raised a graying eyebrow. What had possessed him to say that? He cleared his throat and tried to come up with a suitable explanation. "He'll be expecting a report," was all he managed.

Dr. Chakwas narrowed her eyes, not buying his story for one minute. She wasted no time in explaining to him all the reasons why he couldn't stay.

"Orders or no, Officer Vakarian, I will not allow you to be in here while I'm trying to save her life," she told him firmly. "Your presence would be a distraction and I don't need to be worrying about you looking over my shoulder while I'm trying to help her. You want to help? Then go get Mordin."

With that she pushed him through the doors and turned back to the commander.

**.x.x.x.**

Not surprisingly, the Citadel tower looked exactly as it had when he had fought Saren two years ago, and John had to bite back his already out-of-control temper at the fact that he hadn't been able to prevent any of it this time around either.

What was worse, Jane had been mortally wounded in the process, and, even though they didn't see eye to eye most of the time, he still felt bad about it and couldn't help wondering if she'd pull through. Still, that wasn't going to stop Saren and now it was up to him to save the Citadel from the rogue Spectre and Sovereign. Again.

With two of the crew's heaviest fighters behind him, he raced up the stairs to the platform, quickly cutting through the turian's weak defenses as he went. He found Saren just where he knew he'd be; at the control panel, working to obtain control for Sovereign.

He spoke without looking at them as they approached. "I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time, Shepard. In a few minutes Sovereign will have full control of the Citadel's systems."

"Wrong."

Saren whipped around at the sound of John's voice.

"You…you are not Shepard!" His beady blue eyes narrowed as he took in the trio, as if to assess their threat. "But it matters not. The relay will soon be open and the Reapers will be here."

"Wrong again!" John replied matter-of-factly.

He brought his pistol up and fired a single shot. The bullet drove home, burying itself into the bony plate on Saren's forehead. The turian flailed backward, crashing into the glass structure surrounding the Council's platform, and fell to the ground below. Then, as if nothing extraordinary at all had just happened, John holstered his weapon and stepped up to the control panel.

"Go down there and prepare for a fight," he told his crew.

"A fight?" Zaeed questioned. "He's dead Shepard. You just shot him in the goddamn head!"

Wrex just grunted his approval.

John angled his head and gave the two a cocky smile. "Trust me; he's not dead."

Still thinking he was out of his mind, Zaeed agreed to check it out, and together with Wrex they took off down the stairs to the garden below just as Joker cut in over the radio.

"Normandy to the Citadel! We caught the distress call from the Destiny Ascension, Commander. The Council is on board. Just unlock the relays around the Citadel and we'll come in with the entire Arcturus Fleet!"

John hesitated. The Council sounded like they were exactly the same in this world – biased and uncooperative. Why should he save them, he thought? But as much as he despised them, it was ultimately Jane that had to deal with them. Whether or not she survived to do that later still remained to be seen, but he knew that making things more difficult for her in the future was probably not the best idea.

"Commander?" Joker prompted.

"I'm opening up the arms, Joker. Save the Destiny Ascension."

**.x.x.x.**

A steady series of beeping filled the silence around the confused turian. It had taken hours, but Jane had finally been stabilized and Garrus was eventually allowed back into the med-bay. As he sat there watching the slow rise and fall of her chest, he strived to sort out the jumble of conflicted thoughts that ran through his mind.

There was something about the way she looked at him right before she lost consciousness that continued to gnaw at him. Out of all the people that could have rushed to her aid, would she have smiled at any of them like that? Somehow he didn't think so. Just thinking about the way she'd whispered his name made his chest constrict with an unidentifiable feeling.

His shoulders sagged as he hung his head and stared at his hands. John's earlier commented echoed in his ears. _She must like you._ Was he right? Slowly he let his eyes wander back up to her face. She was still really pale, but at the moment she at least appeared to be somewhat relaxed and at peace. They had come dangerously close to losing her, Dr. Chakwas told him afterward, and commented that she must have had something worth fighting for to pull through like that at the end.

Gazing down at the small human before him, he had no doubt in his mind that she was one of the strongest people he knew. Her and John were more alike than either one of them would ever care to admit. Both of them had a will of iron and were willing to run headlong into danger for the good of the galaxy. But she had one thing about her that John lacked, and that was compassion. John did things the way he thought they should be done, whereas Jane usually approached things with everyone's best interests in mind, and most of the time she tried to improve morale around the ship with a smile or a kind word to each of the crew members. Well, almost everyone. She wasn't too fond of Jack, but she would at least try to be cordial to her. And she always acted nervous around him…

This was ridiculous, he thought with a sigh. He'd been dancing around the subject all day, trying to rationalize what he was thinking and feeling, and still he hadn't admitted to himself the real reason he was sitting there watching over her. Because in doing so he would be forced to acknowledge that he was afraid – afraid of the feelings that he was starting to develop for her. Feelings he shouldn't be having for a human, let alone a commanding officer! And even if he did admit it, what could she possibly want with a turian?

"Commander Shepard is looking for you, Officer Vakarian." EDI's sphere popped up in the corner of the med-bay, effectively pulling him out of his inner struggle.

"Thanks, EDI. I'll be right there," he told her and rose to his feet.

He found John in the mess hall, rummaging through the fridge reserved for those with levo-protein physiology. He looked a little worse for wear and very tired, but the satisfied smile on his face told Garrus that he'd been successful in his mission against Saren.

"There you are!" John said as he popped the top off a cold beer. "I've been looking all over for you!"

"I was checking on Jane's status," he replied. He didn't tell him that "checking" meant staying in there with her the whole day.

John took a long swig of his beer, keeping his eyes on him as he did so. "And how is she?"

"She's still unconscious. Dr. Chakwas says she'll live, but isn't sure if she'll have any long term complications. Right now it's still too early to tell."

He grunted. "She's lucky, that's for damn sure." He straightened, throwing the empty bottle in the trash before he turned back to the officer and grinned. "At least I won't have her bitching at me for a few days. I'm pretty certain she's gonna be pissed when she finds out she missed the battle with Saren."

"Why do you always have to be so hard on her?" Garrus demanded suddenly. "She's been through a rough time and that's all you have to say?"

"Whoa, easy Garrus! Since when did you become her knight in shining armor?" He snickered and reached inside the fridge for another beer. "Jesus, if I didn't know better I'd almost say you've developed a slight crush on her."

Garrus' mouth fell open with surprise. "N-no. I just…y-you should just cut her some slack, okay?"

John's eyes narrowed briefly before he burst into laughter. "You have!" he rumbled. "You're sweet on her!"

"Shut up, John…" he growled in a low warning. His fingers started to twitch nervously at his sides as the feeling of being backed into a corner grew stronger.

"You're not even going to deny it! Oh," the commander sighed, trying to catch his breath, "this just keeps getting better and better."

"Shepard…"

"Thanks for the laugh, Garrus. I needed that!" John cut him off before he could act upon his instincts. He didn't give the flustered turian any time to respond. He was walking out of the mess hall and in the elevator before Garrus could even gather his wits.

"Oh shit," he said to himself, when he was once again alone in the mess hall. "This isn't going to be good."

**.x.x.x.**

Jane woke up to the bright, sterile light of the med-bay and blinked rapidly until her eyes adjusted to her surroundings. Everything hurt, but the majority of the pain seemed to be coming from her abdomen. As the memories of being tossed around in the Mako returned, she was suddenly overcome with the crushing disappointment that she wasn't dead after all, and that her mate wasn't there with her. She'd been so close to seeing him again.

"Garrus," she whispered as tears filled her eyes, a new kind of pain settling in her chest.

"I'm here," she heard.

A taloned hand slipped over her own and instantly he appeared above her. For a moment she lost all sense of time and space, completely forgetting all that had happened, until she noticed the bandage that covered the right side of his face. She immediately went cold as she realized the enormity of her mistake. God, how was she going to explain that one away? Of course he thought she was talking to him.

"What happened?" she asked, quickly withdrawing her hand from his grasp. "What happened with Saren?"

For a second Garrus looked extremely uncomfortable and she couldn't help the knot of fear that rose to her throat at his reluctance to tell her anything. Were they not able to stop Saren in time? Did they fail the mission because of her?

The doors to the med-bay opened and John, Wrex, Kaidan and Liara stepped in. Garrus let out a breath, looking very relieved, and stepped away from the table she was laying on.

"Commander, thank the Goddess you're okay!" the beautiful young asari exclaimed as she approached the exam table.

"Jesus Jane, you look like you've been shot at and missed and shit at and hit!" John teased.

"Nobody will tell me what's going on," Jane said irritably, looking at Kaidan. If anyone would tell her the truth, it would be him, she thought.

He didn't disappoint.

"You were injured when the Mako rolled after it went through the conduit," he said softly. "You landed on a piece of metal that was ripped from the ceiling in the crash and…well, your medium armor wasn't strong enough to stop it from going all the way through…"

Jane paled. She lifted the blanket that had been draped on top of her and looked down at the sizable bandage that now covered her middle. _Damn_, she thought. No wonder that area hurt like hell.

"How long have I been here?"

"Two days," Kaidan replied.

"Well," she said slowly and turned her eyes to John expectantly, "that explains why I'm here, but what happened with the mission? What about Saren?"

Wrex smacked his fist into his other hand. "It was a good fight!"

"I have to agree with Wrex," John nodded. "Saren never knew even what hit him. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me standing there and not you."

"Right before you shot him," Wrex added.

"Right, right before I shot him," John grinned. "He couldn't figure out what the hell was going on or who the hell I was."

"It was great!"

Jane shifted her eyes between John and the krogan, trying to maintain their level of excitement while deep down inside she was really angry about having missed the fight. Once again, John seemed to be the one making all the decisions, and she wasn't going to deny that she was irritated beyond all get out that he'd been the one to stop Saren. That was her job! She was the first human Spectre! It didn't matter that he'd supposedly done it before in his world – this was hers! It was her duty to protect the galaxy, not his!

"Then, one of Sovereign's huge tentacle-like arms comes crashing through the window," Wrex went on, oblivious to the fact that she has stopped listening, "And we weren't sure if it had landed on John, but then he climbs on top of it–"

"Wait a minute," Jane stopped him. "Where were you?"

"In the Citadel tower – well, what's left of it anyway," John said with a smirk.

"What do you mean 'what's left of it'?" Behind her the beeping of the heart monitor started to increase in tempo. "You destroyed the tower?"

"The tower? Hell, the whole Citadel's in ruins. And I told the Council that's what was going to happen, didn't I? But did they listen to me? Nooo!"

"The Citadel's destroyed?" she cried, not waiting for an answer. She pushed her hands into her hair and continued her rapid-fire questioning. "What about the Council? Did they evacuate them and everybody else in time?"

"Hey! You should be thanking me! I did you a favor!" he shot back at her, his own voice escalating as his temper rose. "Taking down a Reaper is hard work! You should try it sometime!"

"I would have," she seethed, "but apparently I was too busy impaling myself!"

"Jane, calm down," Garrus cautioned, looking at the monitor in concern.

"I knew you were going to screw this up! I knew I couldn't count on you! You've been wrong about everything since we touched down on Ilos!"

"Jane!"

"At least I saved your precious Council – not that they deserved it! That ought to make you happy! It was more than I did for mine. I chose to save humanity the last time!"

"Will you two please knock it off?" the turian pleaded.

"Shut up!" they both yelled at him in unison.

Garrus clamped him mouth shut and looked down.

Jane brought a hand to her forehead. "Get out! Everybody just get out!"

"Glad to see you're all right, Commander," Kaidan said quietly as he turned to leave with Liara and Wrex.

John turned and whispered something to Garrus. Whatever he said, he must have struck a nerve with the turian because his eyes narrowed as he pasted John with an angry look. John just shook his head in annoyance and stormed out of the med-bay.

Garrus cleared his throat. "I uh…I'll be out there if you need anything," he said and left.

Jane let her head drop heavily to the hard pillow and let out an exasperated sigh. She was too tired and aggravated to even contemplate the meaning behind that statement.

**.x.x.x.**

John hadn't lied about the condition of the Citadel. The once attractive and immaculate presidium now lay bathed in darkness, since the artificial sunlight had been one of the first things to go during Sovereign's attacks. The construction crews and the keepers were already hard at work on the repairs, but it was going to take a long time to restore everything to its former glory. One of the most daunting things was all the debris from the Reaper that lay scattered about, some of the pieces so immense that she didn't know how they'd ever be able to move them.

Jane walked alongside John, albeit a little more slowly, as they made their way to what remained of the Citadel tower. It had been just over a week since the accident, and although she was still limited in movement due to the overall soreness of her injury, but thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, it was healing faster than she thought it would. However, the Council had been insistent in their demands to see her, and she knew that she couldn't put them off indefinitely. And so, as soon as she could get out of bed and walk around without assistance, she set out to see what it was they wanted.

"Relax," said John. "They probably just want to commend us on saving their asses."

She stopped just short of the stairs that would lead them into the tower. "You know what? You don't get to talk anymore," she snapped. "I'm through listening to what you have to say. From now on we're doing things _my_ way. The only reason I'm even bringing you along is because I want you there to explain to them what the hell happened to the Citadel!"

He opened his mouth to fire back at her, but she silenced him by holding up her hand, a clear signal that the discussion was over.

"Why is it, Commander, that every time there are massive amounts of destruction, you're usually involved with it somehow?" the turian councilor said disdainfully as they approached the dais.

"You ungrateful sons of bitches! What more do you want?" John spat. "We just saved the galaxy from a Reaper and you're worried about collateral damage?"

"I see that you're still aligning yourself with this lunatic, Shepard," the salarian councilor commented from underneath his hood. "Do you really think that is wise?"

John threw his hands up in the air and turned in a small circle.

"He may be a lunatic," Jane said, and John rolled his eyes, "but he's right. We stopped Saren and brought down Sovereign before it could call the other Reapers in from dark space."

"We read the report, Commander," said the asari, "and we firmly believe that the damage to the Citadel could have been prevented had you actually been there. Your accident was unfortunate but–"

"What?" Was she hearing this right?

"But the fact of the matter is that you allowed an unknown mercenary to go after Saren in your stead, and now the Citadel is in shambles."

"I'm not a mercenary! I'm Comm–"

"Commander Shepard. Yes, yes. We are all familiar with your delusions," the salarian sneered.

"You'd better watch yourself, Shepard," the turian councilor warned. "This isn't the first time your methods have raised suspicions as to your motives."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"For starters, let's go with scrapping an Alliance ship to piece together a Cerberus frigate!" Udina interjected as he trudged up the stairs with Anderson close behind him. "Why wasn't I informed of this meeting?"

Now it was Jane's turn to roll her eyes and sigh.

"Or how about disobeying a direct order _not_ to go into the Terminus Systems?" he continued. "You have an awful lot of explaining to do!"

"I'm a Spectre! I did what I had to do to get the job done! You should be _thanking _me," she yelled, using John's line. "If we hadn't done what we did, we'd all be dead right now!"

"This was humanity's shot for a seat on the Council, and you may have very well screwed that up!" he bit back.

"This is _bigger_ than humanity! God, Udina, open your eyes!"

"Enough!" The asari's smooth voice sliced through air, instantly squelching the very heated argument. "For now, Shepard, we've agreed to let you keep your Spectre status. But until we can sort out your affiliations, we are confining you to fighting geth in the Terminus Systems."

"Wha–? You can't do that! Not out there!" John cried, worry creeping into his voice. Jane threw a questioning glance in his direction but he immediately pressed his lips together and looked away.

"This meeting is adjourned," the asari declared with finality.

Jane plastered John with a glare of pure loathing and stormed out.


	8. Reaping the Consequences

**A/N: **A big thanks to everyone that voted in the "Save Legion" campaign, as I've come to call it. So, I will write our favorite geth back into the story. Look for him soon.

I also wanted to thank all my readers for making this story such a success. Yesterday I reached 100 alerts for this story, and that's not including the author alerts or the favorites. You sure know how to make an author feel loved :)

Just a quick word of warning: This chapter contains foul language.

~J

* * *

><p>"<em>You're just not thinking fourth dimensionally!"<em> – _Doc Brown, Back to the Future 3_

**Chapter Eight – Reaping the Consequences **

"Jane, wait!" John called after her as she stomped through the cargo hold.

He caught her by the wrist and yanked backward. She stopped and whipped around on him, wrenching her hand from his grasp.

"No, you've done enough!" she snarled, forcefully shoving him back. "Stay away from me!"

"Just listen to me!"

"Listen to you?" she raged, taking an angry step toward him. "Listening to you is what got me into this mess! This is all your fault!"

"My fault?" Now it was his turn to raise his voice. "Why the hell do you think this is my fault?"

"You heard what the council said. And they're right. If I had been there I could have stopped everything from getting so screwed up. But instead I trusted you, and look where that got me! Fighting geth in the Terminus Systems!"

A few of the crew members that were using the gym equipment in the corner stopped what they were doing and looked at the pair of commanders curiously. Neither of them seemed to notice.

John took a step closer and brought his face within inches of hers. "You accuse Udina of being blind," he said through clenched teeth, "but he's not the only one who needs to open their eyes."

As he expected her to, she rose to his challenge. "Just what the fuck are you trying to say?"

He'd seen Jane pissed off before – hell, he usually liked to see how far he could push her – but he had never seen such anger and fire shoot from her eyes like it did now.

"Have you even stopped to think that that's exactly what happened to me?"

"Ugh!" Jane buried her face in her hands and let out an exasperated sigh. "I am so done with this conversation!" Pulling her hands away she curled them into fists and pointed one finger at John. "I don't want to hear about what you've done, or how you did it, or what happened because of it. I don't care! We're not in 'your world', we're in mine! And right now I'm trying to salvage what's left of it!"

Fuming, she marched across the large deck. Again John followed her.

"Goddamn it, Jane!"

She spun on him. "It was a mistake to even come aboard this ship. I can't believe I let you talk me into scrapping my own Normandy and joining forces with you!" Again she advanced slowly toward him, and this time he was actually forced to take a step back. "I've deferred to you out of respect because it's your ship, but not anymore. Half of this crew is still mine, including its pilot, and I'm through taking orders from you!"

Without waiting for another one of his scathing remarks, she turned around and stormed off. He could feel the eyes of the crew plastered to the back of his head, waiting to see what he was going to do.

"What're you looking at?" he yelled at them. "Get back to work!"

**.x.x.x.**

"Hi, Shepard. Need me for something?"

Garrus couldn't remember the last time John had visited him in the main battery. It had to have been before Jane and her crew had joined them. Honestly, now that the mission to stop the Collectors was over with, there really wasn't a need to make the rounds to talk to the crew as much. And even though John didn't show it, the turian knew that he was still hurting from losing Miranda, and chit-chatting with everyone was really the last thing his commanding officer wanted to do.

But he was there now, and looking decidedly more angry than normal. That wasn't a good sign. Usually he was only that pissed off after having an argument with Jane. He had to hand it to her though; she wasn't afraid to stand up to him and didn't take any of his crap. It made Garrus smile. He liked that about her.

"Uh oh. I take it things didn't go so well with the Council?" he asked.

"Do they ever?" John scoffed. He walked over to the railing and leaned against it, folding his arms across his chest. "Get this: they actually had the nerve to blame Sovereign destroying the Citadel on me."

"What?" Garrus asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Ungrateful bastards."

"Did you tell them that it was unavoidable? That the same thing happened to us?"

"Shit, I couldn't even get a word in edgewise. And Jane won't listen to me either. They've got her convinced I'm some lunatic merc out for my own good."

"Have you tried to talk to her?"

"Of course I tried to talk to her!" John roared. "But I'd have more luck carrying on a conversation with one of the walls on this ship!"

Garrus shook his head sympathetically and leaned on the railing next to John.

"So what happened?" He knew John's anger wasn't just over the Council blaming him for the destruction of the Citadel. They'd dealt with the Council's lack of confidence and faith in them the whole time. It was one of the factors that made John decide to save human lives instead of theirs when they defeated Saren. No, something else was bugging him.

"After threatening to revoke her Spectre status, they ordered her out to the Terminus Systems to fight the geth. Their idea of punishment, I guess."

"The geth…" Garrus' eyes grew wide as he realized what that order meant. "But Shepard, that's how–"

"I know!" He pushed off the railing and began pacing around the small enclosed space. "It's like the more I try to stop those events from happening again, the more I just screw things up!"

"John, you have to tell her," Garrus said gravely.

"Don't you think I know that? But how can I when she won't even hear me out?"

"We can't take that risk. What if history repeats itself, but this time around it's she who dies instead of you?"

A tinge of worry crept into his voice, even though he hadn't meant for it to show through. But he had taken the news of John's death extremely hard – hard enough to try and tackle crime and three different merc organizations on Omega as a vigilante. He couldn't imagine going through that a second time around, especially with someone he might have feelings for.

"You're in love with the woman, though I still can't understand why, you try and reason with her," John sighed as he ran a hand through his buzzed hair.

Garrus' fears had not been without ground. Ever since he had unwittingly let John in on his feelings for Jane, the commander had taken every opportunity to throw in some sarcastic comment about it. He'd done so in the med-bay just after Jane had ordered everyone to leave, asking him what the hell it was that he saw in her.

He could have tried to deny it. He could have told John that he hadn't even talked to Jane since that day in the med-bay. He could have even argued that he was the last person on the ship that she would listen to, considering how she went out of her way to avoid him most of the time.

But he didn't.

"I'll try," he said softly.

**.x.x.x.**

Hours had passed since her altercation with John, but she was still hesitant to leave her quarters and go back down to the cargo area to use the exercise equipment. After her anger died down she was left feeling rather embarrassed that some of the crew members had been there to witness the squabble between them.

However, despite the dull ache in her mid-section, the excess energy from the argument coupled with the four walls of her office was driving her mad. She needed an outlet, some way to blow off steam. After about a half hour of debating with herself back and forth, she finally decided to just suck it up, grabbed a towel, and headed down to the fourth deck.

The area was deserted. Delighted that she wouldn't have anyone to bug her for details on the Council, she set up a bag and immediately started throwing punches at it, occasionally tossing a round-house kick or two in there for good measure. With each powerful hit her mind rattled off a question. When would the Council start to trust her judgement and believe in her? What was she going to do now? Why did her world have to get turned upside-down? Why did her mate have to die, while she was forced to remain alive? Over and over she asked these questions, until her limbs were heavy and ached from exertion and she was drenched with sweat.

"Hey Skipper."

Jane turned around at the sound of Ashley's voice and placed her hands on her hips while she took deep breaths to try to cool herself down. "Hey Ash."

"Are you sure it's a good idea to be working yourself like that so soon after your accident?" the gunnery chief asked.

"I'm fine," she breathed and wiped her brow on the rolled up sleeve on her upper arm.

Ashley didn't look convinced. "I haven't seen you workout this crazy for a long time." She paused. "Want to talk about it?"

Jane grabbed her towel from the stack of mats next to her and wiped off her face and chest. "Not really."

"That bad huh?"

"I'm just tired of everything I do going to hell, that's all," she finally relented with what she hoped appeared to be a careless shrug. "Getting hurt back in the Mako was the last thing I needed."

"You can't blame yourself for that. Shit happens, Skipper. You almost died. I'd say you're lucky to even be alive right now."

Jane gazed at her feet momentarily. "Yeah, I've been wanting to thank you. Your instincts and quick reaction probably saved my life. You're a helluva soldier, Williams."

Ashley suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"What is it?"

"Well, it wasn't really me. I mean, I was there and all, but I'm not the one who deserves the credit for saving your life."

"If it wasn't you, then who did?" Surely not John. She couldn't really see him as being the type to sit around and wait patiently for her to be med-evaced. Not with Saren trying to gain control of the Citadel.

"It was Garrus."

**.x.x.x.**

"What's up with you tonight?" Jack demanded.

"Huh?"

"Exactly my point. You're here, but you're not really here. I feel like I'm fighting a girl – or worse, that boy scout that follows Jane around like an obedient little dog."

Garrus had to crack a smile at the biotic's reference to Kaidan. Ever since Jane and her crew had come aboard the SR-2, her anger had been diverted towards them, especially to those she considered the "weaker" members. He didn't really care who she concentrated her frustrations on. It seemed that she always had a bone to pick with somebody, and wasn't happy unless she could get under their skin. He was probably the only one on the ship who could tolerate Jack, and because of that, the two of them had formed an unlikely friendship.

She was also the only one left out of the crew that was willing to spar with him. Back before they went through the Omega 4 relay and attacked the Collector station, he used to engage in all out brawls with Grunt. But tragically, the young krogan had been carried away by the seeker swarms and Jack didn't really have any qualms about filling his place.

He liked sparring with her, mostly because she wasn't afraid to take the cheap shots, and that kept him on his toes. It was also nice that he didn't really have to worry about hurting her, and on the off chance that he did, it only pissed her off more, making her an even worthier opponent. Their partnership had a nice balance: she could work out her aggression over her past, and he could keep his skills sharp.

"Nothing," he finally answered. "I've just got a lot on my mind, I guess."

"You know what you need, Garrus? You need to get laid. Go find yourself a turian or an asari or whatever it is that gets you going, and then have at it," she said with a wave of her hand. "It'll be good for you."

Jack's bluntness surprised even him at times. Of course, he couldn't tell her that it was Jane who was on his mind, especially after a comment like that. Besides, if he thought John's teasing was hard to handle, it would be nothing compared to what Jack would do or say if she found out. She was liable to beat him to death, or at least try and knock some sense into him. That would be the excuse she'd use, anyway.

"I'm good, thanks," he laughed.

"Then let's get on with it. And fight like you mean it this time!"

"Okay," he nodded and settled back into a fighting position, taking note of how Jack eye's brightened with that twinkle they usually got when she was about to hurt someone. But after a moment he straightened and stood back up. "Hey Jack, would you tell someone they were in danger if you knew about it?"

"Jesus, Garrus!" she cried and threw her small but dangerous hands up in the air. "What the hell does this look like, a fucking therapy session? If you want to talk about shit like that, go talk to Kelly!"

"Sorry," he said remorsefully. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Forget it," she pouted. "You ruined the mood with your whiny-bitch talk. I'm outta here."

He watched as she marched off angrily, no doubt going back to her hidey-hole underneath the cargo deck. Still, he couldn't seem to get Jane off his mind. John had placed a huge burden on his shoulders. How did you tell someone that there was a very good chance they were going to die? He didn't even know how to approach her. But he also knew that he couldn't wait forever.

**.x.x.x.**

Jane couldn't get comfortable. Every muscle in her body ached, making it next to impossible to find a position in the bed that wasn't painful. When she first stumbled into her quarters after her intense workout session and subsequent shower, she had collapsed on the bed and quickly fallen into what she thought would be a very deep and much needed sleep. But shortly after midnight the soreness had settled in and she was forced to admit that she'd overdone it.

The light from the millions of stars out her window was sufficient to slice through the inky blackness and illuminated the room just enough for her to stare at the cold, gray ceiling. Around her the ship was ominously quiet, with only the occasional creak of the bulkheads to break up the monotonous silence.

With a groan she tossed one of her pillows off the bed and struggled into a sitting position. Her mid-section screamed in protest but she ignored it as she flipped the covers back and padded over to her desk, where she sat down heavily in the chair and turned on the monitor of her terminal. If she couldn't sleep she might as well get some work done.

Work however, turned out to be more difficult than she had anticipated because just thinking about her next assignment was enough to bring all the frustration from earlier back to the surface. She pushed away from the desk angrily, and her sudden movement caused one of the desk drawers to open slightly. Sitting forward in her chair she pulled it open, remembering the first time she thumbed through the file folders as she was unpacking her things. She hadn't taken more than a precursory glance at them, since she'd had the uneasy feeling that she was intruding on someone else's territory.

Angling the desk lamp so it shown brightly over the drawer, she pulled out a handful of files with the Cerberus logo on them and placed them on her desk. It was rare to even come across paper files any more, now that everything was uploaded onto datapads. She found it extremely intriguing that there were so many of them there. It seemed that whoever had kept them didn't want them on any terminals or datapads that could be easily hacked.

Opening the dossier on the top she discovered schematics for both the SR-1 and the SR-2, with notes scribbled in the margins on the improvements that were recommended, most notably the addition of a tech lab and larger Captain's quarters. The next handful of folders was nothing but personnel files. A quick scan of a few of them revealed details such as prior service and psych evals – all the usual stuff.

Suddenly Jane got an idea. She flipped the folder that she was looking at closed and thumbed through the stack until she found John's.

"Let's just see what kind of a person lets their own Council die," she muttered to herself as she pulled his file out and pushed the rest aside.

There wasn't really that much listed as far as his pre-service history was concerned. He was born on Earth, but the file didn't say anything about his parents. He'd had a few run-ins with the authorities for various gang activities, and then enlisted with the Systems Alliance at the age of eighteen.

She sifted through the pages slowly. Like her, he had graduated from the N7 training program with the highest honors and had quickly made a name for himself as the go-to person when a job needed to be done. His highly efficient way to doing things had quickly cemented his reputation as cold and ruthless, but according to the reports, the Alliance had valued his abrasive personality, often sending him into volatile situations that would have destroyed a weaker soldier.

The next page was a report on Torfan. The Alliance was sent there as retaliation for the Skyllian Blitz and although they sustained heavy losses, they managed to take the base. John's commanding officer, Major Kyle, put him in charge of securing the base. The report went on to detail that John sent over three-quarters of his men to their deaths in order to accomplish that task. The surviving batarians surrendered, but to her horror she read that John had executed them anyway. That section of the report was circled in red pen, with the "Butcher of Torfan" written off to the side.

She frowned. Was that why Cerberus had been so interested in him and his crew? And why did they have his military service record to begin with? Was John aware that the Cerberus operative had so much information on him? Could that have been the reason that John had gotten rid of him?

She shut the file with a sigh and tossed it on top of the others. All this snooping around had presented more questions that it had answered, and as a result she was now more awake than ever. Gathering the stack from the desk she swiveled in her chair and went to place them back in the drawer when something plastic slipped out from between the pages and clattered to the ground. She picked it up and turned it over to examine it. It was an OSD.

"The Lazarus Project," she read off the label.

Without hesitating she popped the device into her terminal and waited as it loaded. A moment later a gorgeous dark-haired woman with pale skin and beautiful lavender eyes appeared on the screen. Interesting. She had been so quick to assume that the Cerberus operative was male.

"_The cost of this project will be astronomical, with credits potentially reaching well into the billions. But the Illusive Man wants no expense to be spared. Humanity and the fate of the galaxy might very well depend on our success." _

"What is this?" Jane asked herself as she pulled in the corner of her mouth. Intrigued, she clicked on the next log entry. The same attractive woman appeared again.

"_Progress is slow, but subject shows signs of recovery. Major organs are again functional, and there are signs of rudimentary neurological activity. In an effort to accelerate progress, we've moved from simple organic reconstruction of the subject to bio-synthetic fusion. Initial results show promise." _

"What the hell?" Major organs? Neurological activity? Was she talking about a human? A clone, maybe? She clicked on the final log entry.

"_Physical reconstruction is complete, but we still need to evaluate all mental and neurological functions. Our orders were clear; make Commander Shepard who he was before the explosion – the same mind, the same morals, the same personality. If we alter his identity in any way, if he's somehow not the man he used to be, the Lazarus Project will have failed. For this reason, the Illusive Man has denied my request to surgically implant some sort of control mechanism in his brain." _

The entry ended but Jane made no attempt to eject the OSD. For the longest time she just stared at the blank screen, frozen in place as a whole new set of questions fluttered around in her head. It was difficult not to jump to conclusions, not when the evidence in her terminal suggested that Cerberus had somehow _reconstructed_ John… But why? She didn't understand any of it, and even trying to made her stomach knot up with apprehension.

_Before__the explosion…_ Was John just a clone controlled by the Humanity First movement? What had happened to him? Unfortunately, their circumstances prevented her from ever knowing what really happened, aside from what John and his crew told her, and that of course could all just be convenient lies. She hadn't been there in his world to see for herself. For all she knew, the 'Commander Shepard' of that universe could have solely existed as a puppet for Cerberus.

And if that was the case, what the hell had she gotten herself into?


	9. Death is Only the Beginning

"_Fully alive and she knows how to believe in futures." – Fully Alive, Flyleaf (album version)_

**Chapter Nine – Death is Only the Beginning **

The air in her office had suddenly become heavy and hot, so stifling and thick that Jane could hardly breathe. The weight of her discovery crushed down upon her, making the space around her seem much smaller than it had only a moment ago. Claustrophobia was not something she normally suffered from, but in the dark semi-gloom of her cabin, with only the light from the lone desk lamp, she had to fight the urge not to run from it screaming. The fact that they were at that moment headed to the Terminus System only added to the feeling of being trapped. It was not as if she could simply disembark the ship with her crew and bid John and this whole crazy mess they were in good riddance.

But she couldn't stay in there, either. The feeling of restlessness was too great. Without another thought she quickly slipped into her comfortable navy blue Alliance uniform and left the suffocating confines of her office.

Given the time of night, she was expecting to find the mess hall dark and eerily quiet, especially since she had just spent the last two hours rummaging through old files. She was certainly not expecting to find it already occupied, and by the last person she wanted to see on top of it. Garrus was sitting at the table closest to her, quietly involved in cleaning one of his weapons. Pieces of his sniper rifle were scattered about on the tabletop in what she could only classify as an organized mess.

_Damn!_ she thought. So much for being able to sneak out of her office for some fresh air.

Unfortunately reversing her steps and silently retreating was also out of question, since Garrus had already looked up from what he was doing and was now watching her intently.

"Commander," he acknowledged with a slight nod of the head.

Caught, she lifted her chin in a subtle nod of her own in return.

"What's the matter," he asked, "couldn't sleep?" He studied her for a moment and then his mandibles twitched as he narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong?"

_Oh, nothing. I've just been snooping in files I shouldn't have been looking at and now I need to formulate an exit strategy, that's all. _Of course, she couldn't really say what she was thinking so instead she shrugged her shoulders and did her best to come up with a generic reply. Running her hand across the scar underneath her uniform she said, "No, I couldn't sleep. My stomach's sore and it's really bothering me tonight." It wasn't a total lie.

Garrus laid the barrel back down on the table and picked up the trigger mechanism. "You really need to take it easy, Jane. You know you're tough and I know you're tough, but you've been running yourself ragged these past few days, and even you need to take a moment to rest every once in a while."

What was with his sudden concern for her well-being? First there was his presence in the med-bay when she'd woken up, and now he was practically rebuking her for driving herself too hard. She didn't get it. Then she thought about what Ashley had said earlier, that he'd been the one who had saved her back in the Mako. Could it be that he felt partially responsible for seeing that she made a full recovery?

Why? She didn't ask to be saved by him. She didn't ask for him to sit by her side and watch over her, and she certainly didn't ask for the tenderness and concern that had dripped from his voice when he'd slid his hand over hers after she had regained consciousness. She didn't need it! And most of all, she didn't want or need to feelings of confusion her heart and head were sending her every time she looked at him.

However, regardless of the fact that she didn't need someone looking out for her, there was one thing that she did feel obligated to do. Taking a deep breath to steel herself, she slowly approached the table and placed both her hands on the back of one of the chairs.

"I uh…I was told that you were the one responsible for saving my life and I…I wanted to thank you."

Those piercing blue eyes met hers and he held her gaze for several seconds before he pulled the corner of his mouth into a grin that revealed some of his razor sharp teeth.

"You're welcome," he said. "I'm glad to see that my efforts paid off and you're all right."

What was it about his stare that suddenly made her heart beat faster?

"Well okay then." She coughed to dispel some of her nervous tension. "I think I'll try to find myself something warm to drink and see if I can't force myself to get some sleep." She turned to go. She was anxious to return to her quarters and get away from the strange feelings he was stirring inside her.

"Jane…" he called back to her. "I was hoping that we might get a chance to talk."

_Damn it!_ Jane stopped as the sound of his voice floated over to her and grimaced. She didn't want to talk! Aside from flinging herself out the airlock, talking with him was the last thing she wanted to do. The rules of engagement concerning the two of them were simple: she avoided any unnecessary contact with him, and that way he couldn't remind her of what she'd lost.

But he didn't know that, she reprimanded herself. All he would think was that he'd gone through the trouble of saving her life and she was too stuck up and ungrateful to take even a few minutes and chat with him. After all, she had made an attempt to get to know everyone else on the ship, including Jack, although that conversation had ended with a quick 'fuck off" from the biotic. Garrus was the only one out of John's crew that she hadn't made any effort to be friendly with, and he was perhaps the one who deserved her friendship most of all.

Doing her best to stifle the groan that threatened to escape her lips, she turned around slowly and walked back to the table with leaden feet. It wouldn't hurt to talk to him for a few minutes, she supposed. As she slid into the chair in front of him she decided that she would at least make it worth her while and take the opportunity to ask the question that had been bugging her since she had first boarded the ship.

"How did you come by those scars?"

He blinked a few times and sat back, as if he wasn't quite expecting the conversation to take the kind of a turn. His eyes darkened and took on a faraway look as he no doubt relived the incident. She was taken aback by the amount of sadness that settled over him, sadness that made his shoulders hunch and wiped the cocky grin from his face.

Then, to her amazement, it vanished and was replaced with a look of firm resolution. "No, this is good," he whispered to himself. "I can do this."

What the hell was he talking about? The same uneasy feeling she had experienced back in her cabin after discovering the Cerberus operative's logs returned.

"I joined John's crew back when he was going after Saren," Garrus began. "Much like now, the Council refused to believe in the Reaper threat and acknowledge that Saren was anything but a rogue Spectre who had allied himself with the geth. We proved them wrong in the end, but they didn't live long enough to see it. When Sovereign attacked the Citadel, John ultimately made the decision to save human lives instead and let the geth take out the Destiny Ascension."

Jane swallowed over the lump that had risen in her throat.

"The end result was pretty much the same," he continued. "Thousands of lives were lost and the Citadel was left in ruins." He chanced a look up at her. "I know you are angry over what happened, and you feel that what the Council is doing to you is unfair, but you have to believe me when I say that it wasn't entirely unexpected."

"What do you mean?" she breathed, hinged on the turian's every word. Finally! She was finally getting a glimpse into the SR-2 crews' past, other than John's know-it-all comments, and she was suddenly struck with the notion that if she said anything more, Garrus would stop his account and she would be left to figure out the missing pieces herself.

"After the attack, a new all-human Council was created, led by Ambassador Udina…"

Jane groaned. She couldn't help it; she really didn't like the man. Garrus must have felt the same way because he paused in his story to let out a quiet chuckle.

"Anyway," he smiled, "Despite commending John on a job well done, this newly formed Council decided not to investigate the Reaper threat any further and instead sent John on a mission to look into supposed geth sightings out in the Terminus."

"Wait a minute…" she said, sitting up straight. "That's what they're sending me to out to do! But how–"

"We can't figure it out either, Jane. Logically we should have been able to alter the events, change the course of the future somehow, but…but it seems that fate is determined to take us down that path."

"Kinda like, we're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't, huh?" she snorted derisively.

"Yeah," Garrus said sadly. "Which makes what I'm about to say next all the more difficult."

"What is that?" she choked. Her cynicism fled as the feeling of apprehension and uneasiness returned and wrapped itself around her windpipe, making it almost impossible for her to voice the question.

"John was killed on that mission."

For a horrible second the entire room dimmed around her and she had the sudden feeling she was going to vomit, her insides were twisted so tightly. Her mind reeled with the effort to piece all the facts together.

"He _what? _But…but he's alive now!" was all she could manage.

She fixed him with wide eyes, silently begging him to help her understand. Every instinct, every fiber in her body was telling her to flee, to run away and forget about John and his crew and their tales of a parallel world.

Garrus seemed to sense that she was unraveling mentally, because he leaned forward and placed his taloned hands gently over hers. Only a few moments ago an action like that would have had her ripping her hands from his grasp and dashing to her quarters as fast as she could, but right now it was oddly comforting.

"He is now…because Cerberus rebuilt him."

"The Lazarus Project," she whispered.

"You've heard of it?" he asked incredulously.

A layer of pink spread over her cheeks, making them burn with embarrassment. "I uh…found some logs about it," she answered in a small voice. She slid her hands out of his grasp, placing them in her lap and then looked down at them sheepishly. "They said something about bringing him back with the same personality and stuff. I wasn't quite sure what that meant…until you said something. So, he's not some evil clone then, out to do Cerberus' dirty work?"

The laughter that issued from the turian's lips was full of surprise and delight and she couldn't help smiling when she looked up at him. "If he is, then he's a damn good one," he rumbled. "I can't tell a difference."

After an appropriate amount of time had passed she asked, "How did he die?"

"I wasn't actually with him on the mission," he said solemnly. "I was on the Citadel, ready to start my Spectre training."

Jane's eyebrow quirked up, but she said nothing.

"Suddenly there were news reports everywhere, claiming that the Normandy had been attacked by the Collectors and that John was presumed dead. The Alliance put on a good show of having a memorial service, but they never recovered his body. After the funeral the crew was disbanded and reassigned, with us non-human members pretty much left on our asses. Things kinda went to hell after that. No one stayed in touch. Shepard was the glue that held us together and during the two years he was gone, everyone drifted apart."

Two years?

There was real pain in his voice and it touched her to hear it. How sad that the crew didn't stay in contact with each other. To her, her crew was like family and she couldn't imagine them not being there.

"What did you end up doing?" Some time during the course of the conversation her sense of talking to him out of obligation had lessened and was now being replaced by genuine curiosity and interest.

"Working with John was probably the most important thing I've ever done. The Council was quick to denounce what we'd worked so hard to prove, and quickly swept Sovereign and the Reapers under the rug, content to blame the entire attack solely on Saren, even though they knew better. After that I didn't have the heart to continue with Spectre training, and there was too much politicking in C-Sec, so I left."

He got up from his seat and started pacing around the small kitchen. She followed him with her eyes as he walked back and forth, taking note of the agitation that worked its way into his shoulders. Every now and then he would shake out his arms or rub the back of his neck.

It might have been the worst time to make comparisons, but that didn't stop her mind from automatically going there. Back on the SR-1 her Garrus had always been so confident, so much so that it almost bordered on brash arrogance. Whenever she felt weak or vulnerable she knew she could lean on him for support and he would carry her through the tough times. Never did he second-guess himself or his actions, he wasn't afraid of voicing his opinions, and when it came to her, well…he wasn't shy about communicating his desire for her, that much was certain.

But this Garrus…there was something different about him, something that separated him and made him stand apart from hers…

"I wanted to make a difference," he explained, "to do some good. So I set my sights on Omega. It was full of criminals and nobody was doing anything to stop them. When I arrived I found that there were several people who felt the same way, and together we formed a small team to help clean up the streets."

"So, let me get this straight. You became a merc?"

"Not really," he shook his head. "More like we were helping the helpless. And we were doing a damn fine job of it until I allowed myself to become distracted and got my team killed."

"What?" she blinked.

He turned away from her. His grief was palpable, the emotion still fresh in his mind. She had the sudden urge to go to him and offer some sort of comfort, though she couldn't understand why. Was it just out of sympathy? As a commander she knew how it felt to lose men. It was part of the job, but that didn't make it hurt any less when it happened.

Compassion. That's what was different about him. That wasn't to say her mate was callous or cold-hearted. Not in the least. But his attitude was more like hers should have been; strong, with a keen understanding of the way things needed to be. He would have mourned the loss of his men, and vowed to do better in the future, learning from his mistakes rather than dwelling on them.

But the turian that stood before her felt that loss deeply. She could tell by the way his shoulders turned inward, as if he carried the weight of blame upon them, and the hurt that emanated from him resonated with her profoundly.

"One of my men betrayed me, a turian named Sidonis. He said he had lead on one of the organizations we were fighting. Little did I know that he'd actually tipped off the mercs and as soon as I left they attacked. There were twelve of us in the beginning, and ten of them died that day."

"Garrus, that is not your fault!" she said with conviction, and she meant every word of it.

He lifted his head and turned to look at her, surprise playing over his chiseled features at the ferocity of her statement.

"I know," he said quietly after a moment. "I had this same talk with John. But my men deserved better than they got."

"And Sidonis?"

"I picked up his trail a couple months back and tracked him down on the Citadel. I fully intended to kill him on the spot, but John talked me out of it – made me see that he had already been made to suffer because of his actions."

That news shocked her. Once again she measured the two turians against each other. Her Garrus wouldn't have hesitated. He would have been more than willing to pull the trigger and bring justice to the traitor. It was the quick and efficient way to do things, no dancing around feelings of morality. 'An eye for an eye' was how he would have put it. The fact that this Garrus had seen some good left in Sidonis and had put aside his revenge to spare his life made her see him in a whole new light.

"How did you find John?" she asked, trying to keep her focus on the subject and not wander off mentally.

"More like he found me, actually." A little bit of cockiness crept back into his voice. She found him amusing to listen to. He had a dry sense of humor that leaked through every now and then, and that, coupled with the flanging rumble of his voice was enough to send shivers down her spine. "I didn't even know he was alive. You see, my efforts on Omega managed to piss off the three major merc organizations that did business there, and that landed me on the top of their hit list. They actually banded together to take me down."

"Seriously?"

"I was holed up in an apartment, picking off mercs one by one as they crossed the bridge when Shepard showed up. He'd tricked them into hiring him to help take me down, but he was really there to recruit me. Cerberus had given him information on me, under my assumed name 'Archangel', and he wanted me to team up with him to stop the Collectors."

"He didn't know it was really you?" she asked with anticipation.

"Didn't have a clue," he grinned. "I even fired a few concussive rounds his way so that I wouldn't blow his cover."

Jane shook her head with a small smile. That reunion must have been an interesting one.

"John and his team helped me clean house, so to speak, and we were getting ready to fight our way out when the leader of the Blue Suns showed up in a gunship. I really don't remember what happened after that, but I woke up with some ruggedly handsome scars afterward," he beamed, shooting her with his most swaggering smile yet.

She laughed, the sound escaping her lips before she could even stop it. After everything she had been through recently, it felt really good to just let loose for a moment.

"And you obviously joined his crew," she prompted, suddenly not wanting the conversation to come to an end. "Tell me about this ship."

Garrus relaxed a bit, leaning against the kitchen counter casually. "In the beginning, Cerberus had the same goals as Shepard had."

As she listened to him, she wondered if he realized that he kept referring to John as 'Shepard', even though she was sitting right in front of him. It was odd hearing her last name used when they weren't referring to her.

"They believed in the Reaper threat," he continued, completely oblivious to her inner thoughts, "and were willing to invest the time and money into helping him out. The Illusive Man created this ship from the original Normandy design and added its many improvements to help John on his mission."

"I think I've heard that name before," she mused. "It was on one of the files in my office."

"I don't doubt it. Miranda reported directly to the Illusive Man."

"Miranda? Is that the name of the Cerberus operative?"

"Yes."

"Ah," she nodded.

Things were slowly starting to make more sense, the pieces finally falling into place. She got up and stretched her stiff muscles. The ache had subsided somewhat, but fatigue had finally settled in, making her feel tired and sluggish.

The sound of voices and activity drifted through the mess hall. Jane looked at her omni-tool questioningly and realized with a shock that morning had come without either one of them knowing it. Sleep apparently wouldn't be an option after all.

"This has been an enlightening chat," she said while rubbing a tender spot on her shoulder, "but I need to get ready for my day." What promised to be a very long day, she thought.

Once again she made to leave, and once again Garrus called out to her.

"Jane, wait."

She glanced back at him. He jogged over to her, quickly closing the distance between them.

"Wanting to fill you in on our past wasn't the only reason I told you that long-winded story. You and I got off a tangent – which is fine – but… Look," he paused. A little bit of that awkwardness returned as he struggled to find the right words to say. "So far we've been unsuccessful at changing certain events, so we both know what is going to happen."

"Don't worry, Garrus," she assured him with a confident smile. "I'm not going to let the Collectors destroy our ship. With the knowledge you and John have, we can beat them this time!"

He grabbed her by the shoulders. It wasn't forceful by any means; rather it was the fiercely protective glint in his eyes that got her attention. "Jane, if you continue to follow this heading, you will die. We lost half our crew the last time we went up against these guys, just before we went through the Omega 4 relay that brought us here. The ship is not upgraded to the standards it should be, especially with the spare parts we took from yours. We won't stand a chance."

"What're you saying? If everything is happening exactly the way it did in your universe, despite what we've done to change things, how do you expect me to stop this? We're already on our way there."

"Just tell Joker to turn the ship around. Don't go through with it."

"Now you sound like John! I can't just blow off the Council and the Alliance; I'm more responsible than that!" She tried to shrug out of his grasp, but he only tightened his grip.

"You're a Spectre! You have the authority to make your own decisions! They are condemning you to death! Don't you see that?"

A tremor shot through her body, but she couldn't tell whether it was because of what he was telling her, or the passionate way he was pleading with her to change her mind. Maybe it was a little of both, she decided.

"Okay," she relented. "I'll tell Joker to turn around as soon as he gets to the cockpit."

Relief washed over him, but he made no attempt to let go of her. She lifted her eyes, searching the craggy lines on his face for any clues as to why he was so worried. She got the impression it wasn't just over the crew being in danger as well. It seemed that he was genuinely concerned over her well-being. Just as he had been in the med-bay, she realized with a flutter in her chest.

"Jane…" he whispered.

All of a sudden a deafening noise filled the room and the ship lurched violently, knocking Jane into Garrus. His arms wrapped around her instinctively as they pitched backward, but he was able to regain his balance and then steadied her on her feet before letting go.

"What was that?" she cried.

"The Collectors…"

Her face drained of color. "Oh my God!"

They glanced at each other, both their expressions riddled with the same look of terror, before they dashed in the direction of the elevator. Jane smacked her hand against the button, cursing out loud at its slowness.

"Come on, come on," Garrus muttered once they were inside.

"Shepard, what's going on?" Joker asked as they exited the lift and raced across the CIC.

He was hobbling as fast as he could go, trying to get to the cockpit. The current state of his dress told her that he'd been caught off guard. Half of his shirt was untucked and the shoelaces on both boots were untied as well.

"We're under attack!"

"Under attack?" he exclaimed. "But the stealth systems are–"

"I know," she said breathlessly as they reached the cockpit and Joker turned off the autopilot and took control.

"Shepard, I can see if I'm able to sabotage their defense systems," EDI suggested helpfully.

"No! Don't engage them. Joker, do whatever you can to get us the hell out of here!"

"Aye, aye, Commander. Brace for evasive maneuvers!"

**.x.x.x.**

John reached for a towel as the clouds of steam billowed around him like hot smoke and began wiping the slick moisture off his body. There was nothing better than starting off the day with a scalding hot shower, he thought to himself as he vigorously rubbed the towel over his buzzed hair.

But the feeling was short-lived as the ship pitched suddenly to one side and sent him sliding across the wet floor and into the opposite wall. He muttered a curse and picked up his now sodden towel, looking at it with disgust as he struggled to his feet. Luckily the fall didn't cause any damage and so he chalked it up to Joker not paying attention because he was too busy arguing with EDI, and decided not to let it ruin his good mood.

He walked out of the bathroom, the cool air in contrast to the warm, dense atmosphere making his skin tingle, and was almost to the stairs when the ship shuddered again and the most god-awful sound ripped through the calm environment.

A sound that he had heard once before.

Scrambling down the steps he hurried to throw on what clothes he had nearby, which turned out to be the pants he had lazily discarded on the couch the night before and a dress shirt that must have been kicked under his bed, and charged out of the cabin.

The CIC was encased in a flurry of activity, with members of both crews rushing to get to their posts to find out what was going on. But John already knew what was happening and he didn't stop to answer any questions as he jogged across the area toward the cockpit.

Jane and Garrus were already there. Jane whipped her head around to look at him as he entered, taking a moment to stare questioningly at his bare feet and wet chest that peeked through his unbuttoned shirt. But if she was disgusted with his appearance, she kept it to herself. He noticed that Joker was also in a similar state of undress, but at least the pilot had managed to get into his boots.

"Joker, status report!" he barked.

"Kinetic barriers are down sixty percent. They've taken a couple of hits, but so far they're holding. We've re-routed all non-critical power."

"No damage to report, Shepard," EDI informed him.

Jane glanced out one of the shutters and froze as the mammoth Collector ship came into view.

"They're moving to intercept!" she cried. "Joker!"

"Not if I can help it!" the pilot muttered.

His fingers danced over the controls in a silent symphony of coordinated maneuvers and the Normandy banked hard to the left. Several areas of the panel lit up as he drove the ship lower and swung around until he came up behind the Collector vessel.

"It'll take them a while to turn a ship that size around," Joker said. "Man, that thing is massive!"

"The drive core is online," Tali's voice announced over the comm.

"Engaging FTL drive."

A few button pushes and beeps later, the Normandy shot through the starry expanse, leaving the hulking Collector ship behind, no more than a fading speck against the glittering backdrop of space.

"Whew," Joker sighed once he was relatively certain that they were out any immediate danger. "What the hell was that?"

"The Collectors," John answered.

"We did it!" Jane gasped, her chest still heaving from the adrenaline rush. She looked up at Garrus triumphantly.

Garrus nodded and glanced at John, surprised that they had actually managed to get away. John shared his relief, but anger was also bubbling up in his throat.

"Good work, Joker," he said and then gestured to Jane. "Will you talk with me in the debriefing room, please?"

She nodded.

He turned and she followed him out. Although he was trying to remain calm, the irrational side of him was quickly winning out.

"When did we set a course for the Terminus System?" he demanded as soon as they entered the room and the doors slid shut behind them.

"Early yesterday evening," she replied. "I was following orders. I didn't know they were basically sending me into a trap."

He placed his hands on the edge of the long table and leaned all his weight on them. Some of the anger he was feeling dissolved. "So you're aware of the Collectors and what happened?"

"Yes. Garrus told me everything."

John nodded as he considered everything. Then he pushed away from the table and swiveled around, folding his arms over his chest. "Two years ago I went up against the same ship and lost. I paid the price with my life. But this time we actually managed to get away."

Jane listened to him intently, picking up on what he was trying to say.

"And now you don't know what to do," she finished. "We succeeded in altering the future."

"I'm treading unknown territory here," he said. "My knowledge of things starts two years from now."

"There must be a way to use that knowledge to our advantage now though," Jane reasoned. "And you're forgetting that your crew lived through those two years. Their accounts of what happened could help fill in the void and maybe give us an idea of where to go next. We just need to work together."

"You're right," he agreed. "Though we're not going to be able to count on the Alliance or the Council for much help."

"Why not?"

"Well, aside from their bad judgment call sending us out here, you also disobeyed a direct order by turning around. We both know this is bigger than the geth. You still have your Spectre status, which allows you to do whatever you need to. But without their support we aren't going to get very far. I think it's time we look into another entity willing to throw down the credits needed to support our cause."

"Cerberus," she said with a knowing smile and he nodded.

"Cerberus."

"How do we go about finding the necessary people?"

"Have Joker plot a course to Omega. I'm sure Aria T'loak has some information, it's just a question of what she wants for it."

"All right," she said. "And I'll dig through the files in my office and see if I can find anything helpful. But first there's something I have to do."

**.x.x.x.**

The doors to the main battery slid open and Garrus turned, expecting John to waltz in with all sorts of complaints on how things could have gone terribly wrong and how he wished Jane wasn't so damn idealistic all the time. But that's not who met his eyes.

Instead, there stood the very woman who had been steadily consuming his thoughts since he left the bridge. Jane smiled up at him meekly and stepped inside to allow the doors to close. This was the first time he could remember that she had actively sought him out.

"Jane…_ahem_, Commander," he coughed, hoping to disguise his delight and total lack of decorum. "What brings you here?"

"That's twice you've saved my life now, Garrus," she said lightly, extending her hand. "You'd better be careful. I could get used to it."

He dropped his gaze to her open palm and the friendship she offered along with it and then reached out to take her small hand. "I'm here if you need me, Shepard. I'm always willing to pull your ass out the fire."

She wrapped her fingers around his talons, shaking his hand firmly. "You know what, Garrus?" she laughed, "You're all right in my book."


	10. Underworked and Overpaid

**A/N: **So, it's been quite a while since my last post. I've been working on this chapter for a long time, trying to make sure I get everything just right. It's the longest chapter I've done to date, on _any_ of my stories.

Therefore, this chapter contains more of what I promised earlier: scenes containing more dialogue, relaxed settings, some conflict, and deepening character relationships all around. I hope I've said enough to have you thoroughly intrigued. As is my usual wont, I've taken a few lines or key elements from the game and mixed them around to better fit the content of this chapter.

FYI: The translation of the epigraph listed below is "In wine there is truth" which basically means, "When I'm drinking, I speak my mind."

Enjoy, and please do tell me what you think! ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>In vino veritas." Doc Holliday – Tombstone<em>

**Chapter Ten – Underworked and Overpaid **

"Okay, what do we know so far?"

The question was innocent enough, but never before had something so simple made John feel so out of his element. He was used to being in control, having a firm grasp on everything that was going on around him. But right now he just felt lost, completely unsure of what to do next, and the utterly alien feeling of helplessness was not sitting well with him.

He slid his hand over his buzzed hair and looked across the desk at Jane. She stared back at him wearily, fatigue clearly etched over her pale features. Her shoulder length red hair was mussed from her constantly running her fingers through it, and her eyes told him how much she wanted to be done with it all, even though she was trying her best to hide it from him.

They had been at it for hours, laying down the facts and familiarizing themselves with the events that each of them had been through in their respective worlds. EDI had been a vital part of their conversation, dutifully logging and organizing the information that Jane provided, as well as reminding John when he couldn't recall all the details from his missions.

"Well, we know that the Collectors are repurposed Protheans working for the Reapers, and that they'll start abducting human colonies," he said.

"Right."

"But what we don't know is what they did during the two years I was dead – which would be right now," he added.

Again Jane agreed with him, nodding curtly as he ticked of the specifics.

"And this is where you want the Illusive Man to fill you in, correct?" she asked, seeking to confirm his line of thinking.

He took a deep breath. Part of the burden of knowing about the future was that he also knew about the betrayals and how things went wrong. He didn't trust the Illusive Man. It didn't matter whether he was the same person he had been in his time or not, his motivations would no doubt be the same, and John was reluctant to seek his aid a second time. Well, the first time, really…God, this whole parallel universe thing was hard to keep straight! It messed with his head, even more so because he retained all the memories of his own experiences, as did everyone else that was part of his crew. Jane may have a hard time dealing with him and adjusting to their current situation, but in his opinion it was nothing compared to what he was going through.

"John?" Her gentle prompting brought him back into focus.

"I need a break," he muttered.

Pushing his chair back he stood and rubbed the back of his neck to work out the kinks. Jane leaned back in her chair and studied him as he gazed around the office. Memories, unbidden and unwanted, resurfaced in his mind and he recalled the way Miranda would lean forward on her desk when he entered the room. She had been reluctant to talk to him about anything other than the mission at first, but he'd carefully broken down her barriers and was eventually rewarded with warm acceptance once she dropped her "ice-queen" exterior. Jane had no idea how much will power it had taken him to return to this room, and if it hadn't been for him not wanting her to find out the truth, he wouldn't have agreed to come in at all.

"It's getting pretty late anyway," she conceded, glancing at the clock next to her terminal. "I don't think I could concentrate much longer if I tried."

"Me neither." His concentration had already started to drift to other topics. "Let's call it a night."

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Jane laughed, pulling her hands away from the desk and lifting them into the air to signal that she wasn't going to touch another thing.

"All right then, see you tomorrow," he said. He grabbed his datapad off the desk and stepped out into the hall.

Not yet wanting to retire to his cabin, he slowly wandered around the corner to the mess hall and leaned against the counter. Thoughts of an earlier time clouded his vision.

"_This is no time for emotional entanglement. You and I know more about the Collectors than anyone. We know how unlikely it is that we're coming back alive."_

"_I care about you, Miranda, and I think you care about me." _

"_Yeah, I do. So don't die! You promise me, damn it! Don't die!" _

"You've been staring at that datapad for ten minutes now. Must be something really interesting on it."

Slowly John's gaze regained focus, the fuzzy orange lettering becoming more intelligible just before he tore his eyes away and fixed them on the pretty brunette as she rummaged through the refrigerator behind him. With his lower back still pressed against the edge, he tossed the datapad on the counter carelessly and folded his arms across his chest.

Ashley straightened and came around the counter, eyeing the datapad with cautious curiosity. Twisting the cap off the bottle of water in her hand she raised it to her lips and took two long swallows, peeking at John over the curve of the plastic as she did so. Then with the smack of her lips she tightened the lid again and casually leaned an elbow on the counter next to him.

"So," she began conversationally, "_is _it something interesting?"

He was silent for a moment and then scrubbed his palms over his face with an exhausted sigh. "I've just been going over old mission reports, seeing if I can find anything that might help us figure out what to do next."

Frowning, Ashley craned her neck and looked over her shoulder at the datapad resting a short distance away from them.

"Who's Miranda?"

He whipped around and snatched the pad before Ashley's prying eyes could read any more.

"Whoa. Easy there, Commander," The gunnery chief said, raising her hand defensively. "I was just asking a question."

"She's no one," he mumbled.

Ashley pulled in the corner of her mouth skeptically. "Mmhmm. I can see that."

"Was there something you needed, Williams?" he snapped.

Her smile evaporated. "N-no, sir!" she stammered, her back going ramrod straight as she saluted.

"Dismissed then," he said and waved her off with his hand.

She wasted no time in putting distance between them, but as she was about to round the corner of the elevator she hesitated, pausing to glance back at him with an unreadable expression before she disappeared.

John was in no mood to deal with the antics of the crew. He had enough on his mind already and didn't have time to dwell on what Williams might be thinking. The Normandy was on its way to Omega and soon he and Jane would talk with Aria about any information she might have on Cerberus.

At least, that's what Jane thought. What he was really after was information on the whereabouts of Miranda Lawson.

**.x.x.x.**

Jane watched as the doors slid shut behind John and then opened the cabinet drawer. She had been through the dossiers at least ten times and they hadn't yielded any new information, nothing else that would help point them in the right direction. The Cerberus operative's files on the Illusive Man that were stored on the terminal were encrypted, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't decode them. She didn't know what she hoped to gain by continually scrutinizing the paperwork in the folders. It was starting to become a habit, but she couldn't help it. Those files contained the details of a life that existed to some, but not to others and she found that concept extremely fascinating.

When she finished going through the stack for the umpteenth time, she gathered the files in her hands and stood to place them back in the drawer with a sigh, vowing to herself that she wouldn't look at them again. But just as she bent down to guide the folders in place she spotted something rectangular wedged to the back. Puzzled, she let the rest of the files fall haphazardly in the drawer and knelt down to pluck the object out.

It was a holo. How had she missed this so many times before, she wondered. She settled down into a crossed-legged position on the floor and held it up to the light. It was of the same lavender-eyed woman from the logs, the Cerberus operative. In it she was smiling shyly, her head resting lightly on the shoulder of the man beside her. Jane wasn't surprised to find a picture of her. After all, this had been her office. It was the identity of the person beside the woman that made her jaw drop. John sat next to her, an uncharacteristic grin plastered on his face. He had his head inclined towards her, the angle suggesting that it was him and not a third person taking their picture.

What the hell?

She thought that John had kicked the operative off the Normandy over some sort of dispute. But that action didn't make any sense if they were romantically involved. From the looks of the holo, they had been very happy together. Had something gone wrong between them? Was that the reason she left? And why hadn't John mentioned her?

"Shepard?"

Jane peeked over the edge of the desk. "Hi Tali. Down here."

"What are you doing on the floor?" the young quarian asked.

"Nothing," she replied. She hurriedly dumped the frame in the drawer and slammed it shut, muttering a curse under her breath when she had to rearrange the files so it would close. "Just doing some cleaning."

Tali nodded and stepped all the way into the room. "I thought I'd stop by and check to see how you are doing. It's been kind of crazy lately."

"I'm…fine," she said as she stood up and brushed the dirt from her uniform.

"Wait. Why did you hesitate? You wouldn't pause if everything was okay. What's going on?"

"Well, it's just…"

Jane stopped. Should she let her friend in on what was going through her mind? That she couldn't stop thinking about the conversation she had had with Garrus, and how confused she continued to feel whenever she was around him. And then on top of it, now there was this whole mess with John and the Cerberus operative.

"I just haven't been getting much sleep lately and things are starting to get stressful," she said finally.

It was the cowardly way out and she knew it, but Jane was growing tired of wearing her emotions on her sleeve for all to see. She had allowed the grief over the death of her mate and her frustration from John and their situation to affect her for too long now. It was high time she started acting like the commander her crew was used to her being.

"Maybe Doctor Chakwas could give you something to help you sleep," Tali suggested helpfully. "I sure wish we had had someone like her on our ship. She's nice."

"Yeah, she is," Jane sighed wistfully. "You know, Tali, sometimes it amazes me how some things about John's universe are absolutely identical to ours, and others are drastically different. It boggles my mind. Makes me wonder what else has changed."

The quarian cocked her head thoughtfully. "Yeah, like if we have anybody in our world that didn't exist in his."

"Exactly!"

"One of these days you'll have to sit down with him and compare."

"Ugh. I'd rather have you pull out all my teeth," Jane quipped. It was grueling enough just going through the things that were pertinent to the mission.

She shook her head and laughed. "Good night, Shepard."

"Night, Tali." Jane smiled.

**.x.x.x.**

Jane's first impression of Afterlife was a blur of red neon and dark undertones. The hungry flames that lapped greedily at the walls were just for show, but the heat emanating from the large chamber was enough to make her believe that the room really was steadily being consumed by fire.

Nothing had prepared her for Omega. Since this was the first time she'd ventured into the Terminus Systems she hadn't really known what to expect, but she was certainly not planning on the dimly lit hallways and rampant crime that seemed to be everywhere. Garrus hadn't been exaggerating when he told her of his desire to clean up the streets. She hadn't been on the rock more than ten minutes and already she felt like she needed a shower.

"Far cry from the Citadel, isn't it?" John stated, raising his voice to be heard over the earsplitting music.

Jane could only nod in reply as she looked around at the diverse crowd. Krogan, vorcha, and batarians seemed to outnumber the rest of the races, but humans, asari, and turians were among the mix as well.

"Where's Aria?" Jane shouted.

John pointed to a small, elevated room that overlooked the bar. "Up there."

Together they navigated through the throng and climbed the stairs.

"Hold it right there," a rather large batarian demanded as they turned the corner. Jane peeked around him and tried to catch a glimpse at the figure that reclined on the couch in front of them, but he easily blocked her efforts. "What business do you have with Aria?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out," John snapped.

Jane rolled her eyes. _Here __we __go_, she thought.

"You won't act so cocky with my gun shoved up your ass," the batarian retorted.

John grabbed his pistol and leveled it at him. "I'd like to see you try."

Instantly the sound of other weapons being drawn and armed reverberated around them. Jane yanked her own from the holster and scanned the small group with its muzzle.

"Enough!" an authoritative voice sliced through the tension.

A lean asari pushed her way through the body guards with a commanding gesture. She was just as tall as the batarian that stood next to her, dressed in what almost looked to be commando gear topped with a brilliant white jacket. The paint on her face made her absolutely stunning, but she also exuded tremendous amounts of power that told Jane she was a force to be reckoned with.

"Let me teach this upstart a lesson!" the batarian ground out between clenched teeth.

"I said enough!" she fired back and shot a scathing look at the rest of the group. After a few seconds the guards reluctantly put away their weapons.

Jane did the same and seized the opportunity to make amends. "I apologize for my friend here," she paused, glaring at John with daggers in her eyes, "he does not know his place."

"You travel with some interesting companions, Commander Shepard," the asari acknowledged as she walked around John, sizing him up.

"You know who I am?" she blinked.

"Who doesn't know who you are?" she returned with a brittle laugh. She finished her circle around John and then flicked her chin toward the couch that lined the wall. "The question is, what are you doing on Omega and what do you want from me?"

Jane waited for Aria to take her seat and then sat down on the cushion next to her. John remained standing, warily keeping an eye on the batarian that continued to lurk nearby.

"We're looking for information on Cerberus," Jane said.

Aria raised a carefully painted eyebrow. "A dangerous entity to want information on."

"We need to find a way to contact the Illusive Man."

Aria's gaze danced between the two commanders and then she tilted her head and fixed John with a guarded look. "Why?"

"Because he has the willingness and the funding to help us go after the Reapers," he told her bluntly.

"And you are?" she asked him.

"My second in command," Jane replied hastily, silently pleading at John with her eyes not to say anything that might cause a scene.

She looked to John for confirmation and after receiving his nod of approval she sat back against the cushion and laced her fingers over her abdomen. "I might know something. But first you need to help me."

Jane sat forward.

"There is some cargo of mine that was recently intercepted. I'd like it back. Get if for me and then we'll talk."

Jane's omni-tool beeped with the information just as the batarian guard stepped forward. "You heard her, time's up!"

Grabbing John's arm before he was tempted to take a swing at him, she looked back at Aria and said, "We'll be back."

"Maybe I'll be here."

**.x.x.x.**

After relaying the coordinates to Joker, Jane met John in the armory.

"We should be there in about forty minutes," she informed him.

He grunted his approval and continued sifting through the locker of weapons. Every now and then he would take a gun out, examine it, and then put it back.

"What are you doing?" she demanded testily when he repeated the process a third time.

"Going through our supply of heavy weapons," he said, handing her one. "You need to start familiarizing yourself with them."

She turned the hefty weapon over and read, "The M-100 Grenade Launcher?"

"I figure that's about the best place to start. It should be easy enough to handle." He shut the door and locked it, then turned to go back into the CIC.

"Wait, where's yours?" she asked, running to catch up with him.

"Back there," he replied, throwing a thumb over his shoulder at the locker as he walked through the door. She immediately resented the tone he used and its implications that he was talking to someone particularly dim-witted. She chose to ignore it.

"Aren't you coming with me?"

"No," he said and smiled. "I think I'll sit this one out. Besides, I've been interfering too much anyway," he added.

Was that a wink? Did he just wink at her? She opened her mouth to protest and then shut it wordlessly. How many times had she practically yelled at him to butt the hell out and let her do things her way? Now he was toying with her because he knew she couldn't say anything. _Asshole._

"See you when you get back!" he grinned.

**.x.x.x.**

"Whoa, where are you going with that thing, Commander?" Garrus asked as she marched purposefully from the elevator to her office.

"On a mission to retrieve some cargo that was stolen from Aria," she answered, shifting the grenade launcher from one hand to the other.

"Aria, huh?"

"What?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why do you say it like that?"

"Aria has a lot of enemies. Though I'd probably peg stolen cargo on either the Eclipse or the Blue Suns."

"Really," she said, nodding as she took was he was saying into consideration. "You have experience fighting both those groups; do you want to be part of this mission?"

He looked stunned for a moment and she could guess what he was probably thinking. A few weeks ago and she would've made a mad dash straight into her office to avoid talking to him, and now here she was openly inviting him on a mission.

He pulled his mandibles back in a wide grin. "Sure. I'm not doing anything anyway," he said with an effortless shrug of the shoulder.

She was tempted to laugh at his nonchalance, but in the end settled for a wry smile instead. "All right, I'll meet you in the cargo hold in ten."

Garrus had been right on the mark. Two Eclipse mercs were standing guard outside the base while another maneuvered a forklift with several of the stolen crates inside.

"This shouldn't be too hard," she commented as the two of them, followed by Kasumi, crept into cover. She turned back to them. "Garrus, if you take out the guard on the right, I'll get the one on the left. Kasumi, you can use your tactical cloak to sneak up on the merc on the forklift."

"You got it," she smiled. "Going silent."

They waited a reasonable amount of time for the thief to make her way across the clearing to the forklift.

"Ready?" Jane whispered to Garrus.

He moved into position, lowering his head to the rifle so that he could place the merc in the center of his scope. "Ready."

"Now."

The blue glow of biotic power surrounded her hands as Jane threw out a shockwave that promptly knocked the guard off his feet, allowing her time to draw her pistol and fire. Beside her the report of Garrus' sniper rifle echoed loudly around them. Kasumi reappeared on top of the forklift's steering control and the man behind the wheel slid out of the seat and fell to the ground.

"Somebody's out there!" they heard from inside.

Kasumi turned in the direction of the voice. "Uh oh. We've been spotted!"

She initiated her cloak again just as a group of about fifteen mercs rushed out the door and started firing.

It felt good to be in the heat of battle once more. To Jane it seemed like it had been forever since she'd been able to fight, and she hadn't realized just how cathartic it was until now. The familiar rush of biotics, the recoil of the pistol in her hands, the sights and sounds of the battlefield; she had missed this.

Taking advantage of Kasumi's shadow strike and flashbang grenades, Jane and Garrus moved around the clearing in an intricate dance of synchronization. Though they had never fought together before, both of them seemed attuned to each other's movements, complementing one another in such a way that the three of them quickly made short work of all the mercs.

It didn't take them long to make their way inside the building. While Jane used another shockwave on a small group on the other side of the room, Garrus headed to the landing above them, carefully taking out targets with precise headshots as soon as each new merc entered through a doorway on the right. Every so often Jane would glance up at him as her and Kasumi cleared the lower level.

Her mistake came just as she made it to the door and went to go through it. She had taken her eyes off the fight just long enough to indicate she wished him to follow her, and when she turned back around she came face to face with a merc as he rounded the corner. She didn't even have time to raise her pistol before the salarian in front of her dropped dead, a bullet wound right between the eyes.

"Was that the third, or the fourth time?" Garrus cracked as he brushed past her a moment later.

Jane shook her head in amusement and followed him through the door. But the smile that hovered on her lips evaporated the minute she spotted the two YMIR heavy mechs that had activated as they walked in. Scrambling for cover she put away her pistol and hauled out the grenade launcher, sending a deadly assault toward them as soon as Garrus finished overloading their shields.

Ten minutes later they were standing were the mechs had been, surrounded by twisted metal and smoking circuit boards. The scorch marks and bullet holes in the walls marked the path the machines had taken while searching for their targets, the path of destruction ending in the corner on the far side of the room.

Looking around the area in satisfaction, Jane keyed her earpiece and radioed the pilot.

"Joker, send the shuttle down to pick us up. We got the cargo."

**.x.x.x.**

The sound of someone knocking pulled John out of his thoughts. Closing the report he had been reading, he swiveled around in his chair and just stared at the door for a second. Who would bug him up here, he thought with an inward groan. Most of the crew knew that when he was in his cabin he liked to be left alone and those that did have the guts to disturb him usually used the intercom.

"John?" he heard through the door, followed by another knock.

He sighed. Williams. What did she want?

Reluctantly he got up and touched the panel on the door, unlocking it so it could slide open. Ashley stood on the other side, a look of remorse on her face. _Good, __maybe __she __feels __bad __about __bothering __me,_ he thought petulantly.

"Hi," she said. "Can I come in?"

John was surprised she had the nerve to ask such a thing, but he really couldn't think of any reason not to allow it, so he stepped aside and allowed her to enter. The first thing her eyes were drawn to was the enormous aquarium that lined the wall to the left. She wandered over to it and tilted her head back in amazement.

"Wow, this thing is gorgeous! And huge!" She turned back to him with a sly smile. "I wasn't really expecting to find something like this up here."

"What can I do for you, Williams?" he asked brusquely.

Her smile faded as she folded her arms over her chest. "I wanted to apologize for earlier today. Sometimes I don't realize how nosy I can be."

He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing and an awkward moment of silence passed between them.

She suddenly brightened. "Do you know what you need, Commander?"

"What?" he answered sarcastically. _Peace? __Quiet? __To __be __left __the __hell __alone?_

"A night out! Things have been pretty miserable and stressful around here lately and I think it would do you some good to, you know, have a few drinks, blow off some steam. That kinda stuff."

That actually didn't sound like a bad idea. "I'm listening."

"Well," she shrugged coolly, "I heard Omega has a club and we're not leaving for another day or so. We should check it out."

"The crew could use some shore leave," he mused, rubbing his chin between his thumb and forefinger. He and Jane had to talk to Aria again anyway, now that her stolen cargo had been recovered. "I like it."

"Good!" Ashley smiled. "I'll see you there."

Jane was glued to her terminal when he walked into her office.

"Have I ever told you that you need to loosen up?"

"Constantly," she replied dryly, not bothering to her eyes off the monitor.

"You really need to get out of this office every once in a while and let your hair down," he said.

"I appreciate your concern, but I have this mission report to finish."

"It can wait. Why don't you join me for a couple of drinks on Afterlife. We can talk with Aria and then have a little fun."

"If you are suggesting that I go on a date with you," she pulled back the corner of her mouth in disdain, "I'm definitely _not_ interested."

"What? God no!" Now it was his turn to grimace. "I just meant that a bunch of the crew is going out and I thought you might like to join the party. A date…" he shuddered. "Yuck!"

"Okay, I get it!" she cried. "You can stop with the theatrics." She pouted for a minute and then said, "Fine. I could use a night off to clear my head anyway."

"That's the spirit!"

The look of venom she shot him didn't go unnoticed, but he just laughed and walked out. There was one more person that he needed to annoy.

A few moments later he was in the main battery. Garrus had his head down, as usual, absorbed in his calibrations.

"Garrus!" he called, spreading his arms out wide.

"You're particularly chipper tonight," the turian observed. "What's up?"

"Drinks at Afterlife. You up for it?"

"I'd love to, Shepard," Garrus sighed. "But I really have to get the Thanix Cannon back online. It hasn't worked right since we went through the Omega 4 relay."

"Suit yourself," John said and went to leave, then turned around at the last minute with a devilish grin. "But Jane will be there."

**.x.x.x.**

"Would going out on a date with me really be that bad?"

Jane stood in front of the mirror, fuming to her reflection as she brushed out her hair. Thankfully no one else was in the women's restroom at the moment to hear her rant. Although she would probably have reacted the same way had their roles been reversed, John's comment had stayed with her long after he'd left.

"I've got a lot to offer," she muttered.

Maybe it was just to prove him wrong that she had agreed to go out for drinks in the first place. It was finally her chance to shed her closed-off persona and let the rest of the crew see that she really did know how to relax and have fun. She might even enjoy herself.

It was with that thought that she left the restroom and headed toward the elevator. Kasumi had just left the port observatory and greeted her as she approached.

"Hi Jane! Are you joining us for drinks later?"

"Yeah," she said and summoned the lift. "I'm going there now."

"In that?"

Jane looked down at her navy blue uniform. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

Kasumi gave her an incredulous look, like she couldn't believe she'd just said that, and then replied, "Everything. You can't wear that to the club."

"Why not? It's both comfortable and practical."

"Oh honey," Kasumi tsked and put her arm around her sympathetically. "Sometimes it's not about practicality. Sometimes it's just about looking good." She steered her back toward the observatory. "Let me help you."

"I'm not so sure about this," Jane said fifteen minutes later as she stood in a form fitting dress fashioned out of black leather. "You don't think this is overdoing it at all?"

"What are you talking about?" Kasumi laughed. "You look great!"

She brought her hand up to the clunky silver necklace that rested at the base of her throat and grumbled to herself, "It's just not me."

However, the thief heard her nonetheless because she grinned, "That's the point."

"Well, I guess there's no point complaining about it any longer," she conceded as she glanced down at her omni-tool. "I need to meet John in the CIC so we can talk to Aria."

"See you later then."

John was waiting for her by that airlock. He raised his head when he heard her approach and his eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

"Not a word," she threatened, holding up her hand. She marched past him without waiting for his reply.

He followed close on her heels, looking her up and down appreciatively. "Damn!" he whistled as the doors to the airlock closed, and when the other side opened onto Omega he left the chamber tenderly rubbing the sore spot on his right arm. But he was still chuckling to himself.

Aria skipped the pleasantries and launched right into the conversation when the two commanders approached the dais.

"I just got word that my cargo has been returned to me." She got up and looked over the railing at the bustling activity of the club below. "So now, what is it you would like to know?"

"I'm looking for a Cerberus operative by the name of Miranda Lawson." John said.

"The last I heard, Operative Lawson was on Cartagena Station," Aria informed him. "Is there anything else?"

"No, her location was all we needed."

"Very well then," she said and sent them off with an imperious wave of her hand.

"Why didn't you ask about the Illusive Man?" Jane inquired as they trudged back down the steps to the bar. "What does this Miranda person have to do with our mission?"

"Miranda works directly with the Illusive Man," he replied. "If we want to get Cerberus involved, she's the one we need to speak to."

She mulled the thought over in her head, deciding to feign ignorance and not let John know just how much she already knew about Miranda. So she said, "Okay. I guess that makes sense. When should we leave?"

"Tomorrow. Tonight I'm gonna have some fun." With that, John took off across the bar in the direction of a couple other crew members that were talking in a lively fashion around a table in the corner. But he called out a word of warning to her before he was out of earshot. "Don't drink anything from any batarian bartenders!"

His abrupt departure left her standing awkwardly at the base of the stairs, not really knowing what to do. She was considering doing a lap around the club to see if she could find any members of her crew when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Jane? Is that you?" She turned around to face Garrus. His mandibles fluttered in recognition as he surveyed her. "You look…different."

She ran her hands down the lengths of the dress nervously. "Kasumi talked me into wearing this…"

"It's nice," he told her, before she could say anymore.

"Thanks." She let out an uneasy breath and smiled. Then she patted her thigh. "It was hell trying to conceal my pistol though."

"Hah!" he laughed, "I bet."

It was strangely calming having him around, and suddenly she didn't feel so uncomfortable and out of place. Maybe it was the ease in which he carried himself, or his unflappable sense of humor. Whatever it was, she was glad he was there.

"Well, c'mon Garrus," she said, motioning to bar in front of them. "Let's get a drink and then you can show me around this place."

They both ordered up their preferred libations. Jane downed the first glass right there at the counter and promptly requested another one. With her second drink in hand they slowly meandered around, taking in the scene around them.

It was a lot more crowded now than it had been when she and John had first talked with Aria. The music was louder and seemed to swell all around them and the flashing neon lights helped keep the atmosphere lively and upbeat. Every once in a while they would catch of glimpse of someone else from the crew, dancing, laughing, drinking, and mingling. Everyone it seemed was having a good time.

Jane was already starting to feel more lighthearted and carefree, and she couldn't attribute it all to the alcohol she was steadily consuming. At least part of it had to do with the company she was in. While they made their way to the other end of the club, a quip about someone getting better looking had both of them laughing so hard their sides hurt.

They found a table that was somewhat secluded, not entirely out of the festivities, but it was out of the way enough that they could at least carry on a conversation. Jane took a seat and wrapped her hands around her glass.

"Tell me," she began, leaning in slightly so she could be heard over the music, "why did John talk you out of killing Sidonis? He strikes me as the type of person that shoots and asks questions later."

Garrus looked taken aback by her question, but after a sip from his own drink his expression softened. "He knows me to well. We go way back. If it had been anybody else, I think he would have let them take the shot, and he wouldn't have thought twice about it. He understood that I was angry about being betrayed, but he didn't want to see me make a choice I would come to regret. And he was right. In the end, I'm glad that I let him live."

She nodded in agreement, trying to think of what else to say, or a different topic to talk about. An awkward silence passed between them and finally Jane got up and said, "I'm going to get another drink, want one?"

"No thanks."

"Okay. I'll be right back." She flashed him a grin and then pushed her way through the bodies toward the bar.

While she was waiting, a turian sidled up next to her at the counter. She looked at him with a curt nod of acknowledgement and then turned her focus back on the salarian that was mixing her drink.

The turian placed an elbow on the counter and leaned in closer to her. "You know, I have a mate and a ship, but I only brought one of them to Omega."

"Excuse me?" she said with a laugh, but the smile left her lips when she realized he was serious.

His eyes roamed over her licentiously. "I've heard about you, turian-lover," he whispered, reaching out to run his hand over her bare shoulder. "Word around the Citadel is that you showed an ex C-Sec officer a good time. How's about you let me in on some of the action?"

She jerked her arm up and slapped his hand away, then, taking advantage of his obvious surprise, landed her fist right into his left mandible. "Not even in your dirtiest dreams!"

He staggered back a few steps, rubbing the place where her tiny hand had connected. Then, with a deep growl he lunged for her. But he didn't get two steps toward her before he was roughly hauled backward.

"Back off, pal!" Garrus snarled, letting go of him with a hard shove.

The turians sized each other up, two merciless predators locked in a deadly challenge. Garrus bared his teeth and stepped in front of Jane, and after a few tense moments the would-be interloper yielded.

"It appears that I'm too late," he hissed, glaring hatefully at Garrus before he skulked off.

"That wasn't necessary, you know," Jane said with a wry smirk once he was gone. "I have a gun. He wouldn't have gotten far."

**.x.x.x.**

On the far end of the bar, Ashley and John were downing their sixth round of shots, and the two of them were growing more reckless with each swallow. He couldn't remember who had come up with the plan, or whether it had merely been an idea or a challenge, but frankly at this point he really didn't care.

Members of both sides of the crew had gathered around them, chanting words of encouragement to "drink more, drink faster!" while bets were exchanged back and forth on the outcome.

"I have three to one odds that I'll drink you under the table, Williams," John slurred, wiping the excess liquor from his lips.

"You have obviously never seen me drink, Commander!" Ashley fired back. She guzzled the amber liquid and slammed her glass, upside-down, on the table between them.

"You're in for a rude awakening!"

"Bring it on!"

Kaidan groaned and quietly got up, putting a hand to his forehead. "I think I'm going to call it a night."

"What's the matter, precious?" Jack ruthlessly taunted. "Can't hold your liquor?"

"Something like that," he said softly and left the raucous scene without further comment.

"Pussy!" Jack spat, shaking her head.

"Call, Williams!"

"Never! You'll to have to scrape me off the floor before I give up!"

A few more shots later…

"You give…up?"

"No…you?"

"No. Um…maybe we could call it a…draw and…that way no one...gives up"

"…Okay."

A collective groan rose up from the onlookers as both John and Ashley shook hands unsteadily and agreed to stop drinking.

"You guys are fucking boring!" Jack cried. She motioned to Wrex and Zaeed. "C'mon boys. Let's go make our own fun."

The merc and the krogan followed her as she stormed off and the rest of the crowd that had gathered around them began to disperse.

"You've got guts, Williams. I'll give you that." John said.

Ashley leaned back in her chair, a small smile of drunken contentment resting on her lips. "That's not _all_ I've got."

John tried to blink past the haze. Did he hear her right? Was she coming on to him? The way her eyes sparkled mischievously, he was pretty sure she was.

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

"Relationship?" she snickered. "Who's looking for a relationship? I just want to get into your pants."

"Huh?"

She shrugged. "The way I see it, you could use a good time, and I'm...definitely interested in giving it to you."

"Wait…let me see if I'm understanding you right. You're suggesting that we have a mutually beneficial…uh…_friendship_, no strings attached?"

"Yup. Think of it as a really fun way to alleviate stress."

Maybe it was just the alcohol talking, maybe it was his biology taking over, or maybe it was his desire to forget about his pain for a moment and find comfort in the warm embrace of another. Whatever the reason, he found himself agreeing to her request.

**.x.x.x.**

He didn't know what had come over him, but when he saw that turian lay his slimy talons on Jane's arm, something inside him snapped. Garrus closed the distance between them in a flash, yanking the turian back just as he lunged for her, and the two of them had faced off against each other in a primal challenge for the rights to claim her.

Thankfully Jane was to drunk to understand just how significant that display had been. Whereas she probably thought he was just sticking up for her, his actions had been more of a turian defending his mate. Never in his life had he been so territorial about anything, and he was starting to realize just what an affect the small human was having upon him.

He laughed heartily when she reminded him that she had a gun and once they had another round in their hands, he escorted her back to their table. There was something different about her as she gazed across the table at him. Her eyes were glazed and had taken on a dreamy look.

"Remember that time on the Citadel when I pulled my gun on Conrad? I wasn't going to shoot him or anything, but he was pissing me off." She laughed. "The look on his face was priceless!"

"Uh…no. I don't think I was on that mission with you." That was her last drink, he decided. She had reached the point where she was starting to confuse things, not remembering events correctly.

"Oooh," she moaned, clutching her head. "The room's starting to spin."

"Let's get you out of here," he said softly. He came around the side of the table and slipped his arm around her waist, helping her up. She wobbled as she tried to stand and fell against him. "Whoa, easy now."

He waited for her to regain her sense of balance and then led her out of the bar, letting her lean against him for support. They continued on in that fashion until they reached the Normandy. Once they were inside the elevator on the way to the third deck, he was sure she would let go of him and stand on her own, but she continued to cling to him, lightly resting her head on his shoulder. It couldn't have been comfortable, given that he was in full armor, but she didn't seem to mind. And neither did he.

"Jane," he whispered when the doors opened. "Jane? Wake up. We're almost there."

"Mmm?" she murmured. She raised her head for a brief second and then let it fall heavily back on his shoulder.

Garrus smiled faintly and gently gathered her in his arms, carrying her around the corner to her cabin. This time he actually had a chance to revel in the feel of her slight weight against him, and it was all too soon that he realized they had made it to her quarters and he would have to let go of her.

He set her down softly on the bed. She sighed sleepily and dropped her forehead against his chest plate as he knelt down to slip off her shoes. She'd have to sleep in the dress she was wearing, but judging by her current condition, he didn't think she'd really notice or care. He tossed the shoes aside so that she wouldn't trip over them if she had to get up in the middle of the night and then, still kneeling, he straightened his back so he could guide her down to the pillow.

However, as he went to move her head from his chest she angled it upward and pressed her lips against his mouth. He froze, every muscle in his body tightening from the unexpected contact. Though he had seen humans do it dozens of time, he himself had never been kissed in such a way before. The feel of her soft flesh against his rough skin was exhilarating.

When she pulled away all he could do was stare at her, unable to believe what had just transpired between them. Encouraged by her small smile, he carefully brought his hands up and brushed them against her cheeks, stopping when the tips of his talons wrapped around the back of her head and tangled in her hair. The auburn locks were soft and as smooth as silk. Everything about her was soft, delicate…almost fragile.

She seemed to melt, dropping her head back so that he was cradling it. The exposed skin on her neck was too inviting to ignore and so he leaned in and nuzzled a spot right below her jaw. She gave a slight gasp of delight and grabbed hold of his fringe. Spirits! How did she know that was one of the more sensitive parts of his body?

Soon she was trailing kisses all over the side of his face, following the lines of his face paint and then along his mandible. Unable to resist, he caught hold of her as she moved to the other side, and went in for another one of those intoxicating human kisses. This time she parted her lips and let her tongue trace around the outside of his mouth, and when he opened his in response she slipped it past his lips and sought out his tongue with her own. The rush of new sensations coupled with the excitement that went along with the realization that she felt the same way about him was making his head spin.

His quick intake of breath was followed by a deep rumbling purr when she began to nibble at the more tender area of his neck and he felt his plates shift in anticipation. She seemed to know just what to do in order to get him going. He almost lost himself when she sank her teeth into his tough skin.

"Garrus…" she sighed against his throat. Just the way she said his name was enough to drive him mad with desire.

The sound of his chest plate snapping open was the only thing that brought him out of his haze of euphoria. He quickly grabbed at her exploring fingers with hands that shook themselves and clasped them to his chest.

"No Jane," his whispered. "Not like this."

She looked up at him with huge, soulful green eyes. "Don't you want to be with me, Garrus?"

That single statement was enough to knock the remaining breath from his lungs. "I do want this," he panted, "Spirits; you have no idea how bad I want this! But you're drunk, and it wouldn't be fair. I want both our heads to be clear the first time we're together." He wrapped his arms around her tightly and crushed her to him in a fierce embrace. "Do you understand?"

A devastating silence followed.

"Jane?"

Grabbing her by the shoulders he gently pulled her back so that he could look her into her eyes. He needed her to know that he wasn't going to take advantage of her, no matter how much he wanted that moment between them to happen. Her head rocked slightly and then fell to one side. She was already asleep.

He sighed and carefully laid her down, tucking her legs underneath the blanket and then pulled it up to her chin. Reaching out he brushed some of her hair away from her face and smiled.

"Good night, Jane."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Before everyone freaks out about John and Ashley, especially this close to him finding Miranda, just know that it's all part of my plan for conflict-y-ness (Yes, I totally just made up that word). Muah hah ha!

Also, expect the return of our favorite geth next chapter.

For those of you interested in discussing your thoughts about this story, what you liked, or what you would like to see happen, follow me on Twitter (jamiepage19) and mention that you're from this site.


	11. The Best of Intentions

**A/N:** I just have to say, again, 'thank you' to everyone who's been reading this story! Seriously, I'm amazed and truly flattered. This is the first story I've written that has gone over 100 in all three stats (reviews, alerts, and favorites)!

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!

~J

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm so afraid the way I feel." – So Afraid, Fleetwood Mac<em>

**Chapter Eleven – The Best of Intentions**

The shrill and incessant beeping of the alarm woke Jane the next morning. With her head still muffled face-down in the pillows she outstretched an arm and managed to silence the irritating contraption after only a few swings. She had almost drifted back to sleep when she realized with a start that she was actually lying in her bed.

Strange, she thought as she sat up, pausing to run a hand through the mess of tangles that passed for her hair, she didn't remember making it to the bed last night. From the looks of it she had just enough presence of mind to kick off her shoes before she had collapsed on the mattress. She hadn't even bothered to remove her dress or the heavy necklace. It was probably a good thing that leather didn't wrinkle. She could take it off and return it to Kasumi, and the thief would never know that she had slept in it.

Gingerly she swung her legs over the side and tested the temperature of the floor with her bare feet. What she needed was a long, hot shower. Figuring that it was best to hide the evidence in her quarters, she quietly slipped out of the garment and grabbed her robe from the cabinet, shrugging into it with tired, jerky movements that completely lacked any grace or finesse. After tying the sash around her waist she retrieved the dress from the floor and flung it over the back of the chair, before staggering out of her cabin to the ladies' restroom.

There was something about standing under the soothing stream on scalding water, letting it pound on the top of her head and run down her back that made her feel almost human again. She probably stood under there longer than was strictly necessary, but as her body temperature began to rise under the heat the cloud of haze started to recede, leaving her feeling refreshed and more awake.

And hungry.

Her stomach growled loudly in acknowledgement and with such ferocity that once she was dressed she decided to head straight for the mess hall, not even lingering long enough to dry her hair.

"Top of the morning to ya, Commander!" Gardner greeted her as she approached the counter. "What can I get for you?"

"Bacon," she said with a small smile. "And eggs, if it's not too much trouble."

"Never too much trouble for you," he replied. "I'll have it ready in a jiffy."

"Thanks."

She liked Gardner. He was always ready with a big grin and kind words whenever he saw her. She also got a kick out of his way of looking at things, and the often blunt way he expressed his opinions. While he busied himself over the stove she ambled toward one of the large tables, idly rubbing the roots of her hair to shake the remaining water from the damp strands.

A few minutes later Gardner set the plate of breakfast down on the table in front of her, along with a steaming mug of rich coffee. The aroma the three created as they mingled together was heavenly.

"You know me too well," she said, reaching for the cup he'd taken upon himself to prepare for her. "Everything looks delicious!"

Gardner just smiled in response and left her to enjoy her meal.

As she rose to gather her plates so that she could bring them over to the sink, the sound of footsteps floated to her ears and she turned to see Garrus standing a short distance away, a contented grin resting on his face. His mandibles gave the slightest flutter when she looked up at him. He crossed his arms over his chest and casually leaned all of his weight back on one foot.

"Morning, Garrus."

The grin on his face grew even bigger. Dropping his arms he leaned forward and took a step toward her, but he hesitated at the last minute, almost like he thought better of what he was about to do. The action puzzled her, but then again, conversations between them had always been awkward. Until recently, anyway.

Trying her best to ignore how strange he was suddenly acting, she returned his smile and handed Gardner her dirty dishes. To her surprise the turian moved to follow her. Her brows furrowed and her mouth quirked up in a sly, questioning half-grin.

"Good day so far?"

He gently grabbed at her elbow and motioned her away from the counter to an area that was a little less crowded and would afford them more privacy. Now she was thoroughly confused.

"What is it?" she asked. His giddiness was contagious and she could feel the anticipation building in her as she waited for him to explain what he was so excited about.

"Well," he started, letting the word hang between them in a long drawl, "last night was…"

"Last night was great!" she finished for him. "I haven't had a good time like that in so long! I really needed it."

He let out a slight, almost strangled laugh.

"In fact," she joked, ribbing him in the side for emphasis, "I think I may have had _too_ _much_ fun, if you know what I mean. I can't even remember making it back to my cabin!"

His face fell.

"I hope I didn't get myself into too much trouble," she went on, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his good-natured countenance had evaporated. "Anyway, we should definitely…wh-what's wrong?"

"Uh…nothing," he said, taking a step away from her. "I…uh…I just realized the last sequence I entered was terribly wrong and…I should probably go fix it."

Jane's eyes widened. "Uh oh. Is it bad enough to mess things up?"

"No, no. Nothing that serious." He suddenly looked very sad. "I guess I had a little too much to drink myself last night."

"It was some night, huh?"

"Yeah," he said quietly and then left to go back into the main battery without further comment.

Poor Garrus, Jane thought as she watched the doors slide shut. He took those damn calibrations so seriously. But he didn't need to be so hard on himself. Everyone made mistakes once in a while and it bothered her that he was letting one slip up overshadow the fun he had had last night. He rarely left the battery as it was, and she would hate for him to start using that as an excuse not to enjoy himself.

She caught herself as that last thought rolled through her mind. When did she start caring whether or not Garrus was happy? Why was she suddenly so concerned about his well-being and state of mind?

Deep down, she already knew the answer to both those questions. Ever since that night they talked, right before the Collectors attacked, things had been different between them. They'd grown closer, almost without her knowing it. All of a sudden she wasn't overwhelmed with the urge to run away every time she saw him. Instead, she actually found herself looking forward to talking with him. Spending last with him at the bar was the most fun she'd had in a long time and it distressed her more than she cared to admit that he was about to let such a simple mistake ruin that. She was half tempted to barge into the main battery and tell him so too, but his demeanor had suggested that he would rather be alone and so she allowed him his privacy, heading to the elevator instead.

**.x.x.x.**

John had been awake for a while. The raging headache that pounded in his temples had seen to it that he wasn't able to sleep in too long. So for the past thirty minutes he had been sitting quietly, wearing only his underwear, on the sofa across from the bed, watching the sleeping form that was still tangled within his sheets. Clothes were still scattered haphazardly around the room, carelessly thrown anywhere and everywhere as they'd hungrily undressed each other.

It had felt good to stow away his pain and live for the moment. And for a brief, wonderful instant, he forgot all about Miranda. A small part of him felt guilty over that, but the rest of him had enjoyed not thinking about anything else but sweet release. It was definitely something he could get used to.

Ashley groaned loudly and struggled into a sitting position, holding the sheets tightly to her chest. He watched as she shook out her dark brown hair, making even more of a mess out of it than it already was, and squinted through the dim fluorescent lighting at him.

"Hi," she said, smiling at him awkwardly.

"Hey."

There was a long pause as they both sat there, not really knowing what to do next. Eventually Ashley shuffled off the bed with the sheets still wrapped around her and began retrieving her clothing from around the room.

"I should…I should probably go," she said and she plucked her panties from the top of the lampshade.

John rose slowly and helped her sort through the mess of clothing.

"Thanks," she said when he handed her the bra that had found its way under the desk off to the right of the bed.

He waited as she disappeared into his bathroom to change and a few minutes later she reemerged, fully dressed.

"I had a good time last night," he finally said.

She bit her lip and looked up at him with huge brown eyes. "Me too." Then, realizing that she was still holding onto his sheet, she handed it back to him with a sheepish grin and turned to go.

"So you uh…you wanna do this again sometime?" he called out just as she reached the door.

Poking her head back inside the door, she considered for a moment and said, "Yeah."

**.x.x.x.**

Eager to focus her mind on other things, Jane had gone up to the CIC and quickly immersed herself into her duties. According to John, the SR-2 wasn't quite up to spec as far as the shielding and weapons needed to take on the Collectors and the Reapers, and she planned to spend the day mining the resources that were needed to fully upgrade it. Her "evil twin", as she had silently taken to calling to John, had been more than happy to pass off the duty to her, but in truth she rather enjoyed the monotony. The task didn't require a lot of brain power to perform, and she used it as a way to clear her head and not think about anything for a while.

However, it seemed that wouldn't be the case today. No matter how hard she tried to think about mundane things, her thoughts always seemed to travel back to Garrus. She could still see his form retreating toward the main battery; shoulders hunched much like they had been when he'd first told her about Sidonis. A dull ache settled into her chest as she shut her eyes against the image. And that wasn't the only feeing it was stirring in her.

She was suddenly engulfed by an overwhelming sense of betrayal. She hadn't even had time to really mourn the loss of her mate, and yet here she was thinking about another. What was even worse, that other person was his identical match in almost every way! But what bothered her the most was not that she was feeling guilty over finally accepting who he was and how he was different than her Garrus, but rather that it was _because_ of those differences that she had grown so close to him. Close enough to be concerned over his mental state, and close enough that she wanted nothing more than to see him happy again.

This hiss of the elevator doors opening behind her made her whip around with the hope that the turian would be standing there, waiting, just like he had earlier that morning. She was disappointed when Ashley appeared instead. The gunnery chief looked like she'd spent the night on the floor in the cargo hold. She was still wearing the clothes she'd had on the night before and they were terribly wrinkled. Her brown hair was wildly tangled, sticking up in several places. If it wasn't for the smug smile of satisfaction that rested on her lips, Jane would've thought she'd been mobbed on the streets of Omega coming back from the bar.

"Morning Skipper," Ashley said, shamefaced, when she noticed that Jane was watching.

"Everything okay, Ash?" she asked, jogging over to her. "You look like you had a rough night."

"Oh, it was rough all right, but not in the sense you're thinking about."

It took Jane a full minute to realize what she was meant. Once she had, her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh!"

Ashley quirked her eyebrows up in amusement.

"Did you meet someone at Afterlife?" she asked.

"Not exactly," the chief smiled wickedly and motioned for the commander to follow her into the armory.

Jumping at the chance to hear some gossip, especially because it kept her from thinking about her own problems, Jane made her way across the CIC, trying to guess where Ash's cryptic comments were going. If she hadn't met someone on Omega, that could only mean it was someone on the…

"I slept with John last night," Ashley blurted once they were just inside the door.

Her inner monologue ground to a screeching halt.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"John. I slept with him."

Tiny alarms started going off in Jane's head.

"Oh, don't look so worried Skipper. It was nothing serious. We plan on keeping things casual."

That was even worse.

"Wait a sec. This wasn't just a one-time fling? I mean, I can understand if you were drunk, but…is that a good idea?" Jane asked.

Ashley frowned. "I think I'm allowed to decide who I want to be with and what kind of a relationship I have with them."

"But it's not a relationship. Arrangements like that never just stay 'casual'. One of you always ends up wanting more, the other refuses to give it, and someone always gets hurt." Especially when that other person is still emotionally invested in someone else, Jane thought, the image of the holo with John and Miranda in it flashing through her mind.

"I appreciate your concern, but I spare me your lecture on morals. I've got things handled."

"But…John?" Out of everyone on the ship, why did Ashley have to choose him? He was probably the worst choice. There were so many things wrong with that idea. He was calloused, only out for his own good, and he wouldn't hesitate to take what she offered and toss her aside when he was done. "I'm just not sure he's right for you, especially since—"

"With all due respect, Commander—"

"Wait a minute. Is this where you really mean 'kiss my ass'?"

Ashley ignored her sarcasm. "Look. You can't lay your hang-ups on me about fraternization. Every one of us looked the other way when you and Garrus decided to be together. Not one person said anything about how wrong it was that he was having a relationship with the commanding officer. You're a hypocrite if you say anything against it now."

Jane's mouth fell open. Although the blow had been low, Ash was one hundred percent right.

"I wasn't giving you opposition," she said quietly after a long moment of silence, "I-I just don't want to see you get hurt, Ash."

"I don't need you to protect me," Ashley said sharply. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you can," Jane replied softly. "Just be careful."

Feeling that there was nothing left to say, she walked out of the armory and returned to the CIC. She still felt that Ash was making a big mistake, but it really wasn't her place to make her see otherwise. If she pushed too hard she could lose the gunnery chief's friendship. It didn't matter that Ash was a subordinate and she was the commanding officer, she had a good rapport with all of her crew. That closeness was important to her. She wouldn't have such a problem digesting the news had Ashley chosen to go after someone, _anybody_, else on the ship. Out of her half of the crew, Jane probably knew John the best, and from what she'd seen of his personality already, he wasn't the kind of man that Ash needed to be mixed up with.

There were too many things now going through her mind that getting any more work done was out of the question. She'd barely been able to focus before. Ashley's little reveal was the last nail in the proverbial coffin. Jane bypassed the galaxy map and went straight for the elevator. She just wanted to be alone. At least she had that in common with Garrus at the moment.

Soon enough, the doors opened again and she stepped out with a heavy sigh just in time to see Kaidan as he rounded the corner on his way back to Life Support.

"Hey Commander," he smiled warmly.

"Hi. I didn't see you at the bar last night. Were you there?"

"I didn't stay very long. Right after I got there one of my migraines hit and I came back here."

"Oh Kaidan, I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help you out."

"Don't be," he assured her. "I'm all right. I took a little heat from Jack, but there was no lasting damage."

Jane chuckled. "As if the migraine wasn't bad enough."

"Ah, she just thought I'd had too much to drink."

"You're aware that she'll never let you live that down now, right?"

"Yeah," he laughed. Together they had slowly started to saunter down the hall toward her quarters. Kaidan stopped and turned to her when they were about half way there. "You know, I've really missed seeing this side of you, Jane."

"What do you mean?"

"You're acting more like the old 'you'. The spirit has returned to your eyes, you're looking a lot healthier, and you're happy again. It's such a dramatic change, it's like it literally happened overnight. I don't know what it is that's making the difference, but I'm glad to see it."

Without warning, Jane suddenly burst into tears.

"Jane? What is it, what's the matter?"

He gathered her in his arms and she let her head fall against his shoulder, the tears quickly soaking through the fabric of his uniform. "I feel so guilty," she sobbed into his shirt.

"About what?" he asked in a whisper, softly running his hand repeatedly down the length of her hair. "Why are you feeling guilty?"

"B-because I'm not thinking of _him_!"

"Who? Garrus?" At the mere mention of his name, she started to cry even harder. Kaidan gently grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back so that he could look into her eyes. "You feel guilty…because you've moved on?"

Jane nodded, squeezing her eyes tight against the pain that tore through her heart. "I'm a horrible person!"

"No you're not. Just because you're no longer grieving, it doesn't mean you've forgotten about him."

"But that's just it! It feels like I have! I haven't thought about him for days, maybe even longer." In truth, she hadn't thought of her mate since finding out about John and the Lazarus Project. She couldn't tell Kaidan that that also coincided with her newly formed bond with the current Garrus, and that presently all her thoughts were centered on him. He wouldn't understand. She hardly understood how she could feel the way she did so soon after losing someone she loved.

"Jane, listen to me. The last thing Garrus would want is to see you unhappy. It's only natural that as time goes by, the pain lessens and you start thinking about other things." He reached out and cupped her face, using his thumbs to brush the tears from her cheeks. "Remember Mindoir?"

"It's not like I could forget," she sniffed.

"But do you think about it every day?"

"No."

"And do you still love your family just as much as you did on the last day you were with them?"

"Yes."

"My point exactly. You will always love Garrus, and you'll never forget what you had together, because you keep him in here," he said, pointing to her heart.

"Thanks, Kaidan." She smiled weakly and sniffed again.

He took her into his embrace once more and this time she wrapped her arms around him as well, hugging him tightly.

"Whatever it is that has breathed the life back into you," he whispered in her ear, "don't let go of it."

**.x.x.x.**

It had been hours now since Garrus had locked himself inside the main battery. The error he had told Jane about didn't exist; it was just a lie that he had desperately created as an excuse to get away from her. He should've known that everything was too good to be true. Previous experience told him that nothing in his life went right for very long.

The worst thing about it was that Jane seemed to be so painfully oblivious to the whole thing. The feeling that settled over him as she revealed the holes in her memory about the night before hurt worse than any bullet he'd taken on the field. It had felt so damn good to have her lips against his rough skin, to hear her whisper his name, her voice laden with desire. Although she wasn't acting the way she used to around him—going out of her way to avoid him—she definitely lacked any sign of the affection she had shown him in the early hours of that morning.

He growled and smashed his balled fist into the console in front of him. Why did things have to be so damned difficult? It wasn't like he could just go up to her and tell her what happened. And what had happened, exactly? Did she really feel that way about him, or was it just the fact that she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing, and he was convenient?

Regardless of what her motivations may have been, it didn't change the way he felt about her. In fact, now that he knew what it was like to hold her passionately, his feelings for her had only deepened. It was all he could think about. Hours spent hiding away in here and all he'd done was try to rationalize her actions. It was killing him to keep pretending that nothing had happened. He couldn't even look at her without imagining what it would be like to taste those lips again, to run his talons through her silky hair.

He let out a frustrated sigh. "This is getting ridiculous. I can't hide in here forever."

He couldn't avoid her forever, either. It was high time he admitted that he was hopelessly, and without a doubt, head-over-heels in love with Jane Shepard. And if he ever wanted to look her in the eyes again, he was going to have to tell her.

Thinking about it was one thing; mustering up the guts to actually do it was quite another. Nearly another thirty minutes went by before he finally convinced himself to leave the main battery in search of her. He could see that the kitchen area and the mess hall were empty as he walked down the gangplank toward Jane's office. He'd just passed the counter when he spotted her talking with Alenko outside her doorway. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but suddenly Kaidan reached out and pulled her into his embrace and all he could do was watch helplessly as she dropped her head to his shoulder and melted into his arms.

He didn't stick around to see what happened next; he didn't need to. He'd already seen enough to know that regardless of how he felt about her, she obviously didn't care about him that way. He turned around and, as quietly as he could, slipped back into the main battery.

How could he have been so ignorant? Why had the thought never occurred to him that she could be interested in someone on her own crew? That idea made sense. They were all so close to each other. Why had he thought he even stood a chance? One thing was certain, though. He cared enough about her not to mess up any relationship she was currently in. She didn't need to know how he felt and he vowed to keep it that way.

**.x.x.x.**

"Glad to see you're feeling better, sunshine."

Kaidan groaned inwardly as the tattooed biotic started toward him. Great, just what he didn't need. Jack rarely left her cave under the fourth deck and when she did emerge from her hole, it was usually only for food. It figured that she'd choose now to venture out and use the exercise equipment.

"And I see that you're just as caustic and bitter as ever," he retorted quietly.

"Ooo, the boy scout's got bite!" she taunted as she slowly circled around him. "I'd better watch my back."

"What do you want, Jack? 'Cause if you came over here to give me crap, I'm not in the mood to fight with you." He tracked her movement with his head as she continued to walk around him like a predator getting ready to attack its prey.

"Well maybe I am."

"I don't need this right now," he sighed and pushed past her. "The area's all yours, Jack."

"Seriously? You're just gonna walk away?" she called out after him. "Hey, when you get up to the third deck, remind Jane to give you your balls back!"

Kaidan stopped. That did it. She'd pushed him too far. In all of his life he could only remember one other time he had been this angry, and that hadn't ended well. However, Jack didn't flinch as he marched back over to her. Instead, she wore a small smile of satisfaction on her lips at being able to drag him into a fight, and that only enraged him even more. She was surprised when he brought his face within inches of hers, but she didn't back down.

"I don't know what your damn problem is, or why you've decided to place your hate on me," he seethed, "but I'm not putting up with it any longer!"

"Oh, I'm so scared," she spit back with a derisive laugh. "You're so weak, it's pitiful. You can't even drink like a real man!"

"For your information, the only reason I left last night was because my L2 implant started to flare up."

"L2?" Her shoulders relaxed as she pulled herself out of her fighting stance. "Why the hell do you only have an L2?"

Jack's unexpected shift in demeanor caught him off guard, but he wasn't about to let her sudden show of concern throw him. That's just what she wanted, to confuse him enough so that he would back down, thereby confirming her suspicions of him being weaker. Well, he wasn't going let that happen!

"I figured headaches were a lot better than brain damage," he answered sarcastically. Why was he telling her all this? She didn't need to know anything about him. However, that didn't stop his anger from spiraling out of control, making him reckless when usually he was calm and collected. "But don't let that pretty little shaved head of yours get too big. I'm just as powerful as any asari!"

"I'm sure," she mocked.

"You don't believe me? I could take you on."

"You think so, huh? Put your money where your mouth is and prove it."

"Fine. Right here, right now. C'mon Jack. You've been looking for a fight. Well, you got it. Full biotics, no holding back.

A wicked grin spread across her face, her eyes growing darker with the challenge. "You're on!"

**.x.x.x.**

In the first time in what seemed like forever, Jane had nothing to do. All the reports were finished, she'd completely exhausted all the available resources in her research of Cerberus, finally hit a dead end digging into John's past, and there weren't any pressing issues concerning the crew. For once she had the night to herself and the freedom to do what she pleased with it.

In the end she decided to spend a low key evening in her cabin, curled up on one of the comfortable black and tan couches with a good book. She had noticed some of the old, leather-bound books while she was in Kasumi's room, and the thief had graciously agreed to let her borrow a couple of them. There was just something about the feel of the paper between her fingers and the slight musty smell the pages gave off that appealed to her. Reading on a datapad was convenient, but it hardly compared to holding an actual book in her hands. She'd never tell anyone else, but when she picked one up, it was almost like she could feel the history of the manuscript; where it had been, how many people had read it, how different the universe must have been when it was published.

Armed with a fuzzy blanket and a hot cup of coffee, she snuggled into the corner of the sofa and opened the cover to what promised to be a thrilling mystery. All sense of time was promptly forgotten as she lost herself in the story. It wasn't until a loud crash broke her concentration that she realized an hour had already passed by.

Putting the book down on the cushion next to her, she scrubbed her palms over her face and pushed the blanket aside so she could stand up straight and stretch out the muscles in her back. Another deafening bang reverberated from somewhere underneath her, this time shaking the floor and walls of her cabin. More curious than concerned, Jane listened keenly for any hint as to what was going on. She didn't have to wait long. A third crash boomed around the lower levels, followed by an angry roar coming from what sounded like Jack.

"Oh my God!" Jane cried. "She'll tear apart the whole ship!"

There was no time to think about it. If Jack was having some sort of a tantrum, the entire crew could be in danger. Without even stopping to put her boots back on, she scrambled past her bed and dashed out the door.

Wild scenarios flew through her head as she rode the elevator to the cargo deck. Had Jack found out that she and John were planning on approaching Cerberus for help? John had mentioned that the biotic and Cerberus had had a past, and although he didn't go into details, she'd got the impression that Jack wouldn't be happy when she found out.

A small crowd of onlookers had gathered around in a circle. It seemed that most of the crew had dropped what they were doing to find out what was going on, and as Jane got closer she could hear shouts of encouragement rise up from the masses. She wedged herself in between Wrex and Donnelly from engineering and pushed her way to the front of the group.

Jack and Kaidan were crouched low in the center of the group, both aflame with blue biotic power, complete with matching snarls on their faces. Jane watched, horrified, as the two danced in a slow circle, assessing each other's next plan of attack. Jack was the first to move. She lifted one of the heavy crates into the air and hurled it at Kaidan. He stopped it and the container hung suspended between them, caught in a tense game of push-pull.

"What the hell is going on?" Jane screamed.

"Jane!" John called out, waving at her. "Over here!"

She elbowed her way through the throng and unleashed her fury upon him. "What are they doing? And why are you just standing there watching? Make them stop!"

"Relax, Jane," he said. "It's all in good fun."

"Fun? You're actually _encouraging_ this?" She twisted around just as Kaidan won the contest in strength and forcefully pushed the crate back at Jack. It knocked her backward and sent her skidding into one of the far walls. A cry of rage filled the area as she jumped to her feet and sent a shockwave back at him that immediately sent him flying. "They'll kill each other!"

"No, they won't," he said calmly.

His indifference floored her. How could he just stand there while two members of their crew tried to tear each other to pieces? And Kaidan! She could understand someone like Jack getting caught up in an all-out brawl; hell, she probably instigated the damn thing! But it was so utterly against Kaidan's nature. In all the years she'd known him, she had never seen him angry enough to act out violently against anyone. The only time she could recall was when he told her about accidentally killing Vyrnnus, and that was before she'd met him.

"You might be okay with this, but I'm not!"

Jane made a move to insert herself between them but John caught her wrist.

"This is how we deal with stress on my ship," he told her, still not letting go of her arm. "Right, Garrus?"

The turian looked up in shock, clearly embarrassed that John had chosen to single him out. He sputtered and shifted his feet nervously as his eyes danced from one commander to the other. "Um…yeah."

"What are you talking about?" She narrowed her eyes as she directed her question at John.

"Garrus told me about the way turians relieve stress before missions."

"By fighting?" She swung her gaze up to Garrus, hoping that he'd shed some light on the subject, but he kept his mouth shut and looked back down at the floor. In an ill-timed moment of inner reflection Jane wondered why her Garrus had never mentioned anything like that. Though, she wasn't really sure she would have agreed with it if he had said something.

"We actually prefer the term 'sparring'," John said, encompassing Garrus in his statement. "And before you get all high and mighty on us, let me tell you the reasons why."

Jane folded her arms across her chest and waited expectantly. "I'm all ears."

"Besides relieving stress, it also helps the crew keep their skills sharp, instead of having their particular talents wither away in the downtime, it boosts morale, _and_ it's fun as hell," he ticked off on his hand.

All she could do was stare at him. Was he serious?

John sensed her reluctance to accept what he was saying. "Look, you're never going to understand unless you give it a shot."

"Yeah, right. I don't think so."

"C'mon Jane!" he needled. "You know you want to! Shed that uptight exterior of yours and have a little fun. Who knows, it might even do you some good!"

"Fine!" she relented with an agitated sigh.

John flashed her a triumphant grin and stepped out into the makeshift ring, forcing Kaidan and Jack to stop their antics or risk hitting him. Kaidan looked a little worse for wear, but both were covered in a decent amount of each other's blood, and her friend had held his own against what she considered to be the most powerful biotic she'd ever come across. Jack seemed a bit irritated that John had called the match a draw; clearly her thirst for violence had yet to be satiated. Rather than stick around to find out what happened next, she muttered a string of profanities as she stomped off the mat and retreated to her hollow underneath the engineering deck.

Holding his arms out wide, John turned around theatrically in a circle and, much like an old circus barker would entice passersby about the wonders within the tent, invited the crowd to the next attraction.

"There's more of that coming! Place your bets everyone, because Jane Shepard has agreed to be the next to spar." His eyes sparkled mischievously as he looked at her. "…with Garrus Vakarian!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I know I promised the return of Legion this chapter, but part of the reason it took so long for me to update was because I was agonizing over how to bring this chapter to a close. When I wrote that last line, it was so perfect that I just HAD to end it there. So hang on just a little longer, dear readers! Legion will appear in the beginning of next chapter, and you have my word on that!


	12. A Legion of One

**A/N: **Hi everybody!

This upcoming week marks a year that I've been writing Mass Effect fanfiction, and it has been the most wonderful, gratifying, and by far my favorite fandom to write in. I've said it before and I'll probably say it a thousand times more: You, the readers, are what drives me on, gives me my inspiration, and are what has ultimately made my ME stories so successful. I am so deeply grateful to all of you. So thanks for being there for me.

And now, as promised, I give you…LEGION!

Oh. And more Jane/Garrus.

HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway." – Crow T. Robot, Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Movie<em>

**Chapter Twelve – A Legion of One**

"What?"

Jane's head reared up, a look of utter surprise clearly written on her face. Garrus was just as shocked as she was. He'd been doing a good job of blending into the crowd up until that point. Even when John called him out to justify his theory, Jane seemed more intent on focusing her indignation on his commander and hadn't really noticed him.

"Uh, Shepard," he said to John, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

John, damn him, just folded his arms across his chest and smiled gleefully at him.

"Why not, Garrus? You have some reason why you shouldn't spar with her?"

If it hadn't been for all the people gathered around them, Garrus wouldn't have hesitated to knock his smug ass to the floor. As it were, he was trapped. And John knew it.

"Wait. I thought I was sparring with you," Jane said to John, narrowing her eyes. She was trying her hardest to maintain her composure, masking it behind a wall of anger, but Garrus heard the faint tremor in her voice anyway.

"Jane," John said calmly, draping an arm casually over her shoulder. "That's a terrible idea. You and I can't spar together."

"Why not?"

With his arm still hooked around her neck he slowly led her to the center of the circle. "Because, for one; we're both superior officers. Secondly, you harbor a lot of aggression toward me. If I were to allow you to let loose, you'd probably kill me."

Garrus waited with baited breath for the fiery red-haired commander to call John on his bullshit, but she remained oddly mute.

"It's just better this way." With that final statement John removed his arm and gave her a slight shove toward Garrus before he hurried back to the sidelines. When neither of them moved he looked back at the turian with a challenging smirk. "What're waiting for Garrus?"

Silently vowing that he was going to beat the living hell out of John once they were alone again, Garrus reluctantly moved into the ring and began to take off his armor. Jane eyed him warily, looking like she could run away at any second.

John, relishing every moment of their discomfort, couldn't help but twist the knife one last time. He wedged himself between the two of them and lowered his voice so only Garrus could hear. "Come on, you're making too big a deal out of this. You don't want the crew to think something's going on between you two, now do you?"

"I'll get you for this," Garrus hissed in a whisper, but John's only reply as he walked away was a belt of hearty laughter.

Garrus finished undoing his armor and turned to survey Jane. She was standing on the other side of the circle, wearing the navy blue Alliance uniform she favored so much, although he did find it odd that she was barefoot. Lacing her fingers together she raised her arms over her head and stretched, rocking slightly from side to side in order to warm up the muscles in her back. Then she brought her head down so that each ear touched her shoulders and cracked her neck. He was so caught up in watching her that he almost forgot what they were supposed to be doing.

How did he let himself get roped into this?

Without further warning she closed the distance between them, initiating the match with a swift right hook. He deflected it easily, but she was quick on the uptake. She came at him ferociously, throwing several more punches at him with both hands in such rapid succession that he actually had to take a couple steps backward in order to block her attacks. She sensed his retreat and altered her sequence, and before he had time to counter, her small fist flew into his stomach. The thick plating that covered most of his body acted as a natural barrier, so he really didn't take any damage. Rather, it was the speed in which she executed the maneuver that had him clutching his middle and gasping for air.

Jane didn't show any signs of slowing down, either. The minute he hunched forward she brought her knee up and slammed it into his face. He staggered back, instantly tasting blood in his mouth. Unfortunately it was also clouding his vision, and so he didn't see her come around behind him until it was too late. She raked her barefoot down his leg, catching one of the bony spurs that protruded out the back and his knees buckled. He collapsed to the ground with a loud thump.

Roars of cheering and encouragement rose up from the crowd. For someone who had originally seemed so uncomfortable with the idea of sparring with him, he thought to himself as he lay there on the ground, she'd sure changed her mind quickly. Her skills at hand-to-hand combat surprised him. It was a pleasant surprise, but it caught him completely off guard.

"C'mon Garrus," she panted, hovering over him. "You're not gonna let me kick your ass in front of all these people, are you?"

He let out a low chuckle as he accepted her challenge and swung his leg across his body, sweeping her off her feet. She had hardly hit the floor before he rolled on top of her. She fought tooth and nail, but he was stronger and soon had her pinned, using the weight of his upper body to press his hands into her shoulders to hold her against the ground. Not ready to admit defeat, she managed to bring her arms up between his and broke his hold, and roughly flung them away.

Garrus scrambled to maintain his balance and his edge, and tried to gather her wildly flailing hands in his while fighting off her feeble attacks. When one of her hands attempted to make contact with the side of his face, he snatched it away and pushed it back down to her chest. She bucked at the last minute and he missed, one of his claws snagging the fabric of her uniform just below her collar. He froze, staring in horror at the long, jagged gash he'd just left in her skin.

Spirits, what had he done?

He didn't have time to think, Jane seized the opportunity the minute he let his guard down and slammed the heel of her palm underneath his chin and mandibles. For a moment the world around him reverberated with nothing but pain.

Jane shoved him off forcefully and immediately straddled him; mirroring the same position he'd had her in only moments earlier.

"Is that the best you can do?" she teased between breaths, bringing her face very close to his.

The sounds of cheering in the background suddenly faded as he gazed up at her. She was in such close proximity to him that the ends of her hair were brushing against the edges of his mandibles and he could feel her breath pass over his cheeks. He couldn't help closing his eyes and taking in her intoxicating scent while images of the previous night flooded back to him. Her slender form weighed almost nothing; it wouldn't take much of an effort to throw her off and regain control, but he was enjoying the feel of her muscular legs wrapped around him, squeezing tightly around his angular hips in an attempt to keep him still. If he didn't do something soon, she was going to know exactly how he felt about her without him having to say a word.

"Quit holding back!" she seethed. "I know you've got more in you than that. Stop acting like a goddamned coward and fight!"

Maybe it was his instinct kicking in, responding in the same manner he would have if a turian female had challenged him. Maybe it was because she spoke to him the way that Jack often did when they sparred. Maybe it was all the pent up attraction and frustration he was experiencing that caused him to unleash on her. Hell, he didn't know. But before he could stop himself or think twice about the repercussions, he raised his head and smacked the bony crest of his brow right into hers. She let out a small cry as she flew backward and then slumped to the ground.

Oh shit.

"Jane!"

He scrambled to his hands and knees and crawled over to her. Her pale face was awash with blood, both blue and red alike. She was conscious, but dazed. His heart constricted at the sight of the damage he'd inflicted.

"Damn, Garrus," she groaned as she brought her hands to her forehead.

"I-I'm so sorry." He looked around at all the concerned expressions of those who had crowded around them to make sure Jane was all right. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He didn't want to fight with her in the first place and now look what happened. It was just one more thing that would drive them apart. He could feel what was left of their newly formed friendship slipping through his fingers. "I...I can't do this anymore!"

Leaving her in the good hands of John and Tali, Garrus jumped to his feet and dashed out of the cargo hold.

**.x.x.x.**

"Garrus?"

Jane struggled into a sitting position and looked around, but the turian had already fled the scene. Tali placed a hand on her back to keep her steady, but she didn't need people fawning all over her. She shook off her friend's motherly ministrations and jumped to her feet.

"Garrus, wait!"

Without stopping to think twice about what the crew might think, she charged after him. Of course, by the time she reached the elevator the lift had already left, and so she was forced to wait for it to come back down.

"Whose dumb ass idea was it to build a ship _without_ a set of emergency stairs?" she fumed as she stood there. "I mean, really! I thought this Normandy was supposed to be more advanced!"

What had gotten into him? She thought they were having fun. It's what he needed, wasn't it? When John first revealed his duplicity she was furious, especially when she saw that it was all a game to him. Her first instincts were to back out and go straight to her room. She certainly wasn't going to allow him to force her into anything she didn't want to do.

But as she stood there, staring at them while John talked to Garrus, an idea suddenly came to her. He'd told her that turians usually dealt with stress by fighting, and she couldn't think of a better way to help him relieve some of the tension he was carrying over the error in his calibrations than by sparring with him. The more she thought about it, the more she liked it.

So the minute he stepped into the ring she unleashed on him, hoping that he would take it as an opportunity to loosen up, and then maybe he wouldn't feel the need to hide himself away in the main battery. It soon became clear, however, that he was reluctant to fight back. Most of his moves were just defensive; he'd counter only enough to deflect her attacks, but wouldn't throw any in return. It was almost like he was afraid to touch her.

She stepped up her game to prove to him that she could handle whatever he hurled at her, that she wasn't some fragile little weakling, and soon she had him on his back. With a haughty smile she leaned over his body and taunted him.

That's all it took for him to finally respond to her goading. Using his leg he swept her feet out from under her and before she knew it, she was lying on the ground next to him and he was on top of her. She fought wildly underneath him but he just smiled and pushed his hands onto her shoulders, putting all of his weight on them to keep her pinned to the floor. After a moment of intense struggle she managed to slip her arms between them and broke the hold he had on her. He shifted forward from the sudden release as she brought her fist to the side of his face.

He caught her arm with a deep rumbling growl and tried to restrain her again, but she wasn't about to let him regain the control. As she jerked her hand out of his grip she heard the rip in the fabric of her shirt and felt his talon dig into her skin just below her collarbone. Fortunately, the superficial wound didn't faze her one bit. She had at least half a dozen scars just like that under her shirt from where her mate's claws had left their mark. But Garrus didn't know that. He went rigid, a horrified look darkening his blue eyes as he pulled back. It was just the opportunity she needed. She drove the heel of her palm into the softer flesh beneath his chin and then shoved him off.

Within seconds she was on top of him. She brought her face very close to his and whispered another scathing taunt. Only this time, he didn't react. The urge to fight drained from his body as he stared up at her, one of his mandibles twitching involuntarily. It grazed the edge of her jaw, but he didn't seem to notice. Her face tingled from his slight touch and she drew a sharp intake of breath as something skittered across her subconscious. A vision or a memory, hazy in the background of her mind, just far enough away that it eluded her. The more she fought to identify it, the more it receded.

The expression on Garrus' face changed from pained surprise to one of quiet contemplation as his eyes searched hers. Her body responded to his intense gaze, a rush of excitement flowing through her just as another piece of the image flashed through her mind, this time a little more clear. In it, she and Garrus were sitting mere inches from each other, much like they were now. But the thing that distinguished it from every other memory she had of her mate was the white bandage decorating the side of his face.

A second wave of excitement coursed through her veins. Was it a dream, some sort of unspoken desire? Her mutinous body was betraying her, and she suddenly had the irresistible urge to be taken into his arms. She couldn't think this way! It was wrong and she needed to do something quick before the feeling quickly overwhelmed her.

She swallowed harshly and challenged him again, hiding behind a wall of anger so he would never guess what she was really thinking about. She wanted to get back to fighting, because then she could enjoy his company and not stop to wonder why she craved it so much.

"Quit holding back!" she snapped at him.

A few seconds later she was on the ground and he was gone.

The doors to the elevator finally opened and she hurried in, slamming her hand hard against the button for the third deck. Once they opened again she raced around the corner in the direction of the main battery.

What was she going to say to him once she got there? Yet again, his quick retreat left her baffled. A more than a little hurt, she thought as she stared at the red door panel at the end of the long walkway. With a heavy heart she turned and retraced her steps, stopping again when she reached the mess hall to look back at the door with regret. All she'd been doing was trying to help.

A drop of moisture landed on the crest of her cheek and Jane raised her arm absently to wipe her face on the sleeve of her shirt. But when she pulled it back, it wasn't soaked with angry tears, it was covered in blood.

"Shit," she muttered, inspecting her forehead again with her hand. It too was drenched in a mixture of red and blue. "That's just great!"

She marched into the med bay and grabbed a towel that was lying, discarded, on a nearby table and pressed it to her face.

"God, no wonder he ran," she said softly, gazing down at the towel. The combination of red and blue created purple streaks that stood out against the stark white terrycloth. "I must look terrible."

She gravitated closer to one of the windows and leaned over the medical equipment to get a better look at her reflection. Her hair was a mess of wild tangles, matted down at her hairline by the blood that gushed from her forehead. It looked worse than it was though, and as she dabbed the towel around the area the blood slowly vanished until there was only a small gash, and a big purple bruise. Still, it wasn't pretty.

Her quiet ruminations were broken by a sound behind her, a sound that she would know any place, anytime, anywhere. _But here?_ Hardly wanting to believe it, she turned her head and looked over her shoulder. The towel fell from her hands.

The metallic infiltrator loomed across the room, its form filling the doorway of the AI Core. The flaps around its "head" raised and lowered several times as it studied her. _How in the hell did a geth get onboard the ship?_ Jane wondered frantically as her mind jumped to all sorts of radical conclusions. It was badly injured; with a hole big enough that she could see right through the center of its abdomen. Someone had obviously tried to stop it before it got this far, but who? If the geth was in this bad of shape and still upright, what about the crew member that had managed to wound it? Were they all right? Desperately she tried to recall the faces of those who had been in the cargo hold watching the fight, but they were all a blur. It was next to impossible to pick out one who might have been missing.

The geth moved toward her, issuing that low, robotic tone again. She reached for her pistol, but it wasn't there. Of all the time to be caught unprepared! And barefoot too! It didn't matter. There was no way it was getting out of the med bay alive…functioning, whatever! She did the only thing she could. She grabbed a scalpel off the instrument tray beside her and lunged for it with a furious battle cry.

**.x.x.x.**

"That was the sorriest excuse for a fight that I've ever seen," John grumbled as the elevator carried him and a handful of other crew members to the upper decks.

"Oh, I don't know, Commander," Ashley said. "I think the Skipper did a great job."

"Hmph. All that stupid turian did was stand there and let her wail on him. Tell me how that's satisfying?"

Ashley considered for a moment as the doors opened on the third deck. The three other people on the lift exited between them and once they were alone again she opened her mouth to add another argument to their debate, but John interrupted her.

"I need a beer. Care to join me, Williams?"

"Sure."

Suddenly an cry of rage filled the air around them.

"What was that?" she asked.

John shrugged. "Maybe Jane and Garrus are holding a tie-breaker," he grinned with a wink. "More than one way to work off stress, you know. Which reminds me, I'm going to need to see you up in my office, right after we grab our drinks."

There was a loud crash as they rounded the corner of the elevator and they both froze.

"That's not coming from the battery, Commander," Ashley commented.

As they sauntered across the mess hall to the fridge John caught of glimpse of the top of Jane's head through the windows of the med bay. Something metal flashed in her hand before she brought it down forcefully and then she disappeared from view. All of a sudden she reappeared as Legion stood, grabbed her by her torn shirt, lifted her off her feet, and flung her into one of the exam tables.

"Goddamn it!"

He quickened his steps and burst through the door as she clambered off the table and threw herself at the geth again. It toppled to the ground underneath her as she climbed on top of it, slamming its head into the floor viciously.

"Jane!" John cried. He rushed over to them and pulled her off Legion. "For Christ's sake, stand down!"

"Whoa, where'd the flashlight-head come from?" Ashley said as she ran in behind him.

"Shepar-r-r-rd Com-m-mande-r-r," Legion sputtered as it stood up.

Jane stopped struggling against him. "_It talks?_" she exclaimed. She didn't even wait for him to answer before she wrenched her arm out of his grasp and charged at it again.

He yanked her back and stood between her and the target of her aggression. "Stop!"

Legion assumed a defensive position as well. "The intrud-d-d-er must be gggnnhh," it said, its speech pattern clipped until it ground to a halt in one long, agonizing glitch.

"Legion?" He let go of Jane and turned to it in concern. "What the hell, Jane? You broke him!"

"Broke him? It attacked me!"

"We merely defended ourselves-s-s-s. She initiated the assault."

John glared at her.

"What!" she flared. "It's a goddamned _active_ geth! What the hell was I supposed to do, sit here while it takes over the ship?"

John kneaded the heel of his palm into his forehead. "Legion is on our side."

Her eyes bulged. "You gave it a name? Are you planning on keeping it as a pet?"

"Tali's not going to like this," Ashley interjected.

"Oh God, don't even get me started on what Tali's going to think!"

"Okay, stop. Everybody needs to calm down."

"No, I will _not_ calm down!" Jane shouted. "How long has it been here, John? And just when were you going to tell me? Don't you think that having a geth as a team member falls into the 'definitely need-to-know' category?"

"God! Just. Shut. Up!" he roared. "Jesus, sometimes it is _impossible_ to talk to you!"

She folded her arms over her chest, sinking all of her weight onto her back foot, and waited.

He passed a hand over his buzzed hair with an irritated sigh. "EDI, can you interface with Legion and run a diagnostic to see what Jane did to him?"

The blue orb popped up from the terminal and replied, "Yes Shepard. Stand by; this will take a few moments."

"I didn't do anything," Jane asserted.

"Shh!" John hissed.

She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Where has it been this whole time?"

Seeing that she would only continue to pester him with questions, he gave in and whispered back, "He's been in the AI core."

"He?"

"Just—just go with me on this, okay?" Honest to God, she was starting to give him a headache.

"Okay."

He pressed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and exhaled through his mouth. "Thank you. Legion was fine before the jump back through the Omega 4 relay, but after we came out and ran into your ship he just shut down. He's been in a deactivated state ever since. Well, until now anyway."

"Oh, but you naturally assume that I must have had something to do with his malfunction, not the result of whatever it was that caused him to shut down in the first place," she spat furiously, although her voice never rose above that whisper.

"Well, what was I supposed to think? All I see is you in here beating the shit out of him."

"Legion is synced with the Normandy," EDI announced, effectively putting an end to their bickering. "Initiating diagnostic process."

The flaps around Legion's head fluttered as it let out another series of robotic rumbles. "Cognitive system status: unresponsive. Attempting to reboot. Warning: error detected in data system restore. Recovery from backup: failed."

"EDI?" John said uncertainly.

"Query received from Unit Designate: EDI – Confirm system data/time," Legion continued. "Er-r-ror: system date/time does not match Unit Designate EDI system date/time. Temporal/spatial error resulted in discrepancy between local date/time and galactic date/time. Current date/time is 2 years, 11 mon-n-n-ths, 26 days, 19 hours, 3 minutes, 15 seconds later than galactic date/time. Recommend reset of system date/time to galactic standard."

"What the hell did it just say?" Jane looked to John for answers, but he just shrugged his shoulders.

"To put it simply," EDI explained, "when the Normandy went through the Omega 4 relay, and essentially time-warped to an alternate reality, Legion's systems overloaded, resulting in its immediate shutdown. Because it is operating on a date and time set two years into a future that no longer exists, the disruption is causing an error code and preventing it from fully coming back online."

"So his systems have been trying to reboot this whole time and that's why he's been deactivated?" John inquired.

"Yes."

"I've had enough of this techno-babble mumbo jumbo," Ashley said. "I'm going back upstairs to the armory, where I can at least understand what I'm looking at."

"Can you fix it?" John asked, ignoring the gunnery chief as she walked out.

He waited as EDI ran another diagnostic, a worried frown settling over his features.

"I have reset Legion's system to reflect the date and time of this world," the blue orb informed them. "But there is still an error code showing up. I am requesting a system status report."

"Analyzing communication systems," Legion said in its oddly melodic robot voice. "Analysis complete: communication systems functional. Error: u-u-nable to connect to galactic positioning system." After another series of rumbles, it continued, "Initiating secondary connection to geth collective positioning system. Error: unable to connect to geth collective positioning system. Protocol out-t-t-dated, unable to proce-ggnnnh."

"This reality's geth cannot read Legion's current communication protocols; the protocols are too advanced," EDI said.

"He can't communicate with the geth collective? But, doesn't he need that? He told me once that separation was their weakness." He didn't mean to sound so frantic, but Legion was a damn good member of his squad and he hated seeing him reduced to this.

"It is not as dire as it sounds, Shepard. The geth usually only connect to the collective to transmit data. However, because Legion hosts 1,183 programs instead of the one hundred or so that the average geth is comprised of, there is a high probability that the discrepancy is causing its system to malfunction from time to time."

"I told you I didn't do anything," Jane declared.

"You're telling me that he's going to stay broken until he can link up with them? Is that something that can be repaired?"

"It would take some time, but I might be able to identify and possibly rewrite the code that would allow him to communicate with this universe's collective."

"Do it," John said.

"EDI, if the time-space warp caused Legion's systems to crash, how come yours didn't?" Jane asked.

"Because I am more advanced," the orb said, almost smugly. "My neural network allows me to differentiate between the current date and time of this world, and the date and time the Normandy's systems are set at."

"Oh," she said, massaging her hand into her scalp. It was obvious that she still didn't get it. "So which world is 'galactic standard time'?"

"This one."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Is there anything else, Shepard?"

"No," John replied.

"Very well, then. Logging you out."

The sphere disappeared, leaving the two of them alone with Legion. Jane stared at it warily, inspecting it from head to toe. John had to muffle his amusement as it obviously studied her in return.

"Why are you wearing a piece of N7 armor?" she finally demanded. She was making progress at least, he thought. It was the first time she'd spoken to it directly.

The flaps around its head raised and lowered again, before it answered, "There was a hole."

John laughed outright and cuffed Legion on the arm. "Hah! It's good to have you back, buddy!"

"We're approaching Cartagena Station, Commanders," Joker said over the comm. system.

"Okay, Joker. We're on our way to the bridge now."

"I still don't know about this," Jane sighed as she looked back at Legion. It rolled its head from side to side and shook out its arms in a very human-like gesture.

"You worry too much, Jane," he said, throwing his arm around her shoulders. "Legion's a great guy and an asset to the team. Give him a chance, I guarantee you won't be disappointed. You'll see."

"Yeah, I can see it now," she smirked as they made their way out of the med bay. She waved her hands in front of her and put on her best news anchor voice. "All it takes to save the galaxy from the threat of extinction by a race of sentient machines is two Shepards and one glitchy geth."

"Now you're getting it!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **A very special thanks to my friend SlappytheClown for helping me come up with the tech-speak for Legion. You're awesome!


	13. Galaxies Apart

**A/N: **Hello dear readers! Sorry I took me so long to update.

I took the advice of my friend and fellow author, and created a website/blog. I'm going to be posting the updates to Parallel Lives there as well. I also want to use it as a place to hold discussions about all my different stories, Mass Effect stuff in general, and anything else you'd like to talk about. So feel free to leave comments and/or questions! Check it out at **www(dot)jamiepage19(dot)com**.

The next couple chapters will be based on the Mass Effect Galaxy mission for the iOS. Because I don't own an ianything, I've had to look up the information on the Mass Effect Wiki. It won't follow the exact gameplay because hey, this is John and Jane we're talking about here! Anyway, I cut the last half of the chapter off because there were just too many POV changes to keep up with, so I will be posting another chapter hopefully friday.

I'd love to hear some feedback from everyone, whether it be here or on my blog. Let me know how you liked this chapter! ~J

* * *

><p><em>"You're as cold as ice; you're willing to sacrifice our love." – Cold as Ice, Foreigner <em>

**Chapter Thirteen – Galaxies Apart**

The Nemean Abyss was located in the darkest part of the galaxy, far beyond the reaches of Citadel space and even the Terminus Systems. Unruled and lawless, like Omega on steroids, the region was home to slavers, mercenaries, and bounty hunters alike. A few human colonies were still scattered around, mostly populated by those reckless enough in their desire to escape the control of the Systems Alliance to take the risk.

For a bar centered in such a ruthless place, Fringe barely lived up to its reputation. Gone was the rhythmic pounding of the bass and the flashing multi-colored strobe lights that were normally associated with such an establishment. Instead the entire place was swathed in a cold light blue, giving it an almost ghostly appearance, which wasn't really such a hard notion to believe since there were only a few patrons scattered around the counter and the upper mezzanine.

Of course, that might have something to do with the fact that a band of batarian pirates had taken over the club.

"Who's in charge here?" John demanded as soon as he and Jane walked in and surveyed the scene.

Beside him Jane bristled in that oh-so-annoying way she did whenever she didn't agree with something he either said or did, and placed her hand cautiously over her pistol.

"I would advise you to leave now, human, before things get ugly," someone answered in response.

John snorted. "It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

A hearty laugh rose up from the center of the group and a moment later a gruff looking human materialized. As if the band of pirates weren't clichéd enough, what with taking hostages and all, their leader was sporting a stylish black eye-patch over his right eye. The rest of him looked just as rugged. He was older, most of the hair on top of his head was gone, but he had a full gray beard and hard, rough features. Though he wasn't really that tall, he made up for what he lacked in width. His shoulders were set in a firm, determined stance, the muscles in his arms chiseled and bulging.

"Enough talk," said this hulking, beast of a man. He placed one hand on his hip and used the other to wave his gun threateningly at them. "I don't know who you are, but this is your last warning. Turn around and go back to where you came from, or we're going to have trouble."

A large smile crept over John's face. He resisted the overwhelming urge to fire back with some equally tired rejoinder, and yanked his assault rifle from its holster. "Good. Let's skip all the pleasantries and get on with it then." To demonstrate his point, he fired a three-round burst into the batarian that was standing just behind the leader's massive shoulder.

Chaos erupted around them as the rest of the gang pulled out their weapons and unloaded on the two soldiers. John and Jane dove in opposite directions, each taking cover behind one of the many booths that decorated the ground floor.

Waiting for a lull in fire, Jane popped out from behind the vinyl-covered bench and took out two of the pirates with her shockwave before crouching back down to drop another with a well-placed shot from her pistol.

"You just _had_ to piss them off, didn't you?" she yelled across the way to John as he concentrated on the more effective 'spray and pray' method. "Couldn't negotiate like a normal person…oh no! Not you!"

"What are you talking about, Jane?" he bantered with a smile. "I _am_ negotiating!"

"Well you're doing a shitty job at it!"

He tried to appear hurt for a moment and they both laughed.

"But it's fun though. You gotta admit that," he said.

Another batarian was lifted into the air. Jane took aim and squeezed off one shot before she answered, "Yeah, I suppose taking out bad guys is a nice way to release stress."

"Really," he stated in between bursts of fire. "Considering the way you unleashed on Garrus I would have thought you'd already relieved all your stress."

She ejected the heat sink and turned to look at him directly. "What?"

"C'mon, you almost beat the poor turian to a bloody pulp, and from the look on your face you were enjoying every second of it."

"That's because I thought…Wait, w_hy _are we getting into this?" she snapped.

"Whoa. A little touchy there, are we?"

"Shut up John, or I swear to God, I'm going to shoot you next!"

He let out another rumble of laughter and turned his attention back to the fight with the pirates.

Several minutes later it was over. The scene before them was an utter disaster. Bodies littered the floor and hung over the railing of the balcony, but fortunately there hadn't been any collateral damage; not a single patron had been harmed.

Both Shepards stood up slowly, their feet crunching on bits of broken glass and splintered wood as they made their way over to where the leader's body lay sprawled out on the floor. Jane nudged him with the tip of her boot to make sure he was dead.

"Now this is how I expected a bar out here to look like," John said, vocalizing his earlier thought. Jane just looked at him like he was crazy.

"An all-too-common experience in this place, I'm afraid," came a sultry voice that made him freeze in his tracks. "Impressive work."

John whipped his head around as Miranda sashayed across the debris covered dance floor, one hand casually resting on her hip, and he felt his heart give a squeeze at the sight of her. It was ludicrous, really. He knew he was eventually going to see her again—or at least this universe's version of her—but he was unprepared for the profound effect it would have upon him.

She looked the same as he remembered; long, dark hair, alabaster skin, gorgeous violet eyes. She was wearing the same white and black Cerberus uniform that clung to her curves, accentuating everything that was perfect about her. It was like the events of the past few months and a time warp had never even happened.

"You must be Miranda Lawson," Jane said, jolting John back into the present.

Miranda stiffened and raised a meticulously shaped eyebrow questioningly. She had the same aloofness that her future counterpart had as well, that coldness in demeanor that had prompted most people on the crew to nickname her the 'Ice Queen'.

"How would you know that?" she asked haughtily, leaving John to wonder how Jane had come to that conclusion as well. After all, she had never seen Miranda before.

"Aria T'loak told us you'd be here," Jane said and then added without missing a beat, "Besides; the Cerberus symbol on your uniform is kind of a dead giveaway."

John let out the breath he'd been holding.

Jane extended her hand. "I'm Commander Shepard."

"Yes, I know who you are," Miranda said guardedly. She made no attempt to meet Jane's hand with her own; instead she stared down at it disdainfully.

Seeing that Miranda wasn't going to make any effort to be friendly, Jane dropped her hand back to her side and leaned all of her weight onto her hip.

"But that doesn't explain why you came all the way out here to the Nemean Abyss to find me."

"We need your help," John said.

Miranda flicked her eyes toward John, annoyance flashing across her face. "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Commander Shepard."

John clamped his teeth together, trying to reign in his sudden anger at the way she was treating him. He'd forgotten just what a bitch she could be. What did he expect though? It had taken some real work to chisel past Miranda's defenses the first time, did he really think she just throw herself at him now?

"We were hoping you could put us in touch with the Illusive Man," Jane said.

Miranda's brow furrowed suspiciously as she shifted her gaze between the two of them. Then, just as suddenly, the icy mask returned as she pretended she didn't understand what they wanted. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Save it, Miranda," John snarled. This game was getting to be too much for him. His emotions were running too high and all he wanted to do was get the information they needed from her and return to the ship before Jane picked up on what was bothering him. "We know you work for him."

"And how would you know that?" she said, not even trying now to hide how much she disliked him.

"Is there someplace else we could go to talk, preferably someplace quiet?" Jane asked, trying to wedge herself between Miranda and John.

"I know a lot more than you think!" John shot back over Jane's shoulder.

Goddamn it! He didn't mean to be such an asshole. It wasn't like Miranda knew about their past situation, if that's what it could be called. He wasn't really angry at her, just at the circumstances that landed both of them where they were. And if he wasn't careful, he was going to blow any chance of getting together with her now.

"Is this guy bothering you?"

"Who the hell are you?" Miranda demanded as she turned around to direct her frustration on the unlucky person who had decided to intervene.

"Jacob Taylor. Major Derek Izunami said you have information on the batarians' recent crime wave and asked me to look into it."

John glanced back and forth between the two individuals who were so familiar to him, and yet complete strangers at the same time. It was clear to him that Miranda and Jacob didn't know each other, and he realized that this was how they must have met those two years ago during the time he'd been dead. Jacob's words back on the Normandy echoed in his head, that he'd been 'real close' to Miranda once and suddenly John felt an irrational hatred toward the intrepid young soldier that stood before him.

"I'm sure whatever you have to say can wait until we're done talking," John growled, stepping possessively in front of Miranda.

"We're done," she said curtly, shouldering past him. She extended her hand to Jacob and said, "I've been expecting you."

The muscles in John's jaw and neck tightened at the sight of their entwined hands. Suddenly he envisioned ramming the butt of his rifle into Jacob's pearly white teeth. The thought made him smile. He moved to go after them as they sauntered toward what was left of the bar, already deep in conversation, but Jane grabbed his arm and held him back.

"What's the matter with you?" she whispered.

He yanked his arm away but didn't give an answer, just continued to glare at them.

"You're going to mess this up!" she admonished. "Let me handle this, okay?"

He trailed along behind her as she strode up to the counter and placed a hand on each of their backs, gently but firmly getting their attention.

"Perhaps we can offer some assistance," she began congenially. "What's going on?"

To his complete surprise Jacob turned to her and smiled.

"Commander Shepard," he said. "Forgive me; I didn't know it was you back there."

"No worries," Jane smiled. "Jacob, is it?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"What brings you clear out here, Jacob?"

He swelled with pride. "I was on vacation on the Arcturian Jade when it was attacked by batarian terrorists. After saving the passengers and crew, my old CO asked me to come out here to Fringe to meet an informant who had details on their next plan of attack."

John rolled his eyes, completely unimpressed by Jacob's display of valor. But he seemed fixated on Jane at the moment and as long as the little worm wasn't paying attention to Miranda, he didn't much care.

"Old CO?" Jane asked, ignoring John's obvious annoyance. "Were you in the military?"

"I was once," he shrugged, trying a little too hard to appear casual in John's opinion. "Served on Eden Prime, but after the attack on the Citadel I got fed up with all the political bullshit and left."

_Quitter_, John thought.

"Heh, I know what you mean there," Jane agreed with a quiet laugh.

"Yeah, I'll bet you do." Jacob's eyes beamed at her acknowledgement. "I was enjoying my first vacation in years when all this happened."

"Well, we're here now," John interjected, "so you can get back to it. Have a nice time!"

"John!" Jane hissed in a whispered and elbowed him in the side.

All the while Miranda looked on, her arms crossed coolly over her chest as she leaned back against the bar. She didn't appear to be interested in what either party had to say; instead she looked bored, desperately wanting to be anywhere else but there at the moment.

"Does the attack on your vessel have anything to do with the pirates that took over this bar?" Jane asked, directing her next question at the Cerberus operative. "Who was the guy wearing the eye-patch?"

"That would be their leader, Clint 'Black Eye' Darragh." Miranda said in her heavily accented voice.

"Quaint," John remarked cynically.

"I suppose I should thank you for disposing of them," she said with forced gratitude, "though that was just a portion of them."

"What do you mean?" Jane narrowed her eyes and looked around at the destruction they'd left in their wake.

The dark-haired woman hesitated, trying to decide if she wanted to let the commander in on what was really going on.

"The batarian ambassador, Jath'Amon, is arranging a meeting with the Citadel Council," she said finally. "He intends to negotiate terms of peace between the batarians and the Systems Alliance."

The three of them listened intently as she continued.

"Unfortunately a group of batarian extremists plan to attack the Citadel while the ambassador is there and assassinate him, effectively putting an end to the peace talks."

"That could start a war," Jane breathed. "Does the Alliance know about this?"

"No. If they did then word would get out and who knows what would happen."

"People would panic and they'd cancel the peace talks," Jacob stated. "And there goes our chance to nab the extremists while we know where they'll be."

"We can't let that happen," Jane agreed. "Jacob's right. We know what their intended target is, so we can be there to stop the attack from happening."

"I don't see why you're so eager to help the Council," John said to Jane. "They pretty much turned their backs on you."

"Because, I'm a spectre. My duty is to protect the galaxy, regardless of my thoughts on how the Council runs things." She turned. "Miranda, what else do you know? Would you be willing to join us on this mission?"

John perked up. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"It would give us a chance to explain in more detail why exactly we need Cerberus' help," Jane reasoned, "and then you can decide whether or not to contact the Illusive Man after we're done."

"Why do you want to speak with him so badly," Miranda asked earnestly. This time her voice lacked any condescension. She genuinely wanted to know.

John and Jane exchanged knowing looks.

"I think you would understand better if you came aboard the Normandy," Jane said.

"Anywhere's better than this piss-hole," Miranda said. She unfolded her arms and stepped away from the counter.

"Where do you think you're going?" John demanded when Jacob moved to join them. He stabbed his index finger into the man's chest and shoved him backward to emphasize his point.

"John!" Jane cried, smacking his finger away. "We'll take any help we can get and Jacob knows things that are vital to this mission!"

"Fine," he grumbled, sending one last scowl Jacob's way.

**.x.x.x.**

Jack was tearing up the ship. Again. Whenever she got into one of her violent moods, which was more often than not, the cargo bay usually suffered for it.

Kaidan watched from the window in Life Support as crate after crate was lifted into the air and flung against the wall on the opposite side of the room, sometimes narrowly missing the drive core.

He couldn't figure her out, and as another anguished scream filled the room, he found himself wondering why he suddenly cared. She'd never done anything to warrant such concern; in fact, she had only gone out of her way to make sure that he and the rest of Jane's crew felt unwelcome aboard the ship.

He was still smarting from their last encounter. He wasn't known for losing his temper; usually it was him who remained calm and acted as the voice of reason when things got heated, and he was ashamed that he'd let Jack get to him.

But even after their match—which had proved nothing in the end—and all the nasty, bitter words that seemed to come out of her mouth every time she opened it, something about her called out to him. And so, against his better judgment, he left the room and headed down to the fourth deck.

"What do you want?" she spat as he walked up behind her. "You here for a rematch?"

"No, I'm here to see why you're so intent on destroying the ship," he replied evenly.

"Fuck off! It's none of your goddamn business!"

"It'll be everybody's business if you miss and take out that drive core."

Jack sniffed and used her forearm to wipe the sweat from her brow. "I don't miss."

"That's good," he said coolly, refusing to let her aggravate him. "Cause if you did miss, and you left us stranded out here, I wouldn't stop John from throwing your ass out the airlock."

Harsh words coming from him, but he'd had enough. He made an attempt to talk to her, to see what was bothering her enough to take her anger out on the cargo, and he'd failed miserably at it. _Whatever_, he thought and turned to go, resolving not to care what she did from now on, so long as it didn't involve him.

"It's fucking Cerberus," Jack said as he was about to leave.

"What?"

"Cerberus," she repeated, as if saying the name again would suddenly make everything clear to him. "I thought we were done with those assholes."

He quietly walked back into the room and gazed up at the glowing drive core. "I'm not happy about it either, but the commanders seem to think this is the best option we have right now."

"You _would _say something like that." She folded her arms defensively across her chest. "You never miss a chance to kiss Jane's ass."

"What is your problem?" he retorted, his control over his temper starting to slip again. What was it about her that brought out the worst in him?

"My problem?" she asked, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "_You_ were never kidnapped by them as a child and held captive in some secret facility where you were experimented on to find out what your biotic potential was."

"They what?" he blinked. "They did that to you?"

"Yeah, and I got to read all the nitty gritty details I didn't know about when I joined John's crew, so you can see why I don't want to just hop in bed with them again."

Kaidan was quiet for a couple minutes. He had only scratched the surface of what made Jack into the time-bomb she was today, but it explained a lot.

"I had no idea, Jack. I can understand why you're so angry about it. But the commanders wouldn't let anything like that happen again."

"Fuck you. I don't need your sympathy and I sure as hell don't need you protecting me. I settled the score with Cerberus once before and I'll do it again if they get in my way."

"Why don't you just leave?"

"What?"

"Leave. There's nothing tying you to John or this mission, right? So go if you don't want to be involved with Cerberus. No one's going to stop you."

"I…" She stared at him and her shoulders dropped as she sat down on one of the crates. "I've done some crazy shit in my life, ran with some pretty messed up mother-fuckers. Hell, I even helped save the galaxy. This is the only place I've ever felt accepted. Nobody's looking at me like I'm a specimen here. It's…nice."

He sat down next to her. "Do you trust John?"

"Yeah."

"Then don't worry about this whole Cerberus thing. And if they attempt to pull the wool over his eyes, you and I will be there to stop it."

A few minutes ticked by in relative silence. Finally Kaidan stood up to go.

"Hey," Jack called out to him. He turned around and looked at her. "Thanks."

**.x.x.x.**

Of course, one of the first things Miranda noticed when the shuttle docked in the cargo bay was the giant Cerberus emblem adorning the wall. But then again, that was exactly what Jane had wanted to happen. The story she and John were about to tell her would have seemed even more unbelievable without use of the visual aid.

"I don't understand," Miranda said as they entered the lift and Jane pressed the button for the crew deck. "I thought you said you needed Cerberus' help. It looks like you already have it."

The doors hissed open and Jane directed them around the corner to the mess area. John was the last to follow, still keeping a wary eye on Jacob. He'd been acting strange since they'd left the bar and she knew it had something to do with whatever relationship he'd had with the previous Miranda, although she wasn't about to let on how much she knew. So far John hadn't picked up on it, except for that slip-up where she called the operative by her name before John introduced her, and she had managed to recover from the error without too much sweat.

As they filed into the hall Jane tried to see the ship from Miranda's perspective, and it called up memories of the first time she'd come aboard. Cerberus was everywhere, it seemed; the insignia was plastered on the walls, around the terminals, even embroidered onto the uniforms of the crew. It was going to be hard to explain their situation and not sound like a raving lunatic.

_Here goes nothing_, she thought.

"This isn't my ship," she said as everyone took a seat around the long table. "It's John's."

For the first time since they met, Miranda regarded John as a person and not some insect needing to be squashed. A variety of emotions skittered across her eyes as she no doubt tried to guess what significance John had to Cerberus. Jane fancied she could hear the gears turning in her head; did he work for Cerberus, why hadn't she heard of him before? Thinking she could hear the operatives thoughts brought a small smile to her face.

"I'm Commander John Shepard," John said. He leaned back in his chair casually, trying to act as if Miranda's very presence wasn't completely disconcerting. She almost felt sorry for him.

"Is he your husband?" Miranda asked Jane innocently.

"What?" John sat upright. "God, no!"

The smile slid off Jane's face, any remnants of sympathy evaporating right along with it. "Thanks," she said dryly. "I think they get the point that we're not related."

Jesus, sometimes the man infuriated her beyond all reason.

"I'm from the future."

Bloody hell.

Jane buried her face in the palms of her hands and sighed. "Did you _really_ just say that?"

"What?" he demanded. "I am! This whole ship is—half its crew!" He put his arm on the table and leaned in closer to her. "Isn't that what we brought them here to tell them?"

"Yes, but…" she dropped her hands and looked across the table at Miranda and Jacob, silently pleading with them to understand. "It's a lot more complicated than that."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Miranda said. "I cannot believe I wasted my time coming here for this."

She rose to go.

"Wait!" Jane cried. "I didn't believe it myself when I first found out. John, tell them something!"

"Your father engineered you to be genetically perfect," he said quickly, glancing from Jane back to them. "You ran away from home as soon as you were able to and enlisted with Cerberus for protection. Oh, and you have a twin sister named Oriana."

Miranda sank back into the chair heavily, her face completely ashen. "I never told anyone but Cerberus that," she whispered.

"And Jacob," John went on, "you used to be in the Corsairs."

"I'll be damned," Jacob breathed with an astonished smile.

They listened quietly as Jane patiently explained—not in great detail because she believed in keeping her cards close to her chest, especially where a disreputable group like Cerberus was concerned—the events that brought John and his crew to the wrong place and time.

"I know it sounds crazy," she said once she had finished her story, "but Cerberus may be the only one who can help us."

"All right," Miranda finally conceded. "Once this mission is over, I'll contact the Illusive Man. But I can't guarantee that he'll help, or that he'll even believe you."

Jane placed her hand on John's leg and squeezed, hoping he'd get the hint through his thick skull to stay quiet this time.

"That's all we're asking, Miranda. Thank you." John ripped his leg out of Jane's grasp, but didn't say anything. "Any ideas on what our next plan of action should be?"

A mask of professionalism erased the look of shock on Miranda's face as she got down to business. "My investigation has led me to a turian named Illo Nazario. He's an arms dealer who's worked with the batarian extremists for years. I've managed to track him down to the planet Tortuga."

"I'll tell Joker to set a course immediately," John said. He stood up and left without a backward glance, a new purpose in his step.

"In the meantime, I'll show you both to the barracks," Jane offered, attempting to be hospitable where John was failing. "Mess Sergeant Gardner is a wonderful cook and can whip you up something to eat afterward. Is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?"

"Just time to let all this sink in," Miranda replied, a bit of her imperiousness coming back. It was going to be interesting working with her.

"I'm good, Commander," Jacob said with a warm smile. At least one of them could be charming.

"Okay," she said. "Follow me."

**.x.x.x.**

"So, Tortuga huh? You always take us to the nicest places," Joker said with a grin.

"Very funny, Joker," John replied. "Just fly."

"I guess that means that any chance of shore leave is out of the question, then? 'Cause I heard…"

John shot him a look of warning.

"Yeah well…" he cleared his throat. "Okay, I got it. Just fly the ship."

The commander laughed.

"Shepard," EDI said as he turned to go, "how are Miranda and Jacob adjusting to being on the ship? Do you want me to see if there is anything I can say or do to help ease their concerns?"

"Oh, no!" John said, waving his hands. "I don't need you freaking them out anymore than they already are. Besides, neither of them know to what extent they existed in our world, and I intend to keep it that way."

"Uh…the pilot is lost," Joker cut in.

"As you wish, Shepard," EDI said. "I will explain it to you later, Jeff."

"_Thank you,_ EDI," he said smugly, wanting to make sure John knew how grateful he was that at least someone on the ship cared enough to fill him in.


	14. A Whole Lotta Awkward

**A/N:** Hello again! Sorry this didn't get posted earlier, the site has been having intermittent issues.

Anyway, I just have to say this before you read any further. I did not come up with the idea to use the name "Tortuga". It's actually part of the real Galaxy mission. I am not making this up! LOL, but I'm gonna run with it!

Hope everyone has a good week! ~J

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><p><em>"Make way for Tortuga!" – Captain Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides<em>

**Chapter Fourteen – A Whole Lotta Awkward**

John found Miranda alone in the mess hall. Well, almost alone. Gardner was there of course. And Jacob. But as soon as he arrived John shot an intimidating look at him and the soldier quickly excused himself, stating that he had some things he needed to attend to before they landed on Tortuga. That suited John just fine. He didn't need him in there making eyes at Miranda anyway.

It was funny, really, how time changed all things and how different everything was in this alternate universe compared to how he knew them to be. Once upon a time Jacob had been a trusted and loyal member of his crew, a brother in arms. Now he was regarded as an interloper, competition for the one person John desired most of all.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot," he said conversationally. He flashed her one of his most debonair smiles and hooked a leg over the table so that he was half sitting on it.

Miranda looked up at him from her seat with thinly veiled disgust. "The only foot in question is the one you seem to continually insert into your mouth."

"Ooh, ouch!" he laughed. "You're quite the spitfire."

She frowned. "Is there something you wanted, Commander?"

"I just stopped by to see how you were acclimating. I like to get to know each member of my crew."

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear before we go any further," she said icily. "I am _not_ a member of your crew."

"What's wrong about being on the crew?" he asked, determined to keep his mood light and flirty. He'd broken down her barriers once before, he could do it again. "We work well together."

"I do hope you are referring to your crew, and not to you and me."

"Maybe…maybe not," he grinned.

She twisted in her chair and got up with an exasperated sigh. "I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to do the job I was recruited to do."

"Straight to the point. I like that."

"Can we cut the small talk?" she demanded suddenly. "There's a lot I need to do and I don't have time to waste chit-chatting with you."

"We're not wasting time; we're getting to know each other," he said calmly.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she said, the irritation now clearly evident in her voice. "I _don't_ want to talk to you!"

"Why not?"

"Why? Because I find you to be abrasive, ill-mannered, and completely self-absorbed."

He stood up, but the smile never left his face. "Those are only _some_ of my best qualities. You forgot short-tempered, egocentric, and extremely good looking."

Miranda's mouth dropped. "You are unbelievable, you know that?"

"I know."

"We're done here." The last part of her statement wavered just a little bit, and he knew he'd caught her off guard.

She shook her head and hurried out of the mess hall, not bothering to look back once. John waited until she had almost disappeared around the elevator shaft before he called out, "Just remember: it's a small ship. You can't hide from me forever!"

He turned around with a quiet laugh and nearly jumped out of his skin when he came face-to-face with Ashley.

"Jesus, Williams! Where the hell did you come from?"

"I was talking to Shepard in her office. Who was that?" she demanded.

He made a big show of twisting around to look back down the hallway. "Who? Her?"

Ashley nodded.

"That was Operative Miranda Lawson. She's with Cerberus."

"Hmm," she grunted. "She's kind of a bitch."

"Yeah, well, you're no picnic yourself sometimes, Williams."

"At least I don't have a stick up my ass," she retorted.

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy?" he prodded.

"Of having a stick shoved up my ass? No, she can keep it. It suits her much better."

He laughed.

"So um….you wanna…" She flicked her head toward the elevator.

John stared at her for a moment, realizing what she was implying. "Wha–? Uh…no." He cleared his throat. "No, I've got a…a headache and a lot of work to do."

Ashley's face darkened as her gaze wandered in the direction Miranda had gone.

"Oh. I see."

**.x.x.x.**

Once Miranda and Jacob were settled comfortably, and after a brief chat with Ashley, Jane returned to the terminal in her office to research the planet they were heading to. Where others would call the task boring or just downright overkill, she found it oddly comforting. She believed in being informed about a place they were about to visit; that way she knew what to expect and could prepare for it. If they needed extra fire power, she was ready. If there were any valuable resources the Normandy could use, she would mark it on the map. The neighboring planet of Bekke, for instance, had an especially high concentration of element zero.

Tortuga was the stuff of legend. Named after the famous port city of Earth's 17th century, it served as a hub for the various pirates, gangs, and smugglers to get together, drink, and boast about all their nefarious and underhanded dealings. For that reason it was one of the most heavily guarded planets in the Nemean Abyss.

It was the perfect place for an arms dealer like Illo Nazario to go.

_Enough_, Jane thought after an hour had slipped by. She raised her hands over her head and leaned back in her chair to stretch the tight muscles in her neck. It wouldn't be much longer until they reached the planet and she wanted to freshen up before they did. She still covered in all the dirt and grime from the encounter with the batarians at Fringe.

As she walked out of her office a glimpse of blue caught her eye. Liara was seated in one of the chairs in the mess hall. She had both elbows resting on the table with her head cradled in her hands, and looked to be intently focused on whatever was on the datapad in front of her.

"Liara? What are you doing out here?"

The beautiful asari was probably the crew's shyest member and kept to herself almost as much as the salarian scientist did. It was rare to see her leave the starboard observatory unless they were going on a mission. So Liara's presence in the mess hall startled Jane, and she hoped nothing was wrong.

"Garrus came by a little while ago and asked if he could have some time alone to think in a room with a view," she said.

"Garrus?"

"Yes. He looked rather troubled. Of course I told him that I didn't mind at all and to take as long as he needed."

Jane felt her heart give an involuntary squeeze of sympathy for the turian. He hadn't been the same since the morning after they went to Afterlife, and she was beginning to think it wasn't just because of that calibration error he claimed was keeping him busy. It was something deeper than that.

"How do you do it?"

"Huh?" Jane blinked.

"With Garrus. How do you look at him and not see…well, you know."

"It's not easy," she confessed. "But believe it or not, there are subtle differences between the two of them. It's those changes that make this Garrus his own person. He's not a complete mirror image and I try to focus on those differences instead of how much they're similar."

"That's a good way of looking at it," Liara smiled.

"Just do me a favor, please don't tell anybody on John's crew. I don't want them to know."

"Why not?"

Leave it to T'soni to ask the probing questions.

"Because it will just complicate things even more than they already are," she said finally. "This is a personal matter and I would like to deal with it that way."

"Okay Shepard, I won't tell anyone. I promise."

Jane breathed a sigh of relief, thanked her friend, and continued on toward the women's restroom for a quick shower. The door of the starboard observatory glared ominously at her, causing her to pause in the hallway. The panel was green. Should she go in there and try to talk to him? Was it her place to invade his space like that, or should she just allow him his privacy, hoping that things would go back to normal between them once he resolved what was bothering him.

What was normal anyway? Especially between the two of them. It surprised her just how deeply she had missed his wisecracks and gentle teasing. The same nagging feeling she'd had earlier resurfaced, and once again she couldn't shake the notion that it had something to do with her, though she couldn't for the life of her figure out what she'd done wrong.

She approached the door and stopped. What was she doing? Why the sudden overwhelming need to comfort him? Deep down she knew why, and just allowing herself to acknowledge that thought left her heart pounding and her palms sweaty. No, it was absurd and highly inappropriate to even be thinking that! Jane swallowed and turned to go back to her room. The shower could wait. Right now all she wanted to do was put as much distance between her and Garrus as possible.

That single movement was enough to trigger the sensor on the door and as she spun around it slid wide open behind her. Caught, she froze, trying to come up with a logical reason as to why she would be standing outside the door.

The rebuke she was expecting never came. In fact, Garrus said nothing at all, leaving her to wonder if he'd left while she was talking to Liara and went somewhere else on the ship without her noticing. She turned around slowly and surveyed the room before her. It was completely dark inside, the only light coming from the stars outside the large picture window. It illuminated the tops of the leather couches, bathing them in an ethereal bluish glow.

Swathed as the room was in shadows, she almost missed the dark figure that stood to the left of the window, gazing out broodingly into the empty space beyond. He didn't give any indication that he saw or heard her come in, for he hadn't even turned to look in her direction at all. Jane didn't know which was worse, being caught eavesdropping behind the door or being totally ignored and left standing awkwardly inside the room.

The light shining through the window danced over the edges of his armor, making the blue seem even more vibrant compared to the rest of the dull room. His mandibles were pulled closely to his face, and there was a certain sadness apparent in his unfocused, predatory eyes.

"Garrus?"

He jumped, confirming her suspicion that he had no idea she was there.

There was no turning back now.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to startle you."

He didn't say anything, leaving an uncomfortably silence to hang in the air between them. Jane felt her mouth go dry.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked in a small voice, taking a dozen brave steps until she was standing directly in front of him. "Something that maybe I can help you with?"

Garrus shut his eyes and looked out the window again. "No. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" she prompted. "Because you haven't been yourself lately and I've uh…" She hesitated. "I'm worried about you."

His eyes swung to hers first, and then his head followed suit. His features softened as he reached up without warning and brushed the spot on her forehead where he had injured her during their sparring session. The cut had healed nicely, thanks in large part to Dr. Chakwas' insistence that she put medi-gel on it. No one would even be able to tell it had been there if they didn't already know. But the unexpected contact made Jane's breath catch in her throat. It was fleeting, his touch, but the place where his finger had been tingled long after he removed it.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said eventually.

"Hurt me?" She almost laughed, but the look on his face made her think better of it. "Garrus, you didn't hurt me. I've taken worse hits than that on the battlefield before. Hell, you were there for one of them! You just surprised me, that's all. Is…is _that_ why you ran off?"

He was silent for a long moment, as though debating on whether or not to say anything else. One of his mandibles twitched unconsciously as the war raged on within him. Finally he said, "Haven't you noticed how things have changed between us?"

"Yeah." This time she did laugh, although it was more to dispel the nervousness she felt rather than to express amusement. "I used to be the one avoiding you, and now it's the other way around."

"That's not what I meant," Garrus said in a whisper that sent shivers down her spine.

He placed a hand on each of her shoulders and eliminated the distance between them. Jane's heartbeat thundered in her ears, her mind reeled at his nearness. She couldn't—_shouldn't_ be thinking about him this way.

He leaned in closer, so close that she could feel his breath on her lips. "Don't you remember the last time we—"

"Jane!" John exclaimed. "There you are!"

Garrus let go of her and stepped back so fast it made her head spin. At least that was the reason she was going with.

John raged on. "Damn it! I've been looking all over the ship for you! It's time to go. You too, Garrus. Get your shit and let's get on with it!"

Jane never moved so fast in her life. She dashed out of the room without a backward glance. It wasn't until the doors to her own room were safely closed behind her that she let out the breath she'd been holding. Every bit of her was shaking, so much that she was having trouble getting her armor on.

"Get a grip, Jane," she whispered angrily to herself.

Finally she gave up on her armor and put her hands on the doors of the cabinet to steady herself. She inhaled slowly through her nose and exhaled several times in an effort to still the rapid beating of her heart and calm down.

Eventually the surge of adrenaline subsided and she was able to finish dressing for the mission. But her mind wandered as she snapped the last piece of armor into place and she began to analyze just why it was she'd run from the observatory in a panic. It wasn't because she didn't want to know what Garrus had been about to say; oh no, it was far worse than that. It was because in those few short moments before John barged in she had been overcome with the desire to throw herself into his arms and let him…

Her eyes popped open as she realized she was daydreaming. Guilt flooded through her.

"Shit," she muttered. "What am I going do to?"

**.x.x.x.**

It was going to be interesting, to say the least, working with Miranda and Jacob again. The two operatives were waiting quietly by the shuttle when Garrus arrived in the cargo bay, and he took a moment to think about just how crazy it was to see both of them standing there. After all, they'd died back on the collector station. And if he was having that much trouble wrapping his head around their presence now, he couldn't imagine what John was going through. It had to be devastating seeing the reincarnation of a former lover, knowing full well that they weren't the same person while at the same time being unable to forget the memories of what once was.

Poor John.

He gazed absently around the cargo hold. That was odd…Jane hadn't arrived yet. Usually she was the first one ready and waiting when there was a mission. He didn't have too long to focus on why she was running behind though, because John and Mordin exited the lift and walked over to them.

"Where's Jane?" John demanded as soon as he realized she was the only one in their party that was missing.

"I don't know," Garrus shrugged with his best attempt at nonchalance. He shouldn't have given in to his desire to talk to her. Damn it! That was why he'd made it a point to stay away from her, why he hadn't fought back during their sparring match. If she had feelings for someone else, it was selfish of him to burden her with the knowledge of how he felt. He'd made that decision days ago, so why was he so hell bent on ruining that?

She appeared a few minutes later, wearing a stoic mask about her face, her features determined and unreadable. She didn't give a reason for why it took her so long and John didn't ask. She walked past the group and climbed into the shuttle.

"Everything okay, Shepard?" Mordin asked as the rest of the shore party followed in behind her.

"Yes," she replied quietly. She took a seat by one of the small windows and crossed her legs. "Let's just get this show on the road."

Garrus took a seat on the opposite side and watched as the salarian pulled out his omni-tool and performed a quick scan on Jane.

"Hmm, elevated adrenaline and pheromone levels suggest otherwise. Could mean many things; nervousness about the mission, altercation with another crew member, or recent sexual encounter."

Jane's face went two different shades of red.

"The latter would explain the delay," Mordin said, more to himself this time than to anyone else. "Jane Shepard usually very punctual."

"I said I'm _fine_, Mordin!"

Garrus got up and put a hand on the scientist's shoulder. "Relax, Mordin. Don't analyze the Commander anymore. She got some sort of a message from the Alliance a little while ago and was vocalizing her frustration to me when John showed up." He patted him on the back and steered him toward the row of seats. "I'm sure she doesn't feel like talking about it right now."

"Oh," Mordin accepted. "Simply enough reason. Why not just say that in the first place?"

Garrus laughed and sat down next to him. He met Jane's gaze conspiratorially and she gave him a grateful look.

Miranda took over once they landed on Tortuga, leading them through the markets and alleyways on their way to who knows where. Everywhere they went was dark, dirty, and dangerous. He'd thought crime had been bad on Omega, but here there wasn't even the slightest chance of someone being able to clean things up, and Garrus got the feeling that the inhabitants liked it that way. As the six of them made their way down another narrow street he could feel the hostile, wary eyes of those inhabitants regarding them as intruders, just waiting for just the right opportunity to strike. He checked the thermal clip on his sniper rifle, readying himself for an attack if it came.

It continued on in that manner until the group finally came to a stop. Miranda signaled that everyone else should wait there, and once everyone agreed she approached a shifty looking salarian that was standing by himself in a corner.

"Ish, what do you have for me so far?" she demanded.

"Ah, Miranda," Ish laughed nervously. "I'm glad you're here."

"These two know each other?" Jane whispered to John.

John shrugged one shoulder in response.

"What's the latest intel?" Miranda asked.

"I haven't seen Nazario for weeks now. He's cut out on the last couple of deals," Ish informed her. "Something's definitely not right here."

"The last couple of weeks, you say?" John inquired. Miranda shot him a look of annoyance for butting in, but he ignored her.

"Yeah," the salarian said. "He's normally very good at following up on transactions."

"Sounds like he's planning something," John said.

"Or something happened to him," Jane agreed. She turned to Ish. "Nothing like this has ever happened before?"

Ish nodded.

"Considering the type of people he does business with," Miranda said, "I'd say both are possibilities."

Jane frowned. "So what now?"

"Do you still have the codes to Nazario's compound?"

"What? Oh. Yes, yes." Ish activated his omni-tool and tapped a few buttons. Miranda's beeped in response. "There you are."

"Thanks." She turned to the rest of the crew. "Let's go."

The fun really started when they broke into the arms dealer's compound. Almost a dozen turian guards charged them the minute they burst through the door. Jane took out three of them with a biotic shockwave, clearing the way for the team to get to cover. Jacob pulled an unsuspecting bodyguard into the air and while he was suspended Mordin lit him on fire. While Miranda worked on overloading the guard's shields, Garrus swapped out his sniper rifle for the assault rifle and helped John lay down suppressive fire.

With six people in the shore party instead of the usual three, they had dispatched the whole battalion of bodyguards in no time.

"That's a pretty impressive display of biotics you've got there," Jacob said to Jane once they'd cleared the room.

"You're not so bad yourself," she said amicably.

Garrus swore he saw Jacob's chest puff out as the biotic smiled back at her.

"Well, you can fight by my side any day."

_Oh, give me a break_, Garrus thought. He laughed as John followed his gaze and then rolled his eyes. Apparently he wasn't too amused either.

They carried on, pushing through the interconnecting rooms in search of Nazario. They'd gone through almost the entire compound and still they had yet to come across him.

"Maybe he's not here after all," Jane mused as she worked on hacking the panel to one of the last rooms. It turned green and the door slid open. "It certainly fits with the theory that he's—"

A stray bullet whizzed right between her and John, effectively cutting off the rest of her sentence.

"Stop. Don't come any….closer."

A single turian lay on the ground before them. He held a pistol in a hand that shook, the muzzle of it resting lightly against his knee. He didn't appear to be outwardly wounded, but he was having trouble breathing and had made no effort to move.

"Or you'll want?" John said sarcastically. "Shoot and miss again?"

The turian laughed, but all that came out was a painful series of wheezes.

"I don't think you're in any kind of position to be making demands." John walked up to him and kicked the pistol out of his hand. It skittered across the floor. Jane bent over and picked it up and then strode over to them.

"Are you Illo Nazario?" she asked.

"Who wants….to know?" he gasped.

She knelt down to meet him at eye level and calmly pushed his pistol against his chest.

"Okay! Yes, yes that's me," he cried. He shifted to distance himself from the barrel of the gun, but Jane kept it firmly in place.

"What do you know of the batarian terrorists' plans?"

"I—" he began, but a spasm of violent coughs prevented him from continuing.

"What's wrong with him? Mordin, can you see what's wrong with him?"

"Certainly." He sidled up to Jane and ran his omni-tool over the ailing turian.

"I…have been infected with…a…virus," Nazario said between breaths.

"Are you contagious?" John took a precautionary step back. Garrus shook his head. He'd said the exact same thing when they recruited Thane.

"N-no. Those damn batarians…they did this to me."

"Why?" Jane queried.

She pulled the pistol away from his chest and handed it to Garrus. He took it from her, but kept it trained on Nazario just in case. He didn't trust the barefaced turian one bit.

This time he managed a quiet chuckle without too much effort. "Because I found out…what they…were up to." He winced, pausing to take a few more shallow breaths. "I heard one of them talking about a vaccine. You get that for me, and I'll tell you anything you want…to know."

"Why should we trust you?" Garrus cut in.

Nazario angled his head up and regarded him with a sardonic smile. "I'm dying. Why would I lie to you?"

"Garrus is right," John said. "What guarantee do we have that you'll tell us anything once you've gotten the cure?"

"There are six of you here," he said. "I don't really think you'd let me live…for long if I didn't…cooperate."

John looked down at Jane as they weighed their options. "Take him with us," she said as she got to her feet and dusted off her hands. "Mordin can keep an eye on him in the shuttle while we go get the vaccine."

Jacob and Mordin stepped forward and helped the turian to his feet. Once he was in a standing position John closed the distance and grabbed him by the collar. "You'd better not try anything funny."

"Do you have any idea where the batarians might have this cure?" Jane asked, always the diplomatic one.

Nazario nodded. "The Ahn'Kedar Orbital Station."

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><p><strong>AN: **Be sure to check my blog in a couple of days. I will be posting my thoughts on some of the themes in this chapter.


	15. A Plan Unraveled

**A/N: **This note's gonna be a long one, so bear with me for a minute cause I got some things to cover.

First, there won't be any spoilers for ME3 in this chapter, nor will there be in any upcoming chapters. You don't have to be afraid to read this story, as it has nothing to do with the third game and won't for a while, if at all. Still undecided on this.

Second, regardless of whether or not you liked or hated the ending to ME3, please keep in mind that some readers might not have had the chance to finish the game. It is for that reason that I ask that you please keep any reviews of this chapter spoiler free. If you'd like to talk to me about what you thought of the ending, send me a PM or an email, or visit my blog.

Third, if you'd like to read my own spin on ME3, start looking for updates to my other story, "If We Die Tomorrow". Now that I've finished the game I've got lots of inspiration to continue on with this fic and I'm happy to announce that I'm now actively working on it.

For the record, I still support BioWare. They've given us three ground-breaking, innovative, and wonderful Mass Effect games, provided us with five years of visually stunning entertainment, and brought us a story we won't soon forget. They've done an amazing job and I think they deserve a round of applause, and at the very least, our respect.

Okay, now that that's over with, onward to the next chapter! Hope you all enjoy it :D ~J

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><p>"<em>We could be heroes, just for one day." – Heroes, David Bowie<em>

**Chapter Fifteen – A Plan Unraveled **

"What do you mean you don't have the cure here?"

Jane passed a hand over her face as John's temper once again roared to the surface. He had become increasingly agitated during the shuttle ride to the station and she felt sorry for the poor scientist on which he'd decided to unleash his fury upon.

Dr. Hendricks wrung his hands nervously. "There were certain variables, you see. I uh…wanted another opinion."

"It's okay," Jane assured him. She paused to raise her eyebrows at John, hopefully communicating to him that their job would be a lot easier if he would just remain calm. "Where is it now?"

"My assistant, Batha, is working on the formula."

"And let me guess," John said dryly, "she's off planet."

_So much for that_, Jane thought as she shook her head and looked away.

"No, she's in her office just down the hall."

"Oh."

"Thank you Dr. Hendricks," she said, pushing John toward the door. "We appreciate your all your help."

A moment later they stepped back into the corridor where Garrus, Jacob, and Miranda had been waiting patiently.

"Well?" Miranda asked expectantly.

"He doesn't have it," John replied.

"What he means to say is that the doctor's assistant is currently working on the formula, and she's right down here." Jane pointed down the long hallway toward a cluster of offices at the far end.

Miranda merely nodded and started off in that direction with Jacob close on her heels. Jane grabbed John by the elbow and held him back.

"What's going on with you?" she whispered. "Even on your worst day you're not _this_ irritable."

He was quiet, lost in thought as he gazed down the hallway as the other crew members made their way to the office. He was silent for so long that Jane didn't think he was going to answer her at all. Just when she was about to give up and run to catch up with Garrus, he sighed and rubbed the side of his head.

"Don't you ever just get tired of it all?" He didn't wait for her to reply before continuing, "This mission has had one problem as another, one more thing we need to do or run around and get. Now we're stuck doing the bidding of an unreliable, ailing turian who might be too delirious by the time we get back with the cure to even tell us what we need to know."

"I wasn't planning on this being easy," Jane tried to interject.

"And for what?" he asked, throwing his arms up in the air. "So that we can have a chance to talk to the Illusive Man?"

"Listen to me!" she whispered vehemently. "If jumping through a few hoops is what it takes to get someone that could help us on our side, then that's what we do."

"Trust me, Jane. I know the man and it might not be worth it. Maybe I was wrong to suggest that we go to Cerberus for help."

"You weren't wrong. We can play Cerberus' game too, you know. We'll use them for the resources we need in defeating the Collectors. Nobody says we have to like it. Besides, we aren't only doing this to impress Miranda enough that she lets us talk to her boss, we're doing it because a group of batarian extremists are planning to attack the Citadel and kill their ambassador. So get your shit together and let's do our job!"

"Yeah, okay."

She followed behind him as he sauntered off to join the rest of the crew. Deep down she knew it wasn't only having to run from one place to another that was putting him in a foul mood. She had a feeling that the Cerberus operative's presence was affecting him more than he was willing to admit, and for that she could sympathize with him. It wasn't easy working alongside the embodiment of someone you once harbored feelings for. Unfortunately it wasn't like she could just pat him on the shoulder and tell him she knew what he was going through.

When they entered the office they found the asari standing beside a counter in the back of the room.

"Are you Batha?" Jane asked.

"Yes." She turned and surveyed the group with questioning eyes. "Who are you?"

"I'm Commander Shepard," Jane explained. "Dr. Hendricks sent us to speak with you about the cure."

Batha visibly relaxed. "Oh, yes. He called to tell me you were on your way." She picked up a datapad and scrolled through the text. "I've been working on the prototype formula, but not long after I started something caught my attention."

"What was it?"

"Well, when Dr. Hendricks first brought it to me, he had claimed that the virus was wiping out whole populations of batarians and that he'd been hired by them to create a cure. But the more I researched it, the more none of it made any sense."

Batha handed the datapad to her. It contained several complex equations and formulas, none of which she could understand. She handed it back to the asari with a blank look and a slight shake of her head.

"So what did you find out?"

"The virus is actually a blood plague and is only communicable in high concentrations," Batha explained. "It incubated very quickly and has a one-hundred percent mortality rate."

"I can see why the batarians are in such a hurry to develop the cure then," Jacob said.

"That's just the thing. There haven't been any reports of large batarian populations actually being wiped out because of this virus."

"You'd think something that lethal would have at least made the extranet," Miranda mused.

"Exactly. So I did some more research," she continued, "and it turns out that there wasn't an epidemic after all."

Jacob scratched his head. "Why would the batarians need a cure for a disease that doesn't exist?"

A jolt of electricity shot through Jane's system as realization hit her. "They're going to use the virus as a weapon."

John's piercing blues eyes met with hers, mirroring the anxiety she felt welling up in her chest. "And they're planning on using it on the ambassador!"

The small knot that had formed in Jane's stomach started to grow bigger.

"Batha, how soon can you have the cure ready?" she asked.

"Unfortunately my progress has stalled," Batha told them quietly. "I need a large quantity of unrefined element zero to finish it. But I didn't bother to tell that to the batarians because I didn't want them to have the cure, but now…" She looked at the commanders guiltily. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought I was helping."

Jane's eyes suddenly brightened. "Wait! The planet Bekke has a high concentration of element zero. Most of the outposts are mining colonies!"

"How the hell do you know that?" John demanded. "Never mind. How soon can we get there?"

At that moment, Mordin's voice came over the comm link. "Shepard, batarian hostiles inbound. Need to hurry."

"They've come for the cure!" Batha exclaimed. "They'll know I've deceived them once they get here!"

"If we can get you that eezo, could you finish the cure?" she asked.

"Yes," Batha answered, relieved that she could still be of help.

"Good. We need to split up then," Jane recommended. "One group should stay and defend this facility and the other one can go to Bekke."

"Good idea, Shepard." Jacob said, stepping forward. "I volunteer to stay here and help guard the cure."

"As do I," Miranda agreed.

"Oka—"

"Now wait just a damn minute," John interrupted. He looked at Jane. "Since we're the commanders, one of us should lead each group. I'll stay here and fend off the batarians, since I'm the better fighter anyway…"

"What?" Jane said defensively. "That's ridicul—"

"And you take Jacob and Garrus and go get the element zero!"

"The more people we have here, the better we'll be," Jacob stated. "I'm staying."

"Taylor's got a good point, Commander," Garrus said to John.

"Don't help, Garrus," John said, sending the turian an angry glare.

"My orders were to stay with the informant," Jacob said. He clasped his hands behind his back and planted his feet. "And since you're not my commanding officer…"

Jane felt a tap on the shoulder and turned her head to glance back at Garrus.

"C'mon," he whispered, nodding toward the door. "We can be there and back before they've even stopped arguing. I doubt they'll even notice we're gone."

**.x.x.x.**

"Shut up! Just hold on a sec…" John raised his hand to stop their bickering and looked around. "Where's…_Goddamn it_!"

Jacob folded his arms over his chest standoffishly and sneered, "What's wrong now?"

"That sneaky, underhanded, double-crossing turian!" he muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing." He pulled the corner of his mouth into a frown. "It looks like the decision has been made for us."

_Damn Garrus_, he thought. _He set me up to get even with me for making him spar with Jane_.

But then again, he reasoned with himself, how could this be a set up? His friend didn't know about the contention between him and Taylor, just as he didn't know about his desire to win over Miranda. All Garrus cared about was stealing a few precious moments with Jane. Still, he was going to get an earful when they got back.

"If the two of you are through, there are hostiles just outside the door we need to worry about." Miranda shot them both a reprimanding look. "Unless you just want to keep on arguing. I'm sure they can wait."

Jacob managed to look guilty as he sidled up to her. "Sorry Miranda, I kinda lost my head back there."

Unable to resist, John rolled his eyes and sighed. If the little rodent hoped to gain ground by sucking up to Miranda's sensitive side, it wasn't going to work. But to his great surprise she actually nodded at Taylor and smiled. Jealousy boiled to the surface as Jacob turned back to him with a smug, triumphant grin.

_Whatever, _he thought darkly. _So she smiled at you. Big deal. Let's see what she thinks when I've cleared this room and all you've done is lifted them into the air. _

No sooner had the thought cleared his head then the door burst open and a wave of batarian mercs filed in. He took out his assault rifle and started lining up shots.

**.x.x.x.**

Starlight filtered in from the shuttle window, outlining Jane's slender form as she stood in front of it, holding on loosely to the handgrips fastened to the ceiling. As the Kodiak began it's descent to Bekke's surface, it hit a rough patch of turbulence and the subsequent force rocked the cabin side to side. Garrus watched as she swayed to accommodate it, her body acting instinctively to absorb the shock.

He could have gone on staring at her like that for the reminder of the journey, but he soon became aware that Mordin was studying him intently. He cleared his throat nervously and sat back, fixing his eyes on the door instead.

"Something on your mind, Garrus?" Jane asked. Still holding onto the handgrip she pivoted, her emerald green eyes sparkling in the semi-gloom. Spirits, he needed to focus.

"I was ah…just thinking about what John will say when we get back."

"He'll probably be furious, but I don't care. I was getting tired of watching his pissing contest with Jacob anyway."

He chuckled.

The sound of the thrusters venting outside the shuttle brought their attention back to the mission and Jane hit the button to open the door just as they touched down. Garrus rose and moved to join her, his eyes taking in the dozens of mercs that were waiting in the landing zone.

"Looks like they've sent us a welcoming party," he mused. He reached around for his gun.

Jane grabbed her pistol, cocked it, and looked at him with a smile. "Then let's show them we're a force to be reckoned with!"

Together they jumped onto the platform. Jane waited for the door to close and then pounded on it with her fist to indicate to the pilot that he could take off. The area was too hot for the shuttle to remain there and wait for them.

"Just radio when you're ready for me to swing by and pick you up," the pilot told her through the comm.

"Will do."

Garrus had taken cover behind one of the many crates lining the edge of the landing zone and was systematically taking out the batarians one by one with his sniper rifle. However, accurate and precise though he was, the mercs were slowly starting to creep up on them. Jane dashed behind a crate on the other side of the stairs and soon the air was punctuated by the slow and steady beat of her heavy pistol.

"This isn't working!" she shouted to him after a while. "We have no else to go on this platform and if they keep advancing like this we'll be trapped."

"What's the plan then?"

"You lay down cover fire and I'll clear us a path."

"You got it!"

With him watching her back, she sprinted down the steps into the center of the compound and unleashed a wave of biotic energy. Like a concussion blast from a bomb, it spread out around her in a circle of devastating force, catapulting mercs in every direction. He took the advantage of their confusion and finished them off while they struggling to get back on their feet.

"Damn, Jane," he said when it was over. He walked down the stairs and stepped up next to her. "That was…impressive."

The look on her face was one of startled appreciation. "That…wasn't normal. I don't know how…"

He grinned. "Yeah, I've been known to have that affect on women."

The blood rushed to her cheeks, coloring them a rosy pink. He didn't know too much about human physiology, but he did know that they usually only blushed when they were either embarrassed or sexually aroused. This was the second time that day her face had gone red, and both times he'd been the topic of conversation. Fleeting images of kissing her in her quarters surfaced in his mind and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and do it again. He had been so close in the starboard observatory, so close to telling her…

"Garrus, look out!"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the bright trail of a missile as it headed straight toward him. Before he even had time to react, Jane plowed into his chest plate and tackled him to the ground. The rocket whistled overhead and exploded when it hit the wall of crates above them. She rolled off him onto her back and using one hand, fired her pistol at the last remaining merc. A shuddered gasp confirmed that she'd hit her target.

"That's one," she panted.

She slowly got to her feet and offered him a hand up. He grasped it firmly between his talons and let her pull him into a standing position.

He brushed off his armor and picked up his rifle. "Yeah, but you've still got three more to go 'til we're even."

Her peal of laughter behind him brought a smile to his face as they walked through the compound to the door of the building. All of the batarians must have rushed them when they landed because the inside was completely empty. Still, they inched along the corridors cautiously, just in case there were a few more located deeper in the building.

"So, tell me more about Miranda," Jane whispered.

Her request caught him completely off guard. "What do you know?"

"Her relationship with John, for starters."

He wasn't exactly sure how she had managed to find out about that, but since she already knew, there was no sense in denying it.

"It was an unlikely pairing if I'd ever seen one," he said, recalling images of how John would doggedly try to talk to her after each mission and how she'd continually turn him away. "Everyone on the crew thought she was too close to the Illusive Man to fall under John's charm, but somehow he did it. It was the only time I've ever seen him that happy."

"I don't understand, Garrus. If he was as happy as you say he was, then why did he ask her to leave the Normandy?"

"Who told you that?"

"Well, no one exactly," she said. "John told me when I first moved into her office that 'the operative' was gone. The way he said it made it evident that there must have been some sort of altercation and there was bad blood between the two of them. I naturally assumed she'd been kicked off."

"Miranda died back on the Collector base, Jane. Right before we hit the Omega 4 relay that brought us to you."

Her hand flew to her mouth as she tried to stifle her gasp of shock and her eyes widened as she replayed what she had just learned in her mind.

"Oh Garrus, I am such an idiot."

He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "You're fine, you didn't know. Come on."

As they continued to navigate through the halls of the facility in search of the element zero, Jane began to slow down. Every now and then he would glance back at her and each time he did so a little more distance had developed between them.

After a while he stopped. "Jane, you okay?"

"I-I'm fine. Just a little dizzy." She put her hand on the wall to steady herself and hunched over.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, let's go."

It wasn't too much longer until they happened upon exactly what they had been looking for. The room before them was stacked with crates and boxes of eezo. Jane looked absolutely exhausted, but that didn't stop her from grabbing one and hauling it from the room. Garrus' mandibles twitched in concern as he watched her leave and then he picked up two more crates and followed her out.

By the time they reached the landing pad and had radioed the pilot for pick up, her complexion had gone completely pallid. A fine layer of sweat covered her forehead, causing the hair around her face to cling to her damp skin.

"You don't look so good."

"I don't feel so good," she said with a faint laugh.

He frowned.

She set the box down on the ground shakily and wiped her brow. Blue biotic power encased her hand, even though he was sure she hadn't intended it to. What concerned him was that she seemed too distracted to notice.

As soon as the shuttle touched down he hefted his two crates of eezo and carried them inside. Mordin was hovering over Nazario's unconscious body and looked up as he entered. The doctor gave him a slight nod in greeting and then resumed his examination of the arms dealer. Garrus set his load down and whirled around just in time to see Jane collapse.

"Mordin!" he called out frantically before her bounded out of the Kodiak and raced down the steps.

Jane groaned as he scooped her limp form into his arms and rushed back to the salarian. He was waiting just inside the door and pointed wordlessly to the bench.

"What's wrong with her," Garrus asked breathlessly as he set her down on the row of seats. "Do you think she's caught the same virus that Nazario has?"

Mordin pushed him aside and ran his omni-tool over her body as the shuttle lifted off.

"Suffering side effects from over exposure to unrefined element zero," he stated methodically. "Will usually cause increase of biotic power. Also cause dizzy spells, nausea, fainting…"

The salarian droned on but Garrus wasn't listening. Element zero affected biotics? He had no idea. If he had known that, he would have never suggested she tag along with him. And now his desire to be close to her might have caused her serious harm.

_Damn it!_

"Will she be okay," he asked softly. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her that he could have prevented.

"Humph," Mordin grunted. "Just said that. Obviously not listening." He pulled out his omni-tool again and this time performed a scan on Garrus. "Hmm, Jane Shepard not the only one with elevated hormones. Increase in pheromone levels indicate attraction, yes, but also suggest a strong bond…worried over mate."

"What?" Garrus laughed nervously. "That's crazy."

Insulted, the doctor sniffed. "Science sometimes far-fetched, but never crazy."

Horrified that Mordin had been able to pick up on his feelings so easily, he looked back down at Jane. Thankfully she didn't appear to have heard them. When the doctor turned his attention back to Nazario, he walked over to the bench and knelt down beside her. She stirred when he took her small hand in his and opened her eyes groggily.

"Hey…" she smiled.

Overcome with the sudden relief that she would be all right, he returned her smile with a mischievous grin of his own. "That's five."

**.x.x.x.**

Jane could have done without the pounding headache that came as a direct result from her over exposure to the element zero, but it was a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. As soon as they returned to the orbital station, Garrus hadn't wasted any time in removing the crates of eezo from the shuttle. After ensuring Mordin that she was fine, she followed him—at a safe distance—back to Batha's office.

Of course, John lashed out at them as soon as they walked in.

"That was a very funny stunt you pulled, Garrus," she overheard John growl at him. "If you weren't such an outstanding member of my crew, I'd leave your ass here!"

Garrus' laughter rumbled deep within his chest.

"Yeah well, hope it was worth it," he muttered. "Cause you left me here to do most of the work. Jacob can't hit shit."

The turian centered his eyes on Jane and smiled. Her heart skipped a beat. "It was."

**.x.x.x.**

With the cure in hand, the team—along with Dr. Hendricks and Batha—filed back into the shuttle. Jane had protested that it wasn't right to just leave the two of them there to do battle with any other batarians that might come looking for the antidote.

As soon as they were inside, John flicked his hand at Nazario. "Get him up!"

Mordin and Batha each grabbed an arm and propped the sick turian up so Dr. Hendricks could administer the vaccine. A few minutes of tense silence passed and then he uttered a low gurgling sound. After a few shallow coughs his eyes sprang open and he looked around at his surroundings in a panic.

John didn't even give him time to adjust. He lunged forward and seized the dealer by the collar. "You got your cure, Nazario, now talk! You have a shitload of explaining to do!"

"Wha—?" Nazario sputtered. He looked around the cabin frantically, his eyes coming to rest on Jane. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"Why did the batarians infect you in the first place?" John continued, ignoring his discomfort.

Jane knelt down calmly beside them.

"We know that the batarians convinced the scientists to create the cure by telling them that whole populations were being wiped out. But they lied." she said. "Are they planning on using this virus as a bioweapon?"

He took a deep breath, carefully weighing his options. "They infected me with the virus because I knew too much about their plan."

"You mean about assassinating their ambassador?"

"No," he told her. "It's all a cover. I discovered that the intended target is actually the council. Jath'Amon was never going to be assassinated. Instead he's behind the whole thing and he plans to release the virus onto the Citadel during his peace talk."

"Shit!" John muttered. He stood up and slammed his fist into the wall.

Jane keyed up her radio. "Joker, as soon as the shuttle docks in the cargo bay, take us to the Citadel."

"Aye-aye, Commander."


	16. Some Lost, Some Gained

**A/N: **I was really hoping to have this chapter posted yesterday in honor of Commander Shepard's birthday, but I made some last minute revisions and didn't make it in time. However, I am very satisfied with how it turned out, so in a way it's really good that I waited.

I wanted to take a moment to welcome all the new readers this story has gotten over the last couple of chapters, and remind those who've been with me for a while (some from the beginning) that I appreciate all of you! I always love hearing your thoughts and feedback! The recent response on Twitter has been phe-nom-e-nal! You guys are the best!

This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful Sisypheria, who also happens to share a birthday with Commander Shepard. ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>It's like a parallel reality. It's still the same history; it's just rewritten with a sort of darker edge." – Tess Mercer, Smallville<em>

**Chapter Sixteen – Some Lost, Some Gained**

It was amazing how quickly the Citadel had been repaired. The presidium was as idyllic as ever with its lush green trees and beautiful fountains. Though it would have been difficult to find anyone in the galaxy who hadn't heard of Sovereign's attack, from the looks of things now and the way people milled about peacefully, it was hard to believe that only a few short months ago the entire place had been in smoldering ruins.

Now another attack threatened the peace of its citizens; not as large of one as Sovereign had been, but far more insidious. There was no telling what the extent of the damage would be or the untold horrors unleashing a bioweapon of that magnitude upon the Citadel would create.

With little time to spare John and Jane rushed up the stairs to the Citadel Tower with the rest of the ground party right on their heels. The Councils' voices drifted to them as they ran; unaware that anything untoward loomed in their future.

"Do you think the batarians are stupid enough to go through with this crazy plan, even though they don't have the antidote?" John asked, giving Jane a sidelong glance.

"Who knows?" she puffed. She had resorted to taking the steps two at a time to keep up with John's pace. "They can always kidnap other scientists and force them to make the cure after the fact. Or the ones assigned to be the delivers of the disease could be on a suicide mission. It's not a risk I'm willing to take."

They reached the landing and Jane ran up a second set of stairs to the dais in which one could approach the Council, while John motioned with two fingers for the ground team to split up. Jacob and Miranda went to the right, and Garrus took his sniper rifle and disappeared off to the left. John waited only a few seconds for the team to get into position and then charged up to the platform after her.

Jath'Amon was nothing like Jane expected. She didn't know what she had expected, to be honest, but the fat, aging batarian sitting comfortably in a hover chair in front of her took her by complete surprise.

"That old-ass batarian is going to attack the Citadel?" John whispered, mirroring her confusion.

"What is the meaning of this?" Sparatus demanded before Jane could comment on John's remark. The turian councilor folded his arms authoritatively. "You'd better have a good explanation for just barging in here uninvited."

"The Citadel is in danger," she said. Her clear voice echoed loudly around the chamber. Out of the corner of her eye she saw John rest his hand over his sidearm. She looked over her shoulder at the ambassador. "Jath'Amon isn't here to negotiate peace; he plans to release a deadly virus."

"That is a wild accusation," Amon rumbled deeply.

"Indeed," said the Asari councilor. "One that won't be tolerated here."

"Do you have any idea who I am?"

"I know that you are working with the batarian terrorists responsible for all the attacks in the Nemean Abyss," Jane said, turning her back on Tevos to look him straight in the eye. "I know that you came here under the guise of participating in peace talks while your real intention was to murder the council."

"Commander Shepard!" came Udina's harsh reprimand. "Step off this platform at once! If you do not remove yourself immediately I shall have you arrested!"

"Spectres are above the law," John quipped matter-of-factly.

Jane could practically feel the heat radiating from Sparatus as he seethed back at John, "Spectres maybe, but you and your lunatic delusions have no place here."

"I _am_ a spectre!"

"I won't sit here and be insulted by this upstart!" Amon threatened. "You either get him out of here or you can forget any promise of peace!"

"He's playing you, can't you see that?" Jane protested. "There was never going to be any peace between the batarians and the Systems Alliance. It's all an act!"

"And why should we believe you? Where is your proof, Commander?" said Valern. The salarian had been quiet up until then.

She pressed her lips together in a thin line. No one was going to believe the words of a dying arms dealer. She didn't have any hard evidence to back up her claims, only hearsay, and her source lacked any sort of credibility.

"For once you're just going to have to trust me," she said.

"As I thought," he said, folding his arms. "You are wasting our time. Now, please leave. We are not going to ask you again."

"Just listen to me!" she pleaded. "I wouldn't take such a big risk if I wasn't sure."

"No, Commander." Tevos said, waving her arm with finality. "It is becoming all too apparent that you are falling under the influence of the questionable company you seem intent on keeping. For that reason nothing you say can be trusted anymore."

"What?" Jane asked incredulously. "You can't be serious!"

"It's obvious that you don't have the council or the galaxy's best interests in mind," Udina spat, somewhat smugly. Jane's hand unconsciously balled into a fist at her side as he ticked off his reasons on his fingers. "Since _he_ showed up you've conveniently forgotten all it was you claimed you stood for; instead choosing to run with Cerberus, allowing him to destroy the Citadel Tower, and last but not least disobeying a direct order."

"That 'direct order' would have gotten me and my entire team killed, and it was Sovereign who destroyed the tower!"

"This is bullshit," John said with a shake of his head. "If they're too high and mighty to recognize you're trying to save their asses then screw 'em. They deserve to die."

Jane lifted her arms into the air in a gesture of defeat just as a deafening boom reverberated around them.

"_Sniper!" _

Acting on instinct, both Jane and John dropped to the ground. She couldn't tell who had shouted out the warning, or where the shot had come from. It couldn't have been Garrus, because he wouldn't have pulled the trigger without orders…unless he saw something they didn't. From their vantage point it was impossible to tell what was going on.

Chaos erupted around them as the citizens around the tower screamed and ran in all directions. Another shot was fired, this time closer in range. She jerked her head up in the direction of the council. Although visibly shaken, they were still alive.

She jumped to her feet and pointed toward the closest exit. "Get them out of here!" she shouted at Udina. He nodded dumbly and, crouching down low, began to usher them out of the chamber.

She whipped back around to John. In the confusion Jath'Amon had managed to quietly slip away without either of them noticing.

"Garrus!" Jane called into the comm. "What's going on over there? Do you have a visual on the ambassador?"

No answer.

"Miranda, Jacob?"

The line buzzed in silence and a small ball of fear tightened in her throat. What was going on? Visions of Virmire flashed in her mind; the report of a sniper rifle, her mate lying face down in the water, dead.

"There!" John yelled. He thrust his finger toward the crowd trying to make their way to the elevator. The back of the ambassador's hover chair played peek-a-boo as people frantically rushed by. "He's getting away!"

"Go!" she cried.

She leapt off the dais, leaving behind her the staccato sounds of gunfire as she ran to catch up with John and Amon. Though the safety and whereabouts of her crew weighed heavily on her mind, they needed to find the location of the virus, and Jath'Amon was the one person that could tell them.

The throng of frightened people made it difficult to make any headway. Everyone was packed so tightly together that it was next to impossible for her and John to push their way through the bodies, and more than once they lost sight of their target. By the time they reached the elevator he had completely vanished from sight.

"Did you see him get in?" she asked John, fighting to regain her breath.

"No. Goddamn it, I can't see anything with all these people!" He pushed against the crowd to keep himself from getting trampled.

"It doesn't make sense. Why would he want to trap himself in the elevator?"

"You're right, he wouldn't. He just wants us to think that."

Jane stood on the tips of her toes, trying to scan over the crowd. A small white blob was quickly retreating off to their left. "Over there!"

John, being the stronger of the two, shoved his way through the droves. He emerged first and took off in a full sprint.

"Stop right there!" he bellowed at Amon.

Jane wedged past a group of krogan and stumbled out into the open, breathing a small sigh of relief before she broke into a jog. John had caught up with the batarian and was quickly closing the distance, his gun drawn and ready. Jath'Amon turned at the sound of his voice, raised the weapon he'd been concealing in the side of his chair, and fired.

"_John!"_

She watched, horrified, as John grabbed his neck and stumbled backward.

"Mother fuc—" John started to say, but he never made it to the end of the expletive. His knees buckled and he collapsed to the ground in a heap.

Yanking her own pistol from the holster at her side, she ran up to John and glanced down at him. A dart was still lodged in the skin of his neck.

"That," Jath'Amon chuckled ominously, "is an especially concentrated dose of the virus. He doesn't stand a chance, even with an antidote. So, I would advise you to stay where you are and let me go. I have plenty more where that came from."

A deep growl emanated from somewhere deep inside her chest and her lips curled up into a snarl as she looked from John to the batarian.

"Not a chance in hell," she vowed between clenched teeth and pulled the trigger.

Jath'Amon flailed backward and his hover chair tipped over, spilling him onto the ground. He rolled, covering the floor with a thick stain of blood. Jane approached him slowly, aiming her pistol at his head this time instead of his chest.

"You're…too late," he laughed, a horrible sound that sent chills down her spine.

His eyes rolled back in his head and his closed fist fell upon the ground, opening slightly to reveal a detonation device. No sooner had he uttered his last words then a hissing sound erupted from the bottom of his overturned chair, forcefully expelling wave after wave of deadly mist into the air.

Jane spun around quickly and grabbed John, dragging him across the floor and out of the direct spray. Then she brought up her omni-tool and quickly punched in the code that would allow her access to C-Sec's channels.

"Lock this place down," she ordered. "Don't let anybody leave!"

Once C-Sec had been informed that the virus was now airborne and everyone in the vicinity was potentially infected, she radioed the Normandy.

"Mordin, we have an emergency down here! Bring Chakwas, Hendricks, and Batha and every vial and canister of the cure you've got! And prepare the med-bay; John got the worst of it."

**.x.x.x.**

High above the council chamber, in a recessed alcove that not many people knew about, Garrus Vakarian perched quietly, his predatory eyes alternating between scanning the area for threats and watching the scene unfold below. While Jane and John argued with the council, begging them to listen to their warnings, he was busy determining the distance, windage, and drop from every possible angle someone could think to attack from. So far there weren't any signs of movement, but with the DOPE on his scope calculated, he was ready for anything.

Jane was trying so hard to remain calm and collected, but he could see that the council's outright refusal to hear what she was saying was starting to wear her down. He knew that failure was not an option for her, but at this point he had to agree more with John—if the council were too arrogant to listen to reason, there was only so much they could do.

His eyes swung from the petite commander to the batarian ambassador. For the most part he just sat quietly in his hover chair, occasionally inserting a comment about how insulted he was. But there was something off about him. Jane was right; it appeared that he was only acting the part about being indignant. When she raised her hands hopelessly, he caught Amon's almost imperceptible nod. And that's when he saw it; the bright flash of light reflecting off the glass of a spotting scope at the other end of the tower.

The shot echoed loudly around the chamber and somebody screamed.

From there everything slowed down. Once he saw that Jane, John, and the council were safe, his instincts kicked into overdrive. His sense of smell deepened, his hearing became more acute, and his eyes took on pinpoint accuracy as he honed in on the batarian who had dared to take a shot at his friends. He waited until his breathing reached its natural pause and then put his eye to the scope and squeezed the trigger.

The sound of the second shot being fired plunged the crowd into a panic and everyone that was able fled down the stairs toward the elevator. He had successfully taken out the batarian sniper, but several more extremists had been waiting in the wings for just the right moment to strike.

Garrus repositioned his rifle on the ledge, swinging the muzzle from one target to the next as he popped off shots. Faintly he heard Jane calling for him over the comm, but he was too engrossed to answer, as were Jacob and Miranda. It all happened so fast. The Cerberus operatives had been overwhelmed soon after he'd fired his first round and it was all he could do to keep them from being completely swamped. Unfortunately it wasn't enough, and to his horror, Jacob dropped. Swearing under his breath he covered Miranda as she knelt down to check on the soldier. From the worried expression on her face and the way she shook her head, things looked grim for Jacob.

Things continued to spiral out of control. Jath'Amon had slipped away during the ensuing panic and because Garrus had been busy trying to track down the other sniper and keep the heat off his teammates, he didn't see him leave. He heard John shout, demanding that the ambassador stop, and then watched powerlessly as his friend took a bullet and collapsed to the ground. Ejecting the heat sink on his rifle, he placed the crosshairs on the aging batarian, determined to get revenge. But just as he was about to pull the trigger, Jane stepped into his line of sight, raised her own gun, and shot the terrorist directly in the chest.

Suddenly there was a loud hissing sound and the bottom of Jath'Amon's chair began spray a thick mist everywhere. Jane dragged John to safety and when Garrus turned back to Miranda, she was finishing off the last merc in the group that had attacked them. He let out a strangled sigh of relief, but it was immediately followed by a crushing sense of dread. If he'd only been faster, more observant, maybe he could have saved his two friends. He was tempted to rush down there to check on the status of both John and Jacob, but his logical side argued that it would be better if he stayed where he was, playing the part of lookout and protector in case there were more pirates on the way.

C-Sec finally arrived at the scene and was now actively trying to lock down all the exits to keep people from leaving. The screams had died away, but whimpers of fright and distress still permeated the air. Jane crouched down next to John and felt for a pulse. A second later Mordin and the team of doctors arrived and took over. Garrus watched as she explained what happened to the salarian, sweeping her arm to encompass the entire Citadel Tower before pointing at John.

Satisfied that John was in the capable hands of the meticulous yet eccentric salarian, she got to her feet and walked over to Miranda and Jacob. Lawson had dropped to the ground and placed her hands on Jacob to stop the bleeding from the several gunshot wounds that peppered his chest. The deep crimson liquid spewed forth uncontrollably, quickly soaking through the white fingertips of her gloves. Jane shouted over her shoulder and Dr. Chakwas came running.

Their conversation floated up to him in his sniper nest.

"He's lost a lot of blood, Commander," Chakwas said solemnly.

Jane nodded. "As soon as Dr. Hendricks and Batha get the vaccine distributed, move both of them to the Normandy."

Worry etched itself all over her face, making the ever-so-slight lines in her forehead deepen as she wrinkled her brow in concern and looked back down at John regretfully. Chakwas squeezed her arm sympathetically and turned her attention to Jacob. Jane's eyes followed her as the doctor knelt down to attend to him, their normally brilliant color shrouded in sadness.

When she thought no one was looking, Jane walked away and slipped into a shaded area underneath one of the balconies. Once there, she ran her hands restlessly through her hair and leaned against one of the giant pillars with a sigh. It felt almost like an invasion of privacy; staring down at her the way he was without her knowing it. And yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. In that instant she was vulnerable; just a woman with who had the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders, scared and unsure like all the rest. Several more minutes passed and then she took a deep breath and stepped back into the light.

He was totally unprepared for what happened next. As soon as she walked back into the open, she looked up, scanning the balcony above her as though she were searching for something. The urgency in her eyes was something that he couldn't quite place. Did she sense that there was a still a threat? Was she expecting more of Jath'Amon's men? Maybe he should look around and investigate.

Lifting his rifle off the ledge he stood up and inadvertently gave away his position. The moment he realized his mistake he dropped to his knees, but it was too late; she had already spotted him. He froze, unable and unwilling to break eye contact. Every muscle in his body went rigid as he held his breath and waited. He waited for indignation, sure and swift, to erase the last vestiges of remorse from her face as she realized he had been spying on her. He worried that the closeness that had been steadily developing between them would now vanish, and he wouldn't blame her one bit for being mad at him. He shouldn't have intruded on such a private moment of self-doubt.

But the embarrassment and anger that he was expecting never came. Instead, a wide smile spread across her lips as her body relaxed, and suddenly that moment, which had been so fraught with tension and fear only seconds earlier, was now one that he would never forget. For the relief in her eyes told him, more than words ever could, that it was him that she had been searching for up there on the balcony.

**.x.x.x.**

John woke up in the med-bay with the bright florescent lights stabbing into his eyes like mercilessly sharp knives. All he could see when he parted one lid wearily was searing white light, followed immediately by heavy throbbing in his temples. It very nearly took his breath away and he hurriedly squeezed his eyes closed again, determined not to make the same mistake twice.

Unfortunately, he was not alone in the room. Someone had witnessed his attempt at waking up, because they shouted and moments later Jane appeared at his bedside. Just the person he wanted to see when he felt like shit.

He barely managed to stifle his groan of displeasure.

"John?" she beckoned in a voice softer than he'd ever heard her use before.

Momentarily he contemplated not answering in the hope that she would assume he'd gone back to sleep, or passed out, or whatever. But she reached out and gently shook him by the shoulder.

This time he did groan. "Unnngh…how much did I drink?"

Behind her someone snorted.

"You're not hung over," Jane said slowly. "You are recovering from a extremely high concentration of the virus. Jath'Amon shot you with a dart full of it at pointblank range."

"What?" John opened his eyes, this time ignoring the blinding light, and tried to sit up.

Using very little effort—which was ridiculous, in his opinion—Jane placed her hand on his chest and held him down. He sank back to the hard pillow with a defeated sigh. Bits and pieces of them arguing with the council and him chasing down the ambassador flashed across his mind.

"You're lucky," she continued. "Mordin did an analysis of the dose you were given; it would have killed anyone else. If it weren't for your cybernetics and the upgrades Cerberus gave you, you'd have died right there on the Citadel."

John shifted his shoulders to find a more comfortable position and was rewarded with another series of sharp throbs as the blood rushed to his forehead. He moaned and rubbed a spot just over his right eyebrow. "I'd rather have the hangover. At least then I would've had some fun the night before."

Jane laughed.

"So, what now?"

"Well, even though we have the cure, we don't really know what we're dealing with as far as the virus and its symptoms are concerned. Because of that Dr. Chakwas wanted to keep you in the med-bay for a couple more days for observation."

"Great." Being confined to a mattress that had about as much thickness to it as the exercise mats in the cargo bay was right at the top of his list of shit he didn't need to do.

Jane sensed his reluctance and patted him on his shoulder sympathetically. "You'll do fine. Better safe than sorry, right?"

He rolled his eyes in response and let his head fall to the right. On the far side of the room another body occupied a bed very similar to his. The grogginess from the virus and the space that separated the two beds made it difficult to see any details other than the tubes and wires that hooked the person up to a bunch of different machines.

"Who's that over there?" he asked, nodding his head in their general direction.

"Jacob," she said after a long pause. "He took a couple of really bad hits. It…uh…it doesn't look good."

"What about Miranda and Garrus?"

"Everybody else is okay. You two were the only casualties. Well, unless you count Jath'Amon, but…" She trailed off since there wasn't a point to finishing the sentence. "You really should get some rest."

He was going to argue with her, but he didn't have the energy. Faintly he heard her talking to the other person in the room and then moments later he was asleep.

However, it was not as deep as he would have liked it to be. The lingering effects of the virus were making him miserable; he'd be burning up with fever during one moment and freezing cold the next. The stiff mattress didn't help and he continually tossed and turned, never quite finding the spot that would finally allow him to relax. And he couldn't be sure if he was dreaming or not, but on several occasions he thought he caught a glimpse of Miranda walking back and forth in front of his bed.

He awoke sometime later, though it was almost impossible to guess how long he'd been out. It could have been hours or days for all he knew. His headache was gone though and the grogginess had receded, so it must have been a substantial amount of time. Dr. Chakwas came over to check on him, taking his temperature and noting it in her omni-tool.

"How do you feel?" she asked once she was finished.

"Cold and hungry," he replied. Just the mere mention of being cold sent shivers running up and down his arms, and he pulled the blanket around him more securely to help keep in the heat.

"Well your condition is improving nicely. I'd say you'd be safe to try and eat something if you're up for it. I could have Gardner make you some soup."

"Okay."

She smiled and nodded, and after taking one last look at his vital signs she left the med-bay in search of the mess sergeant.

Exhaling a slow breath he scrubbed his palms over his face and then pushed himself into a sitting position. Except for Jacob he was alone in the med-bay and the injured soldier really wasn't much company. In fact, he looked exactly the same from the last time he saw him: beat up and unconscious.

The door whooshed open but instead of seeing the doctor holding a bowl of soup like he was expecting, Miranda walked in. So he hadn't been dreaming after all. He smiled, elated that she had come to check on him but it quickly faded as she bypassed his bed completely and went up to Jacob.

Jealously flared to the surface, making his skin tingle hotly. What in the hell made Jacob so damn special that she couldn't even cast a glance his way as she sauntered by?

He cleared his throat. "Um…I'm hurt too, ya know."

She turned around slowly and looked at him. Her face was expressionless. He flashed her a sly smile and raised his eyebrows provocatively.

"You look fine to me," was all she said.

"But I'm not. I don't see anyone else here that was infected with the virus."

"Everyone on the citadel—including your crew—had to be inoculated. We were all infected," she returned matter-of-factly, taking the wind right out of his sails.

"Yeah, but the dose I got would have killed a lesser man."

"What's your point?"

"My point is I deserve some attention too."

"Ugh." She shook her head and turned back to Jacob.

He paused, letting a few minutes drift by in silence. Then he said, "So what's it going to take?"

"For what?"

"For me to get your attention?"

"A chest full of bullet holes."

"That's not very nice."

She spun on him and he pursed his lip out in a playful pout.

"This is all a game to you isn't it?" she spat, pointing back at Jacob as she walked over to him. "You don't care that he's lying in that bad fighting for his life, or the fact that I'm alive because of him. All you care about is your goddamned self!"

John spread his hands wide to indicate his bed. "Um, hello? Did you miss the part about the super high concentration of the virus? I'm not sitting here because I feel like it."

"You're an asshole," she stated flatly and walked out of the room.

**.x.x.x.**

It had been a long, grueling day and nothing sounded better at the moment than a hot shower followed by a glass of wine and a good book. John had been asleep for a couple of hours now and the last report she had gotten from Dr. Chakwas was that he was steadily improving. Her prognosis for Jacob, on the other hand, had been considerably bleaker. The damage to his internal organs was too great, the doctor told her gravely, and his body was in the process of shutting down. All they could do was make him as comfortable as possible while they waited for the inevitable.

The mission had been far from successful and the outcome continued to weigh heavily on Jane. Even though they managed to distribute the vaccine to all those on the Citadel who had been infected by the virus, two of her own people had been injured in the process, and she couldn't help wondering if there was anything else they could've done that would have prevented that from happening.

She bade good night to Chakwas and slowly wandered out into the mess hall. Although fatigue was quickly settling over her body, making her limbs ache and her eyes burn, she found herself staring down the long corridor at the door to the main battery. Seeing Garrus up there on that balcony earlier had been a tremendous relief. Just knowing that had been protecting them put her at ease. But it was more than that. Garrus could always be counted on for that sort of thing. But just being there for her, offering up that reassuringly little half-smile of his, had been enough to give her the boost of confidence she needed to get back out into the fray and take charge like the commander she was.

On an impulse she changed course and hurried down the corridor, wondering if it was too late or if he would still be up doing calibrations. She laughed. When did he _not_ have something to calibrate. She was about to knock when her hand froze in midair. What was she going to say to him? After all, it was a pretty bold move to just show up unannounced at his door. She wasn't ready for that…not yet.

Backing up slowly so she wouldn't give herself away, she tiptoed back down the walkway and hurried around the corner to her office. However, she was surprised to find that the very person she was avoiding was quietly pacing and muttering to himself outside the door to her own quarters.

"Garrus? What're you doing?"

"Jane! Um…hi. I was just…uh…" he cleared his throat. "Okay, I know this looks bad."

She fought the urge to smile as she thought about how easily their roles could have been reversed.

"I was just coming to see how you were doing," he said, anxious to fill the silence, even if it meant that he continued to ramble. "You know, 'cause things didn't necessarily go as planned…and then there's John…"

Jane's amused expression turned to one of sympathy as she realized what had really brought him to her.

"Hey," she said, reaching out to touch his arm. "It's all right. He'll be okay."

"It's not just him. Jacob…If I'd only moved faster, or paid closer attention, maybe I could've…"

"Garrus, if you hadn't taken out that sniper when you did he might have succeeded in killing one of the council members, or one of us! And from what I've heard, you kept the majority of the fire off Miranda and Jacob, allowing me and John to track down the ambassador, so don't tell me you haven't done enough!"

She hadn't meant to speak so vehemently, but the last thing she was going to allow was for him to think that John and Jacob's injuries were his fault. The end of her sentence died around them as his brilliant blue eyes narrowed and stared into hers intently.

Her heart started doing somersaults in her chest.

She tried to laugh to dispel the sudden tension, but her voice cracked. "I just don't know how I'm going to catch up with you now."

His mandibles twitched and then spread into a wide turian grin.

"Feel a little better?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Jane."

"Anytime. Good night, Garrus."

She watched him as he walked around the corner and once he was out of sight she rushed into her room, set the panel controls on the door to 'lock', and slid down the length of the wall.

That was too close. If he had stared at her like that any longer, she would have completely lost what self-control she had left.

**.x.x.x.**

Dr. Chakwas released John from the med-bay the next afternoon on the condition that he only performed light duties as needed and didn't go charging into any battles during the next couple of days. Later that night, Jacob succumbed to his injuries. The following morning on the Normandy was a somber one. Though he was not well known with the crew, his loss was felt by all, especially those members who were a part of John's original team because they had known a different incarnation of him and to them it was like losing the same person twice.

But life, much like time, marched on. The crew, desperate for some type of comfort and reassurance, gathered around the tables in the mess hall to commiserate and soon their lamentations gave way to laughter and talk of more lighthearted things. When the alcohol started flowing freely, everyone finally began loosening up.

"So I imagine the Council were pretty shame-faced when you went back to talk to them," Kaidan said to John and Jane. "Must be hard eating crow like that."

John scoffed and took a long draught from his beer bottle.

"You would think," Jane began, a small smile of amusement playing across her lips, "that actually proving to them we were right all along in such a public manner would make them realize that we're not full of shit, but it didn't."

"You're kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. Isn't that crazy? We save their lives, prevent thousands of people from dying from a blood plague, and they _still_ won't believe us about the Reapers."

"I told you so," John retorted. "They're a bunch of assholes. I don't know why you care so much."

Jane didn't respond and he took her silence as her way of admitting he was right.

"Well what do we do now?" Ashley asked.

"Same thing we were going to do before all this happened," he told her. "Nothing's changed. The plan to ask the Illusive Man for help is still on."

Behind them Jack let out a string of mostly unintelligible curse words. She had taken up residence on the kitchen counter and had one dirty shoe planted firmly on the countertop while she let the other leg dangle free off the side. At the moment all her attention was focused on fraying the laces of her boot.

"Care to share that with the rest of the class?" John teased.

"Fuck you," she said, lifting her cheek off her knee to fix him with a hateful glare. "I don't want any part of your buddy-buddy love group over there."

"Come on, Jack," Garrus rumbled. "A little group therapy might actually do you some good."

She jumped at the sound of his voice, clearly not expecting him to just suddenly appear behind her. He hadn't made an effort to be quiet during his walk from the main battery to the mess hall, but he seemed to relish in the fact that he'd caught her off guard.

"Or hey, I could just slit my wrists. That'd be fun too."

He chuckled at her comment and playfully ran his hand over her bald head, a move that only Garrus could've gotten away with. Anybody else would have been thrown across the room by angry blast of biotic power. John's eyes darted across the table to where Jane was sitting, waiting to see if she would react to the turian touching another woman affectionately. She narrowed her eyes in confusion when she caught him looking at her, but other than that her expression didn't change.

Jesus, what did Garrus see in her? She had about as much personality as an elcor. Either she was really good at hiding her feelings or his friend was just fooling himself.

Moments later Garrus slipped into the empty seat beside her and leaned back with a casual grin.

Jane angled her head back to give him a sidelong glance and smiled. "How are you even still alive right now?"

"What, that? Me and Jack," he said, pointing his finger between him and the biotic, "we understand each other."

Jack grunted and went back to fiddling with her boot and Jane just shook her head with a laugh.

John got up and went to the fridge to get another beer and then, using his free hand he opened the one specifically for dextro DNA and grabbed a bottle of the turian equivalent. "So, when you gonna take off that bandage?" he asked, tossing the bottle at Garrus.

Garrus caught it, popped the cap off, and set it down on the table in front of him as he contemplated. "Well, there aren't any krogan women here, so I guess I'd be safe. Which is good 'cause I really don't feel like getting mauled right now."

"Only krogan females would find your ugly ass attractive," John joked, plopping back into his own chair.

Jane covered his lips with her fingers and looked down at the table as a slight blush rose to her cheeks.

_Well, well. Maybe not only krogan females_, John thought to himself as he glanced back at Garrus to see if he'd noticed. Of course he hadn't. Maybe his initial assessment had been wrong; maybe she did mirror some of the feelings the stupid turian had for her.

He leaned forward. "Am I right? What do you think, Jan—"

"Unbelievable. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!"

Jack's head reared up at the sound of the voice she hated most in the universe. "What's the Cerberus bitch doing here?" she asked John testily.

Miranda ignored her pointed remark and continued on with her tirade. "How can all of you sit there, drinking and carousing, when a good man has just lost his life? And you two," she spit, pointing at both of the commanders, "I expected better you!"

"Maybe this is how my team copes," John answered with measured sarcasm.

"So you use someone dying as an excuse to throw a party?" she sneered.

"What does it matter to you?" His jealously over Miranda's apparent affection over Jacob was returning in full force. "You only met him a few days ago!"

"That's not the point. The way you're acting is inexcusable and a disgrace to everything he fought so hard for!"

"We all fought hard!" Clenching his teeth, he got out of his seat to look her right in the eye. "Maybe if he'd fought harder he'd still be with us right now!"

Jane groaned and covered her eyes with her hands.

Miranda's open palm smacked hard against his cheek. "You son-of-a-bitch!"

"Let me at her, Shepard!" Jack called out, sliding off the kitchen counter. "This time I'll mop the floor with her self-righteous ass!"

"Where do I get in that line?" Ashley quipped.

John held out his hand to stay the biotic. He didn't need this shit.

"I don't know who the hell you are," Miranda said icily, "but if you think you can take me on—"

"Oh you're in for a rude awakening, sweetheart!"

"You go get her Jack!" Ashley encouraged pounding her balled fist into her other hand. "Give her one for me, too!"

"_Enough!_" he yelled. "Jack, you so much as move and I promise you, you'll live to regret it!"

"What? You're actually taking the cheerleader's side?"

"Jack!"

"This is bullshit," she snarled.

She skewered Miranda with a look that could have easily pinned her to the wall and then raged out of the mess area. The rest of the group had risen to their feet and were now watching John and Lawson with nervous anticipation.

Miranda didn't wait for anyone else to add their comments. She whirled around haughtily and stormed down the hall. John took off after her.

"Hey!" he called out, catching up to her just outside the crew quarters. "I suggest you remember who you're dealing with here! I _will not_ be talked to like that on my own ship!"

"I suggest _you_ remember that _I_ don't work for you! I'm so glad this mission is nearly over with and that soon I won't have to deal with you!" she screamed and rushed into the barracks, leaving him standing out there in the hall like an idiot.

"Yeah, well, _so am I!_" he shouted at the closed door. Then he stalked to the elevator and punched the wall once he was inside. _Goddamn it!_

He hadn't been in his room very long when someone knocked on his door. What did he have to do to get a little peace and quiet on this ship? He trudged back up the small staircase and unlocked the keypad, ready to tell whoever it was to 'fuck off'. Williams stood out in the hall, her arms folded awkwardly across her chest.

"Hey," she said when he opened the door. She put her hands on her hips and gave him a cocky smile. "Nasty business that was down there…want some company?"

He looked past her to the elevator, his eyes going unfocused as he thought about what had transpired between him and Miranda, wondering how he was going to fix the damage their tempers had caused, or if she would even talk to him again

He didn't want to think about it anymore.

"Yeah." He stepped to one side to allow Ashley to enter. "Come on in."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **For those of you interested in contacting me outside of , I created a Facebook page under Jamiepage19. You can find me there, on Twitter, and on my website. Check out my profile for me details. ~J


	17. Mixed Emotions

**A/N: **I took a bit longer than usual on this chapter because I wanted it to be absolutely perfect. I have agonized over it! I also want to start posting updates weekly again, so I waited to put this up until I was almost done with the next chapter, that way I won't leave everyone hanging for so long in between.

I was really pleased with the response I got from everyone regarding the last chapter. Part of the problem with posting a story one chapter at a time is that it's not always obvious what my overall plan is until. Hopefully this helps to explain some things :)

This particular chapter is very special to me. I think it ranks right up there with chapter 10 in my list of favorites. I hope you guys enjoy it! And as always, please tell me what you think! ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>On my lips your memory has been stained." — Hell Is Living Without You, Alice Cooper<em>

**Chapter Seventeen – Mixed Emotions **

Ashley strode across the exercise mat with a fat, satisfied smile and picked up the pair of boxing gloves that were sitting next to the punching bag. Jane took another sip of coffee and watched her over the top edge of her datapad as the chief slid her hands in and made the necessary adjustments.

"Hi, Ash," she said.

"Whoa, Skipper!" Ashley breathed, bringing one bulky hand to her chest. "You startled me."

"Sorry, thought you saw me."

"What're you doing down here?"

Jane set the datapad down and took another sip from her mug. "I just wanted a change of scenery, you know? It gets boring after seeing the same four walls day in and day out."

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense, I guess." She turned away, the small smile never leaving her lips.

"You're sure grinning like you're on top of the world. I take it something good happened?" Jane commented.

"You could say that," she said, touching her ears to each shoulder to stretch her neck out. She then shook out her arms and started delivering blows to the hanging punching bag located in the corner.

When Ashley suddenly wouldn't look directly at her, Jane's suspicions immediately kicked into high gear. There was only one reason why she would want to hide something from her.

"Oh Ash, you didn't…"

"And what if I did?" Ashley demanded, taking her eyes off the bag to glare at her harshly as she continued to pummel it. The anger that flashed through them made Jane take a step back. "What's so wrong with that?"

"Because you don't know John!" she tried to explain.

"Neither do you!"

"I know enough about him to know it's not a good idea. Look at what happened last night. Is that the kind of man you want to be involved with?"

"You don't know anything. That bitch pushed him too far!"

She slammed her fist into the bag so hard that she sent it swinging around madly on the hook it was hanging from. Jane pressed her lips together in a thin line as everything started to make sense. Ashley was jealous.

"You are traveling down a dangerous road," she cautioned. "And despite what you think, there's a good chance things won't end up the way you want them to."

"You have no idea how I want things to end up," Ashley said, wiping the sweat off her brow with her forearm. "Unless it concerns the mission, you just need to stay out of my business."

Jane winced at her harsh words. "Ash, I'm not acting as your commanding officer right now; I'm trying to be your friend."

"If you're my friend then why can't you just be happy for me and stop being so damn judgmental?"

"I wasn—"

"I don't look down on you for having feelings for Garrus."

She frowned. "That is entirely different. And besides, he's dead now, so what's your point?"

"Are you really that blind, Shepard?" Ashley scoffed. "I see the way he looks at you and the way you look at him."

"What are you talking about?" Inside her ribcage, her heart began to beat a little faster.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," she said. "But I don't condemn you for it. I don't say anything. Why? Because it's your choice."

"I—" Jane faltered. When did the conversation go from being about Ashley sleeping with John to talking about her budding feelings for Garrus? She needed to get it back on track and quickly. "I just don't want to see you get your heart stomped on, that's all."

"Yeah well, my heart is not your concern. I know what I'm doing."

"And if it turns out he's just using you?"

"We're both using each other. If you must know, it was actually me who suggested we keep things casual in the first place."

Jane frowned again. She knew just as well as Ashley did that regardless of how the arrangement may have started out, it wasn't that way anymore. After a long pause she relented. Picking up her datapad she cast one more look at her friend and then said, "All right, if you say so. I'll catch up with you later, Ash."

Ashley didn't bother to look at her as she resumed taking her frustrations out on the punching bag.

"See ya, Commander."

**.x.x.x.**

"What have you got there, Tali?" Kaidan asked.

The quarian was standing in front of the long table in the mess area, meticulously sorting and categorizing a bunch of parts that were laying on its surface into piles and logging them in her datapad.

"These are just some spare parts I've managed to salvage during a couple of missions we went on," she told him. "My father asked me to send him anything I find on the geth, and right now I'm just making sure that everything is deactivated."

"Yeah, I imagine sending active geth parts to the Flotilla wouldn't be a good thing," he laughed.

"No, it wouldn't," she said. He could sense her grin behind her helmet. "So what are you up to?"

"Not much. Doing my best to kind of lay low right now, know what I mean? Seems like tensions are running a bit high with the Cerberus personnel on board. Sad thing about Jacob, though."

"I didn't really have the chance to get to know him that well, but he seemed nice," Tali said. She leaned over and placed a circuit board in a pile with others like it.

A moment of silence passed between them as she continued to divide her scrap. Finally he said, "Have you spoken to Jane lately?"

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. "No. Why? Is she okay?"

"I was just wondering if she'd talked to you or anything," Kaidan shrugged, "about the mission or otherwise."

"No. Come to think about it, she really hasn't talked to me about anything in a long time."

"Yeah. Me neither. Don't you find that kind of strange?"

"Well, sort of. With the all the stress of the past few missions I expected she would've talked to one of us. She always has in the past. But she's been really busy. Maybe there just hasn't been ti—" Tali stopped, tilting her head quizzically as she gazed through the window of the med bay.

"What is it?" Kaidan asked, following her gaze. He couldn't see anything that would have grabbed the quarian's attention so suddenly.

"Nothing. I must be spending too much time with these parts," she laughed. "I'm starting to imagine geth walking around the ship now."

"Sounds like you could use a break."

"You're right." She dusted off her hands and turned her back on the med bay windows. "So why did you want to know if Shepard's talked to me recently? Are you worried?"

"Quite the opposite, actually," he said, crossing his arms. "I've noticed a big change in her the last couple of months. She's happier than she has been…since Garrus…well, you know. I was just curious to see if you knew the reason behind it."

"You've noticed that too, huh? It's like all of a sudden something just changed."

"Whatever it is, I'm glad. She deserves to be happy."

"Oh…oh!" Tali cried, rapidly waving her hands in the air as her excitement gathered momentum. "She's been spending a lot of time in the main battery with Garrus lately. You don't think—"

"These pieces appear to be from several different units. The peripherals are quite outdated. This p-l-l-latform runs on far more advanced programs."

Tali spun around at the speed of light, affording Kaidan a clear view of who had crept up behind them. Or _what_ was more like it. Before their startled eyes stood a fully functional geth. It definitely looked like it had seen its share of battle, as it had a gaping hole in its torso and several scorch marks all over its abdomen and shoulders. It was also brazenly wearing a piece of N7 armor, though neither of them could begin to guess why.

It looked at them more with curiosity than malicious intent, the flaps around its single light lifting and falling several times as it looked from the quarian back down to the table of scattered bits and pieces. From behind, Kaidan placed his hands on Tali's upper arms and slowly began to back up. The geth might appear to be non-threatening at the moment, but he didn't want any sudden movements to trigger it to attack.

"We do not understand," it said with a series of robotic clicks. "If Creator Zorah simply wanted to study geth, why not come directly to us?"

"What did it just call you?"

Tali wrenched out of his grip and yanked her knife from the sheath on the side of her leg. "I don't care what it said, and I'm not waiting to find out what it meant!"

She raised her knife in the air and charged at the geth and Kaidan took the opportunity while it was distracted to dash behind it and catch hold of its arms, pinning them behind its back so that Tali could have clear area to attack.

"Tali, Kaidan, stop!" She stopped mid-swing, the blade hanging in the air just inches away from its neck. Garrus ran down the gangplank with his arm stretched out in front of him. "That's Legion!"

"What's going on out here?" Jane demanded breathlessly as she rounded the corner.

"There's a geth on this ship!" Tali stated in a voice that was coming dangerously close to outright yelling. She thrust the hand still holding the large knife its direction. Kaidan still hadn't let go of it. "Somebody tell me _why_ there is an _active_ geth on this ship!"

"Legion is one of John's crew members," Jane explained. "He had been deactivated up until a little while ago."

"We have determined that at least forty percent of the crew will be hostile toward this platform," Legion stated.

"Let it go, Kaidan," Jane coaxed. He released it reluctantly and stepped back with a wary frown.

"And it didn't cross your mind that maybe you should tell us about it?" Tali fired at her.

The commander reached out and squeezed her arm. "I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to tell you. I only just found out myself and then the whole 'virus' thing came up…"

"You still should have told me," Tali sniffed stubbornly and glanced back at Legion. "Just because it's here and claims to be part of the crew doesn't mean I have to like it. I'll be watching it and if it so much as moves wrong it's going to get up close and personal with my shotgun."

"Legion's not going to attack us, Tali," Jane assured her. "It's on our side."

"Fine." She gathered her collection of parts from the table and made her way out of the mess hall.

"S-s-second Shepard-Commander," Legion stuttered as its systems glitched. "Our records indicate that Creator Zorah died when the Normandy traveled through the Omega 4 relay. Please clarify."

"Not now, Legion," Jane moaned, burying her face in her hand. "I'll explain everything later, okay?"

Tali stiffened and stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around slowly to give it what Kaidan assumed was the look of death behind the smooth glass of her helmet. Even he couldn't resist smiling as he glanced between the two of them.

"I'll be down in engineering," she said finally and stalked off. Then he heard he murmur under her breath, "Bosh'tet."

**.x.x.x.**

Garrus looked on as Jane tried to explain to Legion everything that had happened. Since the time warp had caused its systems to crash and the loss of its connection with the geth collective was preventing it from fully rebooting, it had no idea that some of John's former crew mates were now on the Normandy again. Jane was being incredibly patient, as was her wont, but he had stopped listening to them a while ago. Instead he was running another conversation through his head, one that had taken place right before Legion had decided to introduce himself to Tali.

Kaidan and the quarian had been having a discussion out in the mess area, unaware of Garrus' superior hearing, when all of a sudden the subject turned to Jane. It seemed that neither of them had talked to her lately and it was so out of character for her that they were beginning to get worried. Or jealous, he thought. The truth of the matter was that he had been talking with Jane. A lot. She made it a point to speak to him at least once a day, and not all of it was mission related. Most of their chit-chat was about random things; likes and dislikes, opinions on this or that, and John. Jane loved hearing about what John had been like before she'd known him. But now as he listened to her crew he was suddenly overcome with remorse. Though she'd chosen to seek him out, he couldn't help but feel he was taking her away from her friend and the person she should be talking to the most—Kaidan.

Then something happened that Garrus was not expecting. Instead of putting on a childish display and complaining that Jane never spent time with him anymore, Kaidan asked Tali if he'd noticed how happy she'd been as of late.

"_I've noticed a big change in her the last couple of months. She's happier than she has been…since Garrus…well, you know. I was just curious to see if you knew the reason behind it," Kaidan's voice drifted through the metal door. _

_Garrus stopped what he was doing and moved closer to it so he could hear them better. She'd been happier since he'd done what? His brain moved at mach speed as he tried to figure out what the biotic was talking about. It could have been any number of things. Since he'd saved her life, since a real friendship had started growing between them, since the night he carried her to bed and she kissed him. He could drive himself crazy trying to think of what Kaidan meant. _

"_You've noticed that too, huh? It's like all of a sudden something just changed."_

_What Kaidan said next had him gripping the wall in an effort to stay upright. "Whatever it is, I'm glad. She deserves to be happy." Those were not the words of a jealous lover but the words of a concerned friend, one who was genuinely relieved to see her in better spirits. _

_As if his heart wasn't pounding enough with excitement, Tali's next sentence nearly made it pop out of his chest. _

"_She's been spending a lot of time in the main battery with Garrus lately. You don't think…" _

_At that point he stopped listening. His mind reeled as he tried to absorb everything they were saying. Was he responsible for Jane's change in demeanor? He too had noticed that Jane seemed to come alive more when she was around him. And if Kaidan wasn't upset by that, but relieved instead, then that meant…_

_That meant that he and Jane weren't together._

The sound of Legion's broken speech pattern and Tali's shouting had put an end to his inner musings, and he had rushed out in the nick of time to stop the quarian from decapitating the geth.

"Garrus?" He blinked as Jane's face swam into view and he felt her touch his arm. She smiled warmly at him and laughed, "What're you thinking about so intensely over here?"

He stared deeply into her bright green eyes, holding her gaze as he admired her in a whole new light. "Nothing."

She accepted his answer without question and turned to go. He hopped off the exam table that he'd been sitting on and fell into step behind her.

"Jane?" he said suddenly. "Do you have minute to talk?"

She frowned. "I was just on my way up to speak with John."

"Never mind then. It can wait."

Her eyes narrowed as she studied him, and he hoped the disappointment wasn't too evident in his voice. Maybe what he had planned to say wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Tell you what," she began, "why don't you come to my cabin later on tonight and then we can talk?"

_Her cabin?_ He resisted the urge to gulp and tried to sound as confident as possible. "I'll be there."

**.x.x.x. **

Three loud knocks sounded on John's door, despite the fact that the panel granting access was red.

"John? Are you in there? I need to talk to you," Jane called out through the metal.

He placed his elbows on the desk in front of the monitor and let his head fall into his hands as he groaned. He wasn't really in the mood for talking, but he knew Jane wasn't likely to give up and go away either.

"I've got beer…"

He got out of his chair and unlocked the panel. Jane was standing in the hallway holding two bottles and held one up by the neck, waving it back and forth enticingly when he appeared.

"What is this?" he asked. He braced his arm on the door frame to prevent her from crossing the threshold.

"Call it a peace offering," she shrugged. "Or a bribe. Whatever works. May I come in?"

He looked at the beer, the glass bottle wet and dripping with condensation, and then stepped aside, silently swinging his left arm into the room.

"Okay, now I'm jealous," she said with a smile as she handed him the bottle and looked around. "Don't get me wrong. I mean, I love my cabin and all, but it doesn't have a fish tank."

She walked over to the glass and stood for a few minutes, staring in child-like wonder at all the different species of fish that were swimming around happily in their watery home.

"God, they're so beautiful," she whispered.

"I don't really pay much attention to them," he admitted with a casual lift of his shoulder. Honestly he was surprised the damn things were even still alive at this point. Kelly must have been feeding them.

"You should. Maybe if you took a moment to relax and unwind once in a while, you wouldn't be so on edge all the time."

"Excuse me?" This coming from the one person on the ship that was perhaps the most uptight of them all. He didn't know whether to laugh at the absurdity of her statement or kick her out.

"Oh come on, John," she said, fixing him with a look that clearly told him she thought he was full of shit. "What was all that in the mess hall yesterday?"

He twisted the cap off his beer and threw the tiny piece of tin back toward the door. He didn't want to talk about Miranda, especially with her.

"Call it a knee-jerk reaction to be cornered and bitched at," he said finally, knowing that Jane wouldn't relent until she got some type of an answer.

"It was more than that. You went completely ape-shit. I expected a bit more professionalism out of you." She popped the top of her own drink and sat down on the couch. "A lot more, actually."

"Did you just come up here to nag at me?" Last time he ever let her come in, he decided.

"No, I came up here to find out what the hell's wrong with you." She crossed one leg over the other and leaned back on the cushion. "That sort of reaction was over the top, even for you."

"That's a sweet offer, it really is, but nothing's wrong. So you can leave now." He gestured towards the door.

Again he got that pointed look from her.

"Oh no? Well, what about Jacob, huh? He was a damn good soldier, and he gave his life protecting us and the Citadel. He definitely didn't deserve your snide remarks."

John sighed irritably.

"See? Just like that," Jane said, the tone in her voice escalating as she got more wound up. "What did that man ever do to you to warrant such derision?"

_Besides trying to steal Miranda and generally being a pain in my ass?_

"Damn it, John!" she exclaimed, slamming her bottle down on the coffee table. "You are a commanding officer! Even if you don't like a particular crew member, you still show them some goddamn respect! Especially when they've given their life in the line of duty!" She rose and started pacing in the space between his bed and the table. "What you did was rude, childish, and _completely_ unacceptable!"

With one long gulp he finished nearly half his beer, but remained stubbornly silent. It only seemed to aggravate her more. She strode up to him and snatched the bottle from his hand as he raised it to his lips again.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" she shouted.

He could have gone off on her, could have ranted and raged, screaming at her to get the fuck out and leave him alone and she would've accepted it because that's just the kind of person he was. But he didn't. Instead he turned around and for the first time really took a moment to look inside his aquarium, watching as the seaweed swayed idly in the current generated by the filter. When was the last time he just sat and sorted out his thoughts? When was the last time he thought about anything other than Miranda? He couldn't even remember.

"You're right." He took his bottle from Jane's hand with a defeated sigh and looked down at it, swirling what was left around in the bottom. "Jacob was a good man. And I've already mourned his death once. Forgive me if I find his," he paused, trying to come up with an adequate description, "_replacement_ a little substandard."

Jane's eyes widened as she realized what he meant. "What happened?"

John took a deep breath and rolled his head around on his shoulders. He hated talking about his feelings; all it did was gum up the works with pointless touchy-feely crap. He'd always been the 'whatever it takes' kind of man who usually did what he wanted and asked questions later. But as much as he hated to admit Jane might be right, maybe keeping how he felt about the deaths of his crew to himself was starting to have repercussions.

"It was a suicide mission. We all knew it going in." He sat heavily on the couch and Jane sank down next to him, placing her arm along the back of it. "But that didn't stop us. We charged in with a 'no guts, no glory' attitude, determined to hit the Collectors where it hurt. We lost several crew members on the way through the Omega 4 relay, and the others inside the base. By the time we got the hell out of there, we were down over half. We should have upgraded the ship more or done, I don't know, something."

"You can't fix the past, John, and dwelling on it doesn't help. I should know. But maybe we can use what you know to change the future, save more lives this time around."

"Yeah," he nodded.

"It doesn't make it any easier though," she said quietly. "I don't think I'll ever get used to losing teammates."

Sadness and understanding had crept into her voice. She stared at his bed, her eyes going unfocused as she no doubt thought about those she had lost along the way.

"When did you lose Garrus?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, what?" She blinked several times and shifted her gaze back to him. His question apparently startled her.

"Vakarian. Was he a part of your team?"

"Oh, yeah." Again she blinked, and then waved her hand dismissively between them. "He was, but he…uh…died shortly after we recruited him, so I didn't really get to know him all that well."

He sat for a moment and then said, "Hey, look at it this way. Now you have a second chance."

As she thought about what he had said a small smile spread across her lips. "I guess I do."

Impulsively she reached across the table and grabbed her untouched beer.

"To our fallen comrades," she toasted, raising it up into the air.

"I'll drink to that," John said and clinked the bottom of his bottle with hers.

**.x.x.x.**

A whirlwind of thoughts circled around in Jane's head as she trudged through the door of her cabin and collapsed on the bed with an exhausted sigh. What a day it had been. She'd run through the entire gamut of emotions in the past twelve hours; from anger and sadness to fear and elation. Now all she wanted to do was pull the covers over her head and sleep for days.

A dull but insistent throb started to pound behind her eyes, giving her a subtle warning that if she didn't stop thinking about everything and get some rest she would regret it later with a full blown headache. But it was nearly impossible to shut off the flurry going on in her brain, she thought with a moan, covering her eyes with the palms of her hands. Too much had happened and she needed time to process it all.

Her stomach was still tied in knots from the conversation she had had with John. Everything was going okay—she even got him to open up about his past—right up until the point he mentioned Garrus. It wasn't so much the fact that John had brought up the question about her Garrus and what had happened, or even that she blatantly lied to his face about it without remorse, but more what he'd said about 'second chances' that had her so flustered.

The bedspread beneath her was cool to the touch and in a moment of pure self-indulgence she stretched out languidly, relishing the feel of it against the exposed skin of her arms and neck. Exhaling slowly, she curled up on her side and felt herself begin to drift off. She was almost asleep when someone knocked on her door. She lay perfectly still, not sure if what she heard had been real or part of a dream. Seconds later she heard it again.

"What now?" she whispered in a pitiful half-sob that only she could hear. Not wanting to get up she rolled onto her back and called out, "Come in."

Staring at the ceiling Jane heard the door open, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps. She had still not bothered to move from her spot on the bed.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I caught you at a bad time."

"Garrus!" she cried, lifting her head in surprise. She scrambled into a sitting position and smoothed down her wild hair. She'd been so caught up reliving her conversation with John that she'd completely forgotten she told him to stop by. "No, it's okay. I was just resting for a minute."

"Are you sure?" he asked, his eyes narrowing as he took her in. She must have looked a sight. "If you're tired…"

"I'm fine. Please," she gestured to the couch underneath the window, "stay."

He hesitated only a moment longer, as though he wanted to make sure that she was really serious, and then made his way to the couch and sat down. She pivoted around on the bed to face him and tucked her feet underneath her.

"Can you imagine what Tali's face must've looked like when Legion appeared?" he said, launching right into the conversation.

"I wish I could've been there to see the whole thing," she said, smiling at the thought. "Is that bad?"

"It certainly _sounded_ interesting."

"Garrus! Were you spying on them?" she teased.

"Hey, I can't help that they didn't know I could hear them."

She shook her head with an amused sigh.

"It's good we intervened when we did though," he said. "Otherwise Tali would've beaten Legion into tiny pieces and then shipped it back to the Flotilla."

The screech of laughter burst forth from her lips before she had a chance to stop it. It felt so good to let go and be carefree for a change. A comfortable silence settled between them as she wiped the tears from her eyes. As her breathing returned to normal she wondered when exactly it had gone from being awkward to comfortable. A while ago she couldn't bring herself to be in the same room with him and now here he was in her cabin—by her invitation!

"You have a knack for that, though."

"For what?" she asked, snapping back to the discussion.

"For being able to reason with people, talk them back from the edge."

"I just try my best to be fair and hear everyone out," she shrugged. "You get more flies with honey, you know?"

"What?" Now it was his turn to laugh.

"Sorry. It's a human expression. It means you get further with people if you're nice to them."

"That's a lesson I don't think John's ever going to learn," Garrus sighed playfully and shook his head.

Jane broke into another fit of laughter and doubled over onto the bed. She could feel her troubles melting away as her mood got lighter. The headache that threatened to surface earlier had vanished completely, leaving in its wake the feeling of euphoria she had begun to crave so much. It seemed that lately Garrus was always armed with witticisms and wisecracks and knew just what to say to make her laugh. It had gotten to the point where she would swing by the main battery at least once a day just to talk with him, and most of the time it was about nothing in particular at all.

She pushed herself back into a sitting position and put her hand on her heaving chest. "God, Garrus. You're going to kill me if you don't stop that! Garrus?"

He'd gotten very quiet, his expression unreadable as he stared at a spot on the bed right in front of him. His gaze was so intense that she was overcome with the strangest feeling that she was missing something. All of a sudden she became very conscious of the fact that she had been sitting casually on her bed the whole time. She got up quickly and wiped her palm over her face to hide her embarrassment. Fortunately he didn't seem to notice.

"Hey," she said after a few seconds. "You okay over there?"

He blinked. "Yeah, sorry, I was just remembering something." Suddenly that awkward silence came back. She was about to ask him what he could be remembering that made him sound so sad when he stood up and shook out his shoulders. "Anyway, it's late. I should go."

Had she said something wrong, inadvertently done something to make him want to leave?

"You can stay," she said softly as he brushed past her on the way to the door.

He spun around quickly, his predatory blue eyes boring into her as he searched her face for meaning. A subtle tremor ran through his mandibles. It was then that she realized what she'd said and how he must've taken it. Her cheeks flushed fiercely as her heart lodged into her throat and cut off her air supply.

"What I mean is…" she faltered, "Uh…unless you're tired… you don't have to go yet."

Without realizing it she had started drifting closer and closer and before she knew it, she was standing directly in front of him. From this distance she could feel his hot breath against her cheeks as it came out in ragged puffs.

"I think it's best if I do," he said, the words turned suddenly hoarse the moment they left his mouth. He didn't wait for her reply.

As soon as he was gone Jane sank back down on the bed and let out a strangled gasp. She was shaking from head to toe. His last words still echoed around her. Inside her emotions were waging war on her mind, and they were quickly winning out. She didn't want to fight her attraction to him anymore. She'd battled with the shame she felt about getting over her mate's death and moving on, just as she wrestled with the guilt about falling for his older counterpart.

None of that mattered now.

She rushed out of the room after him and stole quietly past the mess area and down the long hallway until she stood outside the door of the main battery. Before she could change her mind she steeled herself, took a deep breath, and walked in.

Garrus turned around when he heard the door open.

"Jane?"

"What am I doing?" she said to herself, burying her face in her hands. Her heart thundered so loudly in her ears that she thought for sure he could hear it. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I don't know why... I didn't mean to disturb you."

She pivoted on her heel, ready to dash back to her quarters and hide for the next century or two, when he caught her by the wrist.

"Wait…don't go."

Very aware that he had yet to release her hand, she slowly turned around to face him. The entire room was encased in a muted red glow. It softened the edges of his rugged features and made the blue of his armor stand out vibrantly, its intensity matched only by the color of his eyes. The air between them crackled with unspoken desire, silently expressing the words that neither of them dared to voice.

One step toward him, that's all it took. It was as though they were being pulled together by some unseen force. She felt his free hand slide gently across her cheek as she rose up on her toes and placed her mouth over his. Her heart fluttered, skipping a beat with the realization of what was happening, and then began slamming into her ribs with renewed ferocity. His right hand moved to cup the back of her head, the talons getting tangled slightly in her hair, while he let go of her wrist with his left and slid it over her hip, pulling her tightly against him.

Jane closed her eyes, reveling in the pleasant sensation of his mandibles tickling the sides of her cheeks as he returned her kiss with a passion that she once feared she might never feel again. She threw her arms around his neck and grabbed his fringe, eliciting a low growl of pleasure from him that set her heart ablaze with longing.

Garrus tore his mouth away from hers and began nipping a trail down her neck with his sharp teeth. She gasped and dug her fingertips into his armored shoulders, not caring how much it hurt when the hard metal refused to yield. All she could think about was the urgency building inside her. He must have sensed her need for him, because suddenly he locked his arms around her waist and hoisted her off her feet, wrapping her legs around him before he set her down roughly on the battery's console.

She tightened her grip on his shoulders and began kissing a path from his mouth down to his mandible, then over his cheek. She stopped abruptly and pulled back as her lips brushed against something coarse and uneven. It was the bandage covering his injuries from the gunship. Suddenly a myriad of images flashed before her eyes; him kneeling in front of her as she sat on her bed, her head resting against the cool metal of his chest plate, kissing him the same way she was kissing him now, and him telling her that he wanted to wait until she was sober.

The blood that was flowing so hotly through her veins quickly turned to ice water. How could she have forgotten that? More importantly, how could she have let herself get so drunk that she would've confused the two, thinking it had been her Garrus she'd been kissing that night?

She froze. That wasn't what she was doing now, was it?

Unaware of the turmoil raging through her mind, Garrus continued to apply his careful ministrations to her neck and shoulders.

"I…I can't!" she cried breathlessly and pushed him away. He stepped back, bewildered by her sudden change in demeanor. "I'm sorry…I've got to go!"

"Jane, wait!"

She took off down the hallway at a dead run, overcome by a crushing sense of guilt as doubt about her intentions washed over her.


	18. Blindsided

**A/N:** I realized something as I was getting ready to upload this today: It's almost been a year since I posted the first chapter of this story. Then I realized that it was in fact on the Memorial Day Holiday (USA) that it went live-quite the coincidence that I'm once again updating on the same holiday.

The feedback I've received for the last couple of chapters has been nothing short of awesome. I love hearing what you have to say, what you liked and didn't like, and what you want more of. Please keep it coming!

I just wanted to say that this past year has been fantastic, and that I couldn't have done it without all of you! Thanks so much for helping Parallel Lives become what it has! ~J

Also: This chapter contains rampant foul language. You have been warned.

* * *

><p>"<em>Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt no more, is it Harry?" Albert Gibson – True Lies<em>

**Chapter Eighteen – Blindsided **

"Jane, wait!"

She bolted from the room and didn't look back. She couldn't look back! The confusion and rejection in Garrus' eyes nearly killed her as she wrangled out of his grasp—setting eyes on him a second time would surely be her undoing.

Her only thought was to put as much distance between them as possible. She knew that if she returned to her cabin he would just come after her, asking all sorts of questions that she couldn't answer. Two floors ought to do it, she thought as she skidded around the corner to the elevator. For once she found herself wishing that Jack hadn't already occupied the area in the sub-deck below engineering.

Instead she settled for a deserted corner in the cargo bay; it was dark and quiet and completely perfect. The surge of adrenaline that had propelled her down there was starting to wear off and her pace slowed as she walked between the large fans. Her stomach was in her feet, making them heavy and cumbersome while at the same time her heart beat a frantic rhythm of panic up in her throat. She felt as if she was being split in two.

In all reality, she was. One part of her desperately wanted to turn around, to run back to Garrus and throw herself into his arms with reckless abandon. But the other part couldn't get over the intense feeling of betrayal and guilt. It argued with her, rather convincingly, that what she was doing was wrong and that she was just projecting her feelings for her lost mate onto him. Sliding down the wall with a shuddering sigh, she pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in her hands.

Why did she have to go and make such a mess out of things?

**.x.x.x.**

John's morning was going rather well; he'd had a decent night's sleep, a nice long shower, and no problems to report from the crew. Everything was going good. That is, until he spotted Miranda in the mess hall.

She was standing with her hands flat on the countertop, talking to Gardner about God knows what when he entered. All it took was one glance in his direction and she immediately stiffened, the words frozen on her tongue.

He returned her glare, his grey-blue eyes turning cold and hard as granite as he approached them and grabbed the edge of the countertop.

"Coffee, Gardner."

Sensing the mounting tension between the two of them, Gardner opted to cut out the usual morning banter and poured him a cup of the scalding hot liquid before getting out of the line of fire. Without another word John grabbed the mug and raised it to his lips. He preferred to drink his coffee black. It matched his personality: bitter and entirely lacking of anything sugary.

He could feel Miranda's hateful glare boring into the side of his head while he stood there doing his damnedest not to make eye contact with her. It didn't last for long though, and soon his short-tempered side won out.

"What?" he demanded testily. "Do you have some objection to me drinking a cup of coffee?"

A fiery golden hue flashed through her pale lavender eyes as she folded her arms over her chest angrily and jutted out her hip. "After everything that happened, that's all you have to say?"

"Yep, so you can either deal with it or get the hell off my ship!"

Somewhere in the far recesses of his brain, his common sense kicked his mouth right in the balls, and he immediately regretted flying off the handle. Unfortunately before he could take back what he'd said, she rose to the bait and met him head on.

"You know what, that's a great idea. I'm through dealing with your immature, self-absorbed, ego-maniacal crap! Drop me off at the next station 'cause I am done here," she snapped at him and stormed back to the crew quarters.

_Damn it!_ Him and his big mouth. When was he ever going to learn to control his temper around her?

John sprinted after her. "Miranda, hold on!"

"Just stay away from me!" she screamed.

He pulled up short, surprised by the vehemence of her exclamation and stunned by how deep her hatred of him ran. It was all his fault, too. He'd let his frustration over their situation bleed into almost every conversation they had together, coming across as a complete asshole most of the time. No wonder she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him.

Unfortunately the realization that he may have screwed things up between them did nothing to mollify his behavior. Instead, it had the opposite, and more expected effect. Overcome with boiling rage he chucked his coffee cup across the room. It hit the wall next to the med bay and splintered into thousands of tiny porcelain shards. Staring at the mess he made, both literally and metaphorically, he ran one of his hands over his hair and breathed a deep, defeated sigh.

"Fuck."

**.x.x.x.**

"Hold it right there, asshole!"

Garrus froze as the sound of a pistol being cocked ruptured the silence. He put his hands up in surrender and moved into the light as Jack got off her cot and swung around on him.

"Garrus?" she squinted. "What the fuck are you doing down here?"

"Nothing," he said. He still had his hands up in the air. "Sorry I woke you up."

"Nothing, huh?" she grunted, throwing the gun down onto her pallet. "Nothing's gonna get you shot."

He laughed nervously.

"So, you can either tell me what you're doing or get your perverted turian ass out of here. Your choice."

"I was looking for Jane," he answered slowly. "Have you seen her?"

So far he'd checked her cabin, the CIC, and the gym in the cargo hold. He was running out of places to search as the ship was only so big.

The biotic's amber eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Fuck if I know. Do I look like her goddamn babysitter?"

"Never mind," he rumbled with a despondent sigh. It was obvious that Jane didn't want to be found, he thought as he grabbed the railing and started back up the stairs to the engineering deck.

The exchange between them kept replaying over and over in his mind but he still couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. She had come to him, so at least part of her wanted to be with him, right? Why had she run away then? It didn't make any sense.

"Wait," Jack called back to him. "I saw someone moving between the fans in the cargo hold last night while I was wandering around."

If that was Jane, then how did he miss seeing her? He nodded and picked up his pace, hoping that since he couldn't find her anywhere else, maybe she was still there.

"Hey," Jack called back to him suddenly, "You sure she deserves you?"

"Huh?"

"Jane. Is she worth all the suffering you've been putting yourself through?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he hedged.

"Garrus, I may hide down here like a hermit," she shot back at him, crossing her arms over her scantily covered chest, "but I'm not fucking blind."

He knew there was no sense in arguing with her, and so he kept quiet, instead staring at a point just over her shoulder. Jack exhaled loudly and walked over to him, grabbing him by the arm so he'd be forced to look at her.

"Look, I don't give a flying fuck if you're into humans or whatever else your fetishes are."

"Jack—"

"As long as you stop pulling your punches when we spar and I don't have to hear all the dirty details, do whatever the hell makes you happy. But," she tightened her grip on his arm when he shook his head and tried to pull out of her grasp, "I hear that she hurt you, and I turn her into varren scraps."

"That's not necessary, Jack," Garrus said, removing her hand from the sleeve of his armor. "It hasn't even gotten that far yet."

She stared at the hopeless turian, shaking her head at him. "I never thought I'd find myself saying this, especially in regards to Jane, but what the hell are you waiting for?"

"I thought you didn't want the details." He couldn't help but grin. Jack may have been a hard ass most of the time, but she was still his friend and he found her concern, however veiled, endearing.

"Shut up or this conversation is over and you can go mope somewhere else!" she snapped.

"All right," he chuckled, satisfied that he had gotten a rise out of her.

He walked farther into the alcove and leaned against the wall. He might as well take her up on the offer, he thought to himself as he folded his arms over his chest plate. There was no one else on the ship he could talk to about it. The only other person that came to mind was John, and he'd rather give up his favorite sniper rifle before he talked to him about his feelings for Jane.

"I did go for it and uh…I think I made a huge mistake."

"What'd she do, smack you?" Jack asked dryly, and then added with a smirk, "I would've."

"You're seriously not helping here."

"Fine," she sighed, dropping back down to her cot. "So what happened?"

Garrus spread his arms out to indicate that was the reason he was down there in the first place.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The conversation died as both of them got lost in their own thoughts.

"Maybe she's never done it with a turian before."

"You have such a wonderful way with words," he replied with an eye roll.

"I'm serious!" she contested. "Maybe it freaked her out."

He opened his mouth to argue and then stopped.

_I-I can't! I'm sorry…I've got to go!_

His sluggish heartbeat began to thump in his chest. Maybe Jack was right. That would definitely explain why she had run from him at the last minute. And if that was the case, then maybe—just maybe—there was still hope.

A little bit of light crept back into his disposition at the prospect, making him smile with renewed energy. He playfully pushed the biotic in the arm, nearly knocking her over.

"What's turned you into such a softy all of a sudden?" he teased, his mandibles spreading into a wide smile.

She regained her balance and shoved him back. "Fuck you, Garrus!"

He laughed, stepping out of the way. "Why so defensive?"

"None of your goddamn business!"

Then it hit him.

"I know that look," he said. He'd seen it at least a dozen times on himself.

"Shut your fucking mouth, turian!"

A bolt of biotic energy shot forth from her hands and slammed him into the wall. The ship groaned loudly in protest.

"Damn, Jack," he coughed as his legs gave way beneath him and he slid down to the floor. "You're gonna wake the whole crew up."

"Yeah, well, that'll teach ya," she retorted.

Suddenly they heard the same sound again, only this time it was ten times louder. They froze as the ship began to shake fiercely and the sound of buckling metal surrounded them.

"What the hell is that?" Jack screamed over the racket.

Garrus knew exactly what it was; it was the third time in as many years he'd heard that sound.

"We need to get upstairs; the Normandy is under attack!"

**.x.x.x.**

Jane bolted awake as the floor beneath her shook and the bulkheads groaned loudly. She was still in the cargo hold. She had only intended to stay for a little while to sort out her mixed feelings in a place that was both quiet and private, but she hadn't meant to fall asleep.

As she tried to clear her mind and eyes of the grogginess and confusion that normally accompanied waking up abruptly, another rumble thundered through the lower reaches of the ship.

"Oh my God!"

With her heart threatening to escape from her ribcage, she sprang to her feet and raced back to the elevator. She could hear explosions echoing down the shaft as it slowly crawled upward to the CIC. One big blast in particular rocked the whole ship and the lights flickered off and on as the lift came to a screeching halt. The sudden loss of momentum caused her to lose her balance and she flailed helplessly into the wall behind her.

"EDI?" she called out, banging on the sides. The AI didn't respond. "Can anyone hear me? Hello?"

Sighing angrily she pushed her fingers into her tresses and grabbed a handful of hair. Her entire predicament right now could be blamed on her childish need to run away from her feelings, instead of facing them head on like she knew she should. If she had just stayed and talked to Garrus then she wouldn't have been in the cargo bay to begin with and she sure as hell wouldn't be stuck in the goddamn elevator!

"Goddamn it!" she raged, taking her frustration out on the confines of her temporary prison.

After a few rotations of pacing around the small enclosure, she knew that being pissed off wasn't going to do anything to better her situation. She needed to keep a level head and try to come up with some way to get out of there.

The access panel in the ceiling of the lift was an option. She wouldn't know until she got up there if it would work or not, seeing as she wasn't sure where exactly in the ship the elevator had stopped, but it was worth a shot. Better than staying there and waiting to be found, anyway.

Using the hand rails for leverage, she climbed up the sides and tried the access panel. After a couple of rough, angry punches, it broke free. She could hear it clatter and clang as it bounced off the walls of the shaft on its way to the bottom deck. Then, she pushed off the railing and pulled herself through the opening.

"Is there anybody there?" she yelled again when she was standing on the top of the lift.

"Shepard?" she heard faintly.

"Kaidan?"

She waited as patiently as she could for an answer. Finally he called her name again and Jane let out a sigh of relief.

"Where are you?"

"In the elevator shaft," she shouted, hoping that he could hear her through the walls of metal. "It's stuck!"

"Hang on!"

"Yeah," she muttered. "That's about the only thing I'll be able to do if this thing decides to fall."

She waited as several tense minutes passed by, the booms of explosions that filtered down the corridor mocking her helplessness. What was going on up there? It sounded horrible. How were the ship and the crew holding up? What would she find when she got there?

Through the perpetual darkness a thin strip of white light appeared above her. It grew wider and moments later Kaidan appeared, his face scrunched up with the effort of pushing the large metal doors apart.

"Hurry, Shepard," he grunted. "EDI's routed all the auxiliary power into the defense systems. I can't hold these for long."

Jane nodded and looked up and down the shaft. The opening was a respectable distance away. She took a deep breath and then grabbed one of the two thick, braided metal cables that raised and lowered the lift in the shaft, climbing up them like a rope toward Kaidan and the door.

Suddenly there was a deafening roar and the ship pitched, nearly causing her to lose her grip. She slipped, sliding halfway back down the cable just as a large piece of metal from the ceiling of the shaft dislodged and began falling haphazardly toward her. She held her breath in excruciating anticipation as it ricocheted off the walls, waiting to see which direction the debris would come at her. When it hit the side of the wall right above her see flung herself with all her might to the other cable, narrowly missing the impact by no more than a few inches. The wire bit into the soft flesh of her palms but she didn't care, since the alternative could have been so much worse.

"Jane, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she panted, even though her pulse was drumming in her ears.

She began her slow ascent once more, this time keeping her eyes open warily for any other signs of falling objects. When she was finally level with Kaidan she closed her eyes, said a small prayer to whoever might be listening, and jumped. She caught the edge and braced herself with her forearms as her lower body slammed into the wall underneath the opening. Her feet scrambled to find purchase before gravity took over and sent her plummeting to the decks below. Her arms were burning from the effort to hold on, but she managed to pull herself up and crawled through the opening.

Once she was safely through the door Kaidan let go and fell backward, exhausted. No sooner had the panels closed again did they hear to most terrifying sound of twisting metal, followed by a devastating crash. Panting, they looked at each other with wide eyes, both of them coming to the startling conclusion that the cables hoisting the elevator car had just snapped and the sound they heard was it smashing into the cargo hold.

"What's going on?" Jane fired rapidly at Kaidan. "Who's attacking us? Is it the geth?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

Jane got to her feet, her muscles screaming because of what she'd already put them through. The crew deck was eerily devoid of people. She could hear shouts among the numerous explosions, but they were distant, muffled.

"We need to find a way to get to the CIC," she told him, glancing back at the elevator. "Where is everyone else? Do we have any casualties? Is the comm working?"

"Jane!" Kaidan grabbed her by the shoulders. "I don't know. Let's just focus on getting up to the second deck right now, okay?"

"Goddamn it!" she cried, pulling away from him. "I hate not knowing the inner workings of this ship! On my ship we had goddamn stairs! We're sitting ducks down here for chrissakes!"

Before Kaidan could say anything to calm her down, the wall between the crew quarters and life support blew apart, unleashing a giant ball of fire in its wake. The blast knocked them back with enough force behind it to shatter every bone in their bodies. Jane felt the hot tendrils of fire lick at her skin as she flew backward, her head striking the ground as she came to a stop. Disoriented and hurting, she groaned and looked around. She had been propelled back into mess area and had landed halfway down the hall leading to the med bay.

She sat up slowly and took a ragged breath. The whole wall in front of her was gone. A huge, burning hole was all that was left of the two rooms. Rubble was strewn everywhere, some pieces of it still smoking or on fire. Buried underneath it all, lay Kaidan.

"Kaidan!" she screamed, jumping to her feet and running over to him.

He didn't respond. She fell to her knees and checked for a pulse. It was weak, but it was there.

"Hang on, Kaidan. I'm going to get you out of there."

She began removing pieces of the metal sheeting that once comprised the wall, tossing them behind her. But once she cleared some of the debris away, she made the unfortunate discovery that the humungous infrastructure had crashed on top of him and was pinning him to the ground. She tried and tried, but it wouldn't move. Tears of fury and fear ran down her face as she yelled and shoved her shoulder into the beam, and still it wouldn't budge.

"GAH! Kaidan!" she cried between clenched teeth.

A hand fell on her arm and Jane whipped her head around, surprised to see Garrus standing above her. He motioned wordlessly and she slid over, allowing him to kneel beside her. He tucked his shoulder underneath the beam and she nodded in understanding.

"One…two…three," he counted off.

Together they pushed with everything they had, and finally the metal frame shifted. Garrus planted his feet and shoved his whole body into it, letting out a roar as he did so. It creaked and groaned in protest, but it only made him push harder.

"There!" Jane shouted. "I think I have enough room."

She hooked her hands underneath Kaidan's arms and pulled him out of the wreckage. As soon as they were a safe distance away, Garrus let go and the beam settled back to the ground with a loud thud. Then he dusted off his hands and ran to back to check on them.

"Is he…?"

"He's breathing," she said. Other than that she had no idea how extensive the damage was. There were bound to be broken bones and burns underneath his uniform. "We need to get him to the med bay."

**.x.x.x.**

"Shit, shit, shit!" the pilot muttered. His hands flew over the console in front of him as he scrolled through screen after screen of blinking warnings.

John grabbed the back of Joker's chair, trying desperately to comprehend everything the monitors were showing. Memories flooded over him as he remembered the first time the collectors had attacked. He could still hear the sound of his labored breathing echoing around his helmet, the oxygen escaping through the seals; could still feel the heat of the flames against his armor and then the unbearable coldness of space as he struggled above the SR1, watching from a distance as it was blown to pieces right before his eyes. And then, just before he blacked out, the crushing weight against his body as he descended into the atmosphere of Alchera.

"How bad are we hit?" he asked.

"We've got multiple hull breaches on the engineering and cargo decks," Joker replied frantically. "Weapon systems are unresponsive and kinetic barriers are—what the shit?" He leaned closer to his console.

"What is it?"

"We just took a massive hit on the third deck." Joker touched the screen and enlarged the area. "Life support and the barracks…they just… they're gone!"

"What?"

"Drive core at critical levels," EDI announced.

It seemed like all the air was suddenly sucked out of the cockpit. The sounds of destruction and beeping alarms faded into the background and the room began to blur as John fought to draw air into his lungs. His gaze drifted to the window, to the giant collector ship that was at that very minute turning around to prepare for another attack, and he felt a moment of intense dread.

"Jeff, our kinetic barriers won't hold for much longer," the AI cautioned.

"Sonofabitch!" Joker growled. "Everybody hang on; I'm getting us the hell out of here!"

The Normandy banked hard to port, nearly throwing John off his feet. He gripped the back of Joker's chair harder to steady himself, catching a glimpse of that hated collector beam as it seared across the top of the cockpit.

"Jesus Christ!" he muttered. "They're going to tear her apart!"

"No!" the pilot said. "I'm not going to let you lose another Normandy. Oh yeah," he clarified when John glanced down at him with a puzzled frown. "EDI told me all about it."

In spite of everything going on around them, John smiled.

"Okay, Joker. Let's live to fight another day."

"Aye-aye Commander!"

The collector ship had finished making its turn and now sat directly in front of them. A mass of red energy was slowly building, a sure indication that they were preparing to unleash the beam once again. Joker tapped a couple of controls on the console and threw the SR2 into reverse; a move that completely caught the collectors off guard. Once he had put a considerable amount of distance between them, he slammed the thrusters forward and put the Normandy into a steep dive. The ship groaned under the pressure, but he didn't let up.

"Joker…"

"Trust me."

No sooner had he said that then Joker pulled up, engaging the FTL drive as the ship leveled out. The Normandy shot forth into the unknown beyond, and this time the force succeeded in knocking John off his feet. He got up slowly, and after several minutes had passed and it was certain that the collector ship had not been able to pursue them, he let out the breath he'd been holding.

"You got this, Joker?"

The pilot looked up at him smugly. "I got this."

"Okay then; I'm going to go check on the rest of the crew."

As soon as he was out of the cockpit John tore down the hallway and raced across the CIC, silently taking note of the crew members he spotted along the way. Mordin was carefully inspecting a gash along Kelly's forehead and they both looked up as he ran by.

"I thought we were done with the collectors," Kelly cried mournfully.

John frowned. His crew had dealt with their fair share from the repurposed protheans; most of them having been abducted and taken to their base. If he hadn't gone through the Omega 4 relay when he did, they would have been liquefied and injected into the giant human reaper. He shuddered at the memory. Parasitic bastards.

He pressed the button for the elevator, cursing inwardly at its slowness. A sinister twinge of fear had its fingers around his windpipe, making it hard for him to breathe. He didn't know what condition the rest of the ship was in, or whether or not the rest of his crew was all right. It was hard for his mind not to jump to conclusions—hard not to assume the worst—especially since both the crew quarters and life support areas had been obliterated. He needed to get down there, needed to see if she was okay…

"Goddamn it!" he roared when the elevator still hadn't responded to his request. He mashed the button a couple more times. "What the hell is taking it so long?"

With its focus no longer needed on the defense systems, EDI's orb popped up in the console next to his terminal. As always, her voice was the epitome of cool, calm, and collected.

"Shepard, the elevator shaft sustained critical damage during the attack. The lift was severed from its cables and crashed on the cargo deck. I detect no casualties."

"What?" Holy shit, this was worse than he first thought. "So we're cut off from each other?"

"Not entirely. There is access to the ventilation ducts in the laboratory," EDI said. "That is how Joker was able to get around the last time they attacked. It is cramped, but you would be able to use them to navigate the ship."

"Thanks," he said, immediately jogging to the lab.

**.x.x.x.**

Garrus watched helplessly from the corner as Jane and Dr. Chakwas laid Kaidan's limp body down on one of the exam tables in the med-bay. The doctor immediately went to work, checking his vitals, lifting his eyelids to look at his pupils for signs of concussion, kneading his arms and legs in search of broken bones. Beside her, Jane wiped her forehead on her sleeve as her lips settled into a worried frown.

"Is he going to be okay?" she quietly asked.

"I won't know until I perform a more thorough examination," Chakwas told her, refusing to divulge anything more.

Jane nodded and closed her eyes.

Garrus longed to go to her, to pull her into his arms and assure her that everything was going to be all right, to tell her that he was relieved she was all right. He never would have imagined that he'd be grateful for the Thannix Cannon malfunctioning—especially since that meant he'd have to do even more calibrations to fix it again—but if it hadn't then he wouldn't have found them in the hallway when he did.

A dozen questions danced on the tip of his tongue, but he clamped his teeth down on it. Although he desperately wanted to know why Jane had ran from him and where she had been all this time, he knew she didn't need the added stress at a time like this. The best thing he could do was just be there for her. He hoped that by giving her space, she would come to him with an explanation when she was ready. _If_ she was ever ready. There was the undeniable possibility that she never would be, and he'd have to learn to accept that. It was more important to him that their newly formed friendship stayed intact, even if it meant that they'd never be together.

The doors to the AI core opened, causing a collective gasp among the three of them as John barged through.

"Where the hell did you come from?" Jane practically yelled, the last of her already frayed nerves snapping.

John threw a thumb over his shoulder. "Ventilation ducts. Did you know the elevator crashed into the cargo hold?"

Garrus' eyes traveled back to Jane. The look on her face told them she did, and she didn't look too amused by John's flippant remarks. Curious, he wondered how it was that she found out about it. Unfortunately before he got a chance to ask, she began firing questions at John as he raced by.

"What happened up there? Who was attacking us? The collectors? Geth?"

"The collectors. The ship's sustained a lot of damage."

"You're telling me," she quipped, pointing at Kaidan. "We were in the hallway when life support and the barracks were blown to smithereens!"

John had the decency to flick his gaze to where Dr. Chakwas was working on Kaidan, but he didn't slow his pace.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," was all he said, and then he was gone.

Jane turned to Garrus and spread her arms in front of her. "Wh-what was that?" she exclaimed, trying to comprehend everything.

Garrus could only shrug in response.

**.x.x.x.**

He didn't have time for Jane's questions. All he could think about was getting to the crew quarters as fast and he could, hoping that Miranda wasn't anywhere near there when it exploded. Even though he expected it, John wasn't prepared for the scene of devastation that lay before him. There was nothing left of the two room but smoldering piles of rubble and tangled metal. The huge, gaping hole in the hull showed the peaceful expanse of space on the other side of the blue kinetic barrier.

"Miranda!"

He climbed over the debris and slid down into the crew quarters. Bunk beds, lockers, tables and chairs were thrown every which direction. Where did he even start?

"Miranda?" he called out, keening his ears hopefully for an answer or any sign of movement.

Nothing. Maybe that was a good sign. Maybe that meant she hadn't been in there and she was safe in another part of the ship. Who was he kidding? As much as he tried to reason with himself, he knew that she wouldn't have left this room unless absolutely necessary. His attitude towards her had seen to that.

"_I'm sorry, John…"_

He scrunched his eyes against the pain as Miranda's last words on the collector base echoed in his ears. The immediate area around him was suddenly filled with a mournful roar of guilt and frustration. Frantically he started digging in the wreckage, throwing hunks of steel and sheet metal as he tried to get to the bottom. After several attempts and coming up empty on each one, he finally stood up and dropped his hands to his sides. There was no way he'd be able to find her if she was buried under everything.

He scrubbed his palms over his face. He couldn't stay in there any longer; there were other crew members that needed to be accounted for and he still needed to assess the overall damage to the Normandy. With a defeated sigh he turned and trudged back to the hallway.

A flash of black and white caught his eye as he walked out. John paused and scanned the area a second time. When he saw that Miranda's body was trapped underneath the twisted frame of one of the bunk beds he sprang into motion, tossing it aside like it weighed almost nothing.

"Miranda?" He brushed his fingers along the ridge of her brow and she stirred. His relief was palpable.

Her forehead crinkled in confusion as she opened her eyes.

"Are you hurt anywhere? Can you sit up?" he asked with a tenderness that surprised even him.

"My arm…" she whispered. He placed a hand on her back and let her use his other arm for leverage so she could sit up. "What happened?"

"We were attacked by the collectors," he replied. "Come on; let's get you to Dr. Chakwas."

**.x.x.x.**

Jane stared at the weary faces of the crew; some scratched and bruised, all of them tired. Kaidan, Miranda, and a few others were still in the med-bay, but everyone had survived the vicious attack made by the collectors.

The Normandy had not been so lucky. The ship was listing, barely able to generate enough power to keep the kinetic barriers up. The jump into FTL had been necessary in order to escape the collector ship, but it had come at a price. EDI had informed both her and John that barrier wouldn't survive the trip if they tried to go through a mass relay, and they weren't close enough to anything else to land for repairs.

Now she was faced with the unpleasant task of telling the crew about their dire situation. Everyone that was able had gathered in the debriefing room and was now looking up at her expectantly. John sat on the edge of the table next to her, buried in his own thoughts.

"Our situation is precarious," she began. "The collectors have never attacked outside the Terminus Systems before, but this time they ventured into Council Space. They're growing more desperate in their attempts, and they're not going to stop. Unfortunately, the Normandy is in bad shape. If we try to make it back to the Citadel or anywhere else using a mass relay, it's going to tear what's left of the ship apart."

"So, what, we're just stranded out here and left to rot until the collectors come back and finish the job?" Zaeed smirked.

She didn't answer. She didn't need to.

"This is just fucking peachy," Jack grumbled.

A few other crew members nodded in agreement.

Jane held up her hands. "I know this looks bleak, but we'll find a way to make it back."

"I know of a way."

Everyone in the room turned at the sound of Miranda's voice. She limped into the debriefing room, her right arm resting in a sling. John's head shot up and his eyes brightened. At the same time, Ashley's narrowed and she folded her arms and glared hatefully at the Cerberus operative.

"What's that?" Jane asked.

Miranda glanced at John, their eyes locking for several seconds. "There is a secret Cerberus facility located on the fringes of the Hawking Eta system. If we can get there, you can use any available resources you need to make repairs."

Now Jane was thoroughly confused, but she wasn't going to question Miranda's sudden change in demeanor. They needed whatever help they could get.

"EDI, can we make it?"

"It will take the rest of the fuel, including the reserves, but we should be able to."

"Good enough for me," she said. "Miranda, give the coordinates to Joker and let Cerberus know we're on our way."


	19. Striking a Deal with the Devil

**A/N:** So much for posting weekly, huh? Me and my crazy life. So okay, there was a ton of things I wanted to accomplish in this chapter, one of the main things being more interaction with TIM. But, as I got further into it (and my inspiration finally came back) I was overwhelmed with ideas on little things I could do involving the crew. It was then that I decided that I didn't want to rush the parts with TIM, since he plays such a big role. So don't worry if there are things that you feel haven't been addressed yet, because they will be. Also, if this chapter seems a little short, especially considering how long I've been working on it, it's because I've had to cut it up again, or else it would be too long. (Seriously, I either can't write at all, or I write way too much.)

Thanks, you guys, for putting up with my sporadic updates. I read and cherish all your reviews and get so excited when I get an email with another alert or favorite. Your feedback is what keeps me going and motivates me to keep writing even when I'm so busy and stressed that I can't see straight.

As always, I look forward to hearing what you think! Have a great weekend! ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>Pleased to meet you,<br>hope you guess my name,  
>but what's puzzling you,<br>is the nature of my game." – Sympathy for the Devil, The Rolling Stones_

**Chapter Nineteen – Striking a Deal with the Devil**

At first glance, Ithaca Station seemed to blend into the backdrop of space; a small, gray speck indistinguishable from all the other glittering stars in the galaxy. But as the Normandy slowly drifted closer, the building began to take shape, the cookie-cutter rectangular walls growing more pronounced with each passing second.

Staring out the windows of the cockpit, Jane's hands involuntarily clenched into fists as a small knot of apprehension lodged itself in the back of her throat. It felt weird, almost wrong in a way, to be approaching a Cerberus base, not with intentions of destroying it, but in search of aid. The station was completely isolated, tucked away on the outskirts of the Hawking Eta System, and once they had docked they would be completely at the mercy of one of their greatest enemies. Putting that much trust into the shady organization went against every fiber of her being, and Jane couldn't help but feel they were playing with fire. It was only a matter of time before they got burned.

Beside her, John stood with his arms folded across his chest, his expression unreadable. If he was worried about jumping into bed with Cerberus again, considering what he already knew, he was doing a good job of hiding it. It gave her a moment's pause as her mind wandered back to a time, not so long ago in fact, when she had assured _him _they were making the right choice by enlisting the Illusive Man's help, and she had to stifle a chuckle of amusement to think how different she felt about it now that they were actually doing it.

However, the last thing she wanted was John—or anybody else for that matter—to see how nervous she was, and so she schooled her features into an expression of detached calm, the occasional squeezing of her hands the only indication of how she really felt.

"Next stop, the gates of Hell," Joker chimed in as he pulled the Normandy up to the dock.

She cracked a smile at the pilot's attempt to dispel the tension while at the same time stating the obvious. It was good to know that she wasn't the only one who felt that way.

"Hold the fort, Joker," she said, patting him gently on the shoulder. "Hopefully we'll come back with some answers soon."

John moved to follow her out of the cockpit, but stopped at the threshold and turned back to the helmsman at the last second. "EDI, make yourself scarce. Until we know exactly what we're dealing with, it's best if we don't show Cerberus all our cards just yet."

"That can be accomplished easily enough, Shepard," EDI replied smoothly. "If necessary, I will present myself as a VI should anyone start prying into the systems. I will also circumvent any attempts on their part to make changes."

"You mean sabotage, don't you?" Joker laughed.

The AI paused for effect and then said, "Yes."

John looked down at Joker with a smirk. "It looks like your smart-ass personality is rubbing off on her."

The pilot shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey, what can I say? She learned from the best."

Miranda was already waiting for them inside the airlock. She regarded John coolly, but her features held considerably less animosity then they had the last time Jane had seen them together. The operative nodded at him when he stepped up next to her, causing Jane to shake her head in bewilderment as she hit the button to open the other side.

The interior of the station was just as unremarkable as it was on the outside. The gun-metal gray walls were bare, with nothing to make them stand apart from the floor and ceiling of the long, narrow hallways. As soon as they set foot inside, Miranda took the lead, weaving them through the interconnecting corridors like she knew exactly where she was going. Hell, maybe she did, Jane reasoned. How else would she know the secret base's location?

"So, what is the purpose of this place?" she asked, hoping that the tone of her voice was more conversational than it was inquiring.

"I'm sorry, that's classified," was all Miranda said.

Jane figured that was coming. Aside from providing the name of the station, Miranda had shared little else. She angled her head towards John and rolled her eyes. He didn't think that was funny.

A few minutes later the group stopped just outside a long hallway. Miranda pivoted around to face them, placing her hand on the wall as she spoke. "Nothing can be done to your ship without the express permission of the Illusive Man," she told them. "Since you wanted to speak with him anyway, I'd say things worked out in your favor."

"I'd hardly call being attacked by the Collectors and having our ship nearly destroyed 'it working out in our favor'," John commented dryly. Jane narrowed her eyes at him, reminding him to play nice, and he added, "But…I can sorta see what you're getting at."

Miranda, of course, had nothing to say to either of them. In her mind she had done her part and was eager to get rid of them. So it came as no surprise when she gestured down the hallway at the door on the far end. Jane quietly nudged John along before he said something else and caused a scene. All they needed was him flying off the handle over some stupid remark and them losing Cerberus' support because of it.

She was not expecting the dark, empty room that greeted them when they walked through the door. It was completely devoid of windows, or furniture, or anything else that would have suggested that it was a room. She was about to ask John if they'd just been led into a trap when a series of machines whirred to life. Suddenly a grid of lasers shot out of the floor and scanned the commanders from the tips of their toes to the tops of their heads.

No sooner had the lasers stopped than an image of a man appeared before them. He was sitting in a chair, one leg crossed casually over the other as he idly shaped the tip of his cigarette with the sides of his ashtray. Even seated, he exuded an undeniable power. It could have been the arrogant set of his shoulders, his expensive suit and immaculate coiffure, or the strange blue glow of his eyes; whatever it was, his countenance made it perfectly clear that he was not a man who liked to be trifled with.

"Heh," John scoffed, breaking the silence. "A hologram. It figures you'd still be as paranoid as ever."

The man in the chair took a long drag off his cigarette and tilted his head to the side as he slowly blew out the smoke.

"I only granted this audience because Miranda was so insistent," he said with an unmistakable note of irritation. "I suggest you don't waste my time."

"Illusive Man?" Jane asked.

He nodded.

"I thought we'd be meeting face to face." She couldn't help feeling a more than a little disappointed.

"A necessary precaution, you understand." He took another drag and tapped the tip of the cigarette in order to get the excess ash to fall. "I'm curious to know, however, what brings you to a Cerberus Station, Commander Shepard." The corner of his mouth lifted into a sly grin. "Or should I say, Shepards?"

John and Jane exchanged glances.

"What do you—?" Jane started to ask, but he cut her off.

"Miranda told me all about your particularly _unique_ situation," the Illusive Man explained with a knowing smirk.

John was right; the man _was_ dangerous.

"Well, since it seems you already know all the details, I'll skip that part and cut right to the chase," Jane said, leaning all her weight back on one foot. "You've probably heard by now that we need your help."

"Straight to the point," He said, nodding his head approvingly. Then he leaned forward and pointed the hand holding his cigarette at her. "That's something I can respect. But even if I did believe you, I'm not in the habit of just handing out charity."

John let out a sigh, a telltale sign that his patience was wearing thin.

"Only a fool would expect something and offer nothing in return," she replied, casting a sideways glance at her partner.

The Illusive Man put out his cigarette and settled back in his chair, steepling his fingers. "I'm listening."

"Help us rebuild the Normandy and provide the funding and resources to stop the reapers, and in return we'll give you the blueprints to the most advanced ship out there, and share with you some of our knowledge about the future."

He was quiet for a moment, seemingly mulling over their offer. After a few tense minutes slipped by he removed another cigarette from some hidden pocket in his suit jacket and brought it to his lips, taking the smoke into his lungs deeply before exhaling loudly.

"I'll have at team start on repairs immediately."

**.x.x.x.**

"The blueprints, Jane? Really?"

"Relax, John," she assured him as soon as they stepped back onto the Normandy. "I didn't give him anything that he technically wasn't supposed to know about."

"Technically not supposed to—I don't do cryptic, Jane. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She stopped in her tracks and twisted back to him, a small smile playing across her features. "Look at it this way: Cerberus upgraded the original Normandy while you were dead, right?"

"Not 'upgraded'. The original Normandy was completely destroyed. They built the new one from scratch."

"Are you going to argue semantics with me, or do you want to hear this?"

He folded his arms, repressing the urge to sigh.

"So really," Jane continued, "all we're doing is speeding up that process. We appear to be helping them, but essentially they'll just be looking at all the stuff they would've built eventually anyway."

"Sneaky. I like it." Actually, the idea was downright clever. He didn't know Jane had it in her to be so devious. "But where'd you get the blueprints?"

"I found them in my office," she said as if that were the most normal thing in the galaxy to find stashed in a drawer.

_Miranda…_he thought suddenly, his eyes darkening at the memory. _She must have held onto them._

It was then that realization hit him, like a ton of bricks, that this may very well be his last chance to make nice with this world's version. There wasn't any reason for Miranda to return to the ship now. She was with Cerberus.

"Uh…I think things went well…" he said, pivoting around to head back to the airlock, "and uh…yeah, good job coming up with those ideas and all, but I should go, you know, make sure the base has sleeping arrangements and supplies for the crew once the repairs get started."

"Wait!" she called after him. "We should do that together, and we still need to discuss the stuff about the future we want to share with the Illusive Man. John!"

He smacked the button to the airlock, effectively silencing Jane's protests. All he could think about was finding Miranda before it really was too late.

**.x.x.x.**

Boredom and a heavy mind eventually drove Garrus from the battery. While he knew his thoughts should have been focused on doing what he could to prevent the Cerberus crew from tampering too much with his calibrations when they started repairs in the morning, he couldn't keep them from wandering. After an hour of zoning out at his console, he finally gave up.

From what he could gather from John, the meeting with the Illusive Man had gone surprisingly well, and though he knew his commander would never admit it, Garrus could guess that Jane's limitless supply of patience probably had something to do with it. Still, it was a little unnerving to be under Cerberus' control again, seeing as things hadn't turned out so well for them the first time around. The fact that they weren't in as deep as they had been in their reality did little to ease his mind, and he couldn't help wondering how long it would take until this decision came back to bite them all in the ass.

Movement from the corner of his eye caused him to halt in his trek through the kitchen and he raised his head just in time to see Jack attempt to sneak away from the med bay. He crossed his arms with an amused grin, curious to see what she was up to and how long it would take for her to notice him standing there. It was all he could do not to laugh outright at the exaggerated way she moved, as though she didn't want anyone to know she'd been in there.

Wait a minute…Alenko was in there, he realized with a jolt. He remembered back to their last conversation and how defensive she had gotten when he needled her about looking love sick, and suddenly he couldn't resist the opportunity to give his friend a little good-natured ribbing.

"Where ya going, Jack?" he called out.

She wheeled around, an angry snarl replacing the momentary look of terror on her face as he smiled smugly at her.

"What're you doing here?" she demanded.

"Walking through the kitchen," Garrus replied matter-of-factly. "Last time I checked, I was still allowed to do that." He paused, his grin growing wider as he asked, "What're _you_ doing here?"

For a minute he wasn't sure whether she was going to attack him, or run away. Finally she said, "Can't I go into the med bay every once in a while? I mean Jesus, I don't hibernate all the time, you know."

He chuckled at her answer and obvious deflection, but she didn't wait around to hear his reply; eager, he assumed, to leave the scene of the crime so to speak.

"And your visit would have nothing to do with a certain critically injured biotic, now would it?"

Jack stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned around. For the first time she he met her, he saw guilt in her eyes and he knew then, without a doubt, that he'd caught her during a rare, vulnerable moment.

However, it didn't last long. Almost immediately that imaginary wall came back up, and the look of guilt faded as her usual pissed off mood took over again.

"What, that boy scout?" she sputtered. "Why in the hell would I waste my time with a pussy like that?"

As she spoke—or rather, ranted—Jack closed the distance between them, sticking her face in Garrus' for emphasis. His mandibles clicked in delight at seeing her so ruffled. Didn't she realize that her failure to ignore him and walk away from the conversation was more damning than her futile attempts to deny it?

"I don't know," he shrugged. "You tell me."

"I wouldn't!" she said, but with considerably less conviction this time. "He's weak, and easily manipulated, and… and way too nice." The last part held a note of regret to it, sounding nothing like the insult it was meant to be.

He didn't say anything. It was a tactic he used in his investigations back when he was with C-Sec; remain quiet long enough and the person would grow uncomfortable with the silence and start rambling in order to fill it. He lost count of how many people confessed or otherwise hung themselves just because they fell for the little trick.

Unfortunately, he didn't get a chance to see if Jack would give her apparent feelings for Alenko away, because a moment later Jane appeared from around the corner and headed toward the med bay.

She looked exhausted, Garrus noted sadly. Her shoulders were slumped, her footsteps heavy. When she was about halfway there she glanced over at him, her face full of worry. She flicked her gaze to Jack, who was in turn watching her intently, and then pushed past the door without a word.

Jane had been spending all of her free time—which admittedly wasn't much—in the med bay with Kaidan. His injuries had been extensive, with the majority of them being internal, and he was now in a coma. Jane had taken to sitting next to the bed, gently caressing his hand as she talked quietly to him, encouraging him to fight and hoping that he would wake up soon. At least, that was what Dr. Chakwas had told him when they ran into each other one day in the mess hall.

"What's the deal with those two, anyway?" Jack asked suddenly. "Think you have some competition?"

He followed her gaze to the shuttered window of the infirmary and thought about it. It took a moment but he finally realized what she was really getting at.

"Competition? No, I don't think so," he said as he folded his arms and leaned back against the kitchen counter. "I think they're a lot like us, actually."

"Hold on there, Lizard-face. I'm not_ anything_ like them!"

"That's not what I meant, Jack," he laughed.

"Better not be," she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest to match his stance. "Cause I'm not a stuck-up bitch or a lost little puppy."

"What I meant is, they're really good friends, like you and me. Close…like family."

"Friends, huh?" Jack said after a moment of consideration.

Only Garrus, because he knew her so well, could have picked out the hope in that statement, and he was suddenly struck by the irony of the situation. Here they were, standing in the mess hall as the people they cared about were hurting in the next room, while a wall—both literally and figuratively—kept them apart. The thing was, would _any_ of them be able to get through that barrier?

He sure as hell hoped so.

**.x.x.x.**

The next morning the repair crew the Illusive Man had promised arrived to begin work on the Normandy. The crew had been doing their best to cope in the days since the Collectors attacked, but the loss of the living quarters, coupled with the elevator that granted access to all the areas, was starting to take its toll on everyone.

It would be a while before the ship was ready for action again, so in the meantime the Illusive Man had offered to let the crew stay in the barracks on Ithaca Station. Most had readily agreed, more than ready for a change of scenery and some extra space. Those who didn't were promptly told they didn't have a choice. Besides the commanders, the only people permitted to stay on the Normandy were Dr. Chakwas and Kaidan, and only because the doctor had steadfastly refused to move him. Her argument was that she already had the best medical equipment to be found, simply because it was quite literally two years ahead of its time. Jane couldn't argue with that logic.

Her dear friend was recovering, slowly but surely, and Chakwas had assured her that he was getting better every day. Still, that didn't make the fact that he was in a coma any easier to handle. She had stayed by his side the night before until the last possible moment, and it was only the pressing need to secure the files in her office that drove her away.

The last thing she needed was Cerberus finding out all the stuff that she and John had on them from the future. As long as they were able to keep that knowledge secret, they could use it as a bargaining piece, only divulging what was absolutely necessary. The blueprints were one thing, but Jane didn't want the Illusive Man getting his hands on the files about John and the Lazarus Project.

"Joker and Donnelly are organizing a Skyllian Five game," Ashley said, leaning against the metal bunk bed. "Only a ten credit buy-in too. You interested?"

"Only?" Jane laughed and shook her head. "Leave it to those two to devise a way to hustle the crew out of their credits. No thanks."

"Suit yourself, Skipper, but you're gonna miss out on one hell of a good time."

"I'll live. I have to stay sharp right now anyway and alcohol and poker is the last thing I need."

"Boo! You don't need to be so tight-assed all the time, you know. Have a little fun once in a while."

"Now I know you're spending too much time with John," Jane retorted teasingly. "Your starting to sound just like him."

Ashley pressed her lips together, but offered no comment on the subject.

"Besides," she continued. "I wanted to check on Kaidan."

"How it the LT doing?" Ashley asked.

"About the same. I just don't like the idea of him being by himself on that big empty ship."

"Well, okay. We'll be in the guys' barracks if you change your mind."

As Jane watched Ashley leave, she wondered how many of the other crew members would end up going to the poker game. She also wondered if a certain turian would be in attendance as well. Her thoughts were broken when a hand fell on her shoulder.

"Do not take Lieutenant Alenko's injuries upon yourself, Shepard, "Liara said quietly. "They are not your fault."

"He never would have been standing there if I hadn't been so dead set on badgering him with questions," she said, still gazing at where Ashley had been. "I should've been at my post, then I wouldn't have gotten caught in that stupid elevator, and he wouldn't have had to rescue—"

"Shepard." Liara turned her around so she could look her directly in the eyes. "It is not your fault."

"I know. But I can't help it. I care and worry about every person on my crew."

"That compassion is what makes you such an exceptional leader."

Jane smiled.

"Look at this way," she said. "If you and Garrus hadn't been there to pull him out of the rubble…"

"I see your point."

"He'll be alright," the asari crooned, pulling her into a hug. "Just give it time."

"Thanks, Liara. I guess I'd better get going."

"Anytime, Shepard. Now, I have to learn how to play Skyllian Five before the game starts."

"Be careful," Jane warned with a chuckle. "You're playing with card sharks and to them you're fresh meat."

"I...I do not understand."

"Oh, you will. Trust me. Good luck!"

She left the asari, who was already trying to pull up research on her omni-tool, and made her way back to the Normandy.

**.x.x.x.**

John was drunk. And completely out of credits. However, the loss of his previous winnings didn't matter to him as long as there was still alcohol being passed around. Nothing was going to get in his way of having a good time tonight.

Most of the crew had converged in the men's barracks, some joining in the game of Skyllian Five, others content just to watch from the sidelines. And everyone, it seemed, had some type of drink in their hands.

The crew needed a night like this. The last couple of missions had been really tense, not to mention the attack by the collectors, and it seemed like ages ago since everyone had let loose in Afterlife. Considering everything they'd been through, they deserved a night off.

"You in on this round?" Joker asked him as Donnelly tried his best to shuffle the deck, his fingers made clumsy from too many shots of tequila.

"Nah. I think I'll sit this one out."

"How 'bout another round of shots, then?" Donnelly gleefully suggested.

"Now _that_ is a great idea," John replied.

Ashley plopped down next to him with a giggle, and a bit of liquor spilled over the tops of the shot glasses she was holding. "Oops, sorry Commander," she said and laughed again.

"Williams, are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Um…"

He took one of the glasses and downed it before saying, "Cause you're doing a damn good job of it."

"Plenty more where that came from."

"Good idea." He got to his feet, wobbled for a moment as his body struggled to find its balance, and then stumbled over to the bunk they'd turned into a makeshift bar and rifled through the bottles until he found the scotch.

"Mixing liquors, John?" Garrus rumbled from behind him. "I don't know what it's like for you humans, but that always seems to end badly for us turians. We have a saying on Palaven—"

"Stuff it, Garrus," John threw back at him. "I'll take your advice when you've actually finished a drink. You've been nursing that beer all night."

"Oh I'm just getting started," he chuckled.

A collective cry rose up from those gathered around the players. Garrus smiled at him and then went back to see what was happening. Just as he got there, Jack got up from the circle, pocketing her winnings with a satisfied smirk, and sauntered over to the turian. John watched them as they talked back and forth, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. Garrus just kept shaking his head. Finally she thrust her arm out and pointed at the door and he walked out.

"What're you looking at, Shepard?" Jack asked when she realized he'd been staring at them.

"You apparently taking Vakarian's man-card," he laughed.

"Too bad he didn't hear you say that. I'm in the mood for a brawl."

"For that to happen, you'll have to give it back to him first."

"You're an asshole, Shepard," she laughed. "Never change."

"Shepard!" Zaeed called out to him. "Quit flapping your goddamn gums and get your ass over here! We've been waiting this round on you."

"I gotta take a leak first," he yelled back.

Massani waved him off with a grunt and turned back to the guys as he staggered out into the hallway.

A short time later he found himself lost, and he was wandering around the corridors aimlessly when he happened upon Miranda sitting behind the desk of a rather large office.

"You sure are one hard woman to find," he drawled, leaning casually against the doorframe. "I've been looking all over for you."

Miranda's head reared up at the intrusion, a scowl gracing her lips when she discovered who was responsible for the interruption.

"You make the mistake of assuming that I actually want to be found," she said in a tone that could have frozen fire.

"Well, you know what 'assume' means, right?" he said, laughing at his own joke.

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you drunk?"

"Yep."

"Figures," she snorted. "Yet another one of your crew members is injured and but, here you are, drinking like you haven't got a care in the world."

"I…wait, what?"

"Get out, Commander. I don't have time for this."

"Hold on." He did his best to look serious for a minute. "I need to talk to you."

"Not interested," she replied, dropping her eyes back down to her datapad.

He persisted. "Look, Miri. I know I can be an asshole, but I wanted to apologize—"

"_What_ did you just call me?"

Fuck.

"Get out, John!" Miranda stated again, rising out of her seat as she did so. "Now!"

"But—"

His next words were interrupted by her coffee mug shattering into the wall next to him.

"_Fine!_" He spun around, ready to stomp back to the barracks and drown his rage in more alcohol, but then stopped. He wasn't ready to let the argument go just yet. "You know what? I don't get you—"

Unfortunately the sudden movements made the room spin violently. He tried unsuccessfully to put his hand against the frame to steady himself, but he missed and collapsed to the ground with a thump. He realized dully as he lay there, that he'd probably reached his limit long before now. The floor felt cool against his cheek and just before he passed out he heard Miranda come around the desk and step up next to him.

"Just bloody perfect," she sighed.

**.x.x.x.**

"You get a kick out of making grown men cry, don't you Jack?" Garrus teased as the small, yet powerful biotic sashayed her way over to him with a devious grin. "Remind me never to play cards with you."

"Like taking candy from a baby," she said.

"What?"

"It's an expression, shithead. Don't look so worried. It means that taking all their credits was too easy."

"Oh."

"Dumbass." Jack muttered and then placed a hand on her hip. "So, have you talked to her yet?"

Garrus blinked as his brain tried to switch gears. Keeping up a conversation with her could be a strenuous activity at times, especially because she had the tendency to bounce from topic to topic without any warning. It didn't take him long, though, to figure out that she was taking about Jane.

"No. There really hasn't been the right time to approach her about it, given the attack and everything," he replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Cause everyone else is having a good time and you're over here looking mopey."

"Now wait a minute. Just because I'm not as drunk as you are doesn't mean I'm not having a good time." For emphasis, he took a long gulp of his beer.

Jack lifted an eyebrow skeptically. "You suck at lying, you know that right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he grinned. The easiest way to throw Jack off the subject was to get her pissed off about something completely different and that could be accomplished simply by arguing back and forth with her. Her temper was almost as short as John's was.

"You're so full of shit Garrus."

He laughed.

"Look, she's not here, so that means she's probably back on the ship with Lieutenant Cupcake. You'll have plenty of privacy to talk to her."

"I don't know, Jack," he said. He didn't want to force Jane into anything she wasn't ready for. He still thought that if he left her alone she would eventually come to him. Once again, he tried to deflect. "Why are you so set on getting me to talk to her? You trying to get Kaidan alone or something?"

In an instant her whole demeanor changed. The playful lilt in her voice was gone as she clenched her fists and crouched down like she could attack at any moment. "If you _ever_ tell _anyone_ that I was in there, Vakarian, I'll tear you apart!"

Mission accomplished.

"Okay, okay," he said, his eyes full of mirth. "I like my limbs where they are. Your secret's safe with me."

"There _is_ no secret," the biotic growled.

"Uh huh. You just keep telling yourself that, Jack."

She thrust her hand toward the door. "You have exactly thirty seconds to get the fuck out of here, Garrus, before I shockwave you out the airlock!"

"Come to think of it, the Normandy does sound mighty inviting right now. I should go."

"Yeah, and if you're smart you'll stay there for a while," she shot back at him as he hurried away.

It was only then, as he walked down the hall to the dock that he realized the cunning little human had used his own plan against him, tricking him into talking with Jane after all.

"Well played, my friend. Well played."


	20. Closer to the Heart

**A/N: **The feedback I received for the last chapter was amazing! Simply AMAZING! Thank you so much to all those who read, subscribed, reviewed, or PM'd. You are all awesome! I'm trying to take a minute to thank and comment on each of your reviews, so keep an eye on your inboxes. If you haven't received anything from me yet, know that this is something I just barely started and I will get to you. You haven't been forgotten about. All of you are AWESOME!

Okay, having half of this chapter already written turned out to do me absolutely no good, seeing as I've torn it apart some many times to add and delete stuff. This is one of those pivotal chapters, the kind that might not seem pertinent now, but will have a profound effect on the rest of the story. Because of that, I really wanted to take my time and make sure that everything turned out the way I wanted it to, that feelings and motivations were accurately depicted. The upside to all of that was that it turned out to be quite a bit longer than I anticipated, and I'm finally satisfied with it.

Before I quit talking and let you get to reading it, I have to thank Sisypheria. Her devotion to reading and editing my chapters has been phenomenal (seriously, she makes edits on her phone when she can't get to a computer!). That dedication is what helps these chapters become what they are, because she's never afraid to tell me if things don't sound right or don't work for that part of the story.

One last thing. I'm dedicating this chapter to Liege Lord, who has gently prodded me about the QEC for the past several reviews. This one's for you.

So happy reading. I hope you enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you! ~J

* * *

><p><em>"You know, coming back in time, changing history…that's cheating." – James T. Kirk, Star Trek <em>

**Chapter Twenty – Closer to the Heart**

The smell of antiseptic and the steady beeping of the heart monitor greeted Jane when she stepped through the door of the med bay. Dr. Chakwas was standing next to Kaidan's bed, checking data on her omni-tool and looked up when she heard her enter.

"How's he doing tonight, Doc?"

"Recent brain scans are showing increased signs of activity," she replied.

"Really?" That was just the bit of good news she needed to hear.

The doctor nodded and smiled. "Would you like to visit with him? I'm sure you two have lots to catch up on."

"That would be great," she said. "Thank you."

"No problem, Commander."

Dr. Chakwas left and Jane turned back to her friend, pausing to brush an errant strand of hair from his forehead before she sat down next to him.

"Hey Kaidan. You look much better today. The Doc says you're improving and your last brain scan looks promising. I hope that means you'll wake up soon."

Kaidan remained perfectly still, showing no outward signs that he had heard anything she was saying. But that didn't stop her from talking anyway. Chakwas told her that it wasn't uncommon for patients in comas to hear people, and so she had taken to keeping him updated on how the crew was doing, the progress with Cerberus, and the work being done to the Normandy.

"Ash asked about you earlier. She may not show it as easily, but she's worried about you too. From the sound of it, you're missing out on quite the Skyllian Five game. Both crews have really come together. It's truly amazing. For a while I didn't think it was possible, but now I couldn't imagine not having everyone together like this."

She paused, mentally cataloguing all the things she wanted to tell him.

"Tali sends her love and says to get well soon and…oh, I almost forgot! Rumor has it that Jack has been seen lurking about in here. Jack! Of all people! So see, we're all rooting for you. You can do this, Kaidan. I know you can."

Leaning forward in the chair she rested her elbows on her knees, laced her fingers together, and brought them to her lips as she lost herself in her own thoughts.

"I wish you were awake," she said after a few minutes. "I could use someone to talk to right now. I'm so conflicted and don't know what to do."

For some reason it was easier to divulge her feelings to him in his current state. Perhaps it was the fact that he couldn't answer her, and thereby judge her. It felt good to talk about how she felt out loud, though she highly doubted she'd really be having the same conversation with him had he been conscious.

"I'm tired of fighting how I feel, tired of trying to figure out if it's wrong or right. Is it selfish of me to just want to be happy?"

The constant rhythm of his pulse on the heart monitor was her only response, but still, it was comforting nonetheless.

"Well anyway, I should get back before Joker and Donnelly manage to bankrupt the entire crew. I'll see you tomorrow, Kaidan." She rose, lingering to touch his arm affectionately before she turned and left.

"I'm sure he enjoys these visits with you, Commander," Dr. Chakwas said as Jane exited.

"I hope so," she said wistfully. "Call me if anything changes?"

"Absolutely. Good night, Shepard."

"Night, Doc."

The empty mess hall stretched out in front of her, the silence that settled over the ship almost deafening. It was weird, really, how quiet it was now that everyone had moved to the barracks at Ithaca Station. In reality it wasn't any different than when she used to wander out to the kitchen in the middle of a sleepless night, but right now the Normandy just seemed…abandoned.

She contemplated going back to the base and joining her comrades in their festivities, but the memory of what had happened the last time she drank was now achingly fresh in her mind. Her eyes drifted to the long hallway and settled on the door of the main battery. While it was one thing to kiss someone when drunk, it was quite another to think they were someone else entirely. How was she ever going to explain that one?

Now that she was alone and really had time to think about it, she had to ask herself if that was the only reason she ran from him that night. Sure, the sudden recollection had come as a shock, but before that she'd gone in there willingly; fully aware of whom she was seeking out. Up until the moment her hand grazed that damned bandage, she knew what she wanted and was finally okay with it.

So then, why was she so indecisive now?

The more she thought about it, the clearer her actions became. It wasn't misplaced shame or guilt over moving on after the loss of her mate that drove her from Garrus' arms, but rather it was the ill-timed revelation itself that had left her completely mortified. In the few heart stopping seconds that followed, she been so overcome with anger for making such a huge mistake—and then _forgetting _it even happened—that she had to get away from him as fast as possible. No wonder Garrus had acted so strangely the morning following the events at Afterlife. She could still see his face, full of excitement in one moment and completely devastated the next, when he had approached her in the mess hall during breakfast.

And yet, in spite of how hurt and confused he must have felt, and how awkward things had been for the both of them, they had still managed to grow closer in the days and weeks that followed. No matter where they were or what they were doing, he always seemed to be there to help lighten her mood, whether it was with a joke or words of encouragement, regardless of how many times she tried to push him away. Things like the missions to Bekke and the Citadel, their impromptu sparring match, all the time they'd spent talking and getting to know each other in between; everything was starting to make sense now, with startling clarity.

He really did care for her, didn't he? His continued patience and willingness to just be there when she needed him spoke volumes, even if he hadn't come right out and said anything. He didn't need to. Hell, the fact that he hadn't pressured her into talking about what happened that night in the battery was a testament to that.

She stopped walking and looked around, momentarily confused by her surroundings. Without realizing it she had slowly made her way around the corner and now stood in front of the newly repaired elevator shaft. She raised her hand to summon the lift but hesitated at the last minute, letting it hang idly in the air as she tried to sort out what she wanted to do. She wasn't ready to go back to the barracks.

"Do you love him, Jane?" she whispered to herself. The question just popped out, but it made her pause as she considered it.

She couldn't deny there was something building between them. But one thing was certain: if she wanted to pursue any sort of relationship with him, she had to come up with a way to tell him that he wasn't the first turian she'd had feelings for.

With a tremulous sigh she ran both her hands through her auburn locks and wheeled around. Taking comfort in the knowledge that she was completely isolated, she began to pace around the large hallway. As she wore a path in the newly reconstructed floor outside life support and the crew quarters, she rehearsed ways to bring up what would prove to be a very difficult subject.

"Okay, here it goes…I had a mate once," she tried as she walked back and forth, wringing her hands in agitation. "And interestingly enough he looked…um well… he was…you? Ugh! That's great, Jane, real smooth," she spat, rolling her eyes. After another deep breath she said, "Have you ever wondered if there was a Garrus in my world? Well there was…except…except that he died…right before you and John showed up. You see, that's the reason I avoided you—GAH! This is ridiculous! Now I'm just rambling!"

She stopped directly in front of the elevator and smothered her face in her palms. She was trying to play off the topic with humor, as if that would make it easier to talk about. But the fact of the matter was that it was damn hard. Even after all these months, thinking about her mate and how he died still hurt, right down to the very core of her being. However, if she wanted any sort of a shot with the Garrus of here and now, she had to try.

Still, several seconds ticked by with the only sound to fill the otherwise deserted area coming from behind her hands as she struggled to take enough air into her lungs to calm herself. After a moment she finally dropped them and exhaled resolutely.

"Garrus Vakarian was my mate in this world, until he died. I loved him very much. B-but now I'm finally ready to move on, because I think I'm… I sound completely crazy!" she cried, gripping her hair and tugging roughly.

Garrus was going to take one look at her and turn and run. And why shouldn't he?

She smacked the call button, a little more roughly than she had intended, and stepped inside.

"All right, I can do this. I just need to focus. Garrus—"

At that exact moment the doors to the elevator hissed opened onto the CIC and she came face to face with the very person that had been the center of her attention.

"Garrus!" she sputtered as her heart jumped into her throat. She laughed nervously as she attempted to hide her surprise. "Wh-what're you doing here?"

"Trying to escape from a crazy, pissed off biotic," he said. His mandibles fluttered and then widened into a grin as he looked at her slyly.

"Jack. Oh God, what has she done now? She hasn't destroyed the station, has she?" What would the Illusive Man say when he found out? Would he pull his support and decide not to help them after all? She should have known better than to put Jack right in the middle of a Cerberus base, she thought as she hurried out of the lift. "Maybe I should—"

"You don't want to go out there," he rumbled, catching her by the elbow as she brushed past him. "…I may or may not have started it."

Ordinarily being restrained in such a matter would have immediately put her on edge, but this time Jane didn't shrink from his grasp, instead letting him lead her closer to the galaxy map. She was about to protest, several reasons why that wasn't such a good idea poised on the tip of her tongue, when the last part of his sentence caught up with her. He was joking with her. That much was evident by the mischievous glint in his eyes. Garrus let go of her and she leaned against the railing next to Kelly's terminal casually, crossing her arms for effect as she returned his playful smile.

"Wait a sec," she said teasingly. "You're telling me that the big bad 'Archangel' is _hiding_ from one tiny, little, tattooed biotic?"

"Whoa. Come on now, this is Jack we're talking about here. Have you seen her in a fight? She may be small but she packs one hell of a punch!"

"Whatever happened to, 'we understand each other?'"

"I understood her just fine," Garrus said, trying to keep a straight face. "She made it very clear that if I didn't get the hell out of there, she was going to rip my arms off and toss me out the airlock. She'll do it too."

"I see. Well, you know how Jack loves a good fight, so what's your plan if she comes in here looking for you?"

"That's where you come in. I was planning on using you as a meat-shield."

"Me?" she laughed. "_I'm_ your plan? Gee, thanks Garrus."

"You don't think it'll work?" he said, feigning innocence. Then he scoffed, brushing off her supposed concern. "Nah, come on, you can take her."

"Uh…no, I don't think so."

"Damn it! We're gonna need to come up with a new strategy then. What if we got a net? Or-or Liara could use her stasis…"

By this time Jane was laughing so hard her sides hurt. It felt good to let go, to be free of worry and stress, if only for a few minutes.

"How are you doing? Really?" he asked her suddenly, all hints of humor gone from his voice.

"I'm fine," she replied, unfolding her arms to grip the railing behind her. "Just focused on the next mission."

"You don't have to put on that brave 'commander' front right now, Jane. It's just me. I know you're worried about Alenko."

Jane exhaled through her nose sharply and pushed off the railing to walk up the small ramp that would let her overlook the galaxy map. For a few moments she just stood there, a flurry of thoughts running through her head; everything ranging from Kaidan and his recovery to Garrus' perceptiveness.

"The last report I received from Chakwas was promising," she said finally.

"I sense a 'but' coming."

"I just wish he would come out of his coma. Then we'd really be able to tell if he's all right or not. I-I don't know what I would do if…" she trailed off, failing miserably at her attempt to explain to him how much the biotic meant to her. "Kaidan…he's like a brother to me. We've been through so much together and he's the only family I've—"

She stopped abruptly when she felt one of Garrus' hands settle on her shoulder. She hadn't even heard him step up behind her. He turned her around slowly and without so much as a word, pulled her to his chest, wrapping both arms around her protectively. He didn't ask any questions nor did he demand answers from her. He just held her. Spurred on by how right it felt, she threaded her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest plate, reveling in his warmth even through his armor.

They stayed like that for several wonderful minutes until she felt him shift. Instinctively she clung to him tighter, not wanting the moment to end. He seemed to sense her reluctance because he readjusted, bringing a gloved hand up to run his talons through the length of her hair. She closed her eyes and sighed, snuggling deeper into his embrace.

"Garrus, about the other night," she began after taking a shuddering breath. "I…"

He stiffened and the hand he'd been running over her hair stilled in its movement. Then, gripping her gently by her shoulders, he pushed her away just enough to be able to look into her eyes.

"Listen Jane, you don't need to explain anything. I already know."

"You—you do?" Damn if she didn't just take an extremely large gulp.

She stepped away to gauge his reaction. He mimicked her movements and walked down the ramp, only to start pacing nervously in front of the terminals. Gone was the confidence that he'd exhibited only minutes before as he struggled to find the right words to communicate what he wanted to say.

His demeanor was doing nothing to put her already anxious mind at ease.

"Yeah," he said. Only a few seconds had actually passed between her question and his answer, but to Jane it felt like hours. "There aren't that many turian-human couples that I know of and the concept can be kind of frightening. Well, I mean…" He exhaled, but the sound came out as more of a snort than a sigh. "What I'm trying to say is that this is new for me too, and if you're not comfortable with it…that is, if you want to find someone a little closer to home, I understand. No hard feelings."

As her muscles relaxed after hearing him say something entirely different than what she was anticipating, she gazed down at him and a subtle tremor ran through her bottom lip. In that instant he had unwittingly laid everything out on the table and how she responded next would make or break them, as far as their future together was concerned.

_Do you love him, Jane?_

It was such a simple question, really. But where the answer should have come easily, she suddenly found her tongue glued to the roof of her mouth. The truth of the matter was that she did, though she wasn't quite ready to admit that to him just yet. It was still budding, this love she felt for him, but it was steadily growing deeper with each day that passed.

What was perhaps the most surprising of all were the reasons why she felt such a strong bond with him, and it had nothing to do with the most obvious one. He might look exactly like her dead mate, may even share some of the same history and mannerisms, but that's about as far as it went. Their personalities were completely different.

While they both despised injustice, her mate had had a rebellious streak, a bad boy vibe that she'd found instantly appealing. His attitude could be summed up with phrases like 'by any means necessary' and 'whatever it took to get the job done', and more often than not he had thrown the rules right out the airlock in order to achieve his goals. He'd taken that approach both personally and professionally, and up until she met John's Garrus she really hadn't thought much of it one way or another.

But the turian that stood before her now, shrugging his shoulders apprehensively as he waited for her to say something, _anything_, was none of those things. This Garrus usually remained calm and collected under pressure, never rushing into anything without first considering the consequences his actions would have on others. He was always there to help his friends and crew mates, even if it was only by making wisecracks and tongue-in-cheek remarks, and that compassion was one of the first things she noticed about him when she came aboard the SR-2. It was easy to see why John respected and depended on him the way he did.

It was funny the way things worked out. If you had put the two of them side by side, it was almost as if their personalities had been switched. Given John's tendencies to act first and think later, any outsider would have assumed that her Garrus had belonged with him in his world, whereas his, being more mature and centered, more accurately reflected her influence. The most prime example of such differences in temperament was when her mate had gone after Dr. Saleon. She'd let him kill the salarian that day, and he'd had good reason. The doctor was a monster. But the other Garrus… He had let the man who betrayed him and killed ten of his men walk away with his life still intact. The irony wasn't lost on her. But maybe that was how the universe evened out the parallels, she guessed.

Ultimately, it was those qualities that eventually broke through her self-imposed barriers, those qualities that made her realize that she had come to care for him not because he represented what she'd lost, but because of who he was as an individual.

Finally coming to terms with and accepting that she loved him should have left her feeling giddy and deliriously happy, but as she let her gaze wander across the galaxy map she felt fear wrap itself around her wind pipe.

What if she told him and he didn't believe her? What if he thought that the only reason she wanted to be with him was because it was a way for her to bring her mate back to life? That notion wasn't so far-fetched, after all. She had struggled with the very same feelings not so long ago. They had always been there, a nagging tickle in the back of her mind, every time she was around him. She knew that wasn't the case now, but that wouldn't stop Garrus from always wondering.

And that was the last thing she wanted to happen.

Jane angled her head and glanced back to him pensively, biting the corner of her lip as she considered what she was about to do. He'd given her a way out, an excuse that she could latch onto that would explain why she had been acting so strangely. It wasn't necessarily a lie if she never mentioned the details of her past relationship, was it—especially if it protected him from getting hurt in the long run?

She took a deep breath and walked down the ramp, stopping just a few inches away from him. Then, giving him what she hoped was a confident smile, she gently touched his forearm and turned it, palm up, so she could place her hand in his.

"I don't want something closer to home, Garrus," she whispered as her fingers slid tentatively around his talons.

He dropped his gaze to their intertwined hands, letting his eyes linger on them as he squeezed her fingers in return. The light from the galaxy map bounced off his blue orbs, making them shimmer in the most breathtaking way. Jane's heart was pounding wildly inside her chest and she was certain his was too. He seemed unwilling to break the silence; like he was afraid that if he broke the silence and said anything she would run away again and the moment would disappear.

But when he lifted his eyes and met hers, she realized that he didn't need to say anything. The way he felt was already displayed on his face. There was no going back, not if she wanted to be with him. And she did, of that there was no longer any doubt.

In that instant, mesmerized by the way he was beaming with happiness and adoration, she made the decision never to tell him about the other Garrus.

Stepping closer to him she rested her other hand on the cool metal of his chest plate and continued, "I want this…us."

He tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her flush against him, encircling her in his arms. When she didn't flinch he bowed his head and brought his forehead to hers. He obviously wasn't aware that she knew the gesture was the turian way of showing affection, equivalent to kissing in human culture, and knowing that was what he was doing made her stomach flutter with excitement.

"I care about you, Jane. I don't want to do anything to screw this up."

"You won't," she assured him in a voice that was barely audible.

His mandibles twitched and spread into a grin. Then he moved, ever so slightly, to kiss her in the way he thought she was used to. He seemed to enjoy the action just as much as she did, because it was quickly becoming second-nature to him.

Suddenly the omni-tool on his left arm pinged, which would have been easy to ignore if it hadn't been followed by Joker's somewhat tinny and completely inebriated voice.

"_Hey Lizard-face…is that what you called him, Jack?"_

They froze, neither of them wanting to move and relinquish the moment. Jack's reply was completely incomprehensible through the tiny speaker, but whatever Joker heard made him howl with laughter.

"_Garrus, you there?"_ he asked again.

"Not now, Joker," Garrus rumbled.

"_Hey, I don't know what you're doing over there, but we've got uh…a situation over here." _

He let go of Jane with a groan. "What is it? 'Cause if it's something like 'we ran out of alcohol', I'm not going to be happy."

Jane raised her eyebrows and chuckled, wondering just what they were missing out on by not attending the poker game. It didn't matter though; she wouldn't trade where she was for anything.

"_Get in line," _Joker cracked. _"I've got super pissed off Cerberus Operative staring over my shoulder right now." _

"_Yes, but she's gorgeous when she's pissed off,"_ came the voice of Donnelly, who must have been sitting right next to the pilot since his voice carried easily through the intercom. _"All fiery and—OW! Damn it, girl. I was just looking." _

"_You're drooling all over the floor," _they heard Daniels say. Even though her voice was distant, there was no mistaking the hint of jealousy that was there.

"_Wow! She smacked you good, man!" _

"Joker…," the turian growled.

"_Sorry," _he said sheepishly. _"Anyway, we… Oh shit, Donnelly, that's definitely gonna leave a mark—"_

"Joker!" This time both Garrus and Jane raised their voices, shouting his name in unison.

"_Shepard's with you? Oh, good. She can help." _

"Help with what?" Garrus was starting to lose his patience, which wasn't something Jane had ever seen, now that she actually thought about it.

"_Seems like good 'ole Commander John thought Ms. Lawson's office was a great place to take a nap."_

"He did what?" Jane asked. She raised her eyes to Garrus and grimaced.

"_Yep. Passed out right in the hallway. We all took a vote, and since you two aren't here having fun with the rest of us, you got volunteered to go get him." _They could practically feel the helmsman's smugness through the speaker. _"Joker out." _

"Wonderful," Jane muttered under her breath, but Garrus heard her anyway. "What so funny?" she demanded when he smiled.

"That would be John," he chuckled. "Always finding some way to screw with me."

"What, you think he did this on purpose?"

"No. He just has really bad timing. Come on, I think I have a way we can get even with him."

**.x.x.x.**

John bolted awake with a start as an icy cold sensation washed over him. He thrashed into a sitting position, his adrenaline kicking into overdrive, and looked around frantically as he tried to get his bearings. Jane stood a few feet away from him, an empty bucket in her hands and a satisfied smirk on her face. Garrus, traitor that he was, was off to her right, making no attempt to smother his amusement over his discomfort.

"What the fuck, Jane?" he yelled. He swiped at the water dripping down his face and grabbed at his soaked shirt, pulling the now tight and sticky material away from his skin.

"Good, you're awake," she said with a certain amount of glee.

"I sure as hell am now! It's pretty goddamn hard to sleep when someone dumps freezing water all over you!"

"You needed a bath anyway," Garrus replied.

_Smug son-of-a-bitch_, John thought testily.

"You know what, Vakarian?" he hissed. "You just pulled latrine duty."

"For what?"

He narrowed his eyes and centered them on Jane. "For consorting with the enemy."

Garrus shared a conspiring look with the smaller commander and they laughed.

"You think it's funny now, but just you wait," John said. "Just you wait."

"Do you even remember what happened?" Jane demanded, frowning disapprovingly as she folded her arms. It was crazy how fast her mood could change. But then again, that was Jane. "Or has the alcohol clouded your memory?"

"Who are you, my mother?" he spat. "Just go the hell away and let me sleep it off."

"Oh no, Shepard. Not this time. This is payback," said a suddenly very evil looking Garrus. What was he up to?

"Payback for what?" He shifted his eyes between her and the turian, and for the first time since he'd been woken up noticed how much closer he was standing to Jane and instantly understood. Confident that he now had the upper hand in the conversation, despite the fact that he was still quite drunk, he pulled the corner of his mouth into a wry grin and said, "Why, did I interrupt something?"

A faint blush crossed the bridge of Jane's nose and colored her cheeks pink, but she tried to hide it by quickly changing the subject. "You don't remembering going to Miranda's office and blacking out?"

"I… Oh."

It didn't take long for a tidal wave of memories to come flooding back to him, most notably him slipping up and calling her 'Miri' in his haste to reason with the operative. Fuck. Why was it that he could never seem to do anything right when he was around her? All he had wanted to do was stop in and apologize for being such a jerk all the time. Her demeanor had genuinely changed after he'd saved her life, and he had held the hope that maybe things would be different between them from now on. Apparently he had been wrong.

"Yeah." Jane said. "And she wasn't too happy about it."

"Ugh," John grumbled, covering his forehead and eyes with the palms of his hands. He let out an exasperated sigh and dropped back down to the bunk. The blanket, as well as the mattress and pillow, was saturated with water. He groaned upon making that discovery, but didn't bother to move. When he heard Garrus snicker he dropped his arms and lifted his head just enough to fix him with a venomous glare. "This is your bunk now, by the way, so keep laughing."

"Shepard, you can't even get up right now," Garrus remarked. "I think you're stuck there. How do you humans say it? 'You made your bed so l—"

"Don't you have a bathroom to clean?" he snapped.

"What were you doing in Miranda's office?" Jane interjected. Her tone implied she was curious, but John didn't like the idea of her prying into his personal life.

"I don't remember," he lied.

"Bullshit."

"Maybe I was looking for the pisser. Do I need to ask for your permission before I go take a leak? And since when do I have to defend my actions to you?"

She exhaled loudly, a sure sign that he was getting under her skin. "It's obviously useless trying to carry on a conversation with you while you're this drunk, so I'll just talk to you in the morning. You probably won't remember anything anyway."

"Good. Your bitching is starting to make my head hurt."

"I believe that's a result of all the liquor," Garrus said, his mandibles twitching mirthfully. "Didn't I tell you not to mix your drinks?"

Seconds later a water-logged pillow sailed through the air. But it missed its intended mark, landing at the turian's feet instead.

"Good night, John," Jane called out to him in a sing-song voice.

Once they were gone he flopped back to the bed, only to realize that he and it were still drenched, and now he was without a pillow.

Goddamn it.

**.x.x.x.**

There were few things that John despised more than being hung over, but a couple of them came to mind as he rushed through the hallways of Ithaca Station. One was the tone of superiority that Jane tended to use when she was nagging at him, and the other was being late. Today, it seemed that he was going to be lucky enough to experience all three of them at the same time, as he was running behind to meet Jane and Miranda to conduct an inspection of the Normandy.

"As you can see here, we've reinforced this section with—" Miranda stopped in her explanation to Jane as he jogged through the airlock and shot him a look of barely contained hostility.

"Glad you could finally join us," Jane sneered, her words oozing with sarcasm. "Feeling any better?"

_Bitch powers... activate! _John said to himself. The thought caused him to laugh, which elicited another set of angry glares from the two women in front of him.

"Let's just get on with this," he said, waving his forearm in a circular motion. He hadn't been in there more than three minutes and already his head was starting to pound.

"That would be great, except that you missed all of it. We're almost done," Jane replied.

"I need to report back to the Illusive Man, anyway, Commander," Miranda said. She had directed the statement to Jane, but had yet to take her eyes off John. The lavender pupils were slanted, a mixture of caution and repulsion flashing through them that told of her eagerness to get away from him. "He can fill you in on the rest."

Jane tapped her omni-tool. "Sounds good. We'll be meeting with him in about an hour."

Miranda nodded and the two parted, with Jane heading across the CIC to the elevator while Miranda pushed past him on her way to the airlock. He caught her by the arm.

"Hold on, Miranda."

She spun around, looking down at his hand wrapped around her arm before meeting his eyes with a snarl. "Let go of me, Commander."

"Okay." He released her, but stepped between her and the exit so she couldn't leave. "But just listen to me for a moment."

Folding her arms she kicked out her hip and sighed impatiently.

"I've been trying to apologize to you," he told her in a low voice. It was hard for him to admit when he was wrong, and she wasn't making it any easier. "We've been at odds since you got here. I know my ego kind of gets in the way sometimes."

"Kind of?" she sputtered.

"All I'm saying," he continued, trying to reign in the rising note of anger in his voice, "is that I think we should start over."

"Why, so you can assuage your guilty conscience and leave on a good note?"

"Leave?"

"Yes. Jane just signed off on the last of the repairs. You'll be leaving immediately after you speak with the Illusive Man."

"Why wasn't I made aware of this?"

"Maybe because you were passed out drunk," she retorted. When he opened his mouth to argue she silenced him by holding up her hand. "Look, Commander. You saved my life and for that I am grateful. But I'm eager to put this little venture behind me and move on, and not think about it again for a long, long time."

"Miranda…"

"Goodbye John."

He watched her form disappear as the door to the airlock slid closed, and once she was out of sight he turned and drove his fist into the nearest bulkhead. The force of the impact split the skin across his knuckles, creating a deep angry gash. Muttering a string of curses he pulled his hand back and shook it, trying to alleviate some of the pain.

That was it, she was gone. There would be no more chances, no more opportunities to appeal to her in the hopes that she'd see through his coarser side like she had the last time. It should have been easy. They were the same person, after all. But none of that mattered anymore. He'd lost her and now he was completely alone.

**.x.x.x.**

An hour later Jane and John stood in the small, darkened chamber in Ithaca Station for what would probably be the last time. Miranda hovered near the doorway, as far away from them as she could possibly get while still being in the same room. Jane couldn't figure out why she was so agitated, just as she wasn't clear on why the operative was there now when she hadn't been during their first visit with the Illusive Man. Maybe it was because she'd been responsible for overseeing much of the repairs to the Normandy. Whatever the reason, her presence was definitely making the atmosphere uncomfortable.

John was so quiet and rigid that he could have passed for a statue, except that every other breath he took came out as irritated snort. Something must have happened between the two of them, and from the looks of things, it didn't end well. She'd never gotten to the bottom of why John had wandered into Miranda's office the night before, though it didn't take much to formulate a guess. She felt sorry for him. It was hard not too. But she found herself wondering, not for the first time, if their involvement with Cerberus was the next logical step taken after they'd exhausted their other resources, or if it was just a way for him to get closer to the operative.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the whirr of the lasers starting up and a few seconds later the Illusive Man appeared before them. He wore the same immaculate suit, but this time he'd chosen to ditch his chair in favor of a standing position, though the ever-present cigarette still dangled from his fingertips.

"Shepards," he greeted with a stoic nod of his head. "The blueprints you provided were extremely effective in facilitating the repairs to the Normandy. I trust that they meet your expectations?"

"The Normandy looks wonderful," Jane said politely. "Thank you."

"We also implemented a few upgrades that I think you might find useful," the Illusive Man nodded after taking a puff off his cigarette."

"What kind of upgrades?" John raised his eyebrows suspiciously.

The Illusive Man laughed quietly, a disconcerting sound that reeked of superiority, but the next words he spoke were surprisingly genuine. "Only ones that will benefit you in the long run, I assure you. Your ship barely survived the last Collector attack, mainly because it lacked the necessary armor and shielding to withstand such an assault."

He paused to take a long drag, his strange blue eyes never leaving John's.

"With that in mind, I had the team install Silaris Armor. An asari design, we attached to the ship's superstructure, and it will help hold things together should an enemy blast be powerful enough to penetrate through your shields. They also installed a multicore shielding upgrade using the newest Cyclonic Barrier Technology. If you are attacked again, it should help the Normandy survive the type of blasts that brought you here in the first place."

Jane glanced at John, unsure of how to respond. Of course, she was grateful for the upgrades, especially because Garrus had once mentioned that it was due to a lack of such upgrades that they'd lost so many members of their crew going through the legendary Omega 4 relay. But she also knew that John was still wary of the Illusive Man, and so she didn't want to seem too eager and enthusiastic, lest he use that against them.

"The repair crew also found remnants of an advanced Quantum Entanglement Communicator, though it was completely non-functional," he continued. "I must say, it's very interesting technology. Using a combination of your blueprints and Cerberus engineering, we were able to reconstruct it and it will now allow instantaneous communication between us."

The corner of John's mouth twitched ever so slightly. Jane doubted the Illusive Man would've caught something so subtle, but it made her wonder what was going through his head at the moment. He was probably making the inevitable comparisons on how things went down in his world, maybe even thinking about how they seemed to be propelling the technology in hers. For the briefest of seconds, she allowed herself to entertain the notion that maybe Cerberus and the Illusive Man were meant to obtain the information this way, like it was all part of the universe's grand plan for them. Of course, that type of thinking tended to make her head hurt, and so she stopped and returned her focus to the hologram in front of them.

The Illusive Man didn't wait for any signs of appreciation from them, nor did he seem to expect such a display. Jane was learning quickly that everything was business to him, as evidenced by his detached calm and matter-of-fact demeanor. He operated in a world of checks and balances, never undertaking a project that he couldn't benefit from in some way. And so, she wasn't completely surprised by his next statement.

"I've taken the liberty of putting together a couple of dossiers," he told them. "They contain information on individuals who operate outside the Alliance's jurisdiction, which could prove helpful to both of you in the future."

"Outside the Alliance? You mean Cerberus, don't you?" Jane asked.

"I've forward them to your private terminals," the Illusive Man answered. "Take a look at them and you'll see what I mean."

"Let's just get one thing straight," John said firmly, pointing his finger at the orangey image. "Just because I've worked with you in some capacity in the past, and just because you've given the Normandy a bunch of fancy upgrades, doesn't mean we trust you."

The Illusive Man let out a knowing chuckle. "I'd be disappointed if you felt any differently. Teaming up is an extraordinary risk, for both of us. As such, I am putting one of my people aboard the Normandy. Miranda," he called out. The operative's head reared up, a look of shock and displeasure settling over her smooth alabaster features. "You will stay with the commanders and act as a liaison between them and me."

"Wha—?" she stammered. "Sir, I beg you to reconsider."

"You are my best operative, Lawson," he said in a kind, almost fatherly tone. "I wouldn't trust the job to anyone else. Shepards, we'll be in touch."

With that, he touched the screen in front of him and his image vanished. An uncomfortable silence settled over the chamber once again as the three of them stood there, none of them knowing exactly what to do or what to say next.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **All right! Lots going on. Feel free to leave a review or PM and tell me how you feel about Jane's decision to withhold information from Garrus, what you thought about the banter between the crew, and anything else you want to talk about. I love the feedback and knowing what you liked and disliked will only help me make this story even better! Thanks for reading! ~J


	21. Unexpected Alliances

**A/N: **Finally, a chapter update! Yay!

So, the real reason I haven't been updating a lot this summer is because we've been busy trying to buy a house. I've written a longer, more detailed explanation on my website if you're interested in reading it. The short story is we close tomorrow and now we get to start fixing it up and moving in. After that's done my inspiration should start flowing more freely and I anticipate that I'll be swamped with ideas and be glued to my computer. You know me though, I'll be working writing stuff down and plotting even as I'm painting.

Thanks for being patient. I hope you enjoy this one. As always, let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Keep an eye on your inboxes for my replies to your reviews. Oh, that reminds me! A big huge thanks to everyone for leaving me reviews, for subscribing, and most importantly, for reading!

~J

* * *

><p>"<em>I can't fight this feeling any longer.<br>And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.  
>What started out as friendship,<br>Has grown stronger.  
>I only wish I had the strength to let it show." <em>– I Can't Fight This Feeling, REO Speedwagon

**Chapter Twenty-One—Unexpected Alliances **

The dark-haired chick from Jane's crew was staring at her again. Oh, she was trying not to make it too obvious, instead pretending to be interested in cleaning the rifle that sat in her lap, but Jack could see right through her thinly applied disguise anyway. As she ran the bore snake through the barrel her brown eyes would lift every so often, fixating on some part of her body, and she would chew her lip as though deep in thought.

Strangely enough, it didn't feel as though she was studying her. Maybe it was because once the gunnery chief's gaze settled on her, her eyes would go unfocused until it seemed she was looking right through her. Normally such blatant behavior would have sent Jack into an immediate tizzy, or at the very least cause some derogatory remark to come flying out of her mouth, but for some reason she wasn't bothered by it.

It was almost as if she was working up the nerve to talk to her, or maybe ask her something. The last part of that thought made her pause. What in the hell could she want from her? With her curiosity now fully piqued, Jack jumped off the pile of exercise mats in the corner and stomped over to the workstation.

"What ya staring at, sweetheart? You got something to say?" she said in a less than agreeable tone. So much for it not bothering her. Or maybe it was because she spent so much of her time being cautious and wary of other people and their intentions that she didn't know how to strike up a conversation without opening it with an insult.

Ashley snorted as she shifted her rifle from one hand to the other and dropped the bore snake down on the work table. She opened her mouth as if to say something, probably some equally scathing comment, but hesitated at the last minute and sighed instead.

Jack shook her head and rolled her eyes irritably. She had spun around and was already making her way back to the elevator when Ashley's voice floated to her ears.

"Cerberus."

Jack stopped at the mention of the institution she hated so much and slowly turned around to plaster the chief with a glare of pure and unadulterated venom. But to her surprise Ashley hadn't meant to use it as a barb to get even with her. She wore almost an identical look of distrust and disgust on her face, her lips curling into a sneer as she finished her thought.

"I never, not in a million years, thought I would be working with them," Ashley said. "I mean, it's one thing to fly around in a Cerberus vessel, you guys made it clear that you weren't associated with them when we first met. I was okay with that. But now…?"

"Tell me about it," Jack grunted. "I hate Cerberus. Fucking _hate _them! It was bad enough having to cuddle up with them the first go-around, but this is just a kick in the quad."

"I don't understand though. Why would the commanders doing something so risky? Especially if John already knows how it turns out?"

Jack grew quiet as she remembered her reaction when she first learned that Shepard was seeking the corrupt organization's help again. To say that she was angry was the understatement of the century. Not only had she been livid, she'd felt hurt and betrayed as well. Of all the people on John's crew, she was probably the one who'd been most affected by Cerberus. She had had every right to be pissed off.

But Alenko had been there to diffuse the situation, saying that John and Jane must have had their reasons for going to Cerberus again and arguing that they should trust their decision. She recalled the way he patiently explained to her that it would be their job to keep an eye on the commanders and make sure they weren't getting themselves and the crew in over their heads.

"Who the hell knows? Maybe John's just a glutton for punishment. Maybe he thought he could play Cerberus for once. Or maybe they just didn't have any other choice."

Ashley raised her eyebrows. "It almost sounds like you're agreeing with him."

"What? Fuck that! I'm not in some big hurry to hold hands with the Illusive Man again. My job is to keep reminding our precious commanders how evil Cerberus is and make sure they don't go and do something stupid."

The gunnery chief nodded and smiled, seemingly satisfied with her answer. She cocked the gun in her hands and pulled the trigger, testing to make sure she had assembled it together correctly. The sharp click of it trying to fire without a thermal clip was enough to tell both of them that she had.

"I'm just glad we don't have to deal with Miranda anymore. Can't say I'm sad to see her go."

"Halle-fucking-lujah!" Jack said. "I can't stand that cheerleader! She was bitchy enough back where we came from, but this version takes the fucking cake!"

Just then the elevator doors whooshed open and John pushed through them. His jaw was set in a firm scowl, his gray-blue eyes flashing with annoyance, anger, and something else that she couldn't identify.

Upon seeing him Ashley set her rifle down on the table and stood up, brushing the dirt from her navy blue uniform. "Commander," she nodded.

He glanced in their direction briefly and then stomped over to the punching back in the corner opposite the exercise mats and started pummeling it with his bare fists. Undeterred by his lack of acknowledgement she walked over to him and flashed him a smile.

"You know," she said with a teasing grin, "it looks like you're holding in a lot of tension and I know a surefire way to work off stress."

"Not now, Williams," John replied in a clipped tone. He didn't bother to look at her as he sent a series of fast jabs into the bag.

Jack folded her arms and shifted her weight from one leg to the other as she watched the two of them. Hurt or disappointment, she couldn't tell which, skittered across Ashley's face, but she managed to recover before John noticed.

"Well hey, at least you don't have to deal with Lawson's crap anymore. That's got to be a big relief."

John stopped abruptly and grabbed the swinging bag with both hands, bringing it to a standstill as he glared at her.

"You can't tell me you're going to miss that," she pressed on. "The woman hated you. I, for one, am happy that she's gone."

"She's not gone," he ground out between clenched teeth. "She's staying on board."

"She's what?" both girls exclaimed in unison.

"Yeah, the Illusive Man made that little announcement today."

He pushed the bag away in disgust and turned to go back to the elevator with Ashley right on his heels.

"Well no wonder you're in a foul mood. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"

"No. I just want to be left alone," he said. Stepping into the lift he hit the button to close the door before she got a chance to say anything else.

"That was pathetic," Jack smirked.

"What?"

"You and your whole pitiful display. 'Is there anything I can do to help?'" she mimicked. "That was the biggest damn cry for attention I've ever seen."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh really? You can't play coy with me, princess. You were broadcasting it to the whole galaxy. Might as well have gotten down on your knees and begged him to notice you."

"He's 'noticed' me…several times." Ashley sniffed defensively.

"Yeah, as a piece of ass. Which is fine for some people, but if I had to make a guess, you're the type of person that wants more than that. To John though, all you are is a fling. He won't let anyone get close. Well, anyone except _her_. You know he's got a thing for the cheerleader, right?"

"I had my suspicions," she said darkly, staring at the punching bag. "But I couldn't figure out why. I still can't."

"I asked myself the same question when it happened the first time around," Jack quipped.

"Wait, so they were together in your world? As a couple?"

"Yep. So if you want to be anything more than a fuck-buddy to him, I suggest you do something to make yourself stand out."

"Like what?"

"I don't know! Do I seriously look like someone who would know about shit like that? I don't give a rat's ass about all that lovey-dovey relationship crap. I want nothing to do with it."

"Sorry," Ashley said, repressing a smile. "You offered, so I thought…"

"Well I don't. Just so we're clear," Jack reaffirmed. She couldn't have her thinking that she'd gone soft or that she suddenly cared about any of the crew or anything like that.

"Okay."

"Good."

The cargo area was suddenly becoming cramped and uncomfortable. Time to go back down to the sub-deck where she could hide herself away and not get tricked into talking about mushy crap like feelings and love. She was still trying to sort out where she stood on that anyway. Damn Garrus for even bringing the subject to light. She had been perfectly fine without thinking about it.

"Jack," Ashley called out as she began to leave. She angled her head back toward the chief, silently dreading what she might say next. "Thanks for trying to give me advice."

The corners of her mouth lifted into something of a smile, but she hurriedly schooled her features into her usual scowl and said, "Yeah, yeah. Don't get used to it. Share time's over."

**.x.x.x.**

Battling against the darkness that crushed down upon him was almost as futile as holding back the tide. But he struggled anyway, hoping that eventually his efforts would be rewarded with even the most miniscule slice of light.

Every so often he could hear the soft murmur of voices above him, always indistinct but there nonetheless, and he tried to latch on to them as if they were the anchor in which he'd be able to pull himself to the surface and break free from the clutches of his black prison.

One voice in particular began to stand out among the others. It started out quiet in the beginning, barely discernible from the others that would come and go, but as he imagined time went by it grew more and more insistent until he could actually pick out words from the constant hum of static in his head.

"Fight, goddamn you!" it challenged, this time seething with anger. "Don't just sit on your ass and accept it!"

Pain. Remarkably, he could feel pain in his upper right arm! It was a sensation that he hadn't felt in a long time. It wasn't sharp like the prick of a needle, this pain, but more of a dull ache instead. As it spread down his arm, a little bit of the blackness receded.

"Are you gonna give up now? Is that it? Just gonna to lie down and die as the galaxy's biggest pussy, or are you gonna prove me wrong and wake the fuck up?"

He knew that voice, knew who it belonged to, and he was overcome with the sudden desire to lash out at its owner. He was not going to die, not going to go down without a fight! He _would_ prove her wrong! Her derisive form of encouragement was just the motivation he needed to ward off the encroaching gloom.

The darkness was strong, however, its insidious fingers dead set upon dragging him back down to the bottom of the oblivion he had resided in for so long. But he was stronger. A bit more of the haze in his mind dissipated as he fought against it, and as it did everything became clearer. The only piece of the puzzle he couldn't figure out was why she, of all people, was the one there shouting at him. But he didn't care. She was here, and that was all that mattered.

The first streams of light broke through his eyelids, harsh and unyielding, but infinitely welcome at the same time. He blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the bright white onslaught as the last vestiges of murkiness faded away. To his great disappointment, the room was empty. Had he imagined it all? Had he really been alone the whole time? He tried to sit up, his eyes desperately searching for the one person he wanted to see. There, by the door. A shadow. A flash of bare skin. Exhausted, he dropped down to the pillow and, in a voice made hoarse by the days and weeks of inactivity while he'd been unconscious, he called out to her.

"Jack?"

**.x.x.x.**

"Shepard?"

Jane sat up with a start, her jerky movements spilling the mug of coffee, the contents inside long since cold, across the table. She uprighted the cup with a muttered curse, thinking that if the beverage had done what it was supposed to, she wouldn't have fallen asleep in the first place.

"Are you all right?" Tali asked as she retrieved a towel from the kitchen and handed it to her.

"Yeah, I guess I'm more tired than I thought." As she spoke she lifted the mug and set it down on the towel, twisting it so that any coffee clinging to the bottom wouldn't create a ring when she set it back down. Then she picked up the datapad she had been looking at before she dozed off and breathed a small sigh of relief that it had escaped majority of the spill. She finished wiping down the table and deposited the dirty towel in the bin Gardner reserved for soiled linen from the kitchen. Then she turned back to the quarian. "What's up, Tali?"

Her friend slid into one of the seats, leaned back casually, and rested her leg on the top of her other knee. "It's been a while since we sat down and just talked. I wanted to see how you were doing."

Jane pulled the corner of her mouth in and chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought about it. The past few weeks had certainly been a whirlwind of activity, but she was used to the stress that came along with being in command. What had run her ragged the most was having to constantly to play referee between John and Miranda Lawson.

She could have cut the air with a knife the tension was so thick when the three of them returned to the Normandy. Her colleagues steadfastly refused to even look at each other as they waited for the scanner in the airlock to clean them of all contaminants. And there she stood between them, involuntarily placed in the awkward position of having to be the peacekeeper.

"I know you're not happy about this," she had begun in hopes of easing the operative's agitation. "But since there's nothing we can do to change anything, we might as well make the best of it."

Silence, and an eye roll from John, was the only response she had received. Miranda caught his sarcastic expression in her peripheral vision and turned to paste him with a menacing scowl of her own. Jane watched helplessly as anger settled over his brows and he had stomped off with a muttered explanation of "having better shit to do than standing here all damn day."

He had left her then, standing in the hallway outside the cockpit with Miranda, all responsibility of finding suitable accommodations for the operative falling on her shoulders. It wouldn't have been so bad if Miranda still hadn't been dripping with hostility. In the end she had decided to set her up in the newly finished Life Support area—since it looked like Kaidan wouldn't be using it for a while anyway—with the promise of sending someone in to install a terminal and any other necessary items that she would need to do her job.

Jane blinked repeatedly to rid herself of the memory and suddenly realized that she was still standing in the mess hall while her friend waited patiently for an answer.

"I'm doing okay," she said noncommittally.

"Just okay? That's all I get?" Tali said, pretending to be hurt. "You're not going to talk to me about how Kaidan is doing or this new alliance with Cerberus?"

She smiled, trying to come up with something to say that she hadn't already hashed out with Garrus. The quarian must have sensed where her thoughts were going because the next thing she said had a gentle, teasing lilt to it.

"Or how things are going with Garrus?"

Her smile grew bigger as she glanced down the walkway at the door to the main battery. "I'm not avoiding him anymore…"

"Mmhmm, I can see that," Tali crooned, resting her elbows on the table and placing her head in the palms of her hands. "So…?"

It had been so long since Jane had talked with Tali, especially about anything frivolous. She was about to tell her what had happened between her and Garrus, how her feelings had gradually changed for him, and how they had become so close so quickly, but no sooner had she opened her mouth than Chakwas came rushing by in a panic. From the state of her uniform she guessed that the doctor must have hastily thrown it on before she ran out of the crew quarters, and she found herself wondering offhandedly what time it was. Maybe she shouldn't feel so bad that she dozed off. Maybe it was actually quite late. How long had she been asleep?

"What is it?" Jane asked, her heart leaping into her throat. "What's wrong?"

"I monitor Kaidan's vitals on my omni-tool," the doctor threw back over her shoulder. "About five minutes ago, they changed dramatically."

She and Tali fell into step behind Chakwas and they dashed to the med bay, unsure of what they would find once they were inside. In her head, Jane prepared herself for all sorts of scenarios. She hoped for the best while silently expecting the worst.

Kaidan was still in the same position he'd been in every other time Jane came into visit him, except this time he was awake. He looked understandably confused, probably trying to get a sense of his surroundings and trying to remember what had happened, but his dark brown eyes were focused intently on the door, almost as if he was expecting someone to be there.

"Kaidan!" she exclaimed as the three of them ran to his bedside. "You're awake! How do you feel?"

He attempted to laugh but it came out as more of a wheeze. "What did John tell you that one time? 'Shot at and missed and shit at and hit?' Yeah, that's what I feel like."

"I know exactly how that feels," she grinned. Then she lowered her voice. "It's good to have you back. We've been really worried."

Kaidan reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry. It'll take more than an explosion to keep me down for long."

The next few minutes were filled with a flurry of activity; Tali asking him questions, Chakwas checking his pupils and running other tests to make sure he hadn't sustained any permanent damage. All the while he never let go of her hand.

Jane felt a mixture of joy and relief welling up inside her. It threatened to overwhelm her. Taking a deep breath she looked back toward the door as she tried to maintain her composure and caught a glimpse of Jack as she slipped quietly into the mess hall. Had she been in there the whole time? The biotic must have snuck in while she was asleep at the table.

A small smile of understanding spread across her lips as she put everything together. Jack's secret would be safe with her.

**.x.x.x.**

He knew that look. The slanted mischievous eyes, lips pulled back in a sly sarcastic sneer. It meant that John was in one of his moods, the kind where Garrus was usually at the receiving end of his torment.

"So…you and Jane finally made a go of it, huh?"

Garrus cast an uneasy glance at the turian behind the counter and then turned his attention back to his commander. "I don't know what you mean…"

John stopped scrolling through the kiosk at the Rodam Expeditions and looked at him pointedly. "You know you're a bad liar, right?"

"You know you'd be the last person I'd tell if we did, right?"

"I still don't understand what you see in her." John muttered as if Garrus hadn't said anything at all.

"And that would be why," Garrus quipped, mostly for his own benefit.

John finished selecting the weapon upgrades and exited the kiosk.

"Thank you, Commander Shepard. I'll see to it that your purchases are delivered shortly," the turian said.

Shepard nodded back at salesman in acknowledgement and then he and Garrus slowly meandered out of the shop. They had stopped by the Citadel to pick up the essentials, along with new armor and any available upgrades. While John's crew was pretty much set as far as those items were concerned—considering most of their supply was more advanced than what was currently available anyway—Jane's crew was in dire need of replacements. They were still running around in light and medium armor for spirits' sake!

"You didn't answer my question," John said, picking up the conversation from where they left off back in the shop.

"Which question?" Garrus said evasively.

He still wasn't too thrilled with the idea of John knowing about him and Jane. Sure, he'd already been subjected to his commander's teasing on countless occasions, but he had the feeling it would only get worse if he confirmed his suspicious. It was like handing him the gun _and _the ammo and standing there while he opened fire.

"Both. But before you start making up excuses," John said when Garrus' mouth opened, "just know that I know you and Jane will get together eventually anyway, so there's no need to hide it from me. In fact, let's just skip that question altogether."

"Wait a sec. How do you know for certain?" Had everyone seen something that he hadn't? It didn't matter now, of course, but it made him wonder if he hadn't missed some big sign in the beginning.

"Please, Garrus. I'm not an idiot. I see the way you two look at each other." He turned his head and flashed him with that infuriating cocky smile of his. "Besides, Jane turning all sorts of red that night you drenched me in water—which by the way, I still haven't forgiven you for—pretty much told me everything."

"You were supposed to be too drunk to remember that," he mumbled. John's gray-blue eyes sparkled with amusement as he waited patiently for him to answer. "Fine! Yes, we're together now. Satisfied?"

"Nah."

A small strangled sigh of exasperation managed to slip out of Garrus' mouth.

"I won't be satisfied until you tell me why, out of everyone on the ship—hell, the whole damn galaxy—you went after Jane Shepard? 'Cause I don't get it."

"What do you have against her?" The question had been gnawing at him a long time, and this was probably the best opportunity he'd ever get to ask it."

"Love really has made you blind, hasn't it?" John scoffed. When he realized that Garrus was serious he sighed and said, "For starters she's uptight, bitchy, stuck-up, and thinks all her ideas are the best ones."

"You're just pissed that she stole all your thunder," Garrus said with an evil smile of his own. He'd known John long enough to tell underneath his abrasive demeanor he was swirling in jealousy. "I don't see any of that in her."

They came to a stop outside the elevator that would take them back to the Normandy and Garrus watched John carefully as they waited for it to make its way down to them.

"You wouldn't," John grumbled.

The doors to the lift slid open and they stepped inside.

"If that's true, then I think you bring out the worst in her," Garrus chuckled as he hit the button to the docks. "What I see is compassion, selflessness, a desire to do what's right, even if that means constantly putting her crews' needs above her own."

John grew quiet as the elevator started up, mulling his thoughts around in his head. Finally, he said, "You really see all that when you look at her?" The question wasn't meant to be derogatory, nor did it come out as such. It sounded completely genuine, if not more than a little curious.

"Yes."

A small ding sounded from somewhere and an automated female voice announced their arrival at the docks, but John didn't make any move to follow him out. When Garrus realized he wasn't immediately behind him, he stopped and turned. His commander was still leaning against the railing, his eyes unfocused. But it was the touch of sadness and regret in them that made the turian pause.

"Shepard?" He thought about making some sort of wisecrack about the elevator being a fun ride and wanting to do it again, but it didn't seem appropriate.

Finally John's eyes drifted back into focus and he looked around as he suddenly realized where he was. But even though he managed to walk out of the elevator before it took him back down to C-Sec, he didn't seem in any hurry to board the SR-2.

"How'd you get past the wall she put up?" he asked.

Garrus smiled. "Patience, wanting to be there for her no matter what, even if she didn't feel the same way about me."

The corner of John's mouth lifted in a sad smile and then he did something he'd never done before. He asked him for advice.

"Do you think if I tried to be more patient and understanding, I'd have a shot with Miranda?"

Garrus was momentarily stunned into speechlessness. Of course, he knew that seeing Miranda on a near daily basis had to be hard for John, considering his relationship with her in their universe, but the revelation that he was trying to pursue her now came as a bit of a shock. As far as he could tell, the Cerberus operative despised him. That wasn't going to end well…But then, who was he to stand in the way of someone's happiness.

"Sure," he said with a slight shrug. "Why not?"

"Hm…" John mused. "I think I have an idea. You go on ahead. I'll be back in a bit."

**.x.x.x.**

How long had he been standing outside the door now—three, maybe four minutes? Luckily no one else was in the hallway to see him staring at the door like an idiot. Maybe he was an idiot, especially because he couldn't seem to take no for an answer.

He stretched the muscles in his neck by moving his head side to side and exhaled loudly before he stepped through the door to Life Support. It had been a quite a while since he'd set foot inside this particular room of the ship. He'd never been too fond of talking with Thane back before the Omega 4 relay. He'd found the drell too depressing and only went in there when absolutely necessary. But being in there now felt completely weird, considering it was Miranda he was going to see. He still couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that this is where she'd be now, and not in the office that Jane currently occupied. More than once he'd almost walked in on the other commander only to realize what he was doing at the last second.

Miranda whipped around with a garbled cry of surprise and put a hand on the table to steady herself. But when she saw him standing there her eyes instantly narrowed, her brows knit in an expression of displeasure.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a flat tone.

John frowned, ignoring her immediate question to instead stare at the mess of computer equipment strewn all over the table.

"We have people here that can put that together for you," he said, motioning with his head to the desk. "You don't have to do it yourself."

Miranda pushed a lock of hair away from her face and followed his gaze. "Jane said the same thing and I told her that I'd rather do it myself. It keeps me busy."

Well, he couldn't argue with that.

A long pause stretched between them as she folded her arms across her chest expectantly.

"Oh, here," he said somewhat awkwardly, suddenly remembering the cup in his hand and the real reason he came in, "I…brought you this."

He handed it to her, and she took it from him gingerly, lifting the lid to examine its contents curiously. Then her expression brightened as she realized what it was.

"Is that…is that a caramel macchiato?" she asked, taking an experimental sip. She closed her eyes in delight as she savored the special drink and then opened them again a few seconds later to fix them on John questioningly. "How did you…?"

"Know?" he finished with a smile. "Let's just say I have a good memory. Anyway, I saw that coffee shop while I was on the Citadel with Garrus and thought that this would be a good way for me to say sorry for being such a pain in the ass all the time."

Miranda looked like she didn't know what to say. It was kind of cute, really, almost like how it used to be. He watched as her emotions waged war across her face.

"Just because you bring me coffee doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to forget about everything," she said haughtily.

He nodded and turned to go. It was worth a try.

"But," her voice softened as it drifted back to him. He twisted around to look at her. "It's a start."


	22. The Ties That Bind

**A/N:** This chapter is dedicated to each and every one of you! You guys are what keeps me writing! I can't stress enough how much I appreciate all the support and feedback you've given me! THANKYOUTHANKYOU

On a side note, I wanted to keep everything as close to ME2 as I could (as far as weapons and equipment goes), so that's why there's no mention of any of the newer guns and stuff. Also, I took a bit of liberty with the mission because it worked better for what I had planned. But you guys are used to that. Jack also makes an appearance or two, so there will be some foul language. And...I think that's about it. Look for replies to your reviews in your inboxes. I'm really enjoying the conversations we have about the chapters.

Thanks, everyone, for sticking with me and this fic! Tell me what you think! ~J

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><p><em>"There was an idea to bring together a group of remarkable people, so when we needed them, they could fight the battles we never could." – Nick Fury, "The Avengers"<em>

**Chapter Twenty-Two – The Ties That Bind **

"Commander, you've received a new message at your private terminal."

John stopped in his trek across the CIC and pulled the corner of his mouth back in a painful grimace.

"Kelly, I was really hoping I'd never have to hear you utter that phrase again," he said. His voice, full of disappointment, had taken on a slightly whiny tone as he continued to frown at the yeoman. "Can't we just install a light that blinks or something?"

Chambers did her best to look apologetic, but her bubbly personality, as usual, got the better of her. It was interesting to see the way that John interacted with members of his own crew, Jane observed unnoticed from the other side of the room. There was a closeness between all of them, the kind of tight-knit camaraderie that could only have come from seeing and surviving the worst the galaxy had to offer. And even though Kelly's chipper notification clearly annoyed him, Jane could see the playful smirk that settled over John's features as he waited expectantly.

"It's from the Illusive Man," Kelly persisted.

His loud groan stopped her from relaying the message any further.

"Checking up on us already, no doubt," he muttered. Chambers opened her mouth to reply, but he held up his hand. "Why don't you forward that one on to Jane and let her deal with him?"

"Hey!" Jane retorted before she could stop herself. Both the commander and the yeoman turned in her direction, but only Kelly looked remorseful over having been heard. "Whatever happened to us being in this together?"

John gave her a winning smile that showed most of his perfectly straight teeth and sauntered over to her. "You see, Jane," he drawled as he hooked his arm around her shoulders and steered her away from the cockpit and back toward the elevator, "you're just so much better at interfacing with people than I am."

She frowned and raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm a big enough person to admit that there are things I'm not good at."

"Uh-huh."

"Besides, you're forgetting that I've already dealt with the Illusive Man in my world, and," he pulled his arm away and placed his open palm on his chest, "I still harbor ill feelings toward him that could very well be misconstrued by this version. We wouldn't want anything to get in the way of him helping us, would we?"

Jane blinked and was about to reward him with what she considered her "you have got to be kidding me" expression when another idea occurred to her.

"Heh. It's about damn time you finally admitted I was the better commander," she purred, a large grin spreading across her lips.

"What?"

"Come on, John. You and I both know what makes a commander great is more than just being good in combat. It's about being fair and diplomatic and following orders, and let's face it, you're terrible at all three of those things. So you're absolutely right, I am the perfect choice to deal with the Illusive Man."

A few feet behind John, Kelly covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her snicker.

"That's not—"

"No, no. It's okay. I get it," Jane interrupted, stepping into the elevator. She gleefully hit the button for the third deck and then brought her hand to her chest in the same sort of mocking gesture he'd just used. "And don't worry. I'm a big enough person not to rub it in."

The doors closed, cutting off any opportunity he might have had to come up with a witty comeback. As soon as the lift started its descent she burst into laughter. It was nice to see John flustered every once in a while. He certainly enjoyed getting under her skin. It was high time she returned the favor.

She was still chuckling to herself as she walked into her cabin and sat down at her desk. A low groan escaped her lips as she flicked on her terminal and opened her inbox. She'd been neglecting her email lately and now there were at least a dozen new messages. Thankfully half of them were spam and after those had been deleted it didn't look quite so overwhelming.

The dossiers the Illusive Man sent were there, as promised, though from the way he'd been talking she had expected more than two. There were also a couple from Miranda, mostly detailing what her duties would be now that she was acting as a liaison between the Normandy and Cerberus. She skipped over the one from Anderson since she really didn't want to tell the Alliance about how they had made a deal with the shady organization. In the back of her mind she could already hear the Council complaining, in the same superior voices they always used, about how John's "bad influence" had corrupted her.

Finally she clicked on the most recent one, the one that John had so thoughtfully asked Kelly to forward.

_Shepards,  
>I have a matter which I need to discuss with the both of you immediately. You should consider it your top priority. Due to concerns about security, I'd rather not divulge the details here in this message. Use the QEC in the debriefing room. Don't keep me waiting.<br>IM_

Jane sat back and folded her arms with a frown, not quite sure if she liked the tone he had used. She seriously hoped that this wasn't the way things were going to be from now on; the Illusive Man thinking he could just order them around any time he felt like it. She would have never agreed to work with Cerberus if their partnership meant they'd be at his beck and call whenever he felt like it.

But the damn truth of the matter was that regardless of how she felt, they were indebted to him. He'd fixed the Normandy, given them the funding they needed to pursue the Collectors and the upgrades in which to do it and stay alive. He was providing them with intel and people that could help. They had no choice but to jump whenever he needed them. It was a horrible situation to be in, but what else could they do?

John was nowhere to be found by the time she got back to the CIC. She considered going up to his cabin and getting him, but his earlier words echoed loudly in her head. And if she was this pissed off over being summoned, she could imagine the shit John would create if provoked. So she decided it would best for all involved if she just relayed the information to him later.

"EDI, call the Illusive Man," she said when she reached the debriefing room.

"Connecting you now, Shepard."

The room immediately darkened as the table dropped into the floor, allowing her to step into a portal similar to the one at Ithaca Station. The same grid of lasers scanned her from her feet to the top of her head and a few moments later a blue holographic image of the Illusive Man appeared before her.

"Commander," he said by way of greeting. "I expected both of you."

"John's…." She paused. As much as she hated that John had basically put all of this on her shoulders, she certainly didn't want the Illusive Man to know that they didn't always get along. "Indisposed. It'll just be me."

The Illusive Man leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. "I see."

Jane shifted her feet uncomfortably as he let a moment of silence hang in the air between them.

"You said you had a mission for us," she prompted when it was clear that he wasn't going to broach the subject.

Despite the urgency in his message, he didn't seem to be in any hurry now that she was there. He uncrossed his leg and reached into his pocket with measured calm, pulling a cigarette out of an intricate metal case. Holding her gaze he lit it and leaned back on his elbow as he inhaled. The glowing tip was prominent even though the hologram lacked a variety of colors.

"We've lost communication with one of our operatives," he said as he blew the cigarette smoke out. "We believe he may have sensitive data which, if found by the wrong hands, could cause irreparable damage to Cerberus. I'd like both of you to investigate this matter and, if possible, extract the operative."

Jane's eyebrows furrowed into a frown as she narrowed her eyes. The Illusive man must have sensed her reluctance because he added, "Consider this an opportunity to prove your loyalty, if you will. Cerberus has helped you, now it's your turn to help us."

"I'm listening."

"Our intel suggests that the Eclipse have a base somewhere on the planet Lorek, located in the Fathar System. The operative has a transmitter so you should be able to pick up on the signal. If you are unable to rescue the operative, your mission is to recover the data."

She nodded.

"This is a very delicate matter, Shepard. I trust you will use discretion."

"Got it."

"Good. One more thing," he said as she reached for the button that would disconnect them. "I'd like you to bring Miranda along with you. I'm counting on her to fill me in on anything you may otherwise decide to leave out of your report."

"What," she said with a wry smile, doing her best to imitate John, "you don't think I'd tell you everything?"

"Until the time comes that you have proven to be…"—She could have almost sworn he was going to say 'useful'— "…trustworthy, no."

"Fine. Anything else?"

"That will be all."

She couldn't end the call fast enough. "Arrogant prick," she muttered.

John was just going to _love_ this new development.

**.x.x.x.**

Ashley felt like a kid in a candy store. So many sweet and wonderful things lay spread out before her, each one begging to be touched and sampled.

A little over an hour ago three large crates had shown up in the armory, each containing new weapons, upgrades, and suits of armor. It hadn't taken her very long to catalog and organize everything. Most of the armor was for Jane's squad since, according to John, their old suits were woefully inadequate.

She picked up the new Mattock assault rifle and turned it over, examining its components closely. It was just one of the many new guns that had been purchased for the team. Among the others was a heavy pistol, a shotgun that looked like it would do deadly amounts of damage, and a new sniper rifle that was sure to have Garrus salivating.

"Ah good, the stuff I bought finally arrived."

At the sound of John's voice the gunnery chief nearly jumped out of her boots. She'd been focused so intently on all the beautiful armaments that she hadn't even heard him come in.

"It's certainly kept me busy in here," she said with a big smile.

It had been quite a while since John had graced the armory with his presence, and his simply being there made an already great day even better.

"You like what you see?"

"Mmhmm!" She grabbed the shotgun and cocked it back. "Don't get me wrong, Commander, you're nice to look at and all, but these…damn!"

He laughed. "I thought you might appreciate the new equipment."

"You thought right," Ashley said. She placed the shotgun back on the table and ran her fingers along the barrel of the sniper rifle. "There's nothing sexier than a brand new, badass gun."

"Oh really?" he scoffed as he reached for it.

"Well, except maybe a hot guy holding a badass gun."

John tore his gaze away from the rifle and looked at her with a smile that made her weak in the knees. Yep, that was definitely sexier.

"What're you trying to do Shepard, completely incapacitate me?" She took the rifle from him and set it next to the upgrades that were meant for Garrus.

"Is it working?"

Maybe she should have been more cautious of the mixed signals he was giving her. One moment he wanted nothing to do with her because he was busy chasing after the Cerberus lapdog, and the next he was shamelessly flirting with her in the armory. Glancing over at him now, seeing that impish twinkle in his eyes, she considered it a major win in her silent battle with Lawson, and decided to throw caution out the airlock.

Grabbing him by the front of his gray and white shirt, she shoved him back against the weapon lockers and pressed herself against him. "You tell me," she said seductively. "I want you John, and I won't take 'no' for an answer."

For an agonizingly tense moment he didn't move. She searched his face, desperately trying to guess what was going through his mind. Then those gorgeous blue eyes darkened with smoldering passion as he picked her up, swept the guns on the table aside, and slammed her down next to them.

**.x.x.x.**

"How are you feeling today, Lieutenant?"

Kaidan sat forward as the doors to the med bay slid open and Dr. Chakwas entered. She picked up the datapad containing information on his latest set of vitals and walked over to him. She scrolled through the data, pausing every so often to select something that interested her.

"Much better. My head hurts a little, but I mean, it's nothing that I can't manage."

The doctor looked up from the datapad and smiled warmly at him. "You are making remarkable progress, considering."

"Does that mean you're going to let me out of here soon?"

"I still want to keep you under observation, but I don't see the harm in letting you escape for a little while."

"I'll take anything I can get," he laughed. He started to get out of the bed but stopped. "Hey Doc. Did I get many visitors while I was, you know, passed out?"

Chakwas set the datapad down on the mattress and folded her hands on the top of it. "Visitors? I know Jane was in here almost every day. Sometimes she would bring Garrus with her."

"Did you see anyone else?"

A puzzled expression settled over her features. "No. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering."

He still wasn't sure if Jack coming to visit him had been an illusion, something created by the trauma he'd sustained. After all, it didn't really make any sense for her to be in there. She'd taken every opportunity to express her hatred of him whenever he was within earshot. Why would she be concerned about him?

"I want you back here in a half-hour, Lieutenant," Dr. Chakwas told him in a motherly tone.

"Will do, Doc. See you soon."

The Normandy looked good, he thought to himself as he stood in the hallway by the elevator. Jane had told him about the extensive damage the explosion that knocked him unconscious left in its wake and about the subsequent deal they made with the Illusive Man in order to repair it.

He still couldn't believe they were actually working for Cerberus. It was one thing to cruise around with the organization's logo on the Normandy. John's affiliations with them had been in his past. He could overlook that. But now... Partnering up with them went against everything the Alliance stood for, everything he stood for. The only reason he was even going along with the plan was because he trusted Jane, and with John's knowledge of their dealings beforehand, the commanders could make sure they didn't fall into a trap.

Minutes passed by, but he had yet to decide on a direction to go. Kaidan had to laugh; he'd been given freedom away from the stark walls and incessant beeping of the machines in the med bay, but now he didn't know what to do with it. Chatting with Jane or catching up with Tali was an option, but deep down he knew that wasn't what he wanted to do.

He couldn't get Jack out of his head, no matter how hard he tried not to think about her. He always came back to the same nagging questions. Had she really come into the med bay to see him? And why? He feared that he was never going to get any rest until he found out for sure.

Squaring his shoulders he signaled the elevator and quickly pressed the button for the engineering deck before he could change his mind.

**.x.x.x.**

Waves of hot steam billowed around the small bathroom, making it almost impossible to see. John turned off the faucets and ran his hands over his short hair, flicking the water off as he took a deep, satisfied breath.

The tryst he'd just had with Ashley in the armory had nearly been as hot as the shower he'd just finished taking. He enjoyed the fact that the gunnery chief wasn't shy about liking things rough. It was one of the things that kept him coming back. He hadn't realized how much he'd needed the release until now. It felt good. He felt good.

Of course, he wouldn't be able to keep up his little arrangement after he and Miranda got together, but he refused to feel guilty over what he was doing. It wasn't like he was actually cheating on Lawson.

Yanking the fresh white towel from its holder he wrapped it around his waist and stepped through the door into the cool air of his cabin.

Jane spun around at the sound with a strangled yelp.

"Jesus Christ!" he snapped, his surprise at seeing her standing in his quarters uninvited quickly turning to anger. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I—oh God," she stuttered, shielding her eyes with her forearm. "I didn't know you were undressed."

John clutched the ends of the towel and cinched it tighter around him. Droplets of water still glistened on the skin of his chest and back. "Don't you know how to knock?"

"I'm sorry. It was important."

The room fell silent around them as Jane averted her eyes.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Uh…." Her gaze dropped down to his towel.

"What?" he demanded irritably.

"Don't you think you should get dressed first?"

"Does it really matter at this point? You've already barged in here like you own the place. Just tell me and get it over with."

She looked like she was about to argue with him, but after a moment she dropped her shoulders and sighed. "The Illusive Man has a mission for us. He says it's top priority."

"And you couldn't wait five minutes to tell me that?" he said dryly.

"No…well, I mean, I suppose it could have," she said, smirking at him in the same way she had earlier in the CIC. "But I wanted to give you the heads up that we're approaching Lorek as we speak. Oh, and that Operative Lawson has been ordered to accompany us."

Instantly John felt the muscles in his shoulders and neck tense up. Why would she add that? And say it the way she did? What did she know? But before he could learn her reasoning she had pivoted on her heel and was out the door.

**.x.x.x.**

Jane ran her fingers lightly over the raised edges of the shiny new hardsuit she'd just been given. The black armor gleamed up at her. It was absolutely stunning in its beauty. The chest piece had two deep purple stripes that ran vertically down the outside of her torso, along with strategically placed blue lights that accented everything nicely.

It was going to take some time to familiarize herself with it since she wasn't used to wearing anything extremely heavy when she went into battle. Light armor allowed her to breath and made it easier to run around. As a biotic she usually had to get in and out of range quickly. But the thought of using a biotic charge on an enemy wearing this stuff did make her laugh. It was bound to do some extra damage.

"What do we have here?" she heard Garrus say from behind her.

Her lips spread into a wide smile as she turned around to greet him, but they fell slightly in disappointment when she realized he wasn't talking to her. Instead he B-lined straight for the sniper rifle sitting next to her on the workbench. He picked it up, testing the weight of it in his hands and then brought it to his shoulder and looked into the scope.

"Impressive."

While he continued to inspect the gun, she took the opportunity to study him. He too, had received new armor. His traditional blue was gone, replaced instead by red and silver motif with a set of lights very similar to hers. Even his visor was red. She was momentarily taken aback by the sudden changes, having grown so accustomed to seeing him in the other color. It made his dark blue clan markings stand out and brought out the brilliance in his eyes even more.

She finished snapping the last pieces of her own armor in place just as Zaeed and Miranda entered the cargo hold and made their way over to them. Jane nodded in greeting, which Zaeed returned, but Miranda remained stubbornly silent with her hands folded across her chest.

While they waited for John to arrive, Jane decided to brief the shore party.

"So, we're doing favors for Cerberus now?" the old man grumbled when she had finished. "Thought we were past all that."

"Considering what Cerberus has done for you," Miranda retorted, "I don't think a little rescue mission is that much to ask."

"She always this pleasant?" Zaeed asked Jane, flicking his head in the operative's direction.

Before Jane could answer the doors to the lift opened and John appeared.

"What's everyone standing around for?" he asked brusquely as he strode past them and into the Kodiak. "Let's get the show on the road!"

**.x.x.x.**

Jack had long ago grown accustomed to the creaks and groans of the ship, the low growls the bulkheads would make as they shifted and settled. She was probably the only one on the Normandy that knew that the sounds followed a pattern, changing slightly as day progressed into night and people stopped walking around and started their nighttime rituals. It was often how she judged the passage of time, and knew when she'd be free to stalk around the upper decks without fear of being hassled.

It also alerted her to when someone was coming down the metal stairs.

She sat straight up in her cot, her peaceful serenity broken by the sound of footsteps on the grate above her. She strained an ear, listening to see if whoever it was would keep going into the engine room. They paused, as if unsure, and then slowly started down the steps.

Goddamn it! She didn't want to be bugged right now. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Garrus, there was nothing she had to say to John, and she really hoped it wasn't Williams coming to ask her advice again on a problem she had no interest in solving.

"Go away!" she shouted, hoping that the edge her voice held was enough to deter them from intruding.

"Jack? Can I come down?" he called out to her.

Her stomach clenched at the sound of his softly spoken inquiry. Suddenly her heart was beating in her ears. She jumped off the cot and paced a few steps, wringing her hands as she tried to fight the emotions welling up inside her.

"Fine. But make it quick!" she eventually snapped, sounding as inconvenienced as she could manage.

A moment later Kaidan appeared at the foot of the stairs, looking good in his navy blue uniform, even if his dark brown eyes were still somewhat clouded. She imagined it wasn't easy waking up from a coma and having to catch up on everything that had happened in the meantime. But there was something else about him. Jack wasn't too good at reading people, but he looked almost…troubled.

"Hey," he smiled.

She folded her arms across her chest and shifted her weight to one leg. Her closed-off demeanor instantly put him on guard.

"I uh…." He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "I wanted to see…did you, did you come visit me in the med bay?"

A tiny alarm bell went off inside her head. He knew she had been there! Her fight-or-flight response immediately kicked into overdrive and since she couldn't run away, that only left one option.

"No!" she snorted derisively. "Why in the blue fuck would I come visit _you_ in the med bay? You must have me confused with someone who gives a shit."

Hurt flashed through his eyes.

"Oh," he said quietly, looking down at the floor. "I was mistaken then. Sorry to have disturbed—AGHH!"

Suddenly he clamped his eyes shut tight and pressed his palms against his temples as crippling pain shot through him.

"Kaidan!" she exclaimed, all pretense of being angry completely gone as he crumpled to the floor. "What's wrong?"

"My-my head!" he gasped. "It—GNHH!"

She rushed over to him and dropped to her knees. "Hang on, I'll get help."

He seized her arm. "No! D-don't leave me."

The urgency in his voice froze her in place. "Okay." She hesitantly put a hand on his shoulder, as if to assure him that she wasn't going anywhere, and queued up her omnitool. "EDI, get Chakwas and a medical team down here stat!"

A minute and a half later several footsteps were pounding down the stairs, with Dr. Chakwas in the lead. As soon as they appeared Jack sprang to her feet and backed away. He was in good hands now. He didn't need her.

"What happened here?" the doctor asked breathlessly.

"I-I don't know," Jack stammered. It wasn't very often that she was at a loss for words. "One minute he was just standing there and the next…."

"Get him back up to the infirmary," Chakwas instructed.

Instinctively, Jack took a step toward Kaidan as the team hoisted him in their arms.

"Is he going to be all right?" she asked in a small voice.

"It's too soon to tell," Dr. Chakwas said grimly. "I need to get him back upstairs."

"What was he even doing out of bed anyway?" she demanded harshly.

Fear was welling up inside her, making it difficult to breathe. She watched helplessly as they carried him up the steps, the doctor too involved in running scans to answer her question.

**.x.x.x.**

Clearing out the Eclipse hideout with John and Zaeed at his side felt just like old times. Back before the Omega 4, they were the teammates John had counted on to go in and get the job done. They'd been the dream team, their expertise in heavy weaponry and proficiency with sniper rifles making them the clear choice in situations like this one.

But now there was new talent thrown into the mix. The team itself had increased in number, growing from three to five. It was working out rather well too. Jane and Miranda were both extremely powerful biotics. Garrus and Zaeed would hang back, covering the rest of them team and taking out mercs from afar as the ground team broke through the doors and barriers. The girls would incapacitate the enemy with shockwaves and biotic lifts, and John would clean up what was left.

The dream team had changed, and Garrus was liked the result.

He motioned to Zaeed, giving the merc the go-ahead to follow the rest of the squad into the next room and waited until they had all entered safely. Then he grabbed his new rifle and hurried across the complex to join them.

"I've got something over here!" Jane shouted to the rest of them. Hacking her way into the terminal she pulled up the logs from the interrogation team.

"Anything useful?" John asked.

"It looks like this Agent Rawlings had uncovered data proving Cerberus' involvement in the Rachni experiments. The eclipse thought he might have had a cipher that could decrypt the data."

"Is there any mention of where Agent Rawlings is now?" Garrus' blood began pumping with excitement. It had been far too long since he'd been able to investigate anything.

"I'm checking," she said.

"We need to find that data, Shepard," Miranda reminded her. "Information like this could destroy Cerberus."

For a few minutes the only sound that could be heard was Jane typing away on the keyboard as she searched through the logs for any evidence or information they could use. A moment later she frowned. "It looks like the Eclipse were able to successfully apprehend Rawlings, and brought him to this facility for interrogation."

"That means he could still be here," John said. "Come on, let's look around."

Just then, a dozen more Eclipse mercs pushed their way through the door on the opposite side of the room. They spread out quickly, taking up positions along the walkway in front of them. Garrus switched to his assault rifle just as Jane charged the vanguard. The asari was thrown backward and collapsed into a heap in the corner. Jane staggered, grabbing the railing to keep from toppling over.

Back on the Citadel he had insisted that John buy her heavier armor. The incident where she had been impaled when the Mako went through the conduit was still fresh in his mind, and he didn't want anything like that to ever happen again. It was apparent that she was still getting used to the extra weight and the way it hampered her movements. She'd always preferred to get up close and personal with her enemies, and she was having a hard time adjusting to being slower.

When the threat had been neutralized everyone filtered into the adjoining room, Garrus once more bringing up the rear.

"Shit," Jane grimaced.

Agent Rawlings' body was strapped down to an interrogation chair. His head was slumped forward, chin resting against his chest.

"Guess we know what happened to the operative," John commented.

"The questions is, did they get the data and the cipher?" Miranda asked.

"It doesn't look like it," Garrus said.

"And how the hell would you know that?" she demanded, resting her hands on her hips and she glared at him.

"Because, you don't interrogate someone to the point of death if they're willingly cooperating with you."

"Garrus is right," Jane said. "I'll check this terminal to see if I can tell what happened. You guys search around for the data."

A video log appeared on the monitor as Garrus headed back through the door they came in. The tinny voice of the interrogator followed him out.

"_The interrogation has failed. Despite some of our most advanced interrogation techniques, Agent Rawlings managed to evade our questions. When we applied more invasive methods, he proved resistant to those as well. Eventually Agent Rawlings' resistance caused tempers to flare. We consider it unfortunate that Agent Rawlings did not live to pass on the cipher. We have men working to decipher the encryption now. As long as we control this data, its mere existence remains a powerful tool against Cerberus." _

"Found something!" Zaeed shouted, holding up a data disc. He tossed it to Jane and she turned it over in her hand.

"This is it," she announced. "Let's go."

"Shepard, I saw some platinum in one of the other rooms," Garrus said. "Do you want to look around to see if there's anything else we can salvage?"

"Good idea."

"You two lovebirds can stay here if you want to," John said, "but I'm ready to get the hell off this planet."

Miranda and Zaeed echoed his statement.

"Okay. You guys take the shuttle and head back to the Normandy. Garrus and I will radio for pick up once we're done here."

It didn't take them very long to scavenge for resources and soon they had everything they wanted to take back with them in a neat little pile outside the compound. Jane set the last box of platinum down and stood up, bending backward slightly to stretch her back.

"How's the new armor working for you?"

"So far so good. It's a little bulkier than I'm used to, but it shouldn't take long me long to adapt."

"I was watching you during the fight," Garrus said. "Have you ever considered adding more of a long range weapon to your arsenal?"

"What…like a sniper rifle? No thanks. I'm more of a pistol person. Easier to use alongside my biotics, not as heavy to lug around."

"This one isn't heavy at all," he told her, holding up his Incisor.

"Maybe not for you," she grinned.

"No, seriously. Here, I'll show you."

Jane didn't move.

"What's wrong?"

"I was never any good with sniper rifles in training, Garrus. I can't hit the broadside of a building."

"That's because you didn't have me there to teach you."

She laughed.

He ran back into the building and grabbed what small items he could find; a potted plant, a couple coffee mugs, and a helmet that had belonged to one of the Eclipse mercs. He lined them up in a row a couple hundred yards away and then jogged back to her.

She took the rifle from him, lifted it to her shoulder, and pulled the trigger. Three shots fired in rapid succession, all of them significantly missing the helmet she was aiming for.

"Oh great, Garrus!" she cried. "All I did was miss them faster! Thanks!"

"You're doing it wrong," he chuckled. He took the Incisor from her hands and placed it on the metal crate in front of her. "Being a sniper requires control and slow, calculated movements. You'll never hit a thing _and_ you'll give away your position if you pop shots off like that. Laying prone on the ground or resting the gun on something flat is the best way to keep it stable. Remember: stability equals accuracy."

Jane dropped to one knee and raised the rifle again.

"Wait," he said.

He walked behind her, squatting down so that his chest pressed against her back and he could bring his arms around the front of her. He moved her left hand further down the barrel, making sure her elbow was resting on the crate, and snugged the stock firmly against her shoulder.

"Now," Garrus instructed quietly, "rest your cheek on the stock and find the target through the scope." He continued to hold her as she made the minute adjustments needed to spot the target. "But don't fire as soon as you set eyes on it. Instead, wait for your breathing to reach its natural pause, and then, gently squeeze the trigger."

She nodded and a few seconds later her body recoiled into his from the force of the rifle as three more rounds made their way down range, this time striking their mark.

"Again."

She repeated the steps, this time pointing the gun at the farthest coffee mug. When she pulled the trigger, the cup shattered into thousands of tiny pieces.

"See, I knew you could do it. You're a natural. Keep this up and I'll teach you how to shoot really long distances."

"I could get used to this," she said breathlessly.

Raising a talon he gently tucked her hair behind her ear and whispered, "So could I."

She twisted her head around to look up at him, their eyes locking.

"I've missed you…." He trailed off, recalling the night they were last alone together, the moment that Joker so rudely intruded upon.

Sliding around so that she was fully facing him, she laced her hands around his neck and sat back on her heels. His hands dropped automatically to her waist.

"Jane, do you copy?"

"I swear that man has a camera," Garrus mumbled, looking around the compound, "and he just waits for moments like this so he can interrupt them."

Jane sighed and brought up her omnitool. "Go ahead, John."

"I'm sending the shuttle down there now. You're needed on the Normandy ASAP."

Her eyebrows dipped into a puzzled frown as she shared a questioning look with Garrus. "Is there a problem?"

"Yeah, it's Alenko."


	23. Since I've Been Loving You

**A/N: HAPPY N7 DAY TO ALL THE COMMANDER SHEPARDS OUT THERE! **

I hope your day is filled with all things Mass Effect.

Quick note: This is a short, albeit necessary transition chapter. There are a couple of really big things coming up, starting next chapter. So enjoy the calm now. *evil laugh* I'm always willing to entertain wild speculation on just what those might be. I'm having such a good time talking to everyone about the characters and what's happening in the story. I enjoy the conversations almost as much as I enjoy writing this fic.

Speaking of which, PL is SO CLOSE to 100,000 hits and it's all because of YOU! There are not enough words out there to describe how grateful, awed, and humbled I am about the devoted following this story has. It brings a tear to my eye and leaves me speechless. So hat's off to you, my wonderful readers! None of this would be possible without you guys.

Also, none of us would be here (reading and writing for the fandom) if it wasn't BioWare and the Mass Effect series, so a deep heartfelt thanks goes out to them for five great years of Commander Shepard and Company. Happy N7 Day!

Much love. ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>I'll wait 'til your love comes down,<em>

_I'm coming straight for you heart." – I'll Wait, Van Halen_

**Chapter Twenty-Three – Since I've Been Loving You**

A small crowd had gathered in the mess hall outside the med bay, splintered into groups of two or three. Everyone had been talking in hushed tones, but as soon as Jane rounded the elevator and started walking to the infirmary the room fell into an awkward silence.

Tiny prickles of ice ran down the length of her spine as she took in the scene around her. John's message had been brief: "get back to the Normandy as fast as possible", but even he hadn't known exactly what was wrong with Kaidan. She'd been on pins and needles during the shuttle ride back, refusing to even sit down, content instead to pace in the small space between the bench seats. Garrus had tried his best to comfort her, and his efforts warmed her heart, but she wouldn't be able to relax until she had gotten a status report from Chakwas.

Ignoring the pitying glances from the rest of the crew, she rushed to the door of the sickbay. John immediately inserted himself between her and her destination.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, rounding on him angrily.

"You can't go in there," he said quietly, taking her by the elbow so he could lead her back toward the table.

She wrenched her arm away from him. "What do you mean? You said—"

"I know." His tone was surprisingly gentle. "Sit down, Jane."

Something was definitely wrong. With a heavy heart she pulled a chair away from the table and slumped into it. John took the seat directly across from her and placed his arms on its surface, lacing his fingers together as he tried to come up with the best way to tell her what was going on.

"Alenko…."

He paused and sat back, and in that nanosecond Jane's mind proceeded to jump to all sorts of radical conclusions. Did he lapse back into a coma? Was he suffering from some type of amnesia caused by the injuries to his brain? Did he…was he still alive? She hurriedly pushed that last thought out of her head. She couldn't contemplate the possibility of Kaidan dying.

"Kaidan had an episode earlier today," John finally finished.

The fact that John had just called him by his first name wasn't lost on her. "What kind of an episode?" Jane asked warily. "Like a seizure?"

He held up his hand. "Just listen, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered and tried to swallow over the lump in her throat. John's continued patience was making her nervous. Setting her hands on the table, one palm covering the balled fist of the other, she looked down and braced herself for what he was about to say.

"Dr. Chakwas isn't sure if it's because of a lingering issue with the trauma from the explosion, or due to his being in a coma, or if it was some sort of stressful situation that trigged it, but—Jane, it's his L2 implant. It went haywire."

Kaidan was one of the few biotics still wired with an L2. He'd suffered migraines for years because of it. He was luckier than most of the biotics with the implant; he only suffered from the headaches, and not from the insanity and dementia that were usually associated with it.

Damn it, she chided herself. This was the second time he'd had a migraine and she hadn't been around to help him. In the past she had always been there to coach him through the rough parts. The poor crew wasn't used to seeing him like this—sometimes the headaches could be completely debilitating— no wonder they rushed him to Dr. Chakwas.

"Those migraines can be pretty scary," she said, her body already starting to relax. She shouldn't have gotten so worked up, but it was hard not to. He was her family. "Especially if you don't know what to expect. I'll go brief Dr. Chakwas so she knows how to deal with the situation."

She rose from the table as she spoke, but John's next words effectively nailed her feet to the floor.

"You can't go in there," John repeated. "Chakwas and Mordin are operating on him."

"They're what? Why?!"

"There was no way to stabilize the implant, so Chakwas is being forced to upgrade it."

Jane visibly paled. "But…but there was a reason Kaidan never upgraded his implant! That kind of operation is incredibly risky!" she protested, though arguing wasn't going to do any good. John wasn't the one who made the decision, after all. He didn't know of the complications that could result from such a procedure. "There's a high probability he'll have brain damage!"

"They're doing everything they can to make sure that doesn't happen."

His words, no doubt meant to be soothing and encouraging, fell on deaf ears. Her gaze drifted back to the windows of the med bay, now closed to block out distractions and allow the doctors privacy as they worked. Her friend was in there, completely at the mercy of medical science. Would he pull through it unscathed? Would he still be the same person when everything was over? It made her heart ache. Kaidan didn't deserve what he was going through.

Jane sank back down in her chair and buried her face in her hands. There was no telling just how long the surgery would take and until it was over she was stuck in limbo, waiting.

John cleared his throat. "Okay, people. Show's over. Get back to work."

The crowd dispersed and soon only she and Garrus were left. He stepped toward her, presumably to offer comfort, but she put her hand out to stop him.

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I just need a minute."

"Okay," he nodded.

She smiled at him weakly and watched as he reluctantly walked back to the main battery. After the door closed she lingered at the table for a moment and then got up and went to the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. There could very well be a long wait ahead of her. She was going to need to brew another pot. Maybe two.

"I know why his implant got all screwed up."

Jane jumped at the unexpected sound of another person's voice, nearly dropping the pot full of coffee in the process.

"Holy shit, Jack!" she exclaimed, placing a hand over her frantically beating heart. "Don't sneak up on me like that! You scared the hell out of me."

The biotic must have been there the entire time, hiding around the corner of the elevator, perhaps, listening in on the crowd in the hopes of discovering even the littlest tidbit of information regarding Kaidan.

Jack had gravitated farther into the mess hall and was now standing by the table with her arms folded across her chest; however, she hadn't assumed the angry stance Jane normally associated with her. Instead she looked resigned, a deep frown causing creases in her forehead as she threw a quick glance at the med bay windows.

"You know what happened with his implant?" Jane asked, desperate for anything that might have shed some light on the situation.

"It was because of me."

"What?"

Jack clenched her fists into tight balls, her expression turning into a mixture of anger and remorse. She turned around and slammed both fists into the table. "I said it's _my_ fault!"

Jane could only stand there and stare at the younger woman, uncertain as to what to do or say next. Jack wasn't necessarily someone who liked to be given any sort of comfort or sympathy.

"Surely you don't think—"

"You heard what Chakwas said!" the biotic roared. "It was brought on by a stressful situation."

Jane decided to risk her anger by correcting her. "No, Chakwas said it _could have_ been brought on by a stressful situation. We don't know if that's what happened for sure."

"_I_ was there," she sneered. "Don't you think I'd know?"

Completely stunned by Jack's sudden outburst, Jane lapsed into silence. She placed the coffee carafe back on the burner and walked the few paces to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of the beer John favored so much. Without saying a word she approached the table and set the bottle down in front of the other woman.

"Tell me what happened, Jack," she insisted in a quiet voice.

Jack's gaze dropped to the table. She picked up the beer with a sigh and twisted the bottle in her hand until it was label-up.

"Heh," she chuckled sarcastically as she slumped into the nearest chair and pried the bottle cap off. "I hate this shit. It's like drinking watered down piss."

Jane raised an eyebrow.

"I always preferred hard liquor over this swill, but…." She paused, taking three enormous, long gulps and when she slammed the bottle back on the tabletop, over half the golden liquid inside was gone. Then, taking one deceptively feminine finger she tipped the bottle toward her and idly rolled it side-to-side along the rounded edge of the bottom and continued, "Alcohol's alcohol at this point."

The Commander's lips drooped into an expression of sympathy, one which she quickly wiped off her face before the biotic noticed, and sat in the chair across from her. "What sort of 'stressful situation' was Kaidan in that you think made his implant go nuts? What were you doing?"

Suddenly Jack looked very uncomfortable.

"Were you fighting?" she prompted.

"Not…physically," she said and looked away.

Taking a tactic from Garrus' playbook, Jane waited patiently, hoping the younger woman would continue. A minute passed by while Jack picked at the label on the bottle of beer, teasing the corner of it up until she could tear it off.

"He came down to ask if I'd visited him in the med bay," she yielded, wadding up the paper and throwing it down on the table's surface.

"And?"

"And I went off. I didn't know what else to do. He had me cornered."

Jane leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table in front of her. "What do you mean you 'went off'?"

"I yelled at him, okay?" Jack spat. She pushed away from the table and ducked her head, covering her bald and tattooed scalp with her hands. "I yelled at him and told him that I was the last person who'd care enough to go see him, and then he…he just…." Her angry disposition melted into despair as she stood up once more and dropped her hands heavily. "He started screaming and holding his head and then…and then he just collapsed. I didn't mean to—"

"Jack."

"What if he dies? What if I killed him?"

"Jack!" The biotic stopped as Jane rose from her seat and stepped in her path. "Your argument didn't cause this."

"Oh no? You should have seen the way he looked at me just before it started." Real emotion played across her face, clouding her eyes with fear and regret.

"Why did you lie to him?"

"Lie to him about what?" Jack hissed testily, all remorse gone in an instant.

"I saw you sneak out of the med bay the day Kaidan regained consciousness. And before you freak out, I thought you should know he was looking for someone when he woke up, and that someone wasn't me. So why didn't you tell him that you were there?"

"Why? So he can stab me in the back later on?"

"He wouldn't do that."

"It's a simple fact, Shepard. You let people get too close, and that's exactly what happens."

"Sometimes. But it's a chance we all take. The question is, are you strong enough to take that risk?"

Jack twisted around to stare at the windows again.

"Just be his friend, Jack," Jane said softly. "See how everything goes from there."

Jack made no attempt to reply, and, taking that as the biotic's way of ending the conversation, Jane decided it was time to go back to her office and find something to keep her mind busy.

"Shepard, wait."

She kept walking until she was almost to her door and then turned back to the other woman. "Yeah?"

"Look, I'm not good at all this touchy-feely shit—don't know if I want to be—but thanks for trying to make me feel better. However, if you tell anyone about this—"

"I know, I know," she laughed. "You'll rip my arms off and toss my ass out the airlock."

Jack's eyes narrowed in sly amusement. "Been talking to Garrus, I see."

"Yep. I decided he was worth the risk."

And with that Jane disappeared into her office and left Jack to ponder everything they'd discussed.

**.x.x.x.**

He almost had it.

What did the vid say, one loop wrapped around the other? Garrus didn't understand the human custom of putting something in a box and wrapping it with paper only to have that paper shredded to pieces, but he wanted to make it special. And if that meant that he became a master at bow tying, then that's what he'd have to do.

He'd been concentrating on it for nearly an hour now, but the damned ribbon kept slipping through his talons. It was getting ridiculous. Finally, just as he was about to give up on the whole idea altogether, he managed to thread a tiny piece of the end through. All he had to do was grab the edge and pull.

"Hey Lizard-Lips!"

The elusive ribbon slid out of his grasp and fluttered to the floor as he jumped. He stared at it, stifling a groan of frustration, and then turned to Jack in annoyance.

"You have the worst timing ever," he rumbled.

Jack raised herself on her tippy-toes and peered over his shoulder and snickered. "Sorry, didn't know I was interrupting 'Garrus Vakarian's Homemaking Hour'. What's next, you gonna hang drapes around the battery?"

Deadpan, he delivered, "No, I thought I'd start with your area first. I'm thinking lots of pink."

"Only if you got a death wish, turian."

Deep, full-throated laughter resonated around the small enclosed area.

Jack bent down and snatched the ribbon from its resting place on the ground and dangled it in front of him. Instead of taking it, he handed her the box. She raised her eyebrows, but took it from him anyway.

"You know you're pathetic, right?"

He laughed and nodded. "I know you didn't only come in here to give me crap. What's up?"

"You know, your girlfriend?" she said as she nimbly wrapped the ribbon around the package and tied it neatly into a bow. "Yeah, she's all right."

**.x.x.x.**

Jane Shepard. Hero of the galaxy. Savior of the Citadel. Recruiter of assassins.

She'd been over the files at least a dozen times now, and still couldn't figure out why the Illusive Man had recommended individuals who were barely more than criminals to help in the fight against the Reapers.

Now that she thought about it, it seemed that almost everyone that was a part of John's crew had some kind of questionable past as well. Zaeed had been one of the founding members of the Blue Suns, Mordin had helped create the genophage, and Jack…well, Jack was just plain crazy. Even Garrus had dabbled in mercenary work. By comparison, they were worlds apart from her more conservative, mostly Alliance based crew.

No wonder the Council thought they were a bunch of vagabonds.

The datapad she was holding slipped from her hand, tumbling to the floor with a muted clunk as she first sat heavily on her mattress and then dropped unceremoniously onto her back. Her auburn hair dangled off the edge of the bed, the tresses rising and falling in slow, undulating waves created by her restlessly running her fingers through them.

She had to admit, though, both potential recruits intrigued her. The drell, an elite assassin by the name of Thane Krios, sounded like he would be an invaluable asset to the team. He was skilled both in long range and close quarter combat, a master at infiltration, and, according to the dossier, was currently located on Illium.

But it was the mysterious asari, known only as Mirala, that had captured her interest. Little else was detailed in her file, except that she was rumored to be extremely dangerous. Conveniently, she had last been seen squirreled away in some of the darker areas of Illium, and so Jane had instructed Joker to head for the planet immediately. If luck was with them, they'd be able to knock out two birds with one stone.

With their next course of action in full motion, she figured she could spare five minutes or so to take a break. Waiting for news on Kaidan's operation had proved to be positively exhausting. Dr. Chakwas had informed her a little while ago that Kaidan had pulled through just fine, and she was confident that he would adapt to his new implant without too much trouble. She had cautioned the Commander that he would need time to recuperate, and advised her and the rest of the crew to stay out of the med bay for a while.

She must have drifted off because the sound of someone knocking on her door jolted her awake some time later and she sat up with a start, her senses completely disordered. Smoothing down her hair, Jane pushed off the mattress and trudged to the door.

The person standing in the hallway instantly brought a smile to her face. "Hi Garrus."

"Hi Jane. Are you busy?"

"Not at all. Come in," she said, stepping aside so he could enter the room. As he walked by her gaze dropped curiously to the small package he cradled in his hands. "What's up?"

"I heard Alenko was out of surgery. How's he doing?"

"Dr. Chakwas assures me that he's going to be fine. I feel like I can finally breathe again."

"You two are very close, aren't you?"

Jane smiled wistfully. "We go back a long time. When we first met there was this feeling…I don't know how to describe it. We just…understood each other."

"I think I know what you're talking about—about that connection."

"You're right; we share that kind of bond too."

"No, that's not what I meant," Garrus chucked. "Well, you and I do have something strong that connects us, but…damn it! What I meant to say is that I saw the two of you in the hall once and, don't laugh, I thought you two were together."

She laughed anyway. "Really? I guess I could see how someone could think that."

Jane grew quiet, her eyes going unfocused as she thought about all she and Kaidan had been through over the years. But she had never—not once—thought about him romantically. It felt strange to even contemplate it, since she considered him to be more like family. The thought made her laugh even harder.

"What?" he asked suspiciously. "What's so funny?"

"Me and Kaidan. That's just weird," she shuddered and then smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes. "He's almost my brother. Besides, I like my men decidedly more…turian."

Garrus' mandibles spread into a wide grin.

"So what's in the box?" she asked, pointing to the package he had yet to let go of.

"Wha-? Oh, this? I…uh…," he stammered, "I got this for you."

He held it out for her somewhat awkwardly, and she took it from him carefully. The box was wrapped in deep cobalt blue paper and tied up with a black ribbon. The contents inside were light, but judging by the way he winced when she shook it, she guessed that whatever was in there was fragile.

"What is it?"

"Doesn't telling you what's inside defeat the purpose of wrapping it up in paper?"

He sounded a bit exasperated at her question. It was obvious that he'd done his research on the human custom of gift-giving but still hadn't completely grasped the concept. The corners of her mouth lifted into a warm smile at all the effort he'd gone to.

Unable to stand the suspense any longer, she grabbed the end of the ribbon and pulled apart the bow, tossing in onto her desk before digging her fingers into the dark blue paper.

"Oh Garrus…," she breathed as she pried off the lid, slowly sinking down to sit on the edge of her desk. Reaching into the box she pulled out a visor strikingly similar to the one he used to wear before he upgraded his armor. It had a black frame that wrapped around the back of her head and a blue eyepiece that reminded her so much of the turian himself. "It's exquisite."

He took it from her and situated it on her head, adjusting the eyepiece so that it was fully centered over her right eye. "I thought this might come in handy for those long distance shots."

She jumped to her feet and threw her arms around him, planting a kiss on his scarred mandible. "I love it," she whispered.

_And you_, she added inwardly as he claimed her lips.

**.x.x.x.**

"We're approaching the Nos Astra Spaceport now, Commander."

"Thank you, Joker," Jane replied.

"Oh Illium," John sighed. "So many…memories."

One of Jane's thin red eyebrows quirked up skeptically. "The way you say it, I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

He laughed quietly. "Both. You'll find out what I mean soon enough."

"Wait, you're not coming with me?"

"I don't see the point," John shrugged. "I've done all this before. It'd be like shooting fish in a barrel."

Jane frowned.

"I'll prove it. You're going to recruit Thane, right?" She nodded. "You'll find him in the Dantius Towers, hunting down Nassana."

"_Nassana Dantius_? The diplomatic emissary from the Citadel? The one who had me kill her sister?"

"The very same."

"That's funny." She tapped her omnitool and brought up the mission specs. "According to the information I have on Nos Astra, the Dantius Towers haven't even been built yet."

"Shepard," the smooth voice of the ship's AI interrupted. "You must remember that those events have not taken place yet in this universe. While Cerberus reports can confirm that Thane Krios is indeed somewhere on Illium, he is not there for Nassana."

"Hah!" Jane gloated. "Not so cocky now, are you?"

"Ooo, burned by the AI," the pilot teased over the comm. "Way to go, EDI!"

"Laugh it up, Joker," he grumbled.

"Oh I will, don't worry."

Jane was doing her best to hide her amusement as she secured her weapons in their holsters. "We'll be on Illium for a while if you change your mind."

John thought about it for all of a millisecond before coming to the conclusion that regardless of the turn of events not being the same, they'd still be recruiting the drell, he'd still be smug in his superiority, depressing in his spirituality. No thank you.

"That's nice, but still not gonna happen."

Jane shrugged. "Okay, I'll brief you when I get back then." She left him in the armory, radioing to the ground team she'd chosen. "Liara, Tali. Suit up. We're leaving in five."

An hour later, John found himself wandering the halls of the Normandy. Hands clasped loosely behind his back he walked with slow, measured steps and quietly contemplated everything that had happened up until this point.

Maybe it was finally time to put his anger and frustration about being thrust backward two years to rest. Although it was certainly inconvenient to have to relive events that he'd been through before, it did present him with the opportunity to get better results this time around. After all, he may have stopped the Collectors where he came from, but he had sacrificed nearly all of his crew in doing so.

Still, it was incredibly eerie to think about Thane and Samara joining them. They were the same people, and yet, they weren't. He had no knowledge of what either of them had done during the two years he'd been dead, mostly because at the time he hadn't cared enough to ask.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. A conversation he had had with Samara yielded information on her four-hundred-year-long pursuit of her Ardat-Yakshi daughter, Morinth, but even then he'd only listened with half an ear. Supposedly this daughter of hers was a black widow type and would kill her mates while joining with them. Samara had asked for his help in stopping her, had informed him that she had tracked her down to a bar on Omega, but in the end he'd elected not to follow through with it. It wasn't something he regretted, until now.

His omnitool pinged, the green blinking light indicating that it was a video feed from Jane.

"Problems already?" he groaned.

"Not so much problems as it is that we're getting the runaround," her flickering image responded. "Looks like we're going to be here longer than I thought."

"What's the matter? Is Thane not being cooperative?"

"No. We decided to go after the asari first."

"Ah, got it. A word of advice: don't do anything to impugn the Justicar's code. I guarantee it won't end well."

"Justicar?" Jane looked momentarily confused. "The dossier the Illusive Man gave me didn't mention anything about her being a Justicar."

"Well, there you go," he said. "Some of my knowledge of the future actually proved useful." _It was about damn time._

She chuckled. "I'll be in touch. Shepard out."

He shook his head slightly as her image blinked a few times and disappeared. He'd never get used to hearing his own name in reference to someone else.

The steel-gray of the floor and walls stretched out before him monotonously as he continued his slow, meandering pace down the hall. The third deck was surprisingly empty, considering what time it was, and even though Jane had taken Liara and Tali along with her on the mission to Illium, John thought more of the crew would be out and about.

"Where's Jane?" he heard from behind him.

Slowly gathering focus he looked up and saw that he was standing outside Jane's office. He pivoted on his heel to see Miranda standing with her hand on her hip.

"On a mission."

She let out a loud, aggravated sigh. "When is she coming back?"

"Not for a while. Why?"

Instead of answering, the Cerberus operative ran her hands through her raven hair and began pacing up and down the long, curved hallway. John had never seen her so agitated before, at least, unless he was doing something to get on her nerves. But he'd done nothing to provoke her behavior now.

"Miranda?" he prodded.

She dropped her hands to her sides. "Are you sure she's not coming back any time soon? Can you radio her and tell her to come back?"

"She's on a mission," he repeated, his eyes narrowed. "Not shore leave."

She sighed again.

"What's this about?" he demanded. Underneath his cool exterior, his blood was starting to boil over at the way she continued to evade his questions. How was he supposed to help her if she wouldn't tell him?

"I just received word from the Illusive Man. He has another mission, one that can't wait."

John's grip on his anger slipped, his pride rising to the surface. "And why do you need Jane? What can she do that I can't?"

"That's just it. Both of you are required for this mission."

He crossed his arms, making it clear that he wasn't going to say anything until she provided him with more information.

"Marcus Breckinridge, a smuggler with connections to some of the most infamous and disreputable arms dealers and slave traders in the Terminus Systems, has recovered what Cerberus thinks is a Reaper artifact, and he plans on selling to it to the highest bidder. You and Jane were supposed to attend the auction disguised as a couple interested in adding the artifact to your art collection. "

"Oh. Good plan. But I still don't see why I can't just go by myself."

"No, you don't understand. We've already responded to the invitation. They'll be expecting both of you."

"That was incredibly rash," he countered, his voice made low by his irritation. "Don't you think that, as the commanders of this ship, Jane and I ought to be briefed on something like this before a decision is made? So, since it seems like you've got everything all sorted out, what to do you propose we do?"

"The only thing we can do." She threw her arms up in the air in a hopeless gesture of defeat. "I'm going to have to go in Jane's place and pose as your girlfriend."

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><p><strong>AN:** Now, be honest. Jack. How did I do? She has to show a vulnerable side soon or later, especially if she's going to talk to Kaidan. But, did I pull it off?


	24. Incognito

**A/N: **Hi everyone. Remember me? Sorry for disappearing. I've had probably the worst case of writer's block since I started writing. I've literally been working on this chapter since the middle of November. I put so much pressure on myself to make it absolutely perfect that I completely lost my inspiration and had to take a break for a while. When I finally went back to it I tore most of it apart. Originally I had both John and Jane's scenes alternating, because everything is basically happening at the same time. But I just couldn't make it work and I didn't want to cut either mission short because it was running too long. So I decided that John would get the this chapter and the next one would be devoted entirely to Jane.

I can't believe I've been writing Mass Effect fanfiction for two years now, and that made me realize that I've almost been writing PL for two years. Wow. You guys are incredible for sticking with me this long. I just wanted to say that I will NEVER give up on this story. Life might get in the way sometimes and force me to take longer between updates, but I love writing it and I love all of you!

Really looking forward to hearing what you thought of this one! Please drop me a line and let me know. I'll be responding to reviews just like always. Enjoy!~J

* * *

><p><em>"You wanna play it soft. We'll play it soft. You wanna play it hard. Let's play it hard." – Korben Dallas, The Fifth Element <em>

**Chapter Twenty-Four - Incognito **

The whole thing felt surreal, like part of a long forgotten dream or maybe something that had happened in a galaxy far, far away. The latter wasn't actually that far-fetched, John thought grimly to himself as the corner of his mouth lifted into a pensive, melancholy smile, and for a moment he was lost in the memories of an earlier time and place, quietly contemplating all that could have been had the cruel hand of fate not intervened and taken her from him.

The elevators doors opened and Miranda stepped out a few seconds later, the steady click of her strappy high-heels echoing loudly around the empty cargo bay. Her lithe frame was wrapped in a slim black dress, the soft material clinging to her body and accentuating her curves in all the right places. The skirt ended mid-thigh, exposing a pair of shapely legs that seemed to go on forever. To complete the ensemble, she had her silky raven hair swept up elegantly on the top of her head, with only little wisps of her bangs falling softly over her forehead.

She was a vision of beauty, breathtaking to behold, and it was all John could do to keep his jaw from hitting the floor as she made her way over to him and the shuttle.

"We're late. Let's go," she barked as she brushed past him, and instantly the spell was broken.

John let out a sigh of frustration and climbed into the shuttle after her, taking a seat on the bench across the way. She had one leg crossed over the other, her hands resting lightly in her lap, her head angled toward the window. Agitation radiated from every pore, even though outwardly she regarded him with cool civility.

"Why did you insist on tagging along for this mission, Miranda? I could've brought someone else. It's obvious that you really don't want to be here," he said, leaning forward so he could catch her gaze.

"Because," she replied, not bothering to look at him directly, "it's important to both our causes."

"Meaning Cerberus'," he stated gruffly.

Pale lavender eyes swung around to meet his. "Meaning that, if the reapers really are as cunning as you claim they are, and can indoctrinate people through their artifacts, it is in everyone's best interests that we stop one from falling into the wrong hands."

He sat back against the hard seat cushion as he considered her for a moment. Her gaze drifted back to the window.

"I can't believe you made me get dressed up in this thing," he muttered, tugging nervously at the collar of his tuxedo.

"You look like a man with enough wealth to buy a rare and mysterious piece of art," she countered.

"I _look_ like the Illusive Man."

A small smile played across her lips.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Maybe a little," she revealed with a mischievous glint in her eyes that told him that this was her way of getting even with him for everything he'd put her through.

He laughed outright at her remark and assumed a more relaxed position, casually draping his arm over the tops of the seats. Just as it had been with the coffee, a little piece of the real her had managed to peak through the wall of ice she'd built around herself.

"So what's the plan then?"

All at once, Miranda's posture changed as she took charge. Uncrossing her legs, she sat up straighter and began to outline the details of the mission.

"This isn't your ordinary run-and-gun mission," she cautioned. "The auction that Marcus Breckinridge is holding will be attended by some of the most well-known and notorious criminals in the Terminus Systems. He's made a name for himself selling off rare treasures to those who are willing to pay the exorbitant price he demands."

"I find it hard to believe the Illusive Man is letting us play fast and loose with his money. What's our cutoff?"

"Our goal is not to have the winning bid on the artifact, but to find it and make the switch before the auction starts."

"Whoa, you're not bringing a reaper artifact on _my_ ship!"

"That was never our intention," she said dryly. "If the Illusive Man's intel is correct, it should be secured in another room until it's time for the auction to start. What we need to do is locate that room, find a way in, make the switch, and destroy the original."

"Breckinridge isn't just going to let us wander around his compound. How do you plan on us slipping away unseen?"

The corner of Miranda's mouth twitched minutely but other than that, her expression remained entirely unreadable.

"You're just going to have to trust me."

**.x.x.x.**

The soft tinkling notes of a piano playing gently in the background greeted John as he handed the concierge the invitation and stepped through the double doors of Marcus Breckinridge's posh estate. The entryway and parlor were decorated in a motif that had seen its heyday three centuries ago on Earth, with intricately carved dark furniture and large overbearing area rugs—a far cry from the simplistic and modern designs that seemed so prevalent across the galaxy nowadays. Even the table lamps were over the top with their outlandishly gilded bases and silly fringed shades.

_What a waste of money_, John thought as he caught sight of an antique harp stationed next to the grand piano.

Miranda, on the other hand, appeared genuinely impressed by the opulent display of wealth. She looked around at the décor with an almost childlike wonder, softly running her hand along the smooth wooden edge of a rather uncomfortable looking couch.

"Remarkable craftsmanship," she breathed. "I wonder why they stopped making things this exquisite."

"Because they were ugly," John stated matter-of-factly. In their usual fashion, the words just popped right out of his mouth before he could filter them.

She let out a delightfully carefree laugh, a wonderful sound that was so different from her normally sarcastic snorts, and shifted her clutch from one hand to the other, threading her arm through his. He looked down at their linked elbows, to where her fingertips were resting lightly on the sleeve of his forearm, and was overcome with surprise at her sudden willingness to touch him. She smiled back at him and nodded towards the drawing room.

Inside, some of the worst thieves, smugglers, and murderers milled about. A few were gathered into small groups and engaged in lively discussions while others went off alone to take in the vast displays of art and rarities. It was hard to believe the people standing there dressed in their finest and sipping champagne were the scum of the galaxy.

"There's our host," the Cerberus Operative whispered to him, pointing to a tall man with expertly coiffed sandy blond hair. He was standing near a large vase, talking to another man who was gesturing emphatically. Their loud conversation drifted easily over the din to where John and Miranda stood.

"I just don't know if I can get a piece like that."

"You've never failed to obtain something that I've requisitioned before," the other man said in a voice that reeked of smug confidence.

"The statue of David is one thing, but Lady Liberty's head? Don't you think you're setting your expectations a little high?"

"If anybody can pull it off, Marcus, it's you. I have complete faith in your abilities."

"Wait a second…I know that guy," John said, shaking his finger. He paused to rub the faint stubble on his chin thoughtfully. "So that's how he got it."

"Got what? Who is he?" Miranda queried.

"Donovan Hock," he replied as the man in question cuffed Breckinridge on the shoulder and walked away. "He's an arms dealer and antiquities collector. I guess it makes sense he'd be here."

"I must confess that the fact that you know that surprises me," she said.

John slipped his arm out of her grasp and turned to grab two glasses of champagne from a tray as a waiter breezed past them. He spun around with a small flourish and handed one to her with a sly smirk. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"I'm beginning to see that."

Something flashed through her eyes as she took a sip from her glass, something that John couldn't place. Respect? Something more? For the first time in—hell, he couldn't even remember—he felt hopeful that maybe things could be the way they were before.

"Come on," she said, pointing in the direction of the art exhibits. "Let's have a look around."

John lifted his elbow, interested to see if Miranda would accept his offer. She did so readily and the two of them sauntered across the drawing room at a leisurely pace.

"Look over there," he said quietly, so as not to attract the attention of the other guests. Miranda followed his gaze to the doorway where two men stood on either side. "My guess is the artifact's somewhere down that hallway."

"See anything you like?" a voice asked from behind them. The Commander and the Operative turned around in surprise, both of them looking just a little bit guilty as they came face-to-face with their host. But if he'd overheard what they were talking about, he didn't let on. Instead he pulled his lips back into a lecherous grin and let his eyes slowly travel up and down the length of Miranda's slender figure. "I know I do."

John's free hand balled into an angry fist at his side.

Miranda, however, remained utterly calm. She fixed her dazzling lavender eyes on him and smiled as she held out her hand. Marcus took her fingers gingerly and placed a smoldering kiss on the top of it. It was all John could do not to knock the son-of-a-bitch out right then and there, but his counterpart seemed totally comfortable with playing the part of the coquette.

"Yes, several things in fact!" she replied in a heavy southern accent. John had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing and wondered how much the old-fashioned furniture had influenced her choice. "Mr. Breckinridge, you sure do know how to throw a party."

"Please, call me Marcus."

"Well, Marcus," Miranda continued flirtatiously, "from what I've seen of it so far, you have an amazing mansion. Is the rest of it as magnificent as this?"

"What can I say, I have extravagant tastes." He shrugged unapologetically. "I don't think we've been introduced, Miss…"

"Spencer. Lauren Spencer. And this is my boyfriend, Michael Lowenstein."

Breckinridge flicked his eyes in the commander's direction in half-hearted acknowledgement before he turned his attention back to Miranda. "If you're interested Ms. Spencer, maybe later I'll give you a tour. I can show you my assortment of vintage wine or perhaps the room where I keep my collection of medieval armor and weapons."

_God, give me a break_, John grimaced with an eye roll.

Ignoring her partner's antics, Miranda took another sip of her champagne and playfully raised her eyebrows. "I'd like that. But what I'm really interested in is this mysterious artifact everyone is talking about. I'm dying to see it. Any chance you could let me have a tiny sneak peek?"

"I'm afraid not, my dear. You're just going to have to be patient and wait like everybody else."

"No fun," she pouted.

"And it breaks my heart to disappoint you, believe me," Marcus said, placing his palm on his chest, "but on this I really must insist."

It was all John could do to keep from choking on his drink as he listened to their sickening banter. Since they had completely excluded him from the conversation, he was able to sit back and watch the nauseating exchange unnoticed. It was becoming increasingly apparent that, even though Breckinridge seemed genuinely taken with Miranda, he was quite capable of resisting her charm.

He stepped closer to her and quietly nudged her with his elbow, hoping that she'd get the hint that she was laying it on too thick.

"Well all right, if you insist," she relented. "But at least tell me how much longer I'm going to be forced to wait."

"The auction starts in fifteen minutes," Marcus laughed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there are some matters that require my attention before then."

"Of course."

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Lauren," he said, clasping her hand and bringing it once more to his lips.

Finally fed up with the drivel, Shepard cleared his throat.

"You too…uh Mitchell, was it? Tell you what, why don't you both come and find me after the auction and I'll show you around."

Without waiting for a reply Marcus pivoted on his heel and walked away. John glared hatefully at the man's back, incensed that the pompous upstart hadn't even bothered to remember his fake name correctly.

As soon as their host was out of earshot, he turned on Miranda. "Don't you think that was a little over the top?"

"It worked, didn't it?"

"Yeah, if the mission was 'Operation: Make a Sleazy New Friend.'"

She laughed and then whispered teasingly, "Well, if you hadn't been so busy being jealous—"

"Jealous? No, I think you must have jealousy confused with disgust."

"—you'd have heard that we only have about ten minutes left to get to the artifact."

"What?" he cried.

Several of the nearby partygoers stopped their conversations and looked over at them curiously.

"How in the hell are we supposed to do what we need to do in ten minutes?" he asked in a strained whisper. We—"

Whatever he was going to say was forgotten as Miranda suddenly stepped up to him and trailed her right hand across his chest and over his shoulder, settling it on the back of his neck. Using gentle but undeniably insistent pressure, she guided his head down and kissed him softly on the lips.

His mind exploded. Never—not even in the vast corners of his imagination—had he expected it to feel so intense, so right. Memories of his relationship with the past Miranda mixed with the current experiences and encounters he'd had with the woman he now held in his arms, churning into a ball of confusion that threatened to overwhelm him. Despite his attempts to keep control over it, his heart surged, beating wildly with renewed hope underneath her delicate touch.

Everything around them faded into the background as he held onto her tightly. He waited for it to end, to wake up alone and miserable in his cabin, and when it became clear that he wasn't dreaming he returned her kiss with a passion that felt like it had been bottled up for years.

She tore her mouth away from his long enough to shove him against the nearest wall, and as she began to apply small, persistent kisses along his chin and neck he had just enough presence of mind to notice that she had positioned them next to the men who were guarding the hallway where they thought the artifact would be.

So that's how they were going to get in.

Suddenly it all made perfect sense. But while his head completely understood what she was doing, the lump in his chest was having a hard time comprehending that it wasn't real. He'd been with women before who had just gone through the motions and there was a big difference between that and the way that Miranda was eagerly lavishing affection on him now. There was an urgent desire lying just beneath the surface. He could feel it in the way she kissed him, the way her fingers curled into the lapels of his tuxedo. She could have held back and it still would have been enough to give the people in the room a good show, but she hadn't.

He wanted to know why. Then, as she continued to explore his neck with her mouth, making his body scream out for her, he decided that he didn't care. Regardless of how things ended up between them when the mission was over, he was going to enjoy this moment for all it was worth.

He cupped the sides of her face with both his hands and crushed his lips to hers again with almost bruising intensity. She answered by pressing her body firmly against his and wrapping her hands around the base of his neck, digging her slender fingers into his scalp. She opened her mouth to let out a small moan, and he hungrily consumed her bottom lip, tugging on it gently with his teeth before seeking out her tongue with his.

He expected that she'd stop him right there, that he'd gone to far and overstepped his bounds—maybe even slap him for his audacity. Instead she allowed him to continue, shoving him against the wall again with renewed force. He placed his hands flat on her back, reveling in the feel of her exposed skin, and she melted into his embrace, responding to him as if they were the only two people in the room.

God, he wanted her!

When she finally broke free and stepped back little tendrils of her hair had fallen out of place and her lips were red and swollen. He'd never seen her look as stunning as she did at that moment. Grabbing his hand with an uncharacteristically girlish giggle, she tried to lead him through the doorway.

"Hold it right there, you two," the man on the right said authoritatively. "Nobody's allowed through here."

"It's okay," Miranda assured him. "We have Marcus' permission to go in there. He said we could 'use' one of his rooms, if you catch my meaning."

"Mr. Breckinridge," he corrected, emphasizing her lack of formality, "told you that you could use one of his rooms?"

"Yes, he said the one with all the medieval stuff, the…the…" She twirled her finger in the air as she pretended to think.

"The trophy room?"

She snapped her fingers. "That one!"

The man still didn't look convinced.

"There's Marcus over there," Miranda said, pointing to their host. She managed to catch his eye and waved, and he smiled and raised his glass back to her in acknowledgment. "See? He knows."

"Okay…," he said reluctantly. "But I don't need to tell you to be careful. Mr. Breckinridge doesn't take kindly to those who don't respect his things. We had to bury the last guy who broke something."

_Seriously? _John thought. _Am I supposed to be intimidated?_

"We'll be careful," Miranda promised, pulling John roughly through the doorway.

They ran down the hallway with all the eagerness of two love-sick teenagers, but as soon as they were out of sight a wall of professionalism descended down upon Miranda as they quickly got back to work.

Still reeling from the events in the other room, John tried to focus and act as a lookout while she opened up the doors and peaked inside, hoping to spy what they were searching for. It amazed him that she could just turn off like that. Yes, they had a mission to do. But his heart had yet to stop pounding and he couldn't stop thinking about how good it had felt. What was he going to say to her after that?

"I imagine he'd want it fairly close, to make it easy to retrieve for the auction." He cleared his throat, embarrassed at how even trying to make small talk was difficult. Then he frowned as a new idea suddenly came to him. "Let's just hope that he didn't learn about vault security from Donavon Hock."

"Why is that?"

"Voice-activated recognition, DNA analyzer, complex laser protection…"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The more they talked, the more at ease he became. It was probably best if he just continued to act as if it had never happened, like she hadn't twisted his insides all to hell.

"Wait, I think this might be it," she said, indicating the red light of the panel. "This door's locked."

"Let me see." He jogged up to the door and scanned it with his omni-tool. "I think I can hack it."

"Okay, but hurry. We're running out of time."

"So I guess now wouldn't be a good time to tell you that I'm really bad at this, huh?" he said as he tried to bypass the circuits.

"What? Shepard!"

"Relax," he laughed. "I got it. I just wanted to see what you'd do."

He stepped back and a few seconds later the door panels slid open.

"That wasn't very nice," she told him as she slipped into the dark room and turned on the light but she was still smiling as he followed her in and locked the door behind them.

A large platform sat in the middle of the room. The iridescent ball, although quite a bit smaller than the ones he had run across in the past, glowed up at them from its pedestal eerily, its insidious whispering beckoning them to come closer.

"We're going to need to move quickly," Miranda said, climbing over the ropes and onto the dais. "I'm going to create a barrier around the artifact and you're going to shoot it. Hopefully my barrier will dampen the sound enough that we won't alert anyone, but we need to be prepared for anything."

John nodded and removed his pistol from where he'd been concealing it underneath his tuxedo jacket.

"Once it's destroyed, I'll hurry and make the switch and then we can get out of here."

"Okay." A bright blue bubble appeared around them. Miranda nodded and he lifted his pistol to take aim, but dropped it slightly as he said, "Hey Miranda? That was nice work, you getting us in here like that."

"Well, it's not over yet, but…," her face softened, "you didn't do so bad yourself. Ready?"

"Ready."

Raising the gun again he looked down the sights and fired several rounds in quick succession into the artifact. It seemed to swell with every hit, as if his bullets were feeding it and making it stronger. Suddenly it exploded, emitting a shockwave so powerfully violent that it ruptured the barrier and sent both of them flying backward.

John was the first one to regain his bearings. He jumped up and ran over to Miranda, offering her a hand up.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

A quick nod of her head told him yes and she grabbed his hand, letting him pull her back onto her feet. "Yeah, I think so."

"Think anybody heard that?"

"I don't think we should wait around to find out."

There was nothing left of the artifact, not even a smudge on the pedestal where it had been sitting. Miranda climbed over the ropes once more and opened up the black clutch she'd diligently carried around with her, placing a small silver ball where the object had been.

"What's that?"

Touching a hidden button on the top of it caused a panel to slide open, revealing a digital timer. Miranda typed in a series of codes and shortly after five minutes appeared on the readout.

"A bomb?" John grunted in amusement, watching as the panels slid back into place. "I like the way you think. But, remind me never to piss you off again."

She started to laugh but the distant sound of applause put an end to their merriment.

"We need to leave," she said, making no attempt to disguise the urgency in her voice. "They could come in here for the artifact any minute now."

He didn't need to be told twice. He jogged to the door and opened it up a crack, putting his eye to the slit to survey the hall outside. When it was clear he motioned her forward and held it open so she could slip through.

"Wait!" Miranda whispered suddenly.

John looked around cautiously. "What is it?"

She reached up into her hair with both hands and pulled out two pins. A curly ringlet slipped from its resting place within the elegant knot that sat on the top of her head. She repeated the action three more times before casting the handful of hair pins aside carelessly and raking her fingers through the dark locks. When they passed the two men standing guard she smiled coyly, making a show of trying to fix her disheveled hair, before grabbing John by the arm and leading him back into the drawing room.

"Lucky bastard," he heard one of them say.

"I guess nobody heard the explosion," she whispered.

"Ah, they probably just thought it was me—_ow!_" he yelped and the chuckled, tenderly rubbing the sore spot on his ribs where Miranda had jabbed him.

They took their time navigating through the crowd, so as not to draw attention to themselves. Miranda would incline her head in greeting to those who caught her eye, trying to keep up appearances so none of the guests would suspect that they had been up to something.

Marcus Breckinridge stood at the front of the room, the playboy smirk plastered across his face implying that he was loving every minute of being in the spotlight.

"Good evening and welcome," he said, holding his arms out before him to encompass the crowd. "I trust that all of you are eager to get started, so without further ado…"

He swept his arm to the left and the platform in which the 'artifact' was resting on appeared. The crowd tittered with excitement, some of them "oohing and ahhing" as the artifact passed in front of them.

"Shall we start the bidding at…oh say, half-a-million credits?"

John felt Miranda's hand on his back, urging him toward the exit.

"Six hundred thousand!" someone shouted.

"One million!" said another.

"You're not going to let this guy walk away with your artifact, are you?" Marcus asked the first bidder. "And for a measly million? Come on. An object like this isn't something you see every day. It's—that's not it. That's not the artifact!"

He looked to men who had pushed the platform into the room for an explanation. They looked back at him, obviously confused by his outrage.

"Do you mind telling me where the hell it went?" Breckinridge roared. "And what the fuck that thing is—"

The last of his sentence was cut short as the small silver orb on the dais exploded.

"Get down!" Miranda cried.

John dove behind one of the antique sofas after her just as the large room was engulfed in a ball of fire.

"Jesus Christ!" he yelled. "How much shit did you put in that thing?"

What had once been a very posh and extravagant drawing room was now reduced to charred rubble. The scene of destruction was immense. People lay scattered about, bruised and bleeding with those closest to the platform dead. Smoke billowed from a number of small fires, filling the air with its acrid stench.

Remarkably, despite being right next to it when it detonated, Marcus had survived the explosion. He picked himself off the ground, his hands and feet crunching on the bits of wood and broken glass strewn everywhere as he righted himself and brushed the dirt and ash from his clothes. The side of his face that had been closest to the blast was covered with black soot. Underneath it the raw, puckered skin was clearly visible, as angry and red as the wild look in his eyes.

He said nothing as he looked around at the remnants of his priceless art exhibits. Then, turning in a slow circle he assessed the damage to the rest of the room, staggering slightly as he walked over the bodies of his guests. Those that weren't critically injured were starting to sit up, looking around at the devastation in confusion as they tried to grasp what had just happened.

"Somebody's going to pay for this," he snarled.

As if on cue, half a dozen of his men burst through the door with their weapons drawn.

"We heard the explosion," the merc in charge said. "What's going on?"

"Search the area," he ordered. "Anyone looks suspicious you shoot first and ask questions later. I want that artifact found and the asshole responsible for all this dead. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" they chorused.

By now many of Breckinridge's guests had regained their senses and those that were armed pulled out their weapons and joined the hired thugs in sweeping the area.

"Looks like that's our signal to get out of here," John said.

Miranda nodded in agreement. Crouching beside him she began unfastening the straps to her heels. Once they were undone she tossed the shoes aside and hitched up her skirt, grabbing her pistol from the holster she had secured to her leg.

"Why are you taking your shoes off?"

"It's easier to run and fight without them. Plus it's quieter."

He grunted. Somehow he didn't think she'd appreciate him telling her how she used to fight in heels during every mission she went on in his universe.

"How should we do this?" she prompted.

"We'll try sneaking out the door over there," he said, pointing to the exit about a hundred yards in front of them. "We can use these pillars for cover. Hopefully we can get out of here without a fire-fight."

"Unlikely, but it's nice to see you're optimistic."

He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat that was half laugh, half cry of disbelief. Because he really couldn't believe it. Here they were in the middle of a plan gone horribly wrong and she was making jokes about their situation. He didn't know what was responsible for the change, but he liked this new Miranda.

Still shaking his head he radioed their pilot. "Joker, we need immediate extraction. Send the shuttle to my location, _pronto!_"

"It's on its way, Commander."

Risking another glance over the top of the couch, John waited until all the mercs were looking elsewhere and then motioned to the door. Miranda pushed off the floor and dashed across the way, hiding behind one of the huge square pillars. After a few seconds she peeked around the corner, waited until the coast was clear, and waved him over.

He was almost there when they heard, "Found 'em! They're over there!"

"Shit!" John growled.

A trail of gunfire followed in his wake as he rushed to the column adjacent to Miranda's, the rounds making dull _thunking_ sounds as they burrowed into the wooden support.

"Don't say it, I know!" John called back to her as the wood splintered and flew around him. "You were right."

"That was a very stupid thing you just did," Marcus shouted. "Brazen, but stupid."

"Someone needed to knock you down a peg," John fired back.

"Heh," he sniffed. "Hope it was worth your life."

Breckinridge sent another barrage of bullets in their direction, tearing the beams to shreds in the process.

"We're not going to be able to hold this position for much longer," John told Miranda gravely. "Pretty soon they'll either rush us head on, or try and flank us. We aren't equipped for this kind of a fight."

"What do you…suggest we…do?" she said in between the shots she fired from her pistol. "Run for it? We won't get far."

"No, they'd gun us down in a heartbeat." He paused to think, his back resting against what was left of the column. "We need to neutralize them somehow, but without better weapons—"

"Rocket!"

"Yeah, a rocket launcher would work."

"No. _Rocket!_"

The missile spiraled through the air between them with a loud whistle, striking the pillar John was hiding behind and obliterating what was left of it. The impact sent him skidding across the floor, face-down. Almost instantly he found himself surrounded by the blue glow of Miranda's biotic barrier and seconds later he heard the rapid fire of her pistol as she tried to cover him until he could get back to safety.

He scrambled to his feet as enemy bullets rained down upon him and crouched down behind the grand piano. Bits and pieces of wood and plaster were scattered across its once black, glossy surface. The rounds tore through the body of it, creating a horrible cacophony of discordant notes as they sliced through the wires.

"You okay?" she called.

"I'll live," he coughed.

The shootout continued, but they were steadily losing ground as Breckinridge and his mercs continued to advance. They needed a better plan.

"I'm out!" Miranda ducked back behind her column and looked over at John with a panicked expression.

He dropped his gaze to the pistol in his hand and ejected his heat sink. Half capacity. They needed a better plan, now!

Using her biotics, Miranda lifted one of the mercs and slammed him into the nearest wall. John watched as the man sailed through the air, but he stopped when he set eyes on the four posts that surrounded Marcus and his thugs. The explosion from the bomb had weakened the pillars and the ceiling they were supporting had started to sag as a result.

"Here!" Tossing Miranda his half-spent thermal clip he jumped to his feet. "Keep them busy!"

"What are you doing?" she screamed.

"Just trust me!"

Dodging the spray of gunfire he skirted around the perimeter of the large room toward the group. It took Miranda a minute to get over her shock of seeing him rush headlong into the fray, but after a moment he heard her laying down covering fire. The mercs, forced to defend themselves, turned their guns back to her. Now was his chance. He lunged for the guy with the rocket launcher and tackled him to the ground. The man threw his hands out in front of him, trying to fend him off, but John was able to get in a right hook that knocked him out cold. Without even bothering to stand up, he grabbed the rocket launcher and fired a missile into one of the beams.

Everyone stopped and looked up, giving him time to fire off another one. It hit the second beam and exploded in a shower of fire and sparks. A series of creaks and then one loud groan echoed through the room as the ceiling above them shifted.

"Oh fuck," Marcus muttered as realization dawned on him.

John locked eyes with Miranda and then braced himself for impact as the ceiling rumbled and crashed down around them.

"_John!" _

Several long seconds ticked by as the dust settled over the debris. Miranda's pistol clattered to the floor as she stepped out from her hiding spot and surveyed the ruins. Then she sprang into action, ignoring how the cut glass and sharp splinters dug into her bare feet as she rushed over to where John lay buried underneath the pile of rubble. Grabbing huge chunks she frantically cast them aside until she had exposed a piece of his black tuxedo. Then she carefully cleared the fragments away from his head and chest.

He let out a low moan. "Did I get 'em?"

She laughed incredulously and extended her hand to him. "You're crazy! Anyone ever tell you that? You could have been killed!"

He reached up and grabbed it, letting her pull him out of the heap. "The Collectors already did that and all I did was come back more pissed off and better than ever."

"What are you talking about, better than ever? If it wasn't for my help, you and the ship would still be floating stranded somewhere, waiting to be rescued."

"Not here," he smiled, "back in my time. They destroyed the Normandy and I got spaced. But then I got me some fancy new upgrades and went back and kicked their asses!"

"Upgrades?"

"Highly advanced cybernetics. I'm stronger, faster, heal quicker. That sort of thing."

"Cockier?"

"Nah, I've been that way since the beginning."

She laughed again and shook her head as they walked out into the fading light of the afternoon sun and got into the shuttle that was waiting for them. "I still think you're crazy."

**.x.x.x.**

They were a sight to see as they made their way across the cargo hold. Beaten and tired and covered from head to toe in dirt and dried blood, Miranda and John limped side by side to the elevator. The Operative's dark hair was a disaster and what remained of her dress hung off her in ragged tatters. A large bump and several bruises had started to form on John's face and everything hurt, but he considered the mission to be a success. Nonetheless, he was looking forward to getting cleaned up and then collapsing.

He imagined Miranda couldn't wait to do the same.

"Holy shit, what happened to you two?"

He stifled a groan as the elevator doors opened and Ashley stepped out.

"Bomb," Miranda quipped.

"Ceiling," he added.

Ashley raised her eyebrow. "Helluva mission, huh? Looks like I missed out."

"I wouldn't get yourself too worked up about it. This type of mission wasn't really your style anyway," the operative said.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

_Oh sweet Jesus_, John thought as his eyes darted back and forth between the two women.

"What it means is that the mission required someone with more finesse, someone who was capable of strategizing and not just going in and shooting everything that moves," Miranda retorted.

Ashley's eyes widened and immediately narrowed into slits. "Finesse? _This_ is what you call using _finesse_?" she sputtered mockingly, pointing at them and the state of their clothes.

"Easy, Williams," John said. "She didn't mean any—"

"Looks to me like that's exactly what he needed," she continued with a sneer. "I can guarantee that this never would've happened if he'd taken someone with him who had his back instead of some damsel in a dress who was afraid to use her gun."

Miranda straightened her shoulders and angled her head back haughtily. "Without my tactics, the mission would've failed. You're just jealous because he went with someone with skills rather than mindless muscle?"

"Skills," the gunnery chief scoffed disdainfully. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"Enough! Williams, you're out of line!" John barked.

"Sorry, Commander," she said sullenly. "Didn't mean to cause a fight."

"Dismissed, Chief."

She saluted and then hurried deeper into the cargo hold, leaving John and Miranda standing awkwardly in front of the elevator. The doors opened again and they stepped inside. He hit the button for the third deck, wishing he could evaporate into thin air.

"Listen Miranda," he began, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know things didn't exactly go as planned, but overall I still think the mission went well."

"A little more complicated that I had anticipated, but yes, it went well. Things with you are certainly never dull," she added.

The corners of his mouth lifted slightly when he realized that she wasn't going to question him about what had happened with Williams. Internally he heaved a sigh of relief.

When they reached the crew deck he watched as she exited, trying to appear casual as he leaned on the doors to keep them open. "Miranda…"

She turned, running a hand through her messy hair as she smiled. "Get some rest, John. You look like hell."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Since I had initially planned them as one whole chapter, some questions may have been raised regarding this chapter that won't get answered till the next chapter. Remember, things are happening simultaneously. Don't worry though, I'm not going to vanish again and make you guys wait for the next installment. I held off posting this until it was ready to go. I'll will be posting soon. :)


	25. A Deadly Game

**A/N: **Hey everyone!

I can't believe I originally thought that I could combine John and Jane's chapters. I certainly didn't expect this one to be as long as it turned out. I have written every single day since I posted the last update, and this is the result. There are twists and turns, surprises and suspense, so grab a snack and settle in, because this one is going to be huge (both literally and metaphorically)!

Be prepared, it's also going to generate lots of feels, and I can't wait to hear all about them!

For those of you interested, I've pasted a link on my website to a song that I imagined playing during one of the scenes. Head on over there and check it out.

I just have to give a shout out to my editor, Sisypheria. I couldn't have put this chapter together without her!

Enjoy! ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>I am the monster in your head." – Lights Out, Breaking Benjamin <em>

**Chapter Twenty-Five – A Deadly Game **

Someone was following them.

At first it was hard to pick up on with all the other commotion going on around them. The trading floors of Nos Astra could only be described as organized chaos. Asari vendors haggled with volus merchants over prices and quantities, brokers negotiated contract terms for indentured service—which was really just a fancy way of saying slavery by consent—and those who weren't shopping were taking in the beautiful vistas or enjoying themselves in one of the dozens of small cafes that were peppered strategically along the way.

But every so often, Jane would catch a glimpse of something behind them, a shadow that didn't quite fit in with the rest of the scenery. Neither one of her companions had noticed how it seemed to slink along the wall, always keeping just enough of a distance to make her doubt its presence. Silently her hand crept to her hip and hovered over the grip of her pistol in anticipation of a sudden attack.

"Did John have any ideas on where to start looking for Mirala?" Tali asked as they pushed their way through the crowds.

She dropped her hand and gave her companions a sidelong glance.

So far, tracking down the asari the Illusive Man had mentioned in the dossier had been like trying to find the proverbial needle in the haystack. No one they'd asked had ever heard of her and she didn't possess any defining physical characteristics, as far as Jane knew, that would have made her stand apart from any of the other million asari that called Illium their home.

She was trying not to get discouraged, but her patience was starting to wear thin. Her last transmission to John hadn't gone so well; he'd commented that she was up 'shit creek' and then hung up without another word. She was beginning to wonder if maybe she had made a mistake in choosing to pursue Mirala first instead of Thane.

"I think it's best to take anything John says with a grain of salt," Jane replied with a wry smile. "After all, according to him you've been exiled and Liara works upstairs as an information broker."

Tali and Liara looked at each other and then burst into laughter.

"What could you possibly do to get yourself exiled?" Liara giggled. "Isn't your father on the Admiralty Board?"

"Hey, that's not half as bad as the mild-mannered archaeologist dealing information," the quarian teased back. "Maybe you work for the Shadow Broker."

"Maybe she _is_ the Shadow Broker."

"Right. And I wear this helmet because it looks good with my shoes."

"Yeah, come on, Jane. That is a little far-fetched. Why would I trade a lifetime of researching the Protheans to become something so dark and twisted? I also happen to think the real Shadow Broker might have an objection or two."

Jane smiled, recalling how she'd had a similar reaction when John told her what the asari doctor had been up to in his universe.

"It's entertaining, to say the least," she shrugged, "but who knows how much of what John tells us is real. Take this mission, for instance. He kept calling the person we're after a 'justicar'. He obviously has his memories crisscrossed, because I can't find any supporting documentation on it and you'd think the Illusive Man would mention something that important. We—"

Out of the corner of her eye she caught a subtle shift as a shape moved off to their right. Jane glanced over her shoulder, hoping to spy a group of people milling about, but was disturbed to find the space entirely deserted.

"Something wrong, Shepard?"

Jane held up her hand, silencing Tali's words.

"I don't think we're alone here," she whispered. "We should keep moving."

Her teammates nodded and the three of them continued deeper into the space port, each of them a little more wary than they had been moments earlier.

Who was tailing them, and more importantly, why? It could have been any number of possibilities, ranging from something as simple as a street thug who had made the very wrong assumption that they were an easy target to men sent by the Illusive Man to keep an eye on their activities. From the few meetings she'd had with him she gathered that he was a man whose trust was not easily earned. Men like him didn't get to the top of their game by sitting idly by, and she didn't doubt for one second that he'd have ways to spy on them. Her and John's team was his newest investment after all, and like any good businessman, he would want to know where his assets were.

Eventually the long, winding hallway they were traveling through ended, opening into a large transportation hub. As dusk approached, thousands of glittering head and tail lights could be seen from the vehicles in the distance, glowing in a dazzling combination of red and white against the dark purple sky.

This section of the space station was even busier than the trading floor. People rushed about; some arriving, others departing, everyone in a hurry to get to their destination. Snippets of nearby conversations could be heard as they pushed through the crowds and every so often an advertisement would blare over the loudspeaker announcing everything from the latest fashions and scalp treatment to news from the Citadel.

The short segment informing them that production was underway on a new movie about a hanar named Blasto was of particular interest to Jane. Despite experiencing the real thing almost daily, she did enjoy a good action flick every now and then. It might be fun to go see when it was finished. Maybe she and Garrus could make a night of it. _The first hanar spectre_, she laughed to herself. Who came up with this stuff?

"Let's see if they know anything," Jane suggested, indicating the kiosk with the word "customs" emblazoned above it.

She approached the booth and placed her forearm on the counter. The asari seated behind it paused what she was doing and looked up, her hands hovering over her keyboard.

"Welcome to Nos Astra, ma'am. What can I do for you?"

"I'm looking for someone," Jane began conversationally. "Do you know if an asari by the name of Mirala has come through here recently?"

"Last name?"

"No, I'm sorry. I don't know it."

The customs agent nodded and tapped out a few keystrokes. "I'll do a search anyway and see if I can find anything that matches."

"Thank you."

"I do see someone using that name docked here about a month ago, but…hmm, that's funny." The agent frowned. Her eyes narrowed as she typed commands into the keyboard and brought up a separate screen. "I can't access any of the information. It keeps saying it's restricted."

"Well, what about Thane Krios, then?" Jane asked. If they couldn't track Mirala down right away, they might as well go after the drell in the meantime. "Can you tell me if he's still on Illium?"

"Sure ma'am. Hold on."

Another few minutes passed by as she hastily typed in the necessary credentials to search for the assassin, but once again her expression turned to one of puzzlement.

"It says that same thing: restricted. Who are these people? And who did you say you were with?" The asari looked up expectantly, waiting to hear an explanation, but the commander and her shore party were already gone.

What sort of game was the Illusive Man playing, Jane thought to herself as she hurried away from the desk. The last thing she had wanted to do was draw attention to them and make a scene. She shook her head angrily. Did he know about the restricted files? Was he responsible for the block? What was the point of sending her to recruit them if she couldn't even locate their whereabouts? It wasn't as if he provided those details in the dossiers. The more she thought about it, the more irritated she became with the whole thing.

"What do we do now, Shepard?" Liara's voice penetrated her inner rumblings.

"At this point, Liara, I wish you really were the Shadow Broker. Then at least we'd know where to start."

The asari laughed sympathetically, but was stopped short of offering any words of encouragement by the sound of Jane's omni-tool beeping.

Jane queued up the holographic interface and selected the message. The words that appeared on the screen stopped her dead in her tracks.

_"We need to talk. Meet me at Club Solstice in an hour. Come alone." _

Immediately her head reared up and she cast another guarded glance at her surroundings. Could the person who sent her the message be the same one who had been following her? She knew of only one way to find out. And her companions weren't going to like it.

**.x.x.x.**

"Shepard, you're not seriously considering going through with this, are you?" The asari's eyes were pleading and full of concern as she placed her hand on her Commander's arm.

"I'll be fine, Liara," Jane assured her. She pulled out her pistol and checked the heat sink before sliding back into the holster on her hip. "You're both acting as if I've never done anything like this before."

A conversation that she'd had with Tali not so long ago reverberated in her mind. Her friend had asked her almost the exact same thing when they first happened upon John and his crew. The quarian hadn't been too keen on the idea of her going off by herself then either.

"But that was different," Tali reasoned. "That time we were waiting behind in the cargo hold in case something went wrong. What you're asking us to do now is much worse."

The Commander's face softened. "Look guys, I know you're worried about me, but this isn't as bad as you're making it out to be. This person might have information on where to find Mirala. We need this."

"But—"

"No buts, Tali. I can take care of myself. I'm going and that's final. If I get into a jam—which I won't—I'll radio for backup. Understood?"

"Yes, Shepard."

She hated pulling rank, but the instructions she had been given had been perfectly clear: she was to come alone or not show up at all. She couldn't lose this chance; it was all they had to go on.

Club Solstice was located in one of the shadier areas of Illium. Tucked far away from the dazzling skyline of the Nos Astra spaceport, the streets were darker, illuminated only by the occasional lamp post or neon sign. It reminded her a little bit of Omega. Even the patrons coming and going had a rougher edge to them than the ones she'd seen at some of the ritzier places like Eternity. The club itself was sandwiched between blocks of dingy-looking apartments and as Jane approached she could hear the bass from the music all the way down the alley.

The bright white flashing of a strobe was her first impression of the inside, making it appear that everyone was dancing in slow motion, their jerky movements timed with the heavy beat. Pink, yellow, and blue streamers of light shot down like lasers from the ceiling, sweeping over the crowd in carefully constructed patterns of triangles, circles, and stars that shifted at regular intervals. At the far end of the large open chamber, women in revealing leather outfits gyrated in metal cages, adding a sense of thrill and a hint of danger to the underground vibe.

The décor was sparse at best, with nothing really on the walls. Booths with black upholstered bench seats lined the perimeter, with only the silver edging along the tables breaking up the monotony. A large square section of the floor had been designated for dancing, and had been lowered to separate it from the rest of the club. Two steps ran continuously along all four edges, allowing the patrons easy access. Underneath the dancers' feet white tiles blinked in sequence with the music and the strobes.

Jane stopped just inside the entrance and gazed around the dark establishment, wondering where her mysterious informant would be. As she pushed her way through the crowd she could feel the eyes following after her. Some of the bolder customers snorted derisively at her choice of apparel, and one or two disparaging remarks found their way over to her ears. She didn't care though. She wasn't there to be noticed or to look good, she was there to find out the information she needed. It was enough that she'd potentially put herself at risk by going in without backup and she'd be damned if she went without armor.

"Where ya goin' with that gun?" a batarian asked as she attempted to squeeze by him to check by the bar. "You lookin' for some trouble?"

Jane stopped and whirled around to look at him, trying to figure out if he was a bouncer who feared that she might start a fight right in the middle of the club.

He was casually leaning with one elbow against the counter, firmly gripping a shot glass with his free hand. All four of his eyes were focused intently on her, a small sneer gracing his almost non-existent lips.

The small Commander stepped back, shifting all of her weight to one hip, and crossed her arms. "Trouble usually finds me," she replied evenly. "I find it's best to be prepared for anything."

"That so?" he drawled, tilting his head as he surveyed her armor. Seemingly not impressed, he set his glass on the bar and trailed his finger across the top of her carnifex. "You sure this thing isn't too much for you?"

She seized his hand, crushing his fingers together within her iron grip as she painfully twisted his wrist. He managed to let out a surprised yelp before she pivoted to the side and flung him over her shoulder. The loud thud he made when he hit the ground was almost completely drowned out by the collective gasp from the people surrounding them.

Kneeling over him, she calmly removed her pistol and placed the barrel directly under his nostrils. "What do you think?"

His hands flew up in front of him in a weak attempt to fend her off, but he knew his only option was to lie there helplessly and hope she didn't feel like blowing a hole in his head. The corner of her mouth twitched with satisfaction and a moment later she pushed off of him and walked away, holstering her weapon as she went.

The sound of applause, slow and deliberate—almost as if it were intended to mock—captured her attention as she distanced herself from the scene. Jane glanced across the way and locked eyes with the source. An asari, half hidden by shadows, lounged against the back of the booth with her arms spread out along the back while her foot casually rested on the top of her other leg.

There was something different about this asari. Jane could feel it immediately although she couldn't quite place what it was. She was dressed from head to toe in black leather, the straps and hooks more reminiscent of a commando rather than a comfortable partying outfit. Her pale blue eyes sparkled with amusement, maybe even a little mischief, eyes that were now centered on her and filled with a hunger that excited her almost as much as it put her on edge.

"That was the most entertaining thing I've seen all night," the asari said and folded her arms with a sly smile.

"You saw that, did you?" the Commander answered back with a grin.

"I'm pretty sure the whole place did. Trouble finds you—that's a good one. Anyway, from where I'm standing, the bastard had it coming."

She shrugged. "He shouldn't have touched my gun."

The asari made a sound of approval in the back of her throat and leaned forward, rolling one of her shoulders forward as she placed both her forearms on the table and linked her fingers together. "I like you," she decided and flicked her head to the empty space next to her. "Why don't you sit down and have a drink with me?"

Jane hesitated, a small frown settling over her smooth features. "I appreciate the offer, but I really shouldn't."

"Why not? Afraid to live a little?"

"It's not that," she laughed quietly. "I'm supposed to meet someone here. They might have information on the person I'm looking for."

"Ooh, how clandestine," the asari hummed seductively. Her eyes glittered with sudden interest. She pointed to the empty seat again and said, "I enjoy a good mystery. I've been on Illium for a while now and I'm usually here every night. Maybe I know who they are. Who is it you're looking for?"

_Why not_, Jane thought and slid into the bench beside her.

"An asari named Mirala."

Her companion's face suddenly hardened, the muscles in her neck and shoulders tensing as though she were anticipating a fight. She looked like she could jump up and run away at any second.

"Why?" she demanded suspiciously.

Shepard stared at her for a moment, wondering what it was about Mirala that had put the asari so on edge. The only thing the dossier had mentioned about her was that she was considered to be extremely dangerous, but Jane figured that was why she was suggested as someone to recruit in the first place; they needed someone who wasn't afraid to look death in the face and laugh.

She decided that honesty was probably her best policy.

"I'm putting together a team for a very risky mission and I need the best. Mirala came highly recommended, but the problem is I can't find her. Nobody seems to know anything about her."

The asari relaxed and sat back, draping her arm over the edge again. "I haven't gone by that name in years," she revealed with a devious grin.

Jane's eyes widened. "_You're _Mirala?"

Mirala sidled up next to her and breathed in a husky whisper, "You can call me Morinth."

**.x.x.x.**

Liara watched as Tali pulled out her omni-tool and checked the clock for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past hour. Then she would sigh, just as she had every time before that, and drop her arm heavily on the table.

Wrapping her hands around her mug, the asari stared into her tea and watched the way the liquid would ripple with each thump of the quarian's hand. She liked tea. She found it calming, especially in situations of high stress. This particular cup contained the perfect blend of asari herbs that would help her relax and think more clearly.

Tali sighed again and Liara frowned. If only her friend were able to have some. The poor girl needed it more than she did.

"I can't believe we just let her go off on her own like that," she moaned.

"I'm sure she's fine, Tali," Liara said.

"But we're her backup! What if she's in trouble?"

"I'm not happy about it either, but there's no use for us to get all worked up about it now." Gesturing to the café they were sitting in, she continued, "We'll wait here until we hear from her. That way we'll be close in case she needs us."

This time it was Tali's helmet that struck the hard surface of the table. Liara put her hand on the quarian's hood and rubbed her head in a soothing fashion. They both lapsed into silence, each of them lost within their own thoughts.

It was reckless of Shepard to go by herself, but the archaeologist knew why she had to. They were getting nowhere in their search for Mirala. It was almost as if the asari had purposefully vanished into thin air. Any lead at this point was worth the risk.

Liara shifted in her chair and idly gazed around the small bistro. The people around them were laughing and having a good time, completely oblivious to the threat that lurked just outside the borders of their galaxy. No one but Shepard's crew seemed concerned about the Reapers, and as Sovereign's insect-like image surfaced in her memory she thought that maybe ignorance really was bliss.

Suddenly something caught her attention across the courtyard, a flash of red and gold moving through the crowd. She craned her neck, trying to catch a better glimpse of what it was. When the figure of another asari appeared wearing a skin-tight red suit and matching adornments on her forehead, she felt her breath catch in her throat.

_What was a Justicar doing there?_

Liara hardly had time to contemplate what had brought the highly revered asari to the Nos Astra spaceport because the answer soon became clear as she drew closer. She was headed directly toward them.

The younger asari swallowed down the lump in her throat and nudged her friend with her foot.

Tali picked her head up and looked at her. "What?" She followed Liara's gaze. "Who's that?"

The Justicar approached their table and stopped just in front of it, pulling her shoulders back into a regal stance.

"My name is Samara. I am a servant of the Justicar Code. You are searching for someone who isn't who she appears to be."

Liara and Tali exchanged glances.

"You mean Mirala?" the quarian asked uncertainly.

"One of her many aliases," Samara replied. "Her real name is Morinth."

"That explains why Shepard couldn't find any information on her," Liara said to Tali.

"Shepard?" Samara raised her brow quizzically.

"Our Commander," Liara explained. "We were sent to recruit Miral—err…Morinth for a special mission. Someone sent Shepard a message that implied they had information on her whereabouts and she has gone to meet the contact."

"Then your Commander is in great peril," Samara said gravely. "Morinth is an Ardat-Yakshi."

Liara's face paled as her hands flew to her mouth. "By the Goddess," she whispered.

"I don't understand," Tali said, shifting her gaze between the two asari. "Why is Shepard in danger? What's an Ardat-Yakshi?"

"It means 'demon of the night winds' in ancient asari dialect," Liara said.

The Justicar nodded. "Yes, but that is mythology. In reality it is a rare genetic disorder. When Morinth mates with someone, there is no gentle melding of the nervous systems. Instead, she overpowers them, dominates them until her victim's brain hemorrhages, leaving them a lifeless shell—or worse. Most do not survive the encounter."

"Keelah," Tali gasped.

"When it is discovered that an asari has the condition, they are given a choice whether to be executed or to live a life of peaceful seclusion. Morinth chose to run. After each successful encounter she becomes smarter, stronger, deadlier, and the desire to kill again only grows more irresistible. She is addicted to it and she will not stop."

"Shepard will be all right. She's not going to mate with her," the quarian asserted with a small laugh. "She has Garrus."

"It does not matter," Samara said. "Morinth confuses her victims, twists their feelings so that they will do anything to earn her favor. Your Commander will be trapped before she even realizes what is happening."

"Not Shepard." Tali insisted. "She's too smart to be led into a trap like that."

"Morinth is drawn to those who are strong, courageous, and dangerous. She will not be able to resist someone like Shepard," Samara told them. "I have hunted her for nearly four centuries. I know her quirks, how she operates. Once she managed to enthrall an entire village, demanding that they bring young asari to her as sacrifices. When I pursued her, she ordered the villagers to attack me. She kills without remorse, thriving off the power it gives her."

"Why?" Liara inquired. "I mean, I understand her being a threat, but why spend almost half your lifetime tracking her?"

"Because this abomination, this monster, is my daughter," Samara revealed. A hush fell over the small café. "Her condition is my fault and my only redemption lies in killing her. She is the reason that I gave up all my worldly possessions and swore myself to the code."

"I'm so sorry," Liara said sadly.

"I do not need your pity. There is no changing what is. I must simply do what must be done."

"We have to warn Shepard!" Tali pushed out of her chair.

"No!" the Justicar quickly countered. "This is the closest that I have ever been. If you spook her now, Morinth will flee and I will lose out on this opportunity."

"But-but we can't just leave her alone with that creature!" she cried.

"Did she tell you where she was going?" Samara asked.

"Club Solstice," the other asari said.

"I will make my way there at once. Do not attempt to make any sort of contact with your Commander, even by private message. It is my hope to catch Morinth unaware and if she becomes even the slightest bit suspicious, she will run."

"So you're just going to use Shepard as bait?" Tali accused.

"If she is as smart and perceptive as you say she is, then hopefully she can hold out until I get there."

**.x.x.x.**

"Some nights I come here and there's no one interesting to talk to. Other nights, there's just one person." Morinth's gaze drifted across the dance floor as she spoke, her tone even and contemplative. The flashes from the strobes bounced off her face and upper body, momentarily exposing her to the light only to be swallowed again by the shadows with the next thump of the bass. Then she slowly turned back to Jane and tilted her head from one side to the other as she considered her thoughtfully. "But tonight is different. _You_ are different."

"Me?" Jane rubbed the back of her neck, suddenly self-conscious under the asari's scrutiny. "I don't see how."

"These people are all alike; dull, uninspiring, _boring_. They all want the same things. Night after night they come here, expecting to get lucky or maybe to score some Halifex, hoping that a few hours of drugs and sex and dancing will be enough to make them forget for a while. But not you. There's something about you, and I'm dying to know what it is."

"Maybe it's because I have a certain experience that everyone else here lacks," Jane said. Morinth's brow quirked up in interest. Sensing the asari had taken the comment the wrong way, she continued with a laugh, "Not like that. I mean that I've traveled all over the galaxy. I've seen and done things that not many people have."

"Dangerous things?"

Jane's eyes drifted over to the dance floor as she thought of Sovereign, the Collectors, and the visions detailing the destruction of the Protheans. "You have no idea."

"Tell me."

"You'll find out soon enough if you choose to join my team. I'm not going to lie to you; there is a high probability that this could be a suicide mission. Does that scare you?"

"Scare me?" Morinth laughed, her eyes sparkling with devilish delight. "It excites me."

"Does that mean you're in then? I haven't even told you what we're doing."

"Oh, I wouldn't miss out on this for anything." The tone of her voice had taken on a strangely provocative quality. "I just need to grab a few things from my apartment before we leave."

"We can swing by your place on the way back to the Normandy. Does that work?"

Morinth narrowed her eyes as a sly, captivating grin slowly spread over her lips. "Perfectly."

Jane climbed out of the booth and waited as the newest member of her team got to her feet. She couldn't help but feel buoyed by her success. For all the trouble she had had in the beginning, recruiting the asari had been relatively easy. And even though she really hadn't gotten the chance to explain the details of what they were up against, she got the feeling that it didn't really matter to Morinth.

As she followed her out of the bar, caught up in her own thoughts, Jane failed to notice the shadow that had fallen into step behind them.

**.x.x.x.**

Morinth's apartment was incredible. From the conversation they'd had at the club, she was expecting it to be small and dark, filled with all sorts of macabre things. But the floor plan was open and remarkably inviting.

The small entryway opened into a very comfortable living room. The leather couch had been pushed up against the wall and sat underneath huge picture windows that overlooked the streets outside. Wine glasses from the night before were still sitting on the coffee table in front of it.

There was a tiny kitchen off to the right, a bedroom located up a short flight of stairs, and scattered throughout the place display cases held abstract art sculptures and weapons so fantastically twisted that Jane could only guess what they had originally been used for.

"I love art," Morinth said, peering over the Commander's shoulder as she marveled at one of the paintings hanging on the wall. "It speaks to the darkest places inside me. You can really feel the artist's struggle in this one."

Jane turned her head, instantly aware, though not necessarily put off by the asari's proximity. "You can tell all that just by looking at this? All I see are swirls of dark colors."

Morinth rested her hand lightly on her left shoulder as she reached around with the other and removed the visor that Garrus had given her.

"Look closer," she whispered in her ear. "What do you see?"

Jane squinted, trying to concentrate on what the artist had meant to portray. Black paint smeared around the perimeter faded into brown and tan as it got closer to a bright red center. "Chaos. Like the middle represents trying to break free as everything around it closes in. I don't know," she laughed. "I think it's gorgeous, even if I don't understand it."

"That's the great thing about art, it's open to interpretation." Grabbing her by the hand, Morinth led her toward the couch, tossing the eye piece on the table before she sat and crossed her legs. The Commander slid into the seat next to her. "And what you see says a lot about you."

"It does?"

The asari sat forward, leaning slightly over Jane as she looked deep into her eyes. "Something within you is in conflict. You yearn to break free and yet you can't. But I can help you with that."

Hinged upon her every word, Jane stared up at her, unable and unwilling to look away. "How?"

"Let me show you."

Morinth's eyes melted into seemingly infinite, black liquid pools and a rush of warmth coursed through Jane's body. A sudden sense of euphoria washed over her and she felt her muscles relax as she gave in to it. In that moment the world around her ceased to exist. Wrapped in a cocoon of sheer bliss, the weight she'd been carrying on her shoulders lessened, the guilt she had been harboring vanished, and the threat of the Reapers felt like nothing more than a distant memory.

The release of those emotions left her craving more. She clutched Morinth's arms with a muted sigh and opened her mind to her, completely surrendering herself to the ecstasy the asari promised.

But instead of the rapture she was expecting, a sharp, searing pain surged through her mind. Jane gasped and her eyes clamped shut as an indescribable force pushed against the inside of her skull, making her head pound violently.

"Wh-what's going on?" she stammered. "I can't m-move."

A terrible panic set in as she realized she was paralyzed and completely at the mercy of someone who was little more than a stranger.

Another flash of agonizing pain ripped through her and she felt herself weaken. Her hands, which had been holding onto Morinth's sleeves, dropped into her lap, limp and completely useless. Her vision began to blur and something warm trickled from her nose and dripped over the top of her lip. She could feel the darkness plunging down around her—much like what was depicted in that painting—and she found that the closer it got, the more she wanted to embrace it. It called out to her…

Suddenly Morinth's insidious grip on her brain receded and Jane slumped back down to the couch, landing face first on the cushion. Although her eyelids felt like they were lined with lead, she managed to part them just enough to see her assailant stand up and gaze suspiciously at the ceiling.

What had she done to her? Everything hurt and it was hard to think, but she forced herself to focus. As she did, one thing became increasingly clear. Morinth had just tried to kill her!

It was then that she heard it too; a series of soft thumps coming from the ventilation ducts above them.

Taking advantage of the asari's distraction, Jane slowly edged her hand to her hip and tried to wrestle her pistol from its holster without making too much noise. Her muscles screamed out in protest, refusing to move more than a fraction at a time. Her fingers brushed against the handle, but she couldn't convince them to close over it. The throbbing in her head was making it difficult to concentrate, but on her third attempt she got it. She slid the gun along the couch discreetly, trying to use the length of her body to conceal her movements.

The creaking in the ceiling now had Morinth on high alert. She looked around wildly, glancing at the windows and the bedroom on the upper floor as though she were searching for an avenue of escape. Jane froze, hoping that she wouldn't notice that she had regained consciousness; however, she appeared to be the last thing on the asari's mind.

Jane's strength was returning little by little, and she pushed herself into a sitting position just as Morinth bolted toward the door. But before she could make her exit, a shadowy figure dropped down from the ceiling, barring her path. She flailed, trying to stop herself before she careened into, but was going too fast and fell, landing sharply on her hip.

The drell followed her back into the lighted apartment and with an unhurried, yet determined gracefulness, his black eyes never leaving his target as he drew his weapon. Morinth scrambled to her feet and limped a couple paces before she spun around and unleashed a wave of biotic energy. He somersaulted out of the way but wasn't quick enough to dodge the second burst she threw at him.

Jane watched silently from the couch, her pistol dancing back and forth unsteadily between them as she tried to figure out whose side he was on. The loud crack of her carnifex filled the air at the same time the drell hit the ground. Startled, Morinth ducked and scrambled to get out of the way. The round sailed over the asari's head and dug into the wall near the ceiling. The Commander swore under her breath, cursing the fog that still clouded her mind, and fired a second time. Again she was unsuccessful.

Time seemed to slow down, even though everything happened in a matter of seconds. In a highly acrobatic move, the stranger leapt to his feet and rushed the asari at the same moment Jane sprang from the couch, thinking that closing the distance would increase her accuracy. Morinth's eyes darted between her two attackers as she assessed the danger and weighed her options. She waited until they were almost upon her and then crouched into a small ball, jumping up at last second to release a biotic explosion that sent both of them flying backwards.

Jane hit the ground roughly, coming to a stop halfway between where she had been standing and the couch. The impact severed her hold on her pistol and the weapon skittered across the floor, coming to a rest underneath the coffee table. The drell, having been the closest to the asari, was thrown all the way into the kitchen. He landed on the counter haphazardly, sending an assortment of pots and dishes crashing noisily to the ground in his wake.

Shepard rolled and pushed herself back to her feet, her hands glowing blue as she prepared to fight fire with fire.

But Morinth was gone.

"Son of a bitch!" she muttered. She jogged over to the coffee table and retrieved her pistol, pausing to grab her visor from its glass surface, and then tore out of the apartment after her.

The asari hadn't gotten too far ahead of her. Jane could see her as she limped down the street, pushing through the crowd of people that waited to get into Club Solstice. Occasionally she would throw a glance behind her but then sped up when she finally realized that the Commander was hot on her trail.

Jane broke into a run, queuing up her radio as she slammed into the mob. The line of people was at least ten times greater than it had been a couple of hours ago, and she quickly lost sight of the asari.

"Liara, Tali!" she cried into her comm. "Rendezvous on my location, now!"

"_Shepard, are you okay?" _ the quarian answered back. The worry in her voice was palpable, but Jane didn't have time to decipher the meaning behind it.

"Just hurry!" she snapped. She caught a flash of blue and black out of the corner of her eye and saw Morinth just as she changed directions. "I'm heading for the transportation hub!"

The effects of whatever trance the asari had put her in, coupled with the exertion of fighting her way through the throng, was taking its toll on her. Despite her best efforts, she started slowing down. She made it to the transportation hub just in time to see Morinth jump aboard a large cargo ship, slipping through as the doors were closing.

"Joker, I need immediate evac!" she yelled into the comm. "See if you can lock on to the _Demeter's_ signature before it leaves the spaceport!"

The comm hummed in her ear, the line silent.

"Joker, do you copy? Joker! Damn it!"

The freighter pulled away from the port and within minutes it was gone.

Jane hobbled up to the railing, trying to catch her breath as she watched it fade into the distance until it was no more than a tiny speck against the starry night sky.

Where the hell were her pilot and the Normandy?

Someone stepped up behind her. She drew her weapon and whipped around, coming face to face with the mysterious drell from the apartment.

"Who are you? What do you want?" she demanded, aiming the barrel of her gun right between his eyes.

He held his open palms out in front of him to indicate that he meant her no harm.

"It would seem that you and I are after the same quarry," he said. His voice, although a bit hoarse, was deep and warm.

"What do you mean?" Jane asked, still keeping her pistol trained on him. She was done trusting people she didn't know.

"I have been tracking Morinth for days," he replied, dropping his hands to clasp them behind his back.

"Why?"

"I am an assassin."

Her hand tightened around the grip of her pistol. "What'd she do?"

"Ordinarily, I try not to ask more questions than necessary when it comes to a contract, but…"

Suddenly the drell's black eyes widened, his pupils becoming more noticeable as they darted back and forth.

"_A man approaches me on the street one night. His eyes are angry, brimming with unshed tears. He knows what I am. A wail of a child in the distance. 'Please.' Tears run down his weary face. 'You have to help me.' His wife met someone—asari. Left him for her. Found her bloodied carcass not long after. He begs. 'I have money.' He is a ghost, as I am. A father with a child of a murdered mother. I vow to avenge her."_

He blinked a few times and his eyes returned to normal.

"What was that? What just happened?"

"My apologies," he rumbled. "All drell possess eidetic memories. We can recall anything that has happened with perfect clarity. It can be…jarring for those who are unprepared for it. I accepted the contract. Later I learned that Morinth is an Ardat-Yakshi."

"A what?"

"A very cunning and deadly predator," the drell said smoothly. "She stalks her victims and renders them helpless while she preys upon their unsuspecting minds. When I discovered that you were searching for her as well, I sent you a message, hoping that I could warn you before you found her."

Jane lowered her carnifex as all the pieces fell into place. "You were the one I was supposed to meet at the bar."

"Yes."

"You've been following me, too, haven't you?"

"Yes. I need to ascertain whether or not you knew of her whereabouts. I was hoping that you might lead me to her. I hid myself in the shadows and listened to your conversation at the club. When you left, I followed."

"Good thing you did," Jane said softly, thinking back to the trap she'd unwittingly let herself get caught in. She slid her gun back into its holster and extended her hand. "I'm Commander Jane Shepard."

He clasped it firmly. "Thane—"

"Krios," she finished. The moment he said he was an assassin she knew it couldn't be a coincidence.

"I see you've heard of me."

"Only by reputation. I've been looking for you. I was told you might be interested in helping me."

"I'm listening," Thane rumbled.

"I'm putting together a team for a very risky mission," Jane explained. "Have you ever heard of the Collectors?"

"Only by reputation," he said, his dark eyes sparkling mischievously as he repeated her phrase.

"They're working for the Reapers, abducting human colonies, and they've attacked my ship twice now. We plan to stop them."

"Attacking the Collectors would require traveling through the Omega Four relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so."

"I have it on good authority that it can be done." She tried to contain her smirk of amusement as she thought of John and how traveling through that relay had inadvertently brought him and his crew to the wrong place and time. "More or less."

He stepped up beside her and looked out over the horizon. "I would not be able to join you until I have completed my contract."

She gave him a sidelong glance. "That monster tried to kill me, and she would have succeeded if you hadn't shown up when you did. I'm more than willing to help you hunt her down."

"Fair enough."

"Where is Morinth?"

The unfamiliar voice of a third person caused the two to spin around, their hands automatically reaching for their weapons. An asari was quickly approaching them, her strides brisk and resolute. Jane flicked her eyes over to Thane to see if he knew what was going on. A small shrug of his shoulder and a subtle nod told her he was just as clueless as she was.

"What do you want with Morinth?" Jane said evasively. Was everyone in the galaxy after her?

"I will only ask one more time," the asari warned. She centered herself between the Commander and the assassin and squared her shoulders imperiously. "If I find that you are protecting her or you have aided in her escape, I will be forced to kill you."

"Excuse me?" she sputtered incredulously. Her hand clamped around the grip of her pistol and had it half-way out of its holster before she heard her name.

"Shepard! Wait!"

Liara's cry echoed around the transportation hub as she and Tali ran through the horde of travelers.

"Samara's a Justicar," she gasped breathlessly. "She's here for Morinth."

Jane paused, replaying what Liara had just said in her mind. Not only did she seem to know the asari, but she had said "Morinth" instead of "Mirala."

Letting go of her weapon, she thrust her arm out, pointing to where the ship had been docked and she glared at the four of them with narrowed eyes. "I just spent half my evening trying to recruit one asari who had every intention of melting my brain, yet another asari is threatening to kill me, and everybody seems to know something about it but me! Somebody better tell me what the hell's going on, right now!"

"Samara found us while you were gone," Liara hastily explained. "We were hoping she could get to you before it was too late."

All the anger and energy drained from Jane's body as she listened to her friends describe their encounter with the Justicar and Samara's vow to bring her daughter to justice. When they were finished, her eyes drifted back to the horizon as she ran her hand through her hair and sighed, "What a mess."

"I'm glad you're okay, Shepard," Tali said softly. The young quarian sounded like she could burst into tears at any minute.

"I owe that to Thane," she said, jerking her thumb in the drell's direction. "He provided enough of a distraction that Morinth forgot all about me."

Samara nodded knowingly. "My search for Morinth has made her a very wary and vigilant creature. She will usually bolt at the first sign of trouble."

"She did." Jane pivoted on her heel to face the docks. "We chased her here, but she jumped a ship called the _Demeter_ and I had no way to pursue her."

The Justicar slowly stepped up beside her and grasped the railing with both hands. "I will not have a chance like this for another hundred years," she said, her voice teetering on the edge between sadness and resentment. "How many people will die in the meantime?"

"Maybe no one else has to die. Come with us," Jane said suddenly. "We'll help you stop your daughter and in return you can help us with the Collectors."

"A valiant offer, Commander Shepard, but one I must ultimately decline."

"Why?"

The asari's pale blue eyes grew distant as she looked out into space, and as she did Jane noted the resemblances between her and Morinth.

"I have hunted Morinth for four-hundred years, given up everything I owned to serve the Justicar code. It is not a burden I would share lightly. To continue tracking her requires me to be available at a moment's notice, and if I am part of your crew it would mean that might not be possible. It's not a risk I'm willing to take."

"I'm sorry things turned out the way they did," Jane said. "But the offer still stands if you ever change your mind."

"Thank you, Shepard."

**.x.x.x.**

When Jane finally boarded the Normandy hours later, talking with Joker to find out the reason he and the rest of the crew hadn't answered her desperate calls or why it took them so long to finally pick them up on Illium was the last thing on her mind. She was too exhausted to interrogate the pilot. All she wanted to do was take the longest, hottest shower she could get away with. Then she planned on heading to the main battery, throwing her arms around Garrus, and telling him all about the mission from hell, as she'd taken to calling it.

As she walked through the empty CIC she found herself wishing that she had a private bathroom in her quarters like John did. Maybe she should have asked the Illusive Man to put one in when they were rebuilding the ship, she thought with a tired smile. It soon faded, however, as the mere mention of his name made her think about the mission again. Why the hell would he send her to recruit an Ardat-Yakshi? Feeling irritation once again well up in her chest, she pushed the thought aside and vowed not to think about it the rest of the night.

There would be plenty to do in the morning. The Normandy was going to remain docked on Illium overnight while they waited for Thane. Even though his contract to assassinate Morinth had technically been terminated by the Justicar, the drell felt that he owed the grieving husband an explanation and wished to assure him that the homicidal asari would eventually be made to pay for her crimes. Once on board, he would need to be briefed in more detail about the mission and told of her and John's unique situation.

She wondered how that would go over. Ever since Udina and the Council had questioned her sanity, having to explain why there were now two Commander Shepards made her nervous.

Suddenly her thoughts were fractured as the elevator doors opened and Ashley marched out. She was still in her uniform, despite the lateness of the hour, but her dark hair had been removed from its standard bun and was uncharacteristically messy, as if the chief had been continuously running her fingers through it. Her hands, which were normally so capable and strong while they were holding or cleaning a weapon, now appeared small and unsure as she balled them into tight fists at her sides.

"I can't believe the audacity of that…that…that Cerberus bitch!" she fumed. "She actually had the nerve to say that I lacked the skills to go on a covert mission with John. _Me!_ She probably doesn't even know which end the bullet comes out of!"

"Whoa," Jane said, holding her open palms in front of her. "Slow down, Ash."

Ashley folded her arms across her chest and exhaled loudly through her nose. She sounded a lot like a krogan getting ready to charge.

"Now what's going on?"

"Little Miss Perfect thinks that all I know how to do is run in and shoot 'em up. That I can't be trusted on a mission that requires a more delicate touch. Well I'll show her. I can do just as good a job as she can. Better even. I—"

"Ash!"

The Gunnery Chief lapsed into silence, but the look of anger and contempt stayed on her face.

"Who are you talking about?"

"Miranda," she said, spitting the name out as though it left a bad taste in her mouth.

"Oh," Jane mouthed.

"She thinks she's so high and mighty just because she got to go undercover with John," Ashley continued, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically as she began to pace in front of Kelly's terminal.

Jane watched as she stomped back and forth, her eyebrows knitting together as she tried to follow what she was saying.

Ashley stopped suddenly and raised her voice as if she expected the Cerberus Operative were close enough to hear her instead of a deck away. "Well I've got news for you honey: anybody could've posed as his girlfriend! Hell, Legion could've done it more convincingly than you did!"

The Commander's eyes widened at her outburst and she had to stifle the impulse to laugh at the picture the chief was painting for her.

"Okay, Ash." She placed her hand on Ashley's arm and tried to empathize with her. "Calm down. I think I'm missing some things here. Did this just happen?"

Williams shook out of her grasp, but when she spoke again, her words were an octave lower. "A couple of hours ago, when John got back."

"Got back from where?"

"The mission."

"The undercover mission, the one he went on with Miranda?"

"Yep," Ashley replied curtly.

A little ball of anger was starting to form in the pit of her stomach as she realized that that was the reason Joker hadn't been able to receive any of her communications—he was several star systems away!

"I wouldn't listen to anything Miranda has to say," Jane said, trying to maintain her composure long enough to support her crewmate. "She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't like any of us. She doesn't want to be here and everyone knows it. She was probably just lashing out, and you were the first person she saw. I wouldn't take it personally."

But deep down Jane knew that Ashley would take it personally, no matter what she said. The real reason for the chief's upset remained hidden just beneath the surface, but she could see it just the same.

And since Williams didn't want to reveal that jealousy was the driving force behind her anger, she accepted the explanation with a nod, apologized to the Commander for disturbing her so late at night, and trudged back to the armory to clean weapons because she "understood them so much better than she did people."

Jane spotted John rummaging through the refrigerator on the way to her office. He threw a container of leftover turkey on the counter and then went back for cheese and bottles of mayonnaise and mustard and quickly set about making himself a sandwich.

He looked up as he heard her approach, and a small gasp managed to squeak through Jane's lips. He looked terrible! A large, swollen bump had formed underneath his right eye and there were several other cuts and bruises present on his face. It seemed like she wasn't the only one who'd had a rough mission, but considering that she just went toe-to-toe with an Ardat-Yakshi and almost lost, she wasn't very inclined to offer him much sympathy.

"Good ole Gardner," John said by way of greeting. "Keeping that man stocked with high-grade provisions was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Want one?"

"No."

"More for me then." He shrugged. Dropping his gaze back down to the counter, he turned his attention to spreading the condiments on the slices of bread. When he finished he threw the knife back into the jar of mayonnaise and licked the excess off his thumb. "So, how did it go?"

"I met the Justicar you were telling me about," Jane said sourly. She crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one hip. "She was pretty pissed that I'd let her daughter get away."

"Her daugh—what?" he sputtered. "Morinth? What were you doing with her?"

"Recruiting her—like I was supposed to!"

"_Are you nuts?_ She's an Ardat-Yakshi!"

"If you knew that then why didn't you warn me?"

"How the hell was I supposed to know you were going after _her_?" he fired back. "Christ Almighty, Jane!"

"I told you you should have come with me!" She paused, her eyes narrowing to angry slits. "Maybe then I wouldn't have been stranded on Illium and forced to wait three hours for extraction! You know, you've got a lot of nerve taking off like that."

"Something came up."

"Something, huh? Like Miranda?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think it's pretty damn convenient that all of a sudden Miss Lawson has a problem and you drop everything and leave—just like that!" Jane said, snapping her fingers.

"It couldn't wait," he said in a low, menacing tone. He slapped a piece of bread on top of the turkey and smashed the sandwich together. "We had to move, and you said you were going to be a while longer. I made a choice, Jane. Get over it."

"Oh don't even give me that bullshit! If it had been anybody else you would've told them to get in line. But not Miranda, oh no, the sun rises and sets on her whims."

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off before he could say anything.

"Don't bother; I know you two were together in your world. Tell me, John, was she the real reason we went to Cerberus for help? Are you really willing to sacrifice the entire mission in the hopes that this Miranda might magically develop feelings for you?"

John snatched his sandwich from the counter, waving it threateningly in front of her as he snarled, "_We_ were trying to stop a Reaper artifact from falling into the wrong hands, and _you_ have no idea what you're talking about! If it hadn't been for Miranda relaying the Illusive Man's message when she did, we could have very well been in a shitload more trouble right now. So until you can get your fucking facts straight, I suggest you shut the hell up!"

She pushed his hand aside and at pointed at him. "Look, at the end of the day I don't give a rat's ass if you want to be with her or not. That's your business, not mine. But you don't leave team members hanging! We could've helped Samara go after Morinth, but our backup wasn't there! All it would have taken was a goddamn message. Then at least we would've known what was going on!"

"Fine. I'm sorry, all right," he said sarcastically. "Is there anything else you'd like to bitch at me about?"

"Yeah. Stop stringing Ashley along. She really likes you, and it's not fair what you're doing to her."

"So far she hasn't had any complaints," he said, smirking.

She frowned. "Don't be an asshole."

"She knows that what we have is just a temporary thing."

"Does she?" Jane asked. "Because that's not the impression I got when I talked to her in the CIC just a while ago. She deserves to know the truth, John."

He didn't answer her. A moment later he threw his sandwich back on the counter, flicking his hand toward it. "Here, you can have that. I've lost my appetite."

Then he walked away without another word.

She watched him as he disappeared around the elevator housing and then put her hand on her forehead, running her fingers down over her eyes with a sigh. This day officially couldn't get any worse.

**.x.x.x.**

It was well past midnight when the doors to the debriefing room whooshed opened and a shadowy figure stealthily stepped inside. A pair of dark boots tiptoed into the room, hesitating just long enough for the doors to close again before making their way to the command console at the head of the table. Diminutive fingers tapped on the interface and few a seconds later the table sank into the floor, revealing the newly repaired quantum entanglement communicator.

"What have you got for me?" the Illusive Man tersely asked as soon as his image appeared. "Were you able to get anything useful out of Shepard?"

"Yes."

"I'm listening, Operative Lawson."

"It seems that John Shepard was killed in action in his universe," Miranda said and then added, "A little tidbit that both Commanders failed to mention. But here's where it gets really interesting: he claims he was brought back to life using highly advanced cybernetic technology."

The Illusive Man's hand froze in the air, his cigarette inches away from his lips. "Cybernetics? Did he give you any indication on how much of his body was reconstructed with them?"

"He didn't go into much detail, but he told me that the original Normandy had been destroyed by the Collectors, and he had been…'spaced' was the term I think he used. From what I've gathered listening to the crews' conversations, he was dead for two years."

"I imagine the damage would've been extensive." The Illusive Man's strange blue eyes glittered as he mulled over the information. "I'm familiar with cybernetics being used for prosthetics or minor upgrades, but to resurrect someone from the dead? Do you have any idea what I could do with technology that advanced? We could build our own super soldier. I must to have it."

"What would you like me to do?"

He took a long drag off his cigarette before he answered her. "Sit tight…for now. Continue to cultivate the relationship between you and Shepard and build friendships with his crew. I'll let you know when I have a plan in place."

The Operative nodded and turned to go.

"And Miranda?" he called out to her.

She twisted and glanced over her shoulder.

"Good work."

He disconnected the feed before she could reply, and seconds later the table returned to its original position and she slipped quietly from the room.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Oh so many feels! I am anxiously awaiting your feedback!


	26. The Truth Behind the Lies

**A/N:** I wanted to start off by thanking everyone for all the words of encouragement I've received over the past few months. I've read and reread all the reviews and PMs and am truly touched by the show of support.

The chapter you're about to read has been six months in the making. I have been suffering from the worst case of writer's block I've ever had. But it wasn't necessarily that I didn't know what to write about (trust me, I've had this chapter planned for a long time), it was that I was dissatisfied with EVERYTHING I wrote down. I can't tell you how many times I rewrote or eliminated an entire scene, or how many times I pestered my wonderful editor, Sisypheria, begging her to tell me if a section was good enough. I can't thank her enough for being there for me, and putting up with me. Even though I wasn't writing, I was ALWAYS obsessing.

As I told one reader—whose review warmed my heart and inspired me to really buckle down and focus on this chapter again—I made a promise to myself long ago that I wouldn't publish something unless I was completely happy with it. There's nothing worse than making you all wait six months and then giving you something that, for lack of a better word, sucks. So when life got stressful, I wouldn't touch my computer for fear that my current temperament would bleed into the text and the characters.

One thing that you will never have to worry about though, is my giving up or otherwise abandoning this story. Parallel Lives isn't just a hobby for me, its a labor of love. I'm always thinking about it in one way or another. So rest assured that, while I may disappear at times, this story WILL be finished!

And now, before I let you get to reading, I have a request to ask. I've seen other authors do this with fantastic results, and I want to jump on that bandwagon. Would any of you out there be willing to do artwork (of any kind) for Parallel Lives? I love looking at Mass Effect artwork, and often peruse it while I'm trying to inspire myself to write something. It got me thinking about how kick-ass it would be to look at stuff based on the story I created. Unfortunately I can't draw or paint or make a video to save my life. If you're interested, please PM me! I'd love to hear from you!

Okay, I guess I'll let you read what you've waited six months for!

Each and every one of you has my deepest gratitude!  
>Your humble author,<br>Jamie

* * *

><p><em>"Secrets have a cost. They're never free. Not now, not ever." - Aunt May, The Amazing Spiderman<em>

**Chapter Twenty-Six - The Truth Behind the Lies **

For the first time since the Omega 4 Relay, John woke up with a smile on his face and a feeling of hope welling up in his chest. Not even his altercation with Jane the night before could dampen his mood. There was so much to say, so much to put right, and he found himself rushing through his morning routine just so he could go down to the crew deck and talk to her.

Thoughts of Miranda kept playing through his mind as he showered and dressed. That coy lift of her shoulder, her slanted eyes, the teasing smirk that ghosted her lips as she threw out what was meant as an insult but instead came across more as guarded sympathy and acceptance. Something had definitely shifted between them during that mission, and now, even hours later, he was still grappling to understand what exactly had changed.

John had never been much of a thinker, though, never one to sit and spend hours reflecting on things. Thinking too much—especially about relationships and feelings—gummed up the works, and distraction led to mistakes that could get him or the team killed. He had always been a man of action. And so, with that in mind, he finished dressing and hurried down to the kitchen, hoping that he could catch the Operative as she was getting her morning cup of coffee.

The mess hall was abuzz with the sights, sounds, and smells of breakfast. Most of the crew had gathered around the two tables, but some lingered by the counter, waiting for their orders, while others were talking in small groups along the edges of the dining room. The strong scents of coffee and bacon hung enticingly in the air and the soft tinkling of eating utensils scrapping against plates served as a subtle background track to the musical sound of laughter and enthusiastic conversation.

John's excitement waned slightly as he scanned the crowd for the raven-haired Cerberus agent and found her missing from the morning festivities, but he didn't have long to mull over absence. Joker's upbeat greeting interrupted his thoughts, bringing his attention back to the crew.

"Morning, Boss."

The pilot hobbled past him, carrying a plate that was loaded with pancakes and smothered in so much syrup that the caramelized liquid was starting to spill over the edge and drip onto the tray. The food was piled on so high that it was a miracle that his fragile arms were even allowing him to carry it.

"Have some pancakes, Joker," John quipped.

Joker just grinned and continued his trajectory toward the table, setting his tray down next to Donnelly, who glanced over at the pilot's plate and scoffed, sliding his own tray away from the gooey mess.

John's stomach growled as the aroma of the sweet breakfast staple wafted over to him. It had been a while since he'd had anything to eat, thanks in large part to Jane. He immediately frowned as he recalled the argument between the two of them. Feeling his good mood starting to slip, he hastily pushed all thought of it out of his mind and decided to focus on what he wanted to eat instead.

He stepped up to the kitchen counter. Garrus was there, waiting patiently for Gardner to finish cooking his order. The turian angled his head when he heard him approach, and his eyes widened at the sight of all the cuts and bruises on his face.

"Rough night?"

"Oh, you know, just the usual stuff. Bomb. Bullets. Travertine."

One of Garrus' jagged brows rose questioningly.

"The ceiling fell on me," John explained.

"Never a dull moment, is there Shepard? Heh. Sounds just like old times. Wish I could have been there."

John just shrugged nonchalantly, as if having a ceiling collapse on him was an everyday occurrence.

"I couldn't help noticing we're still docked on Illium."

"Yeah. Jane managed to track down Thane, but I guess he has some loose ends to tie up with a contract or something." He rolled his eyes.

"Come on," Garrus said lightly. "Having Thane back won't be that bad."

The turian was well aware of his aversion of the drell. While there was no denying that Thane was a remarkably skilled assassin, John just couldn't get past the whole "my body is a tool" bullshit.

"Where is Jane anyway?" his friend asked innocently.

"Probably still in her cabin, licking her wounds," John grunted.

"What do you mean?"

"She didn't tell you?"

He shook his head.

"Your girlfriend thought Morinth was Samara."

Garrus' shoulders immediately tensed, and he took a step back from the counter.

"Relax," John said, grabbing him by the forearm. "She's fine. Jesus, Garrus! Your over-protectiveness is sickening. What's next, you gonna go on every mission with her and make sure she doesn't get into any trouble? Chew her food for her?"

The turian opened his mouth, no doubt to remind him that they couldn't chew the same food, but before he had the chance Gardner spun around with frying pan in hand and scooped a bunch of sizzling reddish-brown roots onto Garrus' plate.

"Ugh. What is that?" The Commander pinched his nose and grimaced, looking up to the cook for clarification. "Gardner, what the hell is that shit? They look like elcor testicles."

"It's—" Garrus started to say.

"You know what, never mind. I don't want to know." John said, effectively cutting the turian off. The pungent odor of sulfur made his stomach do a flip-flop, and his appetite quickly evaporated. He reached for the decanter of coffee instead, filling his cup to the brim. Then he flicked a finger down at the turian's meal and smirked. "You enjoy…," he paused, making a big show of his disgust, "that."

Without another word John grabbed his mug from the counter and hurried away from the mess hall. Thirty seconds later he found himself standing in the middle of Life Support. Miranda was seated at the table at the far end, busily typing away at her terminal.

She looked up when she heard him walk in.

"Good morning, Shepard," she said, the tone of her voice exhibiting none of the animosity it usually held for him. "What brings you in here so early?"

"Garrus' breakfast."

She laughed. "I was wondering what that awful smell was."

"What are you working on?" he asked.

Miranda dropped her gaze down to the screen. "Just finishing the report from our last mission."

"Did you put in the part where I was a total badass?"

"It's in there."

"Good." He paused, folding his arms with a smug expression as she tried to hide her smile. "Make sure you also put in there that you helped. A little."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're extremely distracting?"

John grinned.

"The Illusive Man is expecting an update," she told him when he continued to just stand there. "I need to get back to work."

"Okay, Miranda. I'll talk to you later."

The Operative nodded absently, her attention already back on the tiny words on the monitor. He lingered, waiting to see if she said anything, and when she didn't he quietly left.

The Life Support doors shut behind him, and the sound made him stop. He twisted his head around, gazing at the green light of the panel as he breathed a contented sigh.

Progress. Slowly but surely, they were making progress. She was finally starting to act like the Miranda he knew and loved. If he was patient and didn't let his temper get the best of him, he just might be able to win her over like he had before.

**.x.x.x.**

Outside the starboard observatory window, the light from millions of winking stars cast a muted glow over the figure that rested quietly on the couch. Ordinarily Kaidan wasn't too fond of sitting alone in the dark, but at the moment it was a far better alternative than lying in a hard hospital bed under the bright fluorescent lights of the med bay.

The sofa creaked softly as the Lieutenant sought a more comfortable position, the pliable leather settling warmly around his body as it adjusted with his body heat. He reached up slowly and with exploring fingers, tenderly brushed the bandage swathed around his temples. Although he hadn't necessarily been surprised to find himself back in the infirmary when he'd woken up, learning about the surgery that Dr. Chakwas had to perform on him to upgrade his implant had left him reeling.

The pain that throbbed just beneath his skull told him that the operation hadn't occurred that long ago; maybe a week at best. But aside from the incessant aching, he really didn't feel all that different. And, according to the good doctor, he wouldn't until the time came when he tried to use his biotics again. There was no way of knowing how his body would react to the increase in power, and because of that Chakwas had sternly advised against him attempting even the smallest biotic maneuver until he had made a full recovery.

As his gaze wandered back to the window, back to the vastness of that unending night, he folded his arms and shifted down lower in the crevice of the couch, his eyelids suddenly made heavy from just that little bit of exertion. Simply sitting upright was exhausting.

"Hey, there you are!"

Kaidan's eyed fluttered open, and he craned his neck in the direction of Jane's voice.

Jane came around the front of the couch and sat down sideways on the cushion next to him. Pulling her legs up, she encircled them in her arms and rested her chin on one of her knees as she eyed him happily. Her green orbs glittered in the dark, once again shining with the same mischievous spark they used to hold whenever she was around him. "Chakwas told me she let you off the leash for a while."

A slow smile pulled at Kaidan's lips as he chuckled quietly. "Something like that."

"So how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Kind of intimidated, actually. I passed out an L2 and woke up an L5."

"I bet. I'd feel the same way. I'm an L3, and it scares the hell out of me just thinking about making the jump to an L5."

"Chakwas warned me to be careful the first time I try using my biotics. I think she's afraid I'll end up putting someone or something through the wall."

Jane cocked her head thoughtfully and then fixed him with a wry grin. "Just make sure you're off the Normandy when you fire them up. We've had enough damage to the walls around here."

"Aye-aye, Commander," he replied and gave her a mock salute.

She shook her head, and the two of them sat in comfortable silence for a while, each enjoying the other's company, just as they had done so many times in the past.

"It's nice in here," the Commander idly commented, turning her attention to the large picture window. "I should make it a point to come by more often."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I needed to get away from the med bay to some place quiet. The beeping of those damn machines was driving me nuts."

"I'm glad you're okay, Kaidan," Jane said softly. She let go of her legs and twisted around so that she was sitting on the couch the proper way. "You really scared me."

Kaidan pressed his lips together in a thin line. If what she felt when she found out about his operation was anything like how he felt when he heard about her accident in the Mako, he could imagine what was going through her mind.

He reached for her hand. She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed them gently. "We've been through a lot, haven't we? Just think of the stories we're going to have once all this is over."

"The stories we have now seem pretty ludicrous," she snorted. "Two Shepards, different worlds, time travel… Actually, now I can see why the Council thought I was crazy. Which reminds me—we have a new crew member coming on board soon, and I still need to brief him about our situation. That should be fun."

"You'll do fine. You have a way of making people understand."

"Funny, Garrus said almost the exact same thing to me." She withdrew her hand and stood up, pausing to smooth the wrinkles out of her uniform. "Want me to help you back to the med bay?"

"Nah, I think I'll push my luck with Dr. Chakwas and stay here a little while longer," he replied.

"Okay," Jane said, gesturing toward the door. "I'll be out there if you need me."

The Lieutenant watched her leave, his eyes lingering on the door long after it closed. He'd missed their light-hearted banter and the closeness they shared. After Garrus' death she had withdrawn into herself and the playful, easy-going Commander vanished, tucked away and forgotten about behind the mask of sorrow and remorse that seemed ever present on her face in the weeks and months that followed. But he hadn't seen that look on her face for quite some time now, and he couldn't help thinking how good it was to have her back.

It was all too easy to lose track of time in a place where the light never changed, so Kaidan wasn't exactly sure how long he had been there. Soon enough his eyelids started getting heavier, and he could feel the fatigue slowly creeping back into his body. After the second time he jolted awake after having dozed off, he finally decided to bite the bullet and return to the med bay.

Garrus was seated at one of the large tables in the mess hall, alone, quietly poring over the text on a datapad while he snacked on something unidentifiable from the plate next to him. He looked up when he heard Kaidan's footsteps and greeted him with a nod and a smile. "Feeling any better?"

"For the most part," Kaidan said. "Some days are better than others."

Garrus chuckled. "I definitely know what you mean there. But you're up and moving about. That has to count for something."

"I suppose," he replied. He grew quiet, a serious expression settling over his features. He hesitated for a brief moment and then asked, "Hey, you got a minute?"

"Sure," the turian said, setting the datapad back on the table. "What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Jack."

"What about her?"

Kaidan took a deep breath and exhaled slowly out his nose. "Well…has she always been…you know…."

"A little ball of anger and hate?" Garrus finished for him. "Yeah, that's Jack. Why do you ask?"

Kaidan's thoughts drifted back to the moment right after he had come out of his coma, and then to the last conversation he had had with the biotic underneath the engineering deck. "I just don't get her," he said. "I'm almost ninety percent sure I saw her in the med bay when I woke up, but when I asked her about it she denied everything. She made it pretty clear that she thought I was crazy. But then when my implant went screwy she radioed for help."

Garrus sat back and cocked his head to the side thoughtfully as Kaidan continued.

"It's always been like this, too. One minute she hates my guts and tries to do everything she can to press my buttons and get me all riled up, and—and then the next minute she's calm and we can actually carry on a conversation." He scowled. "It's confusing as hell."

"You cornered her."

"What?"

"You cornered her," he repeated. "That was your first mistake. Jack hates feeling like she's trapped."

"All I did was ask her if she had visited me. And then she freaked out."

"My guess is that she was embarrassed."

"Embarrassed because she came to see me while I was sick?"

"Embarrassed that she got caught."

Kaidan made a small "O" with his mouth.

"Jack likes being in control, doing things on her terms," Garrus went on. Using one of his talons, he sifted through the substance on his plate and popped a long, sinewy root-type-thing into his mouth. "When she loses that she'll do anything to get it back."

"Including making me go away," he said quietly as the realization dawned on him. "Garrus, you're probably the one person on this ship who's close to her. What should I do?"

Garrus' hand froze in midair, his next bite of food dangling between his fingertips as he considered what the Lieutenant was asking him. "You want my advice? Don't push her. Just be her friend and when she's ready, she'll open up to you."

"That works in theory," Kaidan scoffed, skepticism seeping into his voice. "But this is Jack we're talking about. I'd have better luck making friends with a thresher maw."

"Find something you have in common and let the rest fall into place."

"Something in common, huh?" the biotic mused, rubbing his chin with his forefinger and thumb. "I'll have to give some serious thought to what that might be."

"You're both biotics," Garrus pointed out. "Start there and see where it goes."

Kaidan started to disagree, but he stopped suddenly when he recalled the uncharacteristically concerned look Jack gave him when he told her that he still had his L2 implant. Of course, it hadn't lasted long, as she was really just trying to goad him into a fight. Still, maybe it was something.

Garrus finished his meal and picked up the datapad again. "You humans have a saying. 'It may not always be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.'"

"I think you mean 'nothing worth doing is ever easy.' But I get what you're trying to say. Thanks for the advice, Garrus."

"No problem."

"I only have one last question."

"What's that?"

"What the hell were you eating? It smells terrible."

**.x.x.x.**

"Ah, Jane Shepard, good to see you. Was hoping to talk. Medical matters."

"Medical matters?" Jane scowled. "What sort of medical matters?"

The salarian scientist pushed away from the table he had been using to conduct his research and crossed his arms, bringing one hand up to delicately touch his fingers to his lips. "Aware that mission is stressful. Also, dealing with other Shepard can be…," he inhaled deeply, "…challenging."

"Okay…." While Mordin was right about both of those things, Jane couldn't quite figure out where he was going with it.

"Noticed you have been spending a lot of time with Officer Vakarian. Sexual intercourse a natural stress reliever for both humans and turians. However, recommend caution."

"What?" the Commander sputtered, her cheeks immediately turning a bright red at his assumption.

"Turians based on dextro-amino DNA. Can cause chafing, anaphylactic shock—"

"Wait, you think that Garrus and I are…?"

"Officer Vakarian's actions indicate that he is ready to take a mate."

Jane ran her hand down her face. "I appreciate your concern, Mordin, but I don't need a sex talk." She knew all about the possible side effects of being with a turian, though the salarian didn't know that, and she really couldn't tell him otherwise without outing herself. Which meant she had no choice but to endure his humiliating lecture.

"Embarrassment and uncertainty expected, Shepard. Can forward interesting trivia, analgesics, diagrams, and vids to your quarters if you'd like."

"Uh…no thanks. I'm okay."

"Will be here if you need me, then."

She nodded quickly in acknowledgement and pivoted on her heel. She couldn't get out of the lab fast enough. Mordin's ability to pick up on things was uncanny, and frankly, it left her a bit rattled. Her relationship with Garrus was still new, barely past its awkward stage. She wasn't sure when or how they'd make the jump into a sexual relationship, but she sure as hell didn't need the salarian interfering and catapulting them into it. She wanted things between them to happen naturally.

"Hi, Skipper."

Jane looked up at the sound of Ashley's voice and was honestly surprised to find herself in the armory. In her haste to put distance between herself and Mordin, she had obviously taken the wrong door out of the lab.

"Hi, Ash. Whatcha doing?"

The Gunnery Chief had almost every weapon in their arsenal spread out across the armory's many tables, all in various stages of disassembly.

"Cataloguing and reorganizing all our weapons. Whoever was in here before me had absolutely no structure." As she talked, Ashley picked up an M8 Avenger and placed it in the locker and shut the door. The metal clanged loudly, giving off a distinctly hollow sound as it reverberated around the large room. Then she opened the locker next to it and pulled out the M920 Cain. "See? Heavy weapons in with assault rifles, shotguns mixed in with the pistols. It's a mess!"

"Well, if anybody has the ability to develop a system and get this armory back into shape, it's you."

"Thanks. And thanks for calming me down last night. I was kinda outta control."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Jane said. She sat down on the stool next to the work bench and took a deep breath. It was suddenly hard to maintain eye contact with the Chief. Instead, she dropped her gaze to the pieces of a rifle that were scattered all over the table and absently traced her fingers over the indented lines in the stock. "Has John ever told you anything specific about his past?"

"We don't really do much talking, if ya know what I mean," Ashley quipped with a wicked laugh.

She frowned, not at all amused by the innuendo. "Ash. Did you know that he and Miranda were together in his universe?"

Williams' smile drooped slightly at the mention of the Operative's name. "Yeah, I may have heard that."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, Jack did."

Jane blinked, surprised at the revelation. "Really? Jack?"

She shrugged. "We were talking about how much we hate that Cerberus bitch, and it came up." She paused. "What's with the third degree?"

The Commander hesitated, wondering if she had said too much. Ashley was an adult and could take care of herself, but Jane would hate to see her friend hurt when she could have prevented it. "I would just advise you to be…cautious," she said finally. "John's convinced himself that he can have the same kind of relationship with this Miranda that he had in his past. And he has every intention of trying."

"Heh, good luck with that," Ashley scoffed, rolling her eyes sarcastically for added effect. "She can't stand him."

"That may be true, but I wanted you to know what you're up against."

"Thanks, Skipper, but I'm not worried."

Jane nodded, though she knew Williams wasn't being honest. The way the young brunette's fingers were tightly gripping the rifle in her hands and her short, clipped movements as she turned from the table to the lockers to put each weapon in their proper place before slamming the door belied her agitation. Shepard repressed the urge to sigh and silently hoped that Ashley really did know what she was doing.

**.x.x.x.**

John was stationed at his terminal next to the galaxy map, quietly poring over the messages in his inbox when Jane emerged from the armory. She sidled up next to him and craned her neck to see what was on his screen.

"Anything from the Illusive Man?" she asked.

He and Jane had come to an agreement soon after they had made contact with Cerberus. He would handle most of the correspondence from the Illusive Man, and she would be in charge of anything that came from the Alliance. It was an easy agreement to make, since John had all the experience dealing with him in his universe, and he technically didn't exist in this Alliance's eyes anyway.

"Nothing yet. But then again, he never really was much of a talker. He usually never sent us anything unless it was something big. Like the time he sent us to that derelict reaper." He paused, his eyes glazing over at the memory. "That's where we found Legion."

A look of disbelief crept over Jane's face, but when she realized he was dead serious she smiled and said, "This is a story I've got to hear."

"Maybe later," he grunted. "Right now I'm looking over our resources. We're low on iridium."

"Legion was sooo cute when we first brought him back to the Normandy."

Both of the Commanders turned their heads toward the perky redhead.

"He was wearing a piece of Shepard's old N7 armor, and when he kept questioning him about it, all Legion would say was 'No data available,'" Kelly said, making her voice flat to mimic the geth's robotic tones. "It was adorable."

"Only you would think a geth was adorable," John said dryly.

"I think I remember it saying something similar the first time we met," Jane said to Kelly. "Something about there being a hole."

Kelly shot the female Commander a knowing grin. "I think Legion's different from all the rest of the geth. More advanced. I think he decided to wear Shepard's armor because he looked up to him in a way—sort of like Shepard was a role model. It's such a shame he's broken."

"Legion's not broken," John told the yeoman defensively. "He's just having issues right now because EDI hasn't found a way for him to communicate with this universe's geth collective yet."

"You should have seen him yesterday," Kelly giggled, directing her comment to Jane. "His translator glitched, and he could only speak turian. He followed Tali around for an hour or so until Garrus overheard and told him to leave her alone before she blew his head off. It was hilarious!"

"Aww, poor Tali. Just what she didn't need after a long mission."

"It's kinda sad, really." Kelly's chirpy tone faded, and she sniffed. "Back where we came from Legion and Tali were friends."

"Seriously?"

"Mmhmm. She even allowed him to send non-classified information about the flotilla to the geth."

"Wow. I—"

"Jesus!" John cried, slamming his hands down next to the console. "If you two are gonna talk, go somewhere else and do it! I'm trying to work here!"

"Sorry, Commander," Kelly said. She threw a conspiring glance at Jane before turning back to her monitor.

Jane rounded on John and leaned against the corner of his terminal in such a way that he was forced to pay attention to her.

"What?" he demanded irritably. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

"We need to talk about Thane Krios. He's coming on board later today, and you and I still haven't gone over what we're going to say to him about our particular circumstances."

John let out a melodramatic sigh. "Great. Can't wait for that. I'm sure it'll be nice and depressing."

"What? Why?" she demanded.

John's thoughts drifted back to a time when the drell had occupied Life Support. It had only taken one conversation with him for the Commander to decide that he didn't like him. Thane had had a disturbing nonchalance when it came to the people he'd killed, claiming that his body was merely the weapon that carried out orders. The weird part was that he was also a deeply spiritual man, and that confused Shepard to no end. Those things, plus his tendency of constantly moping about his past, had kept John away unless it was absolutely necessary to talk to him.

"You'll find out soon enough. Ten minutes with him, and you'll be ready to gag yourself with your omni-tool."

"I always thought Thane was dreamy," Kelly interjected. "The perfect combination of tall, dark, and handsome. Especially the dark part. He was so quiet and mysterious, and the way he carried himself with a sort of cold aloofness… I wasn't sure if I found him scary or sexy. Probably a little bit of both."

"That's it," John groaned, pushing away from the terminal in disgust. "I give up. I can't get anything done with you two around. I'll be up in my cabin. Don't follow me."

"What about Thane?" Jane called out after him.

"It was your idea to recruit him. You deal with him."

**.x.x.x.**

A short while later Jane had finished making her rounds and had some time to kill before she had to meet Thane. The brief respite would be long enough to allow her to grab a quick bite to eat and look over his dossier once more. Since John had steadfastly refused to be a part of the briefing, she had sent the drell a message and offered to meet him in a small café on Illium's trading floor instead, since she needed to pick up a few supplies anyway. She figured that would give her a chance to explain things to him on neutral ground, where he wouldn't feel trapped if he suddenly decided that he didn't want to get involved with them after all.

Her cabin was dark when she walked in. She set her sandwich down next to the empty coffee mug from that morning and flipped on her terminal. As she waited for the machine to boot up, she turned up the lights and looked around the room at the mess she had left it in. After her argument with John the night before, she had locked herself in her room, too riled up and angry even to visit with Garrus. The twisted blankets and haphazardly thrown pillows on her unmade bed were a silent testament to her night of turmoil and fitful sleep.

Jane exhaled heavily and went to the bed, yanking the covers back into place. Then she fluffed each of her three pillows and arranged them neatly against the headboard. Once she was done she returned to her terminal and slid into the chair, feeling her mood lighten considerably now that her space was more organized.

Touching the screen, she made a few swiping motions and pulled up what little information the Illusive Man had sent them on the mysterious drell assassin. She chewed on her lip thoughtfully as she read the words written on the screen, wondering what it was about the man that John found so detestable.

The sudden rush of fresh air alerted her to someone's presence, and she looked up to see Garrus standing in front of the desk, staring down at her quizzically.

"Really, Jane? Going on a date with an Ardat-Yakshi? I mean, there are a lot of ways to get your kicks in this universe, but that's not one of them."

She shrugged lightly, unable to help the smile that spread across her face. "What can I say? I like to live dangerously."

"Well, while you were living dangerously, there's been one anxious turian on board waiting for you to return."

"Wait. We have _another_ turian?" she teased, jumping up from her chair. "Why wasn't I informed about this? I need to go introduce myself!"

Garrus stuck his arm out, ensnaring her as she made to move past him. She released a peal of delighted laughter as he hauled her backward and pulled her tightly to his chest. "I'm talking about this turian right here," he said huskily.

Jane melted into his embrace with a contented sigh, nuzzling her cheek against the cool metal of his chest plate. Hooking a finger underneath her chin, he lifted her face so that he could stare longingly into her bright green eyes, and she felt her breath hitch in her throat at the intensity she saw harnessed within that predatory gaze.

He brought his head down, his mandibles brushing lightly against her earlobe. "Besides," he whispered, "the only one who should be allowed to blow your mind is me."

Her knees went weak at the way his hot breath gently caressed the delicate skin of her neck as his voice rumbled in her ear. She angled her head back, and he captured her lips in a deep kiss. A wave of emotion washed over her, settling warmly in her chest. The universe could have exploded around them and in that moment she wouldn't care. She had everything she needed standing right in front of her.

When Garrus tore his mouth away to nibble a trail along her jawline and down the side of her neck, she thought she would die from a burning need for more. The alternating sensations of his sharp teeth nipping and his rough tongue gliding over her smooth skin were almost enough to push her over the edge. Jane released a small moan and dropped her head back, exposing her throat. She needed this kind of relief after all the stress she had been through. She threaded her arms around his waist and splayed one hand across his back. Then she took her other hand and traced the bony plates that ran along his neckline, playfully stroking the tips of his fringe with her fingers.

He pulled the collar of her uniform away and continued his path along her collarbone, pausing to flick his tongue over the small, raised bump of the scar that had resulted from their impromptu sparring session. When his mandible grazed the top of her breast she gasped, her fingers curling tightly around his fringe. A growl emanated deep in his throat, and he crushed his mouth to hers again. This time his kiss was harder, frenzied, and so full of lust and desire that it left her breathless and dizzy. Her mind reeled as his hand slid into her hair to cup the back of her head, her silky strands tangling around his talons.

The kiss ended, and Jane drew back. Her chest was heaving, her breath coming out in short rasps. "If that was your intention, mission accomplished."

A small tremor ran through Garrus' mandibles before he cocked his head and fixed her with a smoldering grin. "Just wanted to remind you."

"Like I could forget," she said, brushing the side of his cheek with her hand.

Garrus' dark blue eyes locked with hers, and in their depths she saw happiness and contentment and maybe—dare she hope?—something more. Jane swallowed a shuddering breath and quietly slipped out of his grasp, trying to hide how badly she was shaking as she walked back to her desk.

The excitement of a new relationship tingled throughout her body, leaving her lightheaded and giddy. She wanted this more than anything, but the thrill of it was still a bit frightening nonetheless. Part of her wanted to jump up and down and shout for joy, while the other part—the part that still held onto the hurt and grief she carried with her since her mate had died—warned her to be cautious and not seem too eager until Garrus actually said something to affirm the way he felt about her. The thought suddenly made her smile. Wasn't that what went through every girl's mind when they fell in love?

She needed to sit down. Turning back to look at him, she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and reached for her chair. Unfortunately she missed her mark, catching the very edge of it. Her hands flailed wildly in a weak attempt to stay upright, knocking several items off her desk as the chair skidded backwards towards her bed and she crashed to the floor.

"Jane!"

The turian's face appeared above her, wrought with concern.

"I'm fine," she coughed. _Humiliated but fine._

He helped her back to her feet and then bent over to pick up the various things that were now scattered around the floor. He handed her the coffee mug and files and she hurriedly set them back on the desk with complete disregard to where they really belonged.

"Is this your family?" Garrus asked, holding a black and white picture frame in his hand.

She took the holo from him, gingerly running her fingers over the three faces that happily stared back at her. The picture had been taken in front of their house. Jane was situated in the middle, with her mom on her left and her dad on her right. She had her arms draped over both of their shoulders, the smile on her face innocent and full of life.

"Yes."

"Why don't you ever talk about them?"

"They're gone," she said and carefully returned it to its place next to the monitor.

"Jane, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"It's okay. It was a long time ago."

"Tell me about them?"

Her gaze lingered on the holo for a few moments before shifting back to Garrus.

"I was born on Mindoir, a small farming colony in the Attican Traverse. Both my parents came from a long tradition of farmers. I couldn't have asked for a better place to grow up. It was perfect for raising a family. The people there were friendly and hard-working, the soil was fertile, and as far as I can remember, we never had a bad harvest. I suppose I would have eventually followed in their footsteps if the batarians hadn't attacked."

"I'll never forget that day." She closed her eyes. "I can still feel the warmth of the sun on my face and smell the scent of freshly tilled dirt. I was out working in the fields when batarian slavers attacked our small community. I didn't even know what was happening until I heard screaming and saw the columns of smoke rising from the houses. I dropped my tools and ran, my heart in my throat the whole time. By the time I made it home it was too late." Her words faltered as she recalled finding her parents' lifeless bodies in the front yard. "My parents, my friends, their families… They slaughtered them all."

"Spirits," he whispered. "How old were you?"

"Sixteen."

"What did you do?"

"I ran back to the fields and hid in between the rows of corn stalks. After a while the screams died down, and eventually everything around me grew quiet. I waited until it got dark and when I thought it was safe, I made my way back home. I arrived to find a group of Alliance soldiers had set up post along the street in my neighborhood. Several of them were in the process of trying to clean up, while others had been tasked with going in and out of all the houses to look for survivors. Everyone was surprised to see me. One man came up and introduced himself to me as Sergeant Wilson. Told me I was lucky to be alive, that it wasn't the typical raid. The batarians only kept a few prisoners as slaves and killed the rest. But I didn't feel very lucky. In one afternoon I'd lost everything I'd ever known."

Jane wrapped her arms around herself. Fourteen years later and the pain was still as fresh as it was the day it happened.

"Since I was one of only a handful of survivors, the soldiers took me back with them. The Alliance was the one thing that kept me sane in the hard months that followed. I was just a kid—had never even been off planet before, had only seen stars in the sky and read about space travel in books. The sergeant who rescued me, as well as the many other brave men and women, became my adopted family. He taught me how to be strong and face my hardships head-on rather than running away from them, and through my pain and anguish a new resolve began to form. I wanted to be like them, wanted to help people like they helped me. Suddenly my life had purpose again. So when I was given the option, I stayed, learning anything the soldiers were willing to teach me." Her eyes grew softer. "I can still see the pride on Sergeant Wilson's face as he took my enlistment papers the day I turned eighteen."

"You're amazing," Garrus said, his voice full of awe and admiration. "You took a horrible experience and let it change you for the better. Your parents would be proud of you."

Jane smiled wistfully at the picture. "I think they would be. And now I have to use those amazing skills to convince our newest team member that we're not a bunch of psychotic raving lunatics."

"Newest team member? Jane," he teased, "you didn't go and invite Morinth to join our crew, did you? I mean, I know things can get a bit boring around here, what with two Shepards and all, but is that really a good idea?"

"Shut up!" she laughed. "I'm not _that_ crazy! I'm talking about Thane."

"Yeah, John mentioned him this morning." Garrus tilted his head, his eyes suddenly taking on a faraway look.

"What's with the looks?" Jane jokingly cried, putting her hands on her hips. "John gave me a weird look, too. Was Thane really that bad?"

"No," he said softly. "It's just going to take some time to get used to the idea of old crew members coming back from the dead. They may look the same, have the same titles and jobs, but they're not really the same person. I'm sure that's something John's been struggling with, too."

"Crap, I keep forgetting that. It's all new to me—the places we're going, the people we meet. I should really cut John some slack," she said. "I actually thought the reason everyone was nervous about Thane coming on board was because he's an assassin."

"It's strange," Garrus said thoughtfully, "but the last word I'd label Thane with is 'assassin.' We covered each other in firefights. That makes him a partner."

"Thanks for putting that in perspective. It really helps."

"Anytime." He leaned in and planted a quick kiss on her cheek. "I'll let you get back to work, but you know where I'll be if you need me."

She watched him leave, her eyes tracking the path he would take back to the main battery even though she couldn't see him through the walls. Then she dropped her gaze down to the picture beside her terminal. Her parents stared up at her with what she would have liked to imagine as approval.

Suddenly a terrible thought seized her. How could she have been so insensitive? All this talk of family and past crew members and she had just stood there, never realizing that Garrus had essentially lost his own family when he traveled to her universe. Covering her mouth with her hand, she slowly sank down to her chair. Except his family did still exist in a way—the family of her Garrus. Somewhere on Palaven they lived on in ignorance, completely unaware that their son had given his life in the line of duty, all because she kept quiet in order to protect John and his crew. Everyone had been so quick to assume that the turian who accompanied her everywhere was the same man.

The enormity of her decisions left her on the verge of tears. She couldn't continue to withhold that information, not from his parents, not from this Garrus. It wasn't fair, and she was ashamed of herself for avoiding the topic for so long. It was time to stop hiding. She loved him, and from the look in his eyes a short while ago, she was pretty sure he loved her, too.

She glanced over at her alarm clock. Thane was probably already waiting for her inside the café. She gathered her things and hurried to the airlock, vowing that the minute she returned to the Normandy, she would tell Garrus the truth.

**.x.x.x.**

It was no use trying to concentrate; Garrus' thoughts had steadily been consuming him since he had left Jane's cabin. No matter how many times he had attempted to run an algorithm, he would get lost halfway through as his mind drifted back to their visit. On more than one occasion he had nearly blurted out how much he loved her, but his fear that the timing might not be quite right and that he might be pushing their relationship faster than she wanted had kept his tongue firmly cemented to the bottom of his mouth. Now that he was alone, he was suddenly regretting his decision to keep quiet.

An alert sounded as an error code popped up on his console screen. He sighed, rubbing his hand down his face. He needed something to distract him for a while and help dispel his nervous energy until she got back with Thane. Maybe he'd go down to the cargo hold and see if Jack wanted to spar.

But as he got off the elevator he discovered that it was already occupied. John was busy lifting weights on the machine, and Ashley was standing off to the side. Garrus was about to call out a greeting to both of them when the Chief's angry voice brought him up short.

"We need to talk," she demanded.

John released a pained groan and let go of the handles. The heavy weights dropped to the ground with a loud thud. He hunched forward, wiping his forehead with his hand before resting his elbow on his knee.

"What is it now, Williams?" he huffed.

Ashley glared down at him, her arms folded tightly across her chest. "I need to know what we are to each other."

John waved his hand in front of his nose. "Have you been drinking? How much have you had?"

"Just answer my question."

He sighed. "I thought we agreed not to label it."

"Well, that was before I found out you used to be with Miranda."

"So? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Come on, John. Even I can see you're totally hung up on this Miranda. And that's fine. I just want to know where I stand 'cause I refuse to play sloppy seconds to the Cerberus princess."

John got off the bench and grabbed a towel, scrubbing his face with the rough, white terrycloth. Then he tossed it over his shoulder and shrugged. "If that's what you want."

She uncurled her arms and balled her hands into fists at her sides. "Is that all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say?" he countered. "It's been fun, but I'm not looking for anything more than that right now."

"Not looking for anything more with _me_ is what you mean," Ashley said sullenly. "What does she have that I don't?"

"I'm not having this conversation right now," John told her flatly. He threw the towel back on the bench and turned to go.

"Why not?" she cried, blocking his path. "Don't I deserve to know?"

"Either you're okay with our arrangement or you're not and we break it off, but how I feel about Miranda is nobody's business but my own."

Garrus flinched, embarrassed that he had inadvertently intruded upon such a private argument. He pivoted on his heel as quietly as he could, so as not to attract their attention and give away the fact that he'd been eavesdropping, and carefully started to make his way back to the elevator.

"Do you _actually_ think she's suddenly going to develop feelings for you and everything's going to go back to the way it was before you came here?" Ashley sputtered incredulously. The alcohol was clearly starting to have an effect on her because she began pacing in small circles around the cargo hold, waving her hands up and down as she spoke. "Can you really be like Jane, where you just close your eyes and pretend they're the same person?"

Garrus froze.

"What?" John asked.

"But then I guess Jane has it easier than you do," Williams went on. "At least your Garrus likes her back."

Shepard caught her by the elbow, forcing her to focus on him. "What are you talking about?"

"Jane and Garrus. They used to be mates until he was killed on Virmire."

**.x.x.x.**

When Jane returned to the Normandy she was in good spirits. Her conversation with Thane had gone remarkably well, considering the topic was centered on time-travel and doppelgangers. He had taken the revelations in stride and in the end was still interested in joining their cause to find a way to put a stop to the Reapers' never-ending cycle of destruction.

Despite John's strong dislike of the drell, she found him charming and easy to get along with. He was well-mannered, soft spoken, and held himself with a quiet confidence that immediately put her at ease. It was hard to believe that he was a professional assassin. On the surface he appeared every bit the perfect gentleman. Actually, she thought to herself, perhaps that was what made him the perfect assassin after all.

It was later than she realized by the time she and Thane parted ways on the crew deck. Somehow the day had managed to slip away from her. She quietly showed him the barracks, promising that they would discuss the details such as assignments and duties the next day, and then she hurried down the hall to her cabin to freshen up before she talked to Garrus. She was afraid that if she didn't have the conversation with him then, come morning she would lose her nerve and the secret would remain unspoken forever.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you," she rehearsed on the way to her room, "and I don't want to lie to you any longer. It's time you knew about the other Garrus."

There was something else she'd been holding back, and she thought that now was probably the most appropriate time to share that with him. She had been wrestling with the urge for days now, but the way he held her and the look in his eyes earlier that day had solidified her decision. So when she walked into the main battery a few minutes from now, she would start off by telling him how much she truly loved him.

The lights in her cabin had been turned down so low that the room was nearly completely dark. Almost immediately after the door opened she felt a change in the atmosphere. The air was heavy and thick and so filled with tension that it crackled around her, instantly putting her on edge.

Jane walked in cautiously, her senses heightened and alert as she looked around for any sign of threat. Garrus was sitting on the edge of her bed. His shoulders were slumped, and his head hung low, his body framed by the weak light coming from the small lamp on her bedside table. He didn't look up as she approached her desk, which only added to her confusion.

"Garrus?"

For a second he didn't move, and then he slowly picked his head up and looked at her. His face was expressionless, but his eyes had hardened to an ice cold blue. Pain and betrayal flashed through them as he glared at her accusingly.

"When were you going to tell me, Jane?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Okay, NOW do you know why I didn't want to write this chapter?! Please let me know what you thought about it!


	27. Backlash

**A/N: **A HUGE THANK YOU goes out to Danie-Dono for her marvelous cover piece for Parallel Lives! I'm so excited to show all of you. WOO, my story has its own cover art! Unfortunately, FF doesn't allow the whole picture to be seen, so head over to my website after you're done reading to check it out in all its magnificent detail. Danie-Dono also has a DeviantArt page, so be sure to check that out too!

* * *

><p>"<em>No, you don't belong to me,<br>I think you lied to me,  
>and with my back against this wall,<br>it's hard to be strong." – You Don't Belong, Daughtry _

**Chapter Twenty-Seven – Backlash**

Crushing silence descended upon the dim cabin once more as the last of his sentence lingered in the still air around them. Garrus hunched forward, his elbows resting heavily on his knees, and let his head drop, unable to meet her eyes. Instead, he focused on the floor in front of him, his gaze shifting between the shiny metal planks and his feet.

"Were you _ever _going to tell me?" he whispered.

That single question, so softly spoken, so full of pain and regret, hit her in the chest with all the force of a rampaging krogan and quickly knocked the breath from her lungs. The explanation she had so carefully prepared and rehearsed on the way to her cabin caught in her throat as her mind went agonizingly blank. She tried to swallow down the lump that threatened to suffocate her, but her mouth suddenly seemed even drier than the hellishly hot wastelands on the planet Euntanta.

He knew.

"Or was I just...a substitute?" Garrus went on, his voice cracking. He pushed off the bed and began to pace in front of it, shaking his shoulders out the way he always did when he was agitated. "Is that all I am to you? A convenient replacement? Do you really see _him_ when you look at me? Is it _his_ mouth you feel when we kiss? _His_ arms you imagine wrapped around you instead of mine?"

Jane clamped her eyes shut in a weak attempt to regain her composure, but an onslaught of images waited for her in the dark instead. The few precious moments the two of them had shared merged, intertwining with the memories of her universe's Garrus. Every touch, every phrase, every gesture blended together in her mind until she could no longer distinguish which memories were which. They were both her Garrus.

She took a deep, shuddering breath, desperately trying to stave off the panic and hold back her tears as wave after wave of crippling emotion crashed over her.

"No," she finally choked. "I never thought that. You're more to me than—"

Garrus shook his head disbelievingly and turned away from her, cutting her off. He walked over to the small space between the sofa and her bed and stared out the window and into the black.

"Garrus—" She trailed after him, reaching out, but his icy glare stopped her dead in her tracks.

"You lied to me, Jane," he said dejectedly. "I've suffered betrayal before, but…but never like this."

In the tense seconds that followed, her resolve shattered. Had she really hurt him more than Sidonis had? Her face crumpled as hot tears pooled at the bottom of her eyes, making her vision blurry, before they overflowed and slid quietly down her cheeks. "I'm sorry! Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you. I—"

"You didn't trust me. You didn't believe that I cared enough about you to understand. You didn't even give me the chance!"

"I was afraid to. I was afraid that _this_ is what would happen."

"So you were just going to hide the truth from me forever and hope that I wouldn't find out?"

"I…. No—"

"Spirits, Jane! He was your mate!"

Jane wrapped her arms around herself and retreated a couple steps to the desk. Her shoulders shook violently from the force of her silent sobs. The report of a sniper rifle, the splash of water, and her piercing screams echoed distantly in her memory.

"_We've got a man down and need immediate back up! I repeat: Garrus is down!"_

"_Garrus? Garrus!" _

"And I look just like him!" Garrus continued, his calm demeanor finally giving way to frustration and anger. "We're basically the same person! What am I supposed to think?"

She whirled back to him. "What I feel for you is real, Garrus! I love you—not the idea of you, not because you look like my mate. You!"

"Yesterday I might've believed you, but now…now I'm not sure what to believe." He kept his eyes to the ground as he spoke and started toward the exit.

"Wait!" she cried frantically, catching him by the elbow. "Don't go! Please! I made a mistake! I'm sorry!"

He pulled out of her grasp.

"What do you want me to say, Shepard?" She winced. He was already refusing to call her by her first name. "That it's okay? That we can still be friends? I'm sorry, but words aren't going to solve this problem. I…I need some time to think about all this."

"Garrus!"

He wheeled about and hurried from the room, and Jane was suddenly left standing alone, the consequences of her decision resting heavily on her shoulders.

**.x.x.x.**

It was another one of those quiet, contemplative nights; the kind between missions where there wasn't really much going on. In a galaxy that was in desperate need of saving, times such as these were rare, and everyone on the crew was enjoying a few moments of respite and relaxation. Everyone, that is, except for the lone turian hunched over the bar in the port observatory.

A tall bottle of cheap turian whiskey sat half-empty on the counter next to him. Three fingers held onto a cup in a firm grip, squeezing the unyielding glass fiercely as he recounted the evening's events. Garrus wasn't completely drunk yet, but he had every intention of getting there. With shaky hands he tipped the bottle, filling up the glass with another shot, and then knocked it back with a complete lack of enthusiasm.

He felt like a fool.

All this time she had been playing him. It hadn't been his touch she'd craved, his company she'd sought. No, she had just been using him as a stand-in for her dead mate. She didn't really love him. It was all an illusion—just a carefully constructed lie.

Garrus shut his eyes and scowled, slamming the glass back to the counter so hard that the whiskey bottle rocked back and forth and would have fallen over if he hadn't immediately grabbed it and poured more into his cup.

Now that he thought about it, Jane's strange behavior was suddenly starting to make sense. Little instances where she'd slipped up and he'd never caught on were now becoming glaringly apparent. Like the time at the bar where she had referenced pulling a gun on someone he had never met. He had playfully chided her, assuming that the alcohol was responsible for her remembering stuff that had never happened and nothing more. Or later that night, how surprised he had been when she kissed him, and how familiar she seemed with the idea of making love to him.

The hot, angry blood boiling through his veins suddenly turned cold as ice as he realized perhaps the most devastating occurrence of them all. In the Mako she had smiled and mouthed his name right before she lost consciousness. And then again, in the med bay, when she called for him when she woke up. He flinched, cringing against the pain, and clutched the glass tighter. She hadn't been calling for him….

How could he have been so damn blind? He cursed under his breath and threw his head back, emptying the contents of the glass into his mouth. Each time a memory threatened to emerge he knocked it back another shot of whiskey; one memory, one shot, repeating the staccato pattern until he lost count and the hurt finally started to receded as his mind went blissfully numb.

He heard the door hiss open and closed behind him but didn't care enough to turn around to see who it was. If they had any sense, they'd leave him alone. A few seconds later John appeared at his side and leaned an elbow against the bar.

"Kasumi told me you were in here."

Garrus grunted and cupped both hands around his glass, idly running one of his thumbs around the smooth edge. He'd scared the hell out of the woman when he barged in and went straight for the bar. She had taken one look at his face and scrambled off the couch, seeking safer quarters.

"She told me I better get up here because you were in a state," John continued. He shifted his eyes from the turian to the empty bottle. "You don't normally indulge," he observed with a frown. "What's going on? The last time I saw you like this, you had just discovered Sidonis' location on the Citadel."

"Don't worry about it."

"We're on an important mission with impossible odds, and one of my best crew members is drinking himself stupid. I have a right to be concerned."

"I appreciate your concern, but I don't want to talk about it. I'm not going to let it jeopardize your precious mission, so you can relax and leave me alone," he added testily when John continued to stare at him.

John's eyes narrowed as the turian lifted his glass and downed the last shot.

"Okay, Garrus," he said after a moment and pushed off the bar. "I'm not going to force you to talk. As long as you can pull your shit together and be ready for whatever comes at us next, I don't care what you do. I'm just surprised to find you in here and not whining to Jane about whatever's crawled up your ass. You two have been inseparable since we left that Cerberus station. It's almost disgusting how close you—"

Garrus slammed the glass back down to the counter so hard the weighted bottom cracked.

John shifted his gaze to the counter and then back up to him, confusion pulling the corner of his mouth into an amused grin. "I take it that's a touchy subject?"

"There is no me and Jane," Garrus replied with a bitter laugh, the sound coming out as harsh rasps. "And apparently there never was. None of it was real. She's just been using me to take the place of her dead mate."

The smile slid from his face. "What?" He paused, waiting for the turian to elaborate, but Garrus made no attempt to fill the silence. "You mean she never told you? Damn it. I assumed you already knew about the other Garrus."

Garrus snorted derisively and shook his head, his mandibles twitching slightly as he lifted one side of the glass up to inspect the damage. "I overheard you and Williams arguing. I found out the same time you did."

"That hypocritical, lying, little bitch!"

"Don't call her that."

"_What?_" John sputtered incredulously. "You can't tell me that you're going to sit there and defend her after everything she's done to you."

"I'm not defending her. But you still don't need to call her that."

"See, this is exactly what happens when you let shit get personal," John said, pointing his finger at him. Then he bent over the bar to look the turian squarely in the eye. "She lied to you, Garrus. She lied to _all_ of us! And if she is capable of lying to you about something as important as this, then what else is she capable of?"

Garrus wanted to argue that she wasn't as underhanded as John was making her out to be, but at the same time it was hard not to see his point. He was still reeling from the knowledge that another version of him had existed in this universe. She had given him her reasons for hiding the truth, but that didn't mean he understood them. Or that he accepted them, for that matter. He was still too hurt and too confused to make sense of everything. Better to drown his thoughts with liquor than to think about things right now.

John took Garrus' reluctance to say anything as his way of agreeing with him. He straightened up, a smug smile ghosting his lips, satisfied that he had won the argument. He folded his arms and shifted all of his weight to one leg. "You're better off without the complications of a relationship fucking with your head anyway."

Garrus raised his head and gazed at his Commander skeptically. Now who was being hypocritical? Shepard's decision to keep things "uncomplicated" by pursuing a casual relationship with Gunnery Sergeant Williams had not been his best idea, and, if he really wanted to debate the nitty gritty details, it was even part of the problem. In fact, it had complicated things up a whole hell of a lot more. If the Chief hadn't felt slighted by John's affections for Miranda, maybe he could still be living in ignorance with Jane.

He immediately clamped down on his tongue to keep from voicing that thought. The whiskey raging through his system was making him brash, and a reckless comment like that would be considered an act of unforgivable insubordination. Even a drunk turian knew better than to disrespect his commanding officer in such a manner, regardless if the observations were true or not. Besides, it wasn't entirely Ashley's fault. Angry though he was at the way he found out, he couldn't bring himself to lay the entirety of the fault on her. She wasn't to blame for Jane's actions. Like him, she had just been caught up in all the unfortunate drama.

Maybe John was right. Maybe he was better off without all the complications. Maybe they all were.

"Okay, okay. I get it," Garrus relented, waving him off. Alcohol and defeat had deepened his voice, making the flanging more prominent. "I let my feelings get in the way of my better judgment. It won't happen again."

"Good," John said. "Keep your focus on the mission, do your job, and let me deal with the bullshit."

That should be relatively easy, Garrus thought to himself. Right now his mission was simple: to drink himself into a coma and forget about everything else until the hangover wore off.

**.x.x.x.**

Jane was the last person he expected to see standing in the elevator when it opened onto the first deck. She glanced up in surprise when the doors parted, clearly caught off guard by his presence. Even in the dark semi-gloom inside the lift he could see that her eyes were bloodshot, the edges of them rimmed with red. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why. John kept his observation to himself and leaned all his weight on his back foot, folding his arms over his chest expectantly.

She recovered quickly and exited the elevator, immediately launching into business.

"Oh good, you're up here. I was just coming up to talk to you." She handed him a datapad. "We need to decide on our next course of action. There are several missions Admiral Hackett has forwarded me that aren't too far out of our way. I know what your opinion of the Alliance is right now, but it would be in our best interests to keep things running smoothly between us."

John glanced down at the glowing orange screen and used a finger to scroll through the report. A few seconds later he smirked and released of grunt of annoyance.

"Is there anything else you're hiding from us?"

"What?" Her brow creased with confusion. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm not hiding anything. Not wanting to follow the Alliance's orders was your idea. They may have sent us on a crap mission—and yes, we could have died—but I'm not a deserter, John. And if doing a couple of missions on the side helps maintain the peace and keeps us out of the brig, then that's what we're going to do."

"Really? That's what you think this is about?" John cocked his head to the side and folded his arms again. The datapad's orange screen flashed brightly in the dim light as it peeked in and out from underneath his arm. "I seem to recall a certain argument we had not so long ago where you got in my face and told me that Ashley deserved to know the truth about me and Miranda." He took a step closer and fixed her with a steely glare. "Now, is it just me, or does that make you the galaxy's biggest fucking hypocrite?"

If it were possible, Jane's face went even paler than it already was. She bit her lower lip and dropped her gaze to the floor.

"The shoe feels different when it's on the other foot, doesn't it?" he said, his tone taking on a threatening quality. "I wanna know, how do you sleep at night?"

"I don't have time to talk about this," she replied and turned to go back into the elevator.

John wedged himself in between her and the doors, sticking his arm across the panel so she couldn't access it. "Tough shit. We're gonna talk about it. How dare you criticize me! How dare you question _my_ motives when you've been lying to Garrus this whole time!"

"It's none of your business. Now get out of the way." She pushed his hand aside and hit the button. The doors opened, and she shoved past him into the elevator.

He followed her inside. "That's where you're wrong. It became my business when you lied to everyone else about it."

"I didn't—"

"You sat on the couch in my cabin," John cut in, pointing his finger at her accusingly. "You sat there and lied—to my face!—telling me that you'd never gotten the chance to know the Garrus in your world. Why not just tell me the truth?" He shook his head and let out a sardonic quip of a laugh. "I mean, you didn't even have to say that he had been your mate. But why hide the fact that you ever knew him at all? Why deny his existence? Huh, Jane?"

"I have my reasons," she said stonily. "And they are between me and Garrus."

John smacked his hand against the elevator's interior control panel, and the lift shuttered violently, coming to an abrupt stop.

"That's not good enough!" he said.

Jane usually kept a tight reign over her emotions. Of the two of them, she was usually the one who remained calm and sought out solutions to their current problems while he ranted and raged about things beyond his control. But he could always tell when she was getting close to losing her patience, and he'd made a game out of it to see how far he could push her before she lost her grip and exploded.

Sure enough, her eyes narrowed and her face crinkled into an angry frown, but this time he took no pleasure in her reaction.

"Why do you even care?" she yelled. She raised her hands up in a hopeless gesture before squeezing them into fists in frustration.

"Why?" John shouted back at her. He shoved the datapad back into her hand and pointed his finger at the closed elevator door. "For starters, let's look at the turian wallowing in his whiskey in the lounge right now. Is he okay? No. Is his focus on the mission? No! Is there a chance that he could get himself or other teammates killed? Yes! Why? Because he's too damn caught up in what you've done to him and doesn't have his head where it needs to be!"

He took a step toward her, forcing her to retreat until her back hit the wall. Not knowing what else to do with the datapad, she clutched it against her chest, using it as if it were a barrier that would keep him from getting too close. He stopped when his nose was only inches from touching hers.

"Then, there's the fact that you knowingly withheld the truth from my crew with no apparent reason, even though you've had several opportunities to come clean. So I don't know what your 'reasons' are," he spat, hooking his fingers sarcastically, "but they seem very suspicious to me."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," he spat, "if you can lie about something as important as that, what else could you have no problems lying about?"

Jane bristled, and her green eyes flashed with fire. "You think I would do something like that?"

John hit the button on the panel again, and the elevator jerked into motion. Then he backed up a couple paces, spread his hands apart, and shrugged. "I don't know anymore. This puts things in a whole new perspective.

The elevator doors opened onto the CIC. He stepped out and then pivoted around to face her.

"But as far as I'm concerned," he continued, "I trust you about as much as I trust Cerberus right now."

**.x.x.x.**

_It seemed like the gunfire was coming at them from every possible direction. The air was filled with the sounds of battle: the rat-tit-tat-tat of machine guns, the whistle of projectiles as they whizzed by, the sharp metallic tings of bullets ricocheting off their surroundings. _

_In the ensuing pandemonium, a single splash of water rose above the chaos, drowning out the rest of the noise around her. Even the frenzied shouts from her teammates became indistinguishable as time slowed to a sudden, grinding halt. _

_In an instant she was on her knees, crawling through crystal clear water that was rapidly turning blue from all of his blood. _

"_Garrus! Garrus, no!" she cried. _

"_It's too late, Shepard," someone yelled from behind her. "We have to go! The bomb's set to explode any minute now." _

"_No. No, it's not," she argued, shaking her head. _

_Jane reached for his shoulder and turned him over carefully, cradling his head against her chest. _

"_Please," she pleaded, tenderly brushing his cheek. "You can't leave me." _

_Garrus' eyes sprang open, and he took a quivering breath, which hitched in his throat and quickly deteriorated into a fit of coughing and horrible gurgling noises. _

_Jane immediately broke down into tears, overwhelmed with relief that he had survived the sniper's shot. "You're alive!" she sobbed, unconsciously rocking back and forth with him still in her arms. _

_The battle continued to rage on in the background. She looked up and twisted her body around, searching for the nearest crew member. "I need medi-gel!" she barked. Then she turned her attention back to her mate and whispered softly, "I thought I'd lost you forever." _

"_N-no—" Garrus tried to say, but his body shook violently as he was overcome with another bout of coughing. He opened and closed his mouth, gasping as he tried desperately to pull air into his lungs. _

"_Shh. I'm here," Jane soothed. "Don't try to talk." _

"_No," he repeated, more forcefully this time. He grabbed the hand that was still resting against his cheek and yanked it away. His brilliant blue eyes centered on hers and hardened into stone. "You have betrayed us both."_

Jane bolted awake and scrambled into an upright position. Her blood was thumping loudly in her ears. Her heart hammered an erratic beat against her breastbone. She couldn't seem to catch her breath. Her eyes darted back and forth wildly, searching her surroundings for something familiar, any sign that would tell her where, and when, she was.

Drab, gray walls greeted her through the darkness. Bringing her hand to her chest, Jane let out a shaky breath and looked around. She was in her cabin, still seated at her desk. As her heart rate slowed and her breathing became even again, the lingering images of her nightmare faded, and it all started coming back to her.

The silence that had crept in after Garrus left the night before was almost too much to bear, and she had quickly thrown herself into any work she could find, fearful of the quiet moments when she would be forced to think about everything she had done.

Her plan had been working, too, until John cornered her in the elevator. His comments haunted her, circling around in her mind long after she had returned to her room and plunged into the stack of mission reports. But he had been right, and the sting of his harsh words was nothing compared to the pain of knowing that she deserved every bit of it.

She dropped her elbows back to the desk and buried her face in her hands. How was she ever going to make things right?

The clock on her bedside table showed that it was a little after nine. Jane sighed heavily and pushed out of her chair, trudging over to the closet to find a clean uniform. She moved around like an automaton, going through the motions of her morning routine without her typical eagerness. After she was dressed, she half-heartedly ran a comb through her hair, took another deep breath, and stepped out into the hallway.

It was no surprise that the mess hall was deserted. Each crew member on the Normandy had a job to do, and by this time everyone was stationed at their post. Even Gardner had moved on to his other duties.

Jane stopped a few feet short of the kitchen and stood there for a long time, her eyes glued to the bright green panel at the end of the hallway. She knew from experience that Garrus would be behind it, steadily working on his calibrations.

The Commander hesitated, considering her options.

She could return to her room and hope that everything would blow over in time, but avoiding him seemed like the cowardly thing to do. The Normandy was a small ship—there wasn't room for any more drama, and the awkwardness between them certainly wouldn't help the crew's morale. And if the tension carried on too long, people would eventually pick sides, and that would only make a bad situation worse.

Or the other alternative was to own up to the bad decisions she'd made, swallow her doubt and shame, and go talk to him.

She gathered her courage and hurried down the hall before she could change her mind.

Garrus' back was to the door when she walked in. He was bent over his console, concentrating intently on the lines of data on the small screen. He didn't give any indication that he'd heard anyone come in, didn't raise his head or offer any sort of greeting, leaving Jane standing there in the entryway, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

"Garrus?"

"I know you want to talk about this," he replied flatly, not bothering to look up, "but I don't. Not right now."

Jane dropped her gaze to the floor in defeat. "Okay," she said. Then, with nothing else left to say, she turned around without another word and walked out.

_What were you expecting?_ she chided herself on the way back to the mess hall. _That he'd forgive you for everything and welcome you with open arms?_

She paused when she reached the bottom of the stairway, at a loss for what to do or where to go next. From the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Kaidan through the med bay windows. When he noticed she was staring at him he smiled. Then he rolled his eyes and made his hand into the shape of a gun, holding it to his head before pretending to pull the trigger.

Jane laughed and waved to him. Kaidan grinned and waved back.

She could sympathize with what he was going through. Not too long ago she too had been a prisoner of the dreaded med bay and its gentle, doting doctor. Even with the constant updates from the crew and all the mission reports about Saren and the geth to keep her busy, she had gone crazy with boredom within days. Hopefully Kaidan wouldn't have to stay in there too much longer.

Feeling slightly bolstered by the silliness of her friend, she decided to check in on their newest recruit and see how he was acclimating to life on the Normandy.

Thane was sitting at the small round table near the back of the barracks. His eyes were closed, and he had his elbows resting on the table's surface, his hands clasped lightly together in front of his face. Jane had never encountered a drell before she had met him on Illium, so she took a moment to study him while he was unaware and had his guard down.

His skin was a light shade of green, with a pentagon-shaped black area in the middle of his forehead accented by two larger patches that ran along the sides of his head. The soft membrane on the underside his cheeks and the base of his throat reminded her of an amphibian's gills, and the bright red coloring contrasted nicely against the pale green. He wore a gray and black suit that clung to his body like a second skin, exposing his chest and contouring the rippling muscles of his arms and legs, leaving almost nothing to the imagination.

"Is there something I can help you with, Commander?" he asked, pulling one eye open to fix her with a knowing grin.

Jane immediately felt foolish for gawking. He was an assassin, after all. He would never allow himself to be taken by surprise. It was clear that he had known she was in the room from the minute she first stepped through the door.

"I came by to see how you were doing," she said. "How has the crew been treating you?"

"Your crew has been very accommodating, and I am adjusting well to life aboard your ship," he replied. He tilted his head to the side and lowered his hands, keeping his fingers locked together as he laid his forearms across the table. "But perhaps it is I who should be asking how you are doing. There is a certain sadness in your eyes that was not present the last time we spoke."

Jane tried to brush off his perceptiveness with a small shrug of her shoulders, but it was suddenly hard to maintain eye contact. "It's nothing. The past few missions have taken their toll on me, that's all," she said.

The drell continued to watch her. No doubt he saw right through her pitiful excuse. His dark eyes were mesmerizing—deep black pools that one could get lost in if they stared too long. But there was something hidden in their depths, something she couldn't quite make out. Was it…understanding?

"Forgive me, Commander, I did not mean to pry," Thane said. "I shouldn't have asked. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about? We haven't had much of a chance since I came on board."

"What were you doing just now?"

"Meditating."

A small smile spread across Jane's lips.

"What?" he asked, obviously amused by her reaction.

"You just don't seem like the typical assassin. If we'd met under different circumstances and you told me about your chosen profession, I wouldn't have believed you."

He chuckled. "You've spent too much time fighting thugs who think custom-painted armor makes them professionals."

She slid into the chair across from him. "How long have you been an assassin?"

"The hanar started training me when I was six."

Her eyes widened.

"But it wasn't until I was twelve that I made my first kill," he finished before she could protest.

"And your parents were okay with this?"

"It was considered an honor for my family."

Jane's brow creased in confusion. "I don't understand…."

"The drell, my ancestors, came from Rakhana. I'm told it was a barren world, full of rocky deserts, and, because of rapidly expanding industrialism, the planet was dying. The hanar saved us—most of us—from extinction, by transporting us to their homeworld, Kahje. That is where I grew up."

"So how did you go from just being a kid on Kahje to being a trained assassin?"

"We owe the hanar our very existence. If not for them, we would have perished. To show our gratitude, we entered into the Compact."

"What's the Compact?"

"The drell agreed to perform tasks that the hanar find difficult. One such task is combat."

"And everyone accepts this?" she asked.

"Like I said, it is considered a great honor. Anyone can refuse, but few seldom do."

"Was that why you were on Illium? Did the hanar send you there?"

Thane looked down at his clasped hands. "No. But that is a discussion for another time."

"I've taken enough of your time," Jane said. She got up, placing her hands on the back of the chair. "Please, though, feel free to talk me whenever you'd like."

"Likewise, Commander."

Outside in the hallway Jane lingered, twisting around to gaze at the closed door. She could feel his knowing eyes watching her, even through the metal that separated them. She didn't know why, but she was drawn to the mysterious drell. Something about him seemed familiar.

Jane blinked, shaking off the notion. That was ridiculous. What could she possibly have in common with an assassin?

**.x.x.x.**

One by one, people slowly filtered into the mess hall, grabbing trays loaded with that evening's meal. Their motions were routine, their silent movements polite and friendly as they gathered around the two tables and began talking amongst themselves.

He wondered what they were talking about.

Being in the med bay was beginning to feel like being in a fishbowl. In fact, Kaidan was certain that any minute now coral and seaweed would sprout from the floor and the large room would start filling up with water. It was a sad day, he realized, when he had more in common with the fish upstairs in John's cabin than he did with the rest of the crew.

He must have sighed or something, because Dr. Chakwas looked up from her desk. "Something wrong, Lieutenant?"

"Just wondering how much longer I have to be cooped up here in this bed."

Chakwas stood up and walked to the bed, waving her omni-tool over his head. She tapped a few buttons, her gray eyebrows creasing as she read the results. "The scans show that your injuries are continuing to improve. You are making good progress."

"Good enough that you'll let me out of here?" he gently prodded.

"Well…"

Kaidan grinned and attempted his best sad puppy face. "Whad'ya say, Doc, am I sprung?"

"Okay…fine," she relented. "But if you do anything to cause a relapse, or that in any way slows down your healing process, you can rest assured that I will strap you to that bed until I say you are good and ready to leave this med bay."

"Yes, ma'am!" Kaidan promised, buoyed by the prospect of being able to interact with his teammates. He would never take something as simple as sitting down to dinner for granted again.

**.x.x.x.**

"Kaidan!"

Jane had just gotten off the elevator when she heard Tali's delighted shriek.

Chakwas was allowing Kaidan to leave the med bay? She hurried around the corner, sharing the quarian's excitement that their friend was finally well enough to move about the ship. But the sight of Garrus sitting at the table among several other crew members stopped her cold.

About a half-dozen crew members had congregated in the mess hall for dinner, and all were in various stages of their meal. Garrus, along with Tali and Zaeed, were sitting at the table closest to the kitchen. Wrex and John were bellied up to the counter, waiting on Gardner to finish dropping food onto their plates, and Jack was sitting with her feet planted widely apart and her elbows on her knees over on the staircase leading to the main battery.

Jane quickly retreated a few steps in order to remain hidden. Considering how abrupt Garrus had been earlier, she didn't think she was ready to handle his rejection in front of everyone else.

"Hey, Tali," Kaidan said, his voice as soft-spoken and unassuming as always.

Of all the people Jane had known throughout the years, Kaidan was the one with the sweetest disposition. He got along with almost everybody and never had a bad thing to say about anyone. Despite the difficult time he had had at Brain Camp and years of being a soldier in the Alliance military, he had still managed to retain an innocent and hopeful view of the galaxy. He was trusting, loyal to a fault, and had the ability to keep his wits about him and stay calm even in the most intense situations.

"How are you feeling?" the quarian asked.

"I'm going stir-crazy," he laughed. "I finally convinced the Doc to let me out, you know, for good behavior. Well, as long as I promised to keep on being good anyways. She did threaten to strap me to the bed if I did anything to reinjure myself."

"Kinky," Jack quipped.

"Wait. That's not what I—"

John snorted, Garrus snickered, poor Tali seemed oblivious, and Kaidan gave up trying to defend himself.

"Anyway…" he muttered.

"Anyway," Tali drawled. "When do you get to take off the bandage?"

"Oh…." Garrus sighed, shaking his head, "here it comes."

"Yeah, you're not gonna keep it on forever, like Gizzard Brains over here, are ya?" Zaeed said, jerking his thumb toward the turian.

"What's your point, old man?" Garrus shot back.

"No point. I'm just sayin' that some of us are starting to stink."

"_Some_ of us took a rocket to the face. That takes longer to heal than a tiny little surgical incision."

"What does it look like?" Tali inquired, ignoring the two grizzled war veterans' banter. "Does it wrap all the way around your head, like Frankenfurter?"

John had been in the middle of taking a drink from his beer bottle and proceeded to spray the liquid all of the counter. "Like _who_?"

"Frankenfurter. Kasumi was telling me the story about how he was reanimated from dead tissue. You know, kind of like Shepard here."

Behind them Jack grabbed her sides and doubled over in a fit of laughter. Jane couldn't decide if the biotic was laughing at Tali's innocent mistake in name, or that fact that she'd unwittingly called both Kaidan and John monsters.

"I think you meant Franken-_stein_, Tali," Garrus whispered helpfully.

"Oh." Tali nodded and then paused, turning around to look at him. "Wait, how would you know?"

"Come on, just because I'm deadly with a sniper rifle doesn't mean that I don't read."

Jack grunted. "Yus, Gar-wus can wead," she mocked, lowering her voice to imitate a cave man's clipped pattern of speech.

John was about to take another sip and stopped just in time, slamming the bottle back to the counter as he shook his head and laughed so hard no sound was coming out.

"No, Tali," Kaidan continued quietly. "It doesn't wrap around my head. But it does go into my hairline. I hope it doesn't leave too big of a scar."

"Aww, what's the matter, precious?" the small tattooed woman taunted with a sarcastic sneer. "Afraid it'll mess up that pretty face of yours?"

Kaidan tried not to look hurt. Unseen in the shadows, Jane winced at Jack's scathing remark. She always did enjoy pressing Kaidan's buttons. But before he got a chance to reply to her jab, Wrex pushed away from the counter and lumbered toward the table.

"I don't know why you princesses are getting so worked up about your scars showing," the krogan said. He spread his arms wide. "They should be worn like a badge of honor."

Everyone stopped and looked at him.

He pointed to the long, deep gash in his brow plate and the smaller scratches along the right side of his face. "My father did this to me. Jarrod didn't like that I thought our species needed to focus more on breeding than they did going to war. He invited me to a Crush at the Hollows and ambushed me and my men on our ancestors' graves. Think I'm ashamed of it? Hell no! Besides," he rumbled, his deep, throaty laughter filling the mess hall. "I showed him. I sank my dagger straight into his chest."

"You think a couple of chicken scratches makes you tough shit? That ain't nothin'," Zaeed said, shoving his finger against the puckered skin underneath his mismatched right eye. "Try being shot in the goddamn face at point blanket range. Got this looker back when I was leader of the Blue Suns. My partner, Vido—that son-of-a-bitch—thought he could do a better job on his own. This was my going away present." He chuckled. "Didn't work so well, did it?"

"Shooting people in the face must be part of the Blue Suns' mission statement, I guess," Garrus commented dryly.

"Oh yeah, that's right," John said. "I forgot it was the Blue Suns that sent their regards to you by rocket."

"Well, I did have three merc gangs gunning for me," Garrus said. "I can see where you could get confused."

John scrunched one his eyes and flicked his head in a sort of non-committal agreement.

"Anyway, I got you all beat." The Commander sauntered to the middle of the room, and, with a haughty grin, waved his hands to indicate his entire body. "As Tali so kindly reminded everyone, I've been completely reassembled. Nothing was left of me but pieces. I win."

"That doesn't count, Shepard!" Jack protested loudly.

"He has a point," Tali said. "Dying is probably the worst way to get battle scars."

Kaidan nodded.

"But you don't have any scars. Cerberus made sure you were as smooth as a baby's ass by the time they were done with you."

"They're there."

"Prove it."

John shifted all of his weight onto his right foot and folded his arms. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Jack's head reared up. "Fuck off. My scars are on the inside, asshole."

John threw back his head and roared with laughter. Soon, everyone else was laughing too. Even Jack thought it was funny and eventually broke down.

Jane took off for her cabin, the sounds of their fun and amusement following her all the way inside.

Never had she felt more like an outsider. Everyone was out there having a good time, and she was just trying to get through the next minute, the next hour, the next day. The difference in Garrus' demeanor struck her like a knife to the heart. All thoughts of being able to fix things between them went right out the airlock. He'd already forgotten her and moved on.

A stray beam of light glittered off the blue lens of the visor he'd given her. She walked over to the desk slowly and picked it up. The memory of his breath against her ear as he tried to teach her how to shoot long distance rushed over her. She sank down to the chair, rubbing her thumb gently over the eyepiece. She was tired of crying, tired of the emotion that threatened to rip her apart at every turn. She didn't want to feel anymore.

Jane took a deep breath and got up. She pulled out the bottom drawer underneath her armor locker, stuffed the visor inside, and shoved the drawer shut.

"No more," she whispered. "I can't do this anymore."

From now on, she vowed, she was going to be more like John.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hey everyone! I'm back. I didn't want to say anything until after you'd read this chapter. This was probably the most emotionally draining thing I've ever written. I've had this plot line planned for a long time now, but when it came down to actually breaking Jane and Garrus up, I just couldn't do it. And then, there was the problem of having to break them up and staying true to their characters. Garrus is the most laid back and understanding person in the whole game. If you tell him that you don't think the relationship is a good idea, even if you've already established a romance from one game to the next, he's like, "Okay, you're probably right. Let's be friends. Hugs for everyone." Ugh, it's frustrating! I spent hours watching videos and researching his reactions, and he just doesn't get angry. He barely raises his voice through the whole Sidonis mission, and that was at Harkin! So I had very little to base how he'd take Jane's betrayal. I hope it was believable. My heart hurt while writing it. Please let me know what you thought of the scene.

I can say this, though. Now that this heartbreaking chapter is finally out of the way, things should be picking back up for me in the inspiration department. I wrote the last section in a day, and it felt like it used to, back when I was excited and couldn't wait to sit down and write. I think it'll be easier for me going forward. Plus, I have LOTS still up my sleeve. Thanks to everyone for bearing with me! ~J


	28. Friends and Enemies

**A/N: **Happy birthday Parallel Lives! Wow, I can't believe I've been writing this story for three years. THREE YEARS. And you've all stuck with me. That is amazing! Your dedication and devotion to both me and this fic are what keeps me going when things rough.

So where have I been the last six months? (Yikes, I REALLY need to stop updating like this.) Lots of things have happened. I finished construction on my basement, and wrote most of this chapter from my new office. It's awesome! And, I got it in my head maybe I needed to do something else career-wise, and have spent the last four months applying for various positions and interviewing. Talk about stressful and a drain on your creativity. Oy.

I didn't really realize how much I missed writing and missed the characters until I picked it back up again in May. It's been a whirlwind since then, as you can tell by the length of this chapter. It's super long, not only because I felt you guys deserved a huge chapter after my long absence, but because all of this stuff literally had to happen now in order for the plot to progress. And the next chapter promises to be just as long.

I hope you enjoy it, and I hope that you'll tell me what you think. I've had so many fantastic conversations with people over the last year about things. I love it. I cherish every review, alert, favorite, and PM.

Okay, you didn't come here to listen to me prattle on, you came here to read! So here it is! ~J

* * *

><p>"<em>Do I detect actual concern for my well-being?" Richard Castle – Castle<em>

**Chapter Twenty-Eight – Friends and Enemies **

"Read it already…don't care…don't care…garbage…," John muttered as he sorted the messages in his inbox. Sipping from a mug of freshly-brewed coffee, he scrolled through the long list of email. He'd been at it for over an hour now and had only managed to get through half of it so far.

"Forward all…," he said, drawing out the last word as he typed, "to Jane. Shepard. There!" he announced, slapping his hands together with a satisfied smirk. "A good day's work done."

He switched off the terminal, grabbed his coffee, and sauntered across the CIC. Some people liked the comfort of following the same routine, day in and day out, week after week, but not John Shepard. He liked the variety of switching things up. Some mornings he would start his rounds on the lower engineering decks, and other days he would begin by checking in on Mordin or seeing what new concerns Kelly had for him. Today, he thought he'd start off with Joker.

"I'm telling you, EDI, I know what I'm doing."

"What's going on?" John asked, coming up behind them to see Joker arguing with the blue orb.

"This thing seems to think I'm going to let it take over the ship," the pilot scoffed. "Like I'm going to just hand the Normandy over to an unshackled AI."

"Actually, EDI took over most of the systems and helped the other Joker when the Collectors boarded the Normandy and abducted the rest of the crew."

"Ughhh!" Joker grimaced and rolled his eyes. "That is sooooo annoying!"

"What is?"

"Every time I turn around it's 'the other joker' this, and 'Mr. Moreau' that. I can't even take a piss on this ship without her telling me that I'm doing it the wrong way."

"I was merely making helpful suggestions, Jeff," EDI said.

"Oh, was that you being helpful? 'Cause it sounded a lot like nagging to me," Joker fired back.

"I thought you and EDI were getting along now."

"That was before she started telling me how to do my job."

"What is this, high school?" John cried, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. "Does everyone on this goddamn ship have issues? God, as if I'm not already up to here with trying to figure out how to stop the Reapers, I've got to deal with the crap Ashley is causing, and the bullshit between Garrus and Jane, and now this? Jesus H. Christ, it's like I'm living on a ship full of six-year-olds!"

"Yeah, well you're no picnic yourself, boss."

John glared at him.

"I know, I know," he said, holding his hands up in front of him. "Just fly the ship. I got it."

John snorted and whirled around, stomping down the gangplank back to the CIC. To his great surprise, someone was waiting for him at the end of the walkway.

"Miranda?" he said, genuinely shocked to see her standing there. "What brings you all the way up here?"

The Cerberus Operative hesitated and wrung her hands together, a surefire sign that she was agitated. John stifled a sigh and folded his arms across his chest, bracing himself for what was about to come next.

"I wanted to apologize," she said.

All traces of his irritation, which had been so abrupt and intense only moments earlier, dissipated as his eyes widened. "For what?"

Miranda pushed a hand into her hair and scratched the back of her head, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Once she realized what she was doing, and how uncertain it was making her look, she straightened up and assumed her usual business-like manner.

"I didn't fully believe you'd be up to the task of the last mission, and," she paused, "it seems I was wrong."

John's expression softened. "Do you really mean that, Miranda?"

She tilted her head and studied him contemplatively. "I do."

He walked down the steps to join her, and they fell in step together, slowly meandering through the CIC.

"Your methods may be unorthodox," she continued, "but they work for you. The longer I'm on board, the more I'm beginning to see that you aren't afraid of doing whatever it takes to get the job done. Take this last mission, for instance. Things could have very easily gotten out of hand, but your quick thinking and instincts not only helped us complete the mission successfully but also probably saved our lives."

They reached the elevator and turned to face one another.

"It wasn't just me, you know," he said quietly, thinking back to the impromptu make-out session she'd initiated in order to get them into the back room. "There was stuff you did that I certainly wouldn't have come up with."

"Well," she said, smiling as she ran her fingers across her collarbone coyly, "perhaps I'm picking up a few things from you."

She turned her shoulders toward him slightly before she spun around and stepped into the elevator. Leaning against the far wall casually, she raised her eyes to meet his and kept them there until the doors closed, leaving John to wonder if instead of skills she had picked up on his desire to be with her.

**.x.x.x.**

Up, down. Left, right. Back, forth.

Over and over, the simple pattern was repeated until the cup traced the path in the air without error. The movements were basic, the first thing a child learned when they were taught how to control their biotics, and Kaidan couldn't help feeling resentful at having his skills reduced to such an amateur level. He told himself that he had extenuating circumstances—that it wasn't every day an L2 was upgraded to an L5— but it didn't help much. In his current state he was pretty much useless. Other than developing a new and unique way to serve coffee, he really couldn't offer any sort of assistance or aid to his team, and that bothered him to no end.

He let the cup settle to the ground and turned his attention to the metal crate sitting next to it. The blue energy of biotic power enveloped his body as he focused, and slowly the heavy box rose into the air.

Up, down. Left, right. Back….

The crate wavered, swaying dangerously as it rocked side to side. His hands shook, the muscles in his forearms screaming out in protest from the weeks of disuse, and a fine layer of sweat shimmered across his brow. He bit his lower lip and fought to maintain control, concentrating all his energy on getting the object stopped and centered once more. However, the swaying increased. The box began rotating, picking up speed as it shifted unevenly on its axis. Suddenly it broke loose from the biotic barrier and careened across the room, slamming into the far wall with a deafening crash.

"What in the fucking hell is going on?" Jack raged as she stormed into the cargo hold. "It sounds like two krogans having hate sex up here!"

Kaidan turned around to look at the angry biotic, raising an eyebrow in incredulous amusement as he mouthed the last part of her exclamation, and then dissolved into a fit of laughter. Jack, who had worn a panicked expression on her face at stumbling upon him, relaxed slightly and joined him, albeit somewhat reluctantly, in his mirth.

"That would be me," he wheezed when he could finally talk again. He took a couple of deep breaths and swiped at the corners of his eyes. "I was trying to lift that crate over there in an attempt to use my new implant. You can…uh…well, you can see how that turned out."

She tilted her upper body to the side to see past him, taking in the mess of mangled metal against the wall. "Nice work."

"I'd agree with you, if I had meant to do that. I couldn't control it and it got away from me." He sighed and flung his hand at the cup on the ground. "I can barely even get this cup to do what I want it to."

"So what, you're just gonna sit there and whine about it like a fucking baby?"

"What? No."

"You gonna let a little coffee cup kick your ass, Alenko?"

"No!"

"Then quit pissing around and crying in your fucking breakfast cereal and get on with it!"

Kaidan's hand lit up with biotic energy as he lifted the mug into the air and winged it at Jack, barely missing her nose by a few centimeters. She whipped around in time to watch it shatter against the closed door of the elevator.

"You mean to do that?" she asked, clenching her teeth as though she was trying to bite back her rage until she had her answer.

"Yes," Kaidan said, panting from the exertion.

Jack wiped her nose and sniffed, screwing her lips together as her eyes narrowed determinedly. "Fair enough."

Suddenly her entire body was encompassed in the same blue energy. Without any further warning she picked up the crate nearest to her, and with a vengeful cry, sent it flying back at him. Kaidan's eyes widened in stupefied shock, but luckily he had the presence of mind to attempt to block it.

He threw his hands in front of him and willed his biotics to slow the crate down enough so that he could direct it to the floor. When Jack felt the shift in power, she pushed harder, making it impossible for him to drop it without getting hit. It took Kaidan a minute to realize what she was doing. He accepted her unspoken challenge and forced it back toward her, much like they had done the first time they had tested each other's strength.

Sweat glistened at the edges of his hairline as he fought to keep the crate away from him. Jack however, showed no signs of fatigue, acting as if she initiated games of tug o' war everyday. He grunted and gritted his teeth, focusing all his energy into gaining the upper hand. A sharp pain throbbed right behind his eyebrows and he could feel himself tiring out, but he couldn't give up. He couldn't let Jack think he was weak. With everything he had left, he pulled the crate toward him, using the power of her own biotics as a catalyst to help propel it up and over him. It barreled through the cargo hold and smashed into the exit hatch with a tremendously loud _crack_.

Both of them instantly doubled over, heaving and panting as they tried to catch their breath. Kaidan put one hand on his knee and the other on his stomach, and hoped that he wouldn't pass out from exhaustion. He was tired yet satisfied.

"Thanks," he finally gasped.

"For what?"

"For helping me."

"I didn't help you," she shot back defensively.

Kaidan grinned and stood up. "Okay. Call it what you want. See you later, Jack."

He bit the inside of his mouth to smother his amusement at how flustered his little observation had made her and tried to maintain his casual air as he got into the lift.

The doors closed and the elevator lurched into motion. When she thought he was out of earshot he heard her let out an exasperated sigh of resignation and mutter, "Awww, fuck."

**.x.x.x.**

"Why in the hell do I have all these emails?"

Jane sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, her mouth slightly agape as she eyed the amount of unread messages in her inbox.

"I just organized everything and emptied it last night," she complained, as if speaking out loud would help her comprehend why it was suddenly full again. "Wha— Wait a minute…."

She narrowed her eyes and hunched forward, using her finger to scroll through the list. She tapped on the screen and the email opened, revealing an advertisement directed to John. She clicked the next one down and 'Your Fornax subscription is expiring! RENEW TODAY!' jumped out at her in big, bold letters.

"Ewwww. That was more than I needed to know, John. Thanks."

She kept going down the list and sure enough, every email was meant for John.

"That son-of-a-bitch," she muttered, realizing what he had done. Stretching across her desk she jammed her finger into the intercom. "Kelly!"

"Good morning, Commander Shepard," Kelly answered in a sing-song voice. "What can I do for you?"

"Where's John?"

"Commander _John_ Shepard," the redhead replied, putting emphasis on her male counterpart's name, "has left explicit instructions that he does not want to be disturbed."

"I bet he did," Jane muttered. "I'm sure that doesn't include me, Kelly. Is he in his quarters?"

"Uh-uh. Sorry, Commander. I'm acting on orders. He said _everybody_."

"Fine."

"Wait!" Kelly exclaimed. "Since I have you on the line, Gunnery Chief Williams would like to speak to you. She says it's urgent. Shall I send her over to you?"

"Yeah. Thank you, Kelly."

"Have a good day, Commander."

Jane disconnected and leaned back again, silently fuming that John had intentionally made himself unavailable just so she couldn't yell at him for sending her all his junk mail. She sat there for a minute and then began deleting all the email, no longer bothering to open them to see what was inside.

Thankfully, she saw Admiral Hackett's name before it was too late. A video image popped up on the screen once she opened it.

"_Shepard. The MSV Cornucopia has gone silent. The last transmission we received was over a week ago and even then there was nothing that would give us a clue as to what happened. I need you to investigate the ship and report back to me on what you find. I've attached the coordinates. Fifth Fleet out." _

Good, she thought darkly. A mission was just what she needed right now; something to occupy her mind and get her off the ship for a few hours.

The doors to her cabin parted, and Ashley walked in. Jane immediately sensed that something was different about her. Her strides were curt, her manner almost formal. It instantly put her on edge.

"You wanted to see me, Ash?"

"Yes, ma'am." Ashley said. She stepped forward and handed her a data pad.

Jane took it from her, shooting the gunnery chief a questioning look before dropping her eyes to read the text on the screen. What she read left her stunned. "You're requesting a transfer?"

"Yes, ma'am," she replied. She clasped her hands behind her back and assumed the stiff posture of the at-ease position. "That's correct."

The Commander's eyes narrowed suspiciously. She tossed the data pad on the desk and laced her fingers together in front of her as she leaned forward and demanded, "Why?"

Ashley's bravado wavered slightly at the directness of her question. She swallowed hard and then squared her shoulders in order to stand up a bit straighter and reinforce her professionalism in the matter. "I just think it's for the best, Commander."

Jane's lip tightened into a grim frown. The chief's continued use of proper titles was bothersome, and a clear indication that there was something significant behind her sudden desire to relocate. Ashley was a soldier loyal to their cause, and she could only think of one reason why the Gunnery Chief would be contemplating a move to another post.

"Is this about John?"

She shook her head. "No, ma'am."

"Cut the shit, Williams," Jane snapped. She got up from her desk and placed her hands behind her back, grasping one balled fist in her other hand as she paced back and forth. If Ashley wanted to go all formal on her and start using last names and titles, then she could do it, too. "We both know you're a damn good soldier. You've been through a hell of a lot—in the 212, and here on the Normandy, and everything in between—and I've _never_ seen you back down from a fight. Not once."

Ashley dropped her gaze to the floor and said nothing.

"But you make one bad judgment call and suddenly you're ready to throw in the towel? Just give up and transfer to a different unit? No, that doesn't sound like the Ashley Williams I know. Okay, yes, you got involved with a superior officer, and yes, things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to, but damn it!" Jane slammed her hand on the desk. "Man up! You don't quit when things get shitty, you push through it! I understand what you're going through and I know how much it sucks right now. But do you see me in here crying my eyes out and begging Hackett to reassign me?"

She shook her head.

"That's right, you don't. Because this mission is bigger than that!"

"That's another reason why I'm requesting a transfer, ma'am. I'm the one who told John about your relationship with the past Garrus."

"No, Ashley," Jane replied, her tone much softer than it had been moments ago. "It's my fault. It's my fault for keeping the truth from him in the first place. And I will live with those consequences." She sat back down at her desk with a sigh. "I'm not going to say I told you so, and I'm not going to demand that you stay. If you really want a transfer, I'll sign off on it. All I ask is that you think really hard about it before you make a decision."

Ashley seemed to deflate right before her eyes. The stiff military stance fell away as her shoulders hunched, and she sank into the reclining chair in front of the desk. "How do you do it?" she whispered.

Jane shifted her eyes from the Chief to the monitor and stared at the messages on the orange screen. "I focus on work. I keep my eyes on the big picture."

She took a long, deep breath and exhaled through her nose. "I'll think about it."

"Okay. Dismissed, Chief."

Jane watched her leave and as soon as she was gone, put her head in her hands and breathed a heavy sigh. There was nothing like a military pep talk to get them both thinking about what was really important. She'd just gotten a glimpse of what she could end up like if she left didn't get her own emotions under control, and quickly. If she kept going down this path of grief and self-pity she'd be an absolute wreck in no time, and that wouldn't do anyone any good. She was better off keeping herself too busy to feel anything and sticking to her plan of trying to be more like John.

Thinking of John reminded her that she still needed to address his little prank. She grabbed the keyboard and started angrily typing out a message. He might be avoiding her, but there was more than one way to get through to him.

**.x.x.x.**

Miranda stepped through the doors of Life Support and touched the panel, locking the doors behind her. She found that if she left them open, it was like hanging a sign for people—John especially—to just come waltzing through any time they felt like it. She wasn't a social person to begin with, but the thought of having to interact with the crew any more than was strictly necessary made her shudder with barely contained revulsion.

The drive core droned lowly in the cavity outside her window, sending out waves of energy that vibrated through her floor and rattled the glass in its casement. Its incessant hum echoed relentlessly around the small area, and upon being greeted with it as she entered the room she let out a frustrated sigh. How much longer would she be forced to stay on this godforsaken hunk of scrap metal?

She sat down at the desk by the window and opened her terminal, entering the encrypted password required to access the confidential files she had been keeping on the crew. Although she detested every moment that she had to spend flirting with John, she had to admit that the Illusive Man was right. The more effort she put into making nice with the Commander, the more he unwittingly divulged to her in the process.

The ping of an email alert drew her attention away from the list she'd been compiling. She swiped the document aside and opened her inbox. A message from Jane to John was waiting for her. Looking to glean as much information as she could, Miranda had hacked into the Commanders' account and set up parameters so that everything they sent to each other, as well as the Alliance Brass, was also surreptitiously forwarded to her. The idea had paid off and so far had allowed her to stay one step ahead of them.

"What have we here?" she mused. She clicked open the email and skimmed the message contained within.

_John,  
>That little stunt you pulled today with the junk mail was sophomoric and asinine. How are we supposed to maintain command of our crew if you cannot even treat me with the most basic respect? This is not a game. I suggest you grow the hell up.<br>Jane _

"Interesting….," Miranda drawled, copying the text so she could move it to a folder in one of the confidential files. "Very interesting."

She worked for a while longer, categorizing everything she'd learned or overheard, and then sat back to examine it all. What she saw was startling. Tapping her fingers indecisively on the desk in front of her, she debated on the merits of waiting until later to report back to the Illusive Man.

No, he needed to hear it now so he could give her guidance on how to proceed. She jumped up and hurried out to the elevator, hoping that no one would stop her on the way to the comm room.

"You took a big risk contacting me at this time of the day, Miranda," were the first words out of the Illusive Man's mouth once the QEC fired up. "I'm curious to hear why you thought it was necessary. Have you discovered anything new?"

"Yes. There seems to be a rift among the Commanders and the crew members," she replied. "And it looks to me like it's getting worse."

The Illusive Man repositioned himself in his seat, shifting his weight from one elbow to the other. With an unhurried grace that almost bordered on indifference, he reached into his pocket, a gesture that Miranda knew to be one of habit, and pulled out a cigarette. His steely blue eyes never left the Operative as he centered the cigarette between his lips and leaned forward to light it. The tip glowed brightly as he inhaled slowly, letting his head drift back slightly as the smoke rolled around in his mouth. Then he exhaled and leaned back, tapping the cigarette against the ashtray in his chair.

"Is that something we can use to our advantage?"

"Perhaps. Both Shepards appear to be at odds with one another right now, and the crews' loyalties look to be split between them."

"Is there any chance that we can divide and conquer?"

"No, I don't think so. Even with all the infighting, everyone still seems united in the goal of defeating the reapers."

"Then why, exactly, are you telling me this?"

"Because, as long as the crews' focus is on their Commanders and the considerable drama they are creating, no one is paying attention to me," Miranda said. An arrogant smile spread across her alabaster features as she crossed her arms and jutted out a hip. "They don't suspect a thing."

"Good. Keep it that way." He took another drag. "Anything else?"

"Yes. I overheard John and the pilot talking on the bridge. It turns out the ship's virtual intelligence is actually an unshackled AI. I did some research and discovered that we—I mean the other Cerberus—installed it during the reconstruction of the Normandy with the intention of it acting as a spy. I'm not sure why, but for some reason it defected and now considers itself part of the crew."

"Find out. And stay on John," the Illusive Man said. "I want more information on his cybernetics. You might have to up the ante to get him to talk."

Miranda grimaced and exhaled begrudgingly.

"I have faith in you, Miranda. I know you will get the job done."

He leaned forward and hit a button on his chair, disconnecting the feed before she had a chance to argue further with him.

**.x.x.x.**

Jane Shepard had seen a lot during her time as an Alliance marine. Hell, she'd seen a lot just during the past twelve months, and that didn't include a time-traveling, alternate doppelganger and his wayward crew. But the one thing that she would never get used to, the one thing that unsettled her more than anything else, was walking into a ship or a base that was completely and utterly deserted.

When Admiral Hackett had sent a message asking her to investigate why the MSV Cornucopia had suddenly gone silent, she had figured that pirates were to blame. But as the ground team slowly made their way through the eerily quiet hallways, it soon became apparent that it was something infinitely more sinister. They had cleared two rooms now, and had yet to come across the crew, or even signs of a struggle.

"Is anyone else here totally creeped out by this?" Kasumi asked in a hushed whisper.

"Totally," Tali responded.

Jane nodded. She kept her pistol positioned at chest level, the barrel pointed towards the ceiling, and motioned with her head that they should advance down the hallway to the right.

The room at the far end was more of the same; empty, with no trace of any foul play. Kasumi let out a small squeal of delight at the lockers in the corner and hurried over to them to see what was inside. Tali glanced back at Shepard, and then jogged over to join the thief. Jane remained in the doorway and kept a wary eye on the hallway behind them.

Something was very wrong.

"Awww, this stuff is all junk," Kasumi sighed, sifting through the cache of supplies. "These shield capacitors look ancient. Where are the heavy skin and muscle weaves, the redundant field generators, and trauma modules?"

Tali looked up from hacking one of the locks. "The what, the what, and the what?"

"Oh, that's right. I guess all this hasn't been invented yet. I keep forgetting that we're stuck two years in the past."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Well, when it comes to medical science, it is! Even ask Mordin."

"Oh Keelah. I don't have that kind of time," Tali said.

Kasumi just giggled. "Who does? Sometimes when I run into him—before he sees me—I use my cloak and hurry out of the room so I don't have to hear the details of his latest experiment."

"That's terrible! And incredibly unfair!"

"Shhh!" Jane whispered harshly. "Did either of you hear that?"

The other two women stopped talking and listened.

"I don't hear anything," Tali said.

Somewhere in the distance the bulkheads let out a low creak, followed by an even lower moan.

"There!" Jane exclaimed. "Did you hear that?"

"That's just the ship settling, Shepard," the quarian assured her. "It's normal."

"No," Kasumi interjected, tilting her head back to survey the room. "No, I hear it too."

Jane checked the thermal clip on her pistol and then gestured down the hallway. "It's coming from the other side."

The Commander took point as they inched their way down the corridor, her gun trained on the door ahead of them. As they drew closer, the sound of moaning steadily grew louder.

"I don't like the sound of that," Kasumi said, her voice wavering slightly.

Suddenly the door to the chamber opened and the three women were confronted with a room full of humanoid zombie-like creatures. There had to be about thirty of them. Dragon's teeth littered each of the corners of the room.

"Husks!" Jane shouted. "Spread out!"

Sensing the presence of intruders, the husks' attention quickly shifted, and they immediately began to converge on the ground team. Jane switched to her shotgun and with a determined, angry yell, marched right into the horde, firing a shot with each step she took.

"Shepard!" Tali shrieked.

She cut a path of carnage down the middle of the room, leaving a trail of dead bodies in her wake. It felt good to let loose and channel some of her rage and frustration into the empty, mindless husks.

Tali and Kasumi did their best to keep them from swarming her, but even as they took out the husks on the outer edges, the creatures only seemed focused on the Commander. It didn't take long before Jane was completely surrounded, and her position in the middle made firing into the group extremely risky.

Undeterred, Jane raised her shotgun in the air, savagely beating the husks back with the stock. For the first time in a while, her mind was blissfully clear, only concentrating on the task at hand and not weighed down by the stress she had been carrying with her for the past few months. With each thrust of her gun, she thought less of Garrus and the horrible decisions she had made. And every time she heard the satisfying crack of one of the husks' skulls, she felt more and more liberated from the chains of pain and uncertainty that had held her captive for so long.

When it was finally over, Jane returned her shotgun to the holster on her back and triumphantly turned to her teammates. "I think I know what happened to the crew."

"Are you crazy?" Tali screamed at her.

She lifted her shoulders in a casual shrug. "Relax, Tali. They were just husks. I had it under control."

"Still, we're here too, you know. You didn't need to go charging in to the group of them," Tali argued, her voice rising up an octave as she went on. "We couldn't even provide back up!"

"Tali. I said I'm fine. Now, let's check these crates and get out of here. I need to report back to Admiral Hackett."

Later on that evening the mess hall was abuzz with tales of the mission. A few members of Jane's crew were just finishing up dinner. Wrex had his head down, his attention on the food on his tray, Liara was washing off her plate at the sink, and Jane stood at the counter, watching Tali as she sat across the table from Kaidan and waved her hands emphatically.

"And then, without waiting for us, she just charged in and started beating them down."

Kaidan laughed.

"It's not funny!" the quarian retorted. "It was a stupid, reckless move."

"Oh, for the love of God," Jane sighed and sank down to lean an elbow on the kitchen counter. "It's not like I charged into a room full of armed Eclipse soldiers. They were husks! They didn't even have weapons."

"That's not the point," Tali said.

"I don't see anything wrong with it either," Wrex rumbled. "But the next time you go into a blood rage, Shepard, take me with you."

"You got it," she replied, pointing her index finger at him like a gun as she smirked at his enthusiasm.

"Me too," Liara said. "I can hit them with a series of biotic attacks and—"

"Heh heh, biotic explosions," the krogan chuckled, "those are _always_ fun."

"You guys! Don't encourage her!" Tali cried. "Ugh!"

Realizing she was outnumbered and wasn't going to win the argument, the poor quarian got up and stomped out of the mess hall. Liara, finished with washing her plate, said good night to the group and quietly excused herself. Wrex followed suit shortly after.

"Shepard."

"Wrex," Jane nodded.

Soon, only Kaidan and the Commander were left. Jane poured herself a cup of coffee and settled down in the chair that Tali had been sitting in.

"She's just worried about you," Kaidan said.

"I know."

"She's right, though. Charging into the fray doesn't sound like you. You're usually more strategic and precise."

She set the cup on the table and linked her fingers around it. "I needed to blow off some steam," she said simply, not looking at him.

"Jane—?"

Kaidan didn't get to finish his sentence, because at that same moment the battery doors opened and Garrus walked out. Jane immediately stiffened. Trying to appear as though his sudden presence didn't leave her completely flustered, she met his gaze and held it. He locked his cool blue eyes with her, but only long enough to address her with the obligatory greeting.

"Commander."

Inside her heart lurched, but she kept her expression neutral and softly replied, "Garrus."

He continued passed them and rounded the corner to the elevator. Kaidan watched as Jane dropped her gaze and waited for him to leave. Once he was gone, she sighed heavily and pushed away from the table.

"Well, that report's not going to write itself. I should go get to it."

Kaidan's eyes narrowed questioningly, but all he said was, "Okay, Jane. Have a good night."

"You too, Kaidan."

She whirled around and started jogging toward her cabin, almost running into Miranda in the process. The Cerberus Operative appeared somewhat startled, and then recovered enough to smile and nod in her direction. Jane apologized, offered a nod in return, and hurried to her quarters.

Once the doors closed behind her she let out a heavy sigh. Moving on was going to be harder than she anticipated. How much worse it was going to get before things got easier?

**.x.x.x.**

"_Hang on, everybody! Prepare for evasive maneuvers!" _

_Garrus froze, the wrench still in his hand, as Joker's frenzied voice screeched over the intercom. Seconds later the Normandy suddenly pitched and banked hard to starboard. The Mako slid sideways, its front tire narrowly missing his foot in the process. _

_Across the way, Wrex lumbered heavily from side to side as he tried to maintain his balance. But his bulky form was too much to compensate for, and as he stumbled to the ground he growled, "What the hell is that damn pilot doing?" _

_Their answer came from below in the form of a white-hot stream of fire. It ripped through the Normandy's hull, slicing a gaping hole in the ship's sub-decks before expanding into the cargo hold. Garrus dove underneath the Mako just in time to miss being cooked alive by the beam. The rapidly rising temperature inside his armor and the smell of burning plastic told him just how close he had come to certain death. _

_He yanked his visor off, tossing the melted eyepiece to the side, and glanced over to see if the krogan had managed to get out of the way. The area between them was now engulfed in flames, creating a huge chasm of fire that separated the two of them. He saw Wrex clamber to his feet, muttering a string of curses that would make even the most seasoned war veteran blush. _

"_You still alive, turian?" he called out. _

"_Yeah," Garrus replied. "What in the hell was that?"_

_Wrex shrugged. "Don't know, but I don't feel like sticking around to find out." _

_Garrus grabbed his helmet, securing it to his armor, and followed him to the emergency access panel located behind the table where Gunnery Chief Williams used to clean and maintain their rifles, waiting anxiously as the krogan forcefully dislodged the hatch. They could hear shouting and cries of shock and pain coming from the deck above them. The sounds chilled the turian to the bone, despite that the stifling heat from the fire was damn near suffocating them._

_What was going on?_

_The crew deck wasn't in much better shape. The table had been upended and all of the chairs were strewn about. While it lacked any direct damage from the beam that had decimated the cargo hold, the hull had been breached just behind the battery and several small fires were burning in multiple locations. Billowing black, acrid smoke was quickly filling the area, making it difficult to see. _

_In the middle of the dark clouds, Kaidan was quickly ushering crew members through the debris towards the stairs, where the escape pods were located. _

"_Where's Shepard?" Garrus shouted. _

_Kaidan pointed to the deck above them. "Went to get Joker. Commander's orders are to abandon ship and make for the escape pods!"_

_Garrus charged past him, taking the stairs two at a time. The CIC was in complete ruin. The top half of the hull had been blown open, the edges of the metal glowing eerily orange against the black backdrop of space. Outside, the bluish-white radiance from a nearby planet lit up what was left of the galaxy map, casting an ethereal glow over the darkened chamber. The ship's gravity simulation systems had been severely damaged, and the kinetic barriers were holding, but only just enough to keep the crew and the equipment from floating off into space. _

_His breath caught in his throat, his stunned gasped echoing harshly in his helmet as he surveyed the scene. There was nothing left. The Normandy would go down, that much was certain. _

_He was about to make a run for the cockpit when Wrex grabbed him by the cowl of his armor and shoved him into one of the escape pods. _

"_You heard the Commander," he said gruffly. "Orders are orders." _

_Kaidan hopped in behind them. "Everybody's here. Let's go." _

"_Wait!" the turian yelled, struggling to make his way back to the door. _

_Alenko slammed his hand against the eject button and Garrus was thrown to the floor as the escape pod rocketed away from the hull. He scrambled to his feet and pressed himself against the window. In the distance he saw the final pod disengage from the hull moments before another blast from the beam tore completely through the cockpit. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion as the Normandy broke apart and exploded. _

_The tiny cabin grew quiet as the crew looked on in shocked silence, no one daring to voice the question that was burning in all of their minds. _

_Did they make it out in time? _

_The fireball dissipated, and all eyes fell upon a form writhing in the empty void above the blue planet. Shepard had somehow—miraculously—survived the blast, but the Commander's hard suit had been torn in the process and now oxygen was rapidly leaking out from the ruptured seals. _

"_We have to go back!" Garrus shouted. He whipped around to face Kaidan. "Turn this thing around!" _

"_You know we can't," Kaidan said softly, sadness and defeat filling his voice. "You know the pod isn't equipped with controls like that." _

"_She's dying! We have to help her!" he screamed, smashing his fists into the window repeatedly. He was completely helpless to do anything other than watch as the last of her life was sucked out of her body. Several hairline cracks snaked through the window under his hands, and the glass made a sickening sound as it shifted underneath the pressure. "Jane!"_

"_Cut that out, you stupid turian!" Wrex barked. "You're gonna kill us all!" _

"_Go back!" _

"_Somebody grab him!" the krogan roared. _

_Multiple pairs of hands fell upon Garrus' shoulders, pulling him away from the window before he could do any more damage. _

"_Let me go!" he snarled, his rage suddenly centered on his crewmates. He fought to push them away, lashing out with fists and feet, desperately trying to put more distance between them. _

"_It's over, Garrus," Kaidan said. He glanced out the window despairingly and then turned back to the turian. "It's over." _

_Garrus wrenched his arms away from the two crewmen that were restraining him and lunged for the window. Shepard's body had gone completely still and had already started its descent into the planet's atmosphere. _

_His anguished cry filled the small space and reverberated around them. "Jane!" _

"_That's it!" Wrex growled from the back._

_The krogan pushed his way through the crowd and delivered a solid right hook to the turian's jaw, knocking him out cold. _

Garrus' eyes snapped open, and he sat straight up, looking around feverishly as he tried to get a grasp on reality. He was in the battery. On the SR-2. The collectors hadn't attacked. The Normandy hadn't been destroyed. And he hadn't watched helplessly as Jane died right before his eyes.

He swung his legs over the edge of his cot and put his head in his hands. What was that all about? For starters, it was John that had been killed when the Normandy SR-1 was attacked. And Garrus wasn't even on board at the time; he was on the Citadel, starting his Spectre training.

Was his dream what it had actually been like? Did Kaidan and Wrex and the rest of the crew actually watch John die? He remembered being on the Citadel and hearing the reports come in, remembered feeling lost and overwhelmed and uncontrollably angry. But somehow those feelings were made so much worse when he thought about it Jane being instead of John. The ache in his chest was very real, despite the fact that it had only been a nightmare.

Getting back to sleep was going to be impossible now. His heart was pounding so hard he could hear his blood thumping in his ears. He needed to know that she was safe. He wouldn't be able to rest until he did.

He quietly made his way out of the battery and through the mess hall, trying not to make too much noise as he hurried around the corner to her quarters. The panel on her door was green, even though it was still very early in the morning. He raised his hand to knock and paused, his closed fist only inches away from making contact with the cold metal.

As the haze of sleep faded and his mind became clear, he recoiled in horror at what he was about to do. What was he thinking? Even if it hadn't been the middle of the night, there was still the issue that she had pretended that he was someone else. She didn't care about him, so why was he wasting his energy caring about her? He needed to let her go—let the idea of them being together go.

Garrus let his hand drop back to his side with a sigh, and, with a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, slowly trudged back to the battery. He sat on his cot, staring at the way the Thanix cannon was bathed in the subdued red light. It reminded him of Omega. Everything on that station had a red hue to it, like a beacon guiding all the rebels and the outlaws of the galaxy home.

He thought about the time he had spent there and the war he had waged with the mercenary gangs. Grief over Shepard dying, and a desire to make a difference had driven him to that rock. Grief over the brutal murder of his team and the betrayal of a friend had made him reckless. He thought about his state of mind at the end of that three-day siege and had to wonder, how different would things have been if it had really been Jane that had gone down with the Normandy? Dreaming about it was one thing; thinking about the implications was another. Would he have had the strength to honor her memory and fight it out on that bridge, or would he have decided that suicide by mercs was better than living without her?

Garrus pushed those thoughts aside, disgusted with himself for even allowing his mind to entertain such a thing. It didn't matter, anyway. None of it mattered now.

**.x.x.x.**

Jane was awakened by the sound of a low, guttural cry.

As she lay there in the dark, clutching the covers to her chest, she listened for any signs that what she heard had been real. She wasn't sure whether she was just dreaming or imagining things—which would have been a perfectly acceptable side effect given her current state of tormented restlessness—but she could have sworn she had heard her name in that long, tortured moan.

The silence in her cabin stretched on, sharing with her nothing but quiet uncertainty, and soon enough she felt her eyelids getting heavier as sleep tried to pull her back into its warm and welcome embrace. She exhaled and turned on her side, wrapping her arms around her pillow and hugging it tightly to her chest.

A heavy sigh filtered through the darkness, and Jane's eyes flew wide open. She darted into a sitting position. There was no way she could have imagined it this time, as it sounded like it was coming from right outside her door. And on top of that, the sigh had a distinctive flanging effect to it. Her already elevated heartbeat sped up even more at the thought that Garrus might be standing on the other side of her door.

Jane flung the covers away and ran to the door, eagerly pressing her hand against the access panel. The gears turned and seconds later the metal parted, only to reveal the empty space beyond. She exhaled sharply, her shoulders drooping in disappointment, and peeked around the corner. The deck was dark, isolated, and disturbingly quiet.

"It's just stress," she told herself. "That's all. Just stress. I just need to get some sleep."

But she knew, even as she said it, that getting back to sleep was out of the question after this. Too much had happened, and it was all still sitting in the forefront of her mind.

Resigned to another night of wakefulness, she walked back into her cabin to get dressed for the day. Then she went over to her desk, her eyes roaming over the mess that littered the surface. She really needed to take a day to organize all the dossiers and reports, but between John and Ashley and the mission for Hackett, she hadn't had the time.

"Where is that datapad?" she muttered out loud, rummaging through the files. "I know I saw it here somewhere…."

Jane frowned. Her inability to get a decent night's rest was starting to become a problem. She didn't normally misplace things.

Finally, she spotted it lying face down on the floor in the corner. It must have gotten pushed aside during the day and eventually fell off the desk, but she couldn't remember doing anything so dramatic that it would've ended up over there. She crouched down and picked it up, laughing at her own ineptitude.

"You need to get a grip, Jane. You can't be expected to run a ship if you can't even remember where you put things."

With the datapad tucked securely under her arm she returned to the mess hall, thinking that since she couldn't sleep she might as well start planning their next course of action. She went to the cupboard to dig out the coffee and measured out enough water and grounds to make a couple cups.

Briefly she wondered if all the coffee she'd been drinking was contributing to her inability to sleep, but she dismissed that notion just as quickly as it had surfaced. There were worse things to find solace in. For instance, she could have been drowning her sorrows in alcohol instead.

While she waited for it to finish brewing, Jane turned around and leaned against the counter, trying not to let her gaze wander down the hallway to the main battery. Would things ever be tolerable between them again? She knew better than to hope that things would go back the way they were, but they couldn't exactly stay the way they were now, either.

The buzzer on the coffee pot brought her attention back to the task at hand. She poured herself a cup, and, drawn by the sudden need for space and a change of scenery, made for the starboard observatory. A favorite spot of the crew during the daytime hours because of its large picture window, it afforded her a sense of peace and a moment of quiet, uninterrupted contemplation.

Tossing the datapad on the couch, she slowly approached the window and gazed out at the infinite sea of stars. She never tired of staring into the galaxy, even though she had served for years on spacefaring ships and frigates. There was so much to see, so much to discover. There were some people who allowed that vastness of space to completely overwhelm them, but Jane found it inspiring. Even with the Reaper threat looming before them, she could still look out the window and feel hopeful for the future because she would fight with everything she had, even if it cost her her own life, to make that threat go away.

She wrapped her hands around her mug and breathed in the coffee's intoxicating aroma. The warmth of the steam under her nose was oddly comforting, and soon she felt the tension start to ease out of her shoulders. She released one hand and lightly placed her fingertips against the window.

"Garrus," she whispered softly, "I don't know if you're out there somewhere, if you're looking down on me. I don't know if there's such a thing as turian heaven—or if there's even a heaven at all—but…I miss you."

A small lump had formed at the base of her throat, causing her voice to crack slightly.

"I can say that now. I was afraid to say it before." She shook her head and reached up to swipe the tears away before they had a chance to fall. "So much has happened in the past few months. I haven't even had time to think straight, let alone get used to the idea of you not being here. I—"

The door _whoosed_ open behind her, and Jane whipped around with a startled yelp, nearly dropping her coffee.

"I'm sorry, Commander," Thane quickly apologized. "I did not expect anyone to be in here at this time of the night."

"Thane! No—no you're fine. Oh my god," she said, her eyes going wide as she sucked air in through her teeth remorsefully. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No," Thane replied and smiled.

"Okay, good." She relaxed, and then, suddenly remembering that these weren't normal waking hours said, "Wait, if you were already up—is everything okay?"

The drell moved farther into the room, allowing the doors to shut behind them. "I do not require much sleep, between three to five hours at most. In my line of work you learn very quickly how to get by with the least amount possible."

Jane glanced down at her omni-tool and groaned. 0230 hours.

"What about you, Commander?" he inquired, his eyes searching her face. "What has you losing sleep?"

"The mission," she said mechanically. It was her fallback excuse. There was no question that the pressure of commanding a crew on a suicide mission could keep her up at night.

"Ah yes, but the success of the mission is also contingent on everyone being in their top form. That means getting adequate rest, Commander."

She looked down into her coffee and turned halfway back to the window. "I know."

He clasped his hands behind his back. "Forgive me if I seem forward or out of line, but you seem troubled as of late, and I suspect the reason for that is more than just the mission. I won't pretend that I know you well enough to know why, but I sense that this," he waved to encompass the room, "is not normal for you."

Jane bit her lip and continued to stare out the window. This vulnerability that she was apparently wearing on her sleeve had to stop. She was trying so hard to be the Commander that everyone needed her to be, to press on and act like everything that happened wasn't bothering her. So why was it that Thane could see right through her?

"I should go," Thane said after a moment. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you."

"No, wait," she replied hastily, feeling guilty that her dour mood was chasing him away. "You don't have to go. Maybe we can just sit and talk, you know, since we're both up anyway."

A hint of a smile ghosted across his lips. "Very well," he said and approached the window to stand next to her. He clasped his hands behind his back and looked out into the starry abyss. "What would you like to talk about?"

Jane grew thoughtful. "The last time we spoke, you were telling me about growing up on Kahje, what it was like to be an assassin, and," her eyes twinkled mischievously in the dark, "you promised to tell me what had brought you to Illium."

"Ah, yes."

There it was again; that fleeting glimpse of understanding and loneliness.

"I had a family once," he began. "But I was careless. I took them for granted and didn't realize how valuable they were to me until it was too late."

"What happened?"

He smiled sadly, wistfully. "When I met my wife, Irikah, the hanar released me from the compact so that I could settle down with her and start a family. But I lacked the skill set required to adjust to a normal life. I only knew how to do one thing really well, and so it wasn't very long before I started freelancing as an assassin. It was what I knew best.

"My work took me away often. 'On business' she would say. I was always away on business. Eventually, as is often the case in such instances, I abandoned them—not in the literal sense," he corrected when he saw her mouth drop. "Nothing dramatic. No final argument or sneaking out in the middle of the night. I simply was not as involved as a father and a husband should have been. I watched my son grow up from a distance. Every time I came home, he would be a little bit taller, a little bit older."

He turned his head from the window to give her a sidelong glance, and the light from the stars danced over his face.

"I was away when batarian mercenaries stormed our house. They were seeking revenge. I had killed their leader. They were too cowardly to come after me directly so they went for those closest to me instead, the ones I loved. Irikah was a sweet soul. She never stood a chance."

Jane's hands fluttered to her mouth. "Oh god, Thane," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Thane bowed his head.

"What about your son?" she breathed, hardly daring to ask.

"Kolyat was studying at the time and thankfully wasn't home. He…didn't take it well." His body went rigid as he was suddenly gripped with images of his past. _"They wrapped her body in sea vines. Weighted it with stones. He tries to pull from me. Calls for her. The hanar lift her off the platform. They sing like bells. 'The fire has gone to be kindled anew.' He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me. 'Don't let them! Stop them! Why weren't you—?'"_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you relive that."

"Perfect memory. It can be…a burden sometimes. After the funeral I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. We have not spoken for many years."

"How long has it been?" she asked quietly.

"Eight years." Thane directed his attention back to the window. "After Irikah was murdered, I left Kahje and tracked down her killers. It took some time to find them all. The last one was on Illium. In the past, whenever I've performed an assassination, I always make sure the kill is quick, clean. The men who took Irikah from me, I let them linger. They are the only lives I've ever taken of my own accord."

Jane pushed a hand through her hair and sat heavily on the couch as everything he had revealed sank in. She hadn't known what to expect when she suggested they chat, but it certainly wasn't this. It all made perfect sense now that she thought about it. That was the reason she found herself so drawn to him. She was surprised she didn't pick up on it sooner. They shared the pain of losing a loved one. They both knew what it was like to suffer that kind of loss, to walk in a world that no longer held the pleasure it once had. And strangely enough, knowing that Thane understood what she was going through—even though she hadn't told him about it—brought her comfort, and to some degree, a little bit of contentment.

He twisted around and followed her to the couch, standing in front of it as he regarded her. "I realize that perhaps this wasn't the best topic to talk about when you can't sleep."

"No, no it's okay," she responded softly. "I'm glad you trust me enough to share this with me. I know it's not easy. So, that's why you were on Illium?"

"Originally," he said. "I set up operations there afterward. Illium is just as sordid as Omega once you strip away all the glitz and glamour. Acquiring new contracts was relatively easy, and I have been there ever since."

Jane reclined against the cushion quietly, not knowing what else to say. She remembered the pitying glances and the softly spoken platitudes that people showered her with after Mindoir. Everything they said seemed so empty and obligatory. Sometimes it was just better to say nothing at all. Thane eventually wandered back to the window, and they stayed like that for a while. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Irikah had been like, how she and Thane had interacted with each other, how she dealt with him being gone all the time.

"Commander."

"Mmm?" Her eyes blinked open to Thane standing above her, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder. She hadn't realized that she'd fallen asleep.

She was rewarded with a warm smile. "You were drifting off. I debated on waking you but ultimately thought you might be more comfortable in your quarters."

"Okay," she murmured.

Her eyelids felt like they weighed a ton. It was hard to keep them open. She'd just sit there for a few more minutes and then get up and go to her cabin. Presently she heard the rustling of Thane's clothes and the hiss of the door as he left the room. She thought that he had decided to go back to the crews' quarters, but he returned a moment later and she felt something soft and warm settle over her. She breathed in a deep, contented sigh and snuggled into the blanket.

"Sleep well, Siha," Thane whispered before slipping quietly from the room.


	29. The Future in the Past

"_I got shot through a space not long ago,  
>I thought I knew the place so well.<br>It wasn't the same, now it goes to show,  
>Sometime you never can tell." – Doubleback, ZZ Top <em>

**Chapter Twenty-Nine –****The Future in the Past**

It was late afternoon when the shuttle touched down in the Normandy's hanger bay. The day started out uneventfully enough, with a rather dull morning of scanning planets for resources. During a routine search of a nearby planet, Jane had discovered that a blip on the radar was actually the shell of an old, derelict freighter and had immediately put in a call to Admiral Hackett. He responded that its description matched the signatures of the MSV Estevanico, a ship that had gone missing over a year ago, and asked her to look into it.

What followed was a heart-pounding solo mission aboard the skeletal remains of a ship that had crash-landed in a rocky canyon and was teetering precariously on the edge of the cliff. Every step she took had caused it to rock dangerously back and forth, the horrible sounds of crunching metal suggesting that the Estevanico could slip from its perch and fall at any moment. She successfully retrieved the ship's data from the mainframe when the structure lurched, and had narrowly escaped before it plummeted into the ravine below.

Jane unlatched her helmet and slipped it off, breathing in deeply as she waited for the shuttle doors to open. She was glad to be on a solid ship again, one that wouldn't toss her off into the ether if she made one wrong move. While she had no problem running these "errand" missions for Hackett since she wanted to stay in the good graces of the Alliance while she was associated with John and the Cerberus crew, she was getting tired of investigating abandoned vessels. It left a bad taste in her mouth and only added to her growing sense of uneasiness.

A small crowd, including John and Thane, were gathered around the exercise equipment stationed in the corner. It appeared they may have been working out at one point, but now only Thane was still going strong. He was positioned off to the side, walking through the steps of some sort of complicated martial arts kata while the rest were sitting around and talking. Jane did a quick scan for the turian and squelched a sigh when she couldn't find him, though she wasn't sure whether it was from relief or disappointment. Then she wiped the uncertainty from her face with the palm of her hand and squared her shoulders, determined not to let her warring emotions show.

"Hello, Commander," Thane greeted when he saw her approach. He stopped and let his hands drop to his sides. He seemed oddly out of breath, which Jane found puzzling as it appeared he had been working more on technique and form than physical exertion. "How was your mission?"

"Same as the last one," she quipped with a wry smile. "Creepy as hell. No husks this time, though, so I guess there's that…."

"Sounds boring as hell, if you ask me," Zaeed interjected from his place on the weight bench. "When're we gonna see some real action?"

"Yeah," Wrex added. The krogan pushed away from the stack of blue mats he was leaning on and folded his arms. "Standing around the cargo hold all day makes me twitchy. You don't want that."

"Wrex…," Jane warned teasingly. "Do we need to have that conversation about the appropriate use of firearms in an enclosed space again?"

He looked at her, his expression completely deadpan. "We might."

Everybody laughed.

"As much as I would like to stay and hear about your excursion," Thane said, stepping off the exercise mat, "I'm afraid I must excuse myself."

Jane cocked her head to the side. Something about him didn't seem quite right. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Yes, Siha," he replied. "Everything is fine. No need to worry."

"What did he just call me?" she wondered aloud as she watched him walk away.

"Probably some sort of drell insult," John joked to Zaeed, elbowing the aging merc in the ribs. It was the first time he'd spoken since she arrived. She shot him a look that told him she clearly didn't think it was very funny. He smiled, trying to pretend he didn't know why she was so mad. "What?"

Jane shook her head in disgust and directed her gaze back to the elevator.

"I've been thinkin', Shepard."

She turned back around at the sound of her name, only to realize that Zaeed hadn't been talking to her. She was never going to get used to that.

"'Bout what?" John said.

"Vido."

"Who's Vido?" Jane asked.

Zaeed looked up at her, a scowl deepening the lines on his leathery face. His mismatched eyes hardened as they narrowed with unconcealed hatred. "Vido Santiago. Slimiest son-of-a-bitch that ever roamed the galaxy. We were partners a couple years back. Co-founded the Suns together."

"You co-founded the Suns? The Blue Suns?"

"Yeah. Things were going pretty well, too. Really lucrative. Until the bastard thought he could run things better 'en I could."

"How did that end?"

"Not too well, as you can imagine." Zaeed pointed his finger at the patchwork of puckered flesh covering his right cheek and eye. "Paid six of my own goddamn men to hold me down while he put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger."

Jane covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes went wide.

"Don't waste your sympathy on him," John told her with a smirk. "He got even."

"How?" she breathed.

"He lit him on fire and left him to burn."

"Oh god," she exclaimed, though the sound was muffled by her hand.

Both Zaeed and John laughed, though she wasn't sure whether it was at the memory or because of her reaction to it.

"You wanna know what the real pisser is, though?" Zaeed threw out. "The asshole's still alive in this universe."

"And let me guess," John said. "You want to go after him."

"Wouldn't you?" Zaeed asked.

"I'd want revenge," Wrex grunted from the sidelines.

"Whoa. Hold on," Jane cut in. "You can't just hunt down someone like that."

Three pairs of eyes turned toward her.

"Why not?" Zaeed countered. "I say he deserves what's coming to him."

"For all you know, that may have never even happened! Look," Jane explained when they continued to stare at her like she was the crazy one, "how do we know there's not another you running around? Maybe he's already taken care of it. Or maybe you're still great friends. Think about it; you guys came from an alternate universe, so—"

Realization slowly started to dawn across John's face. "So some of us could have a double out there that we don't even know about," he finished for her.

"Exactly! And if we go messing with things right now—like killing off a person in this world that wronged you in yours—we could alter the space-time continuum and cause irreparable damage."

"Now you sound like Mordin. But as much as I hate to admit it," John frowned, "I think you're right."

It was oddly satisfying to have John agree with her for once, even if it did come out as an insult.

"EDI?" he called out.

The AI's blue orb popped up from the port in the wall beside the exercise equipment. "Yes Commander?"

"Can you run a query on the current whereabouts of every one of my crew members in this universe?"

"Certainly, Shepard." The AI was silent for several seconds and then replied, "Mordin Solus is in the lab, Kenneth Donnelly and Gabriella Daniels are still in engineering, Kelly Chambers is looking over psychology profiles in the CIC, Dr. Karin Chakwas is running tests on Kaidan Alenko in the med bay, Jack is in the subdeck under engineering, Garrus Vakarian is cleaning his rifle at the table in the mess hall, Kasumi Goto is in the port observatory reading a book, and Zaeed Massani is sitting right next to you."

John clapped his hand over his eyes and forehead.

Zaeed let out a low laugh. "For an AI, that thing isn't too bright sometimes, is it?"

"Well, to be fair, she did answer his question. He wasn't really being specific," Jane said, hooking a thumb in John's direction.

"I meant, see if you can find duplicates of those exact crew members outside of the Normandy," John clarified, ignoring the antics of the other two.

"You want to search for potential doppelgangers?" EDI asked.

"Yes."

"A search of this magnitude will take some time, Shepard."

"That's fine. Report back to me when you have something."

"Understood. Logging you out."

"Let me know what she finds," Jane said, shifting her helmet to her other hand. "I need to send my mission report to Hackett."

John nodded and jumped up to grab the chin-up bar, signifying to her that he was done talking. Jane dipped her head toward the human and krogan mercenaries and left. It wasn't until she stepped out of the elevator on the third deck that EDI's words came back to her.

Garrus was cleaning his rifle in the mess hall.

_Shit._

She froze mid-step, suddenly unsure of what to do. In order to access her quarters, she would have to pass by the table, and the thought of having to face the turian caused a lump to form at the base of her throat. The few interactions they'd had since he'd discovered her secret had been downright chilly, and she really wasn't eager to experience another cold confrontation at the moment. Pivoting on her heel, she changed course and made her way to the crew quarters, deciding at the last minute to check on how Thane was doing.

**.x.x.x.**

The smell of solvent and gun oil filled the mess hall, the odor so strong that it even overpowered the lingering aroma of that morning's breakfast. To Garrus, the scents invoked memories of the turian military and brought along with it the feelings of duty, honor, and discipline. He had been taught from an early age that if he took care of his rifle, it would, in turn, take care of him. Tearing it down to give it a thorough cleaning had become second nature—something he took a great deal of pride in—and, in times when the action was scarce, the ritual brought him comfort and peace of mind.

The mechanical sound of the brakes slowing the elevator to a stop and its doors opening disrupted the silence and serenity that he had been enjoying for the past hour or so. His hands stilled, hovering in the air over the disassembled pieces of his gun, as he waited for whoever it was to disembark.

The footsteps that followed were determined at first, but then they stopped, the abruptness of the movement making it all too clear who their owner was. He shut his eyes and inhaled slowly. Although she had yet to appear and confirm his suspicions, the air was so fraught with tension that he was positive Jane Shepard was standing just out of sight around the corner. He had known when he first sat down that he ran the risk of running into her, and even now he wasn't quite sure whether or not he had done that on purpose.

Keeping his eyes trained on the hallway between the elevator and her office, Garrus gently set the trigger mechanism he'd been cleaning down on the table. Inside, his heart battled with his mind, stirring up a wide range of conflicting emotions. The dream he'd had still haunted him, and now, even days later, he struggled to understand the feelings it generated.

How long, he wondered, would things be like this between them? He immediately caught himself before that thought could fully take hold. He knew how long. Besides, even if he could find it in himself to put aside his hurt and anger at her betrayal long enough to forgive her, she still had never loved him in the first place. He'd had this argument with himself before. The sooner he realized that this is where things ended, the better off he'd be.

Unfortunately, there was really only one way to truly put the incident behind him and move on: he needed to talk to her.

Exhaling through his nose, Garrus pushed away from the table and strode down the hall, rounding the corner just in time to see Jane's slender form disappear through the doorway leading to the crews' quarters.

"Hello, Thane," her voice floated back to him.

"Siha," came the drell's gravelly reply.

"I came by to see—"

The door shut behind her, cutting off the rest of her sentence, and Garrus was left standing in the hallway, his heart pounding out an erratic beat as a new and entirely unfamiliar emotion settled over him.

**.x.x.x.**

"I believe I've…almost got…it."

Miranda's fingers fluttered over the keys on her keyboard in a graceful, yet frantic dance of precision and skill. She had been trying for over an hour to hack into the Normandy's mainframe, which was nearly impossible to do without alerting the AI that something was amiss.

Before, when she thought that EDI was just a simple VI, she hadn't given a second thought to skulking around the ship when no one was around. It was a miracle she hadn't been caught yet since that damned AI could literally be everywhere at once.

The program she was attempting to upload would infiltrate EDI's recognition software and allow her access to all of the crews' biometrics. Her plan was to alter the program just enough that it wouldn't keep a log of her own biometrics, such as which doors she accessed and when. The small change also enabled her to install an algorithm that intercepted any alerts to the AI and deleted all footage of her when she went to the places on the ship that were normally restricted to everyone but the Commanders.

"Done!"

Miranda's head rose at the sound of muffled voices coming from next door. The room John had given her shared a wall with the crews' quarters, and it wasn't uncommon to hear day-to-day conversations. Listening closely, she concentrated on their tones, trying to figure out who was in there.

When she realized it was Jane talking with the drell, she knew that this was the chance she had been waiting for. Even without the AI tracking her every move, it was getting harder and harder to sneak into the Commander's office to look for evidence about John, and each time she went in there it upped the risk of her being discovered. Still, it was better than having to flirt with him in order to get the information.

She repressed a shudder. The Illusive Man had no idea what he was really asking her to do.

After a close encounter with the turian in the mess hall, where her duplicity was very nearly exposed, she sprinted over to Jane's office and slipped through the door. The lights inside the cabin had been dimmed, enveloping the room in soft lowlight shadows that clung to the simple furnishings. Miranda skirted around the desk with a sense of urgency and crouched down, carefully pulling out the bottom right-hand drawer. It was filled to capacity with dozens of Cerberus file folders, all neatly labeled and organized alphabetically. She felt a surge of excitement course through her as she walked her fingers over the tabs and plucked out the one bearing John's name, but disappointment quickly followed as a flip through the pages revealed nothing but his enlistment paperwork and military service record.

She was beginning to think that she was never going to find anything on John and his cybernetic upgrades.

With an angry sigh she crammed the folder into the drawer. She needed to get going, especially since she had no way of knowing when Jane would return. But the file wouldn't fit back into place. She ran her hand across the cover, thinking that if she squeezed it she might be able to force it back in, and as she did she discovered a small, hard bulge toward the bottom. Resting the file on tops of the others, Miranda examined the back flap and found an OSD with the words _Lazarus_ _Project_ tucked into the side pocket.

Her heart rate increased as she slid the disc out and turned it over in her hands. She didn't know what it was, but something told her that this was the discovery she'd been hoping for. She pushed the door closed and jumped to her feet, anxious to get back to the privacy of her makeshift quarters. She had almost made it back to Life Support when the elevator doors opened behind her.

"Miranda?"

"Damn it!" she swore under her breath.

She pivoted on her heel to face John, who was dressed in loose-fitting exercise clothes. He had a towel draped around his neck and sweat still glistened above his brow, which sparkled in the light of the fluorescent bulbs above them as he moved. "Hey. It's kinda nice seeing you around the ship. I'm glad you're starting to feel more comfortable around all of us."

"Well, you know, I can't stay cooped up forever, right?" Miranda bit the inside of her lip and forced herself to smile in a way she hoped was warm and welcoming, slowly inching her hand behind her back to conceal the small disc she was holding.

"Right. I was just on my way to the kitchen to grab a protein shake. Do you want to join me? Maybe we could catch up?"

She supposed she should be flattered that the great Commander Shepard—the ruthless solider touted for having an uncompromising personality and a shoot-first-ask-questions-later attitude—was reduced to nothing more than a lovesick schoolboy groveling for her affection, but the only emotion she felt was annoyance. And unfortunately, being annoyed wasn't going to get her close enough to him to learn all his secrets. If she could just swallow her disgust and buckle down, she could have him eating out of the palm of her hand before the night was over.

"Actually, I'm right in the middle of something," Miranda said. It wasn't a complete lie, after all. She steeled herself for what she was about to say next, and continued, "But I agree; we should take some time to sit down and talk. Lots of things have happened lately that need to be discussed."

She followed up that last part with an enigmatic smile and a subtle raise of her eyebrow, and when John nodded eagerly she knew he'd taken the bait.

"Okay. I'll finish up what I need to do, and when I'm done I'll come find you."

"All right, Miranda," he said. "I'll see you soon."

He continued on his way to the mess hall, glancing over his shoulder once to see if she was still standing there, and when he disappeared around the corner she released a loud breath. That was close. Thankfully all she had to do to distract the Normandy's Commander was turn on the charm. Fooling the rest of the crew wasn't going to be as easy.

Once she was safely behind locked doors, she inserted the OSD into her terminal's drive and waited for the contents to load. A video log appeared. Selecting the first entry, she folded her arms and leaned back expectantly.

When her image filled the screen a few seconds later and she heard her own voice coming through the speakers she nearly fell out of the chair. A sickening, surreal feeling settled into the pit of her stomach, but she found she couldn't tear her eyes away. It was like looking at her reflection in the mirror. It was her, only it wasn't. The woman in the video appeared slightly older, and looked like she had wisdom beyond her years. She knew things, had probably seen things that Miranda never had.

As she studied herself, her twin in the video went on to explain how Cerberus had recovered the Commander's charred remains and how they planned to use bio-synthetic fusion to rebuild him.

"I can't believe it. _We_ were the ones who rebuilt him!" she whispered incredulously. Though the idea of cloning was nothing new to her, given what her father had done, learning that the Illusive Man had spent such a ludicrous amount of money on the project came as quite a shock.

She clicked through the next couple of logs, learning more and more about their progress as she watched. At one point during one of the videos John's voice came over the comm, ordering everybody to meet in the debriefing room, but she ignored him in favor of watching the rest. She figured that what she was doing was more important than pretending to be a cooperative and enthusiastic team member, and if he expressed any anger or disappointment toward her later on she'd just put on a playful pout and tell him how sorry she was.

"_Physical reconstruction is complete," _her double reported, but Miranda noted no joy in her words,_ "but we still need to evaluate all mental and neurological functions. Our orders were clear; make Commander Shepard who he was before the explosion – the same mind, the same morals, the same personality. If we alter his identity in any way, if he's somehow not the man he used to be, the Lazarus Project will have failed. For this reason, the Illusive Man has denied my request to surgically implant some sort of control mechanism in his brain." _

"Oh honey, I wish you had," Miranda said. "It would've made my job a whole lot easier."

She ejected the OSD and leaned forward, letting her head fall into her hands. There was so much information to process, and she was overwhelmed with everything she had just learned.

It seemed like John had always had the rotten, arrogant, quick-to-react personality that surfaced whenever she was around him, and for whatever reason, the Cerberus group in his universe chose to preserve that. But why? What did they see in him that they would have spent so many billions of credits to bring him back to life? And then, why the decision to leave out a way to control him? She agreed with her counterpart; it would have been a helpful tool that she could have used to her advantage now.

Although the video logs had undoubtedly raised more questions, she now had enough information to report to the Illusive Man. And the presence of her alternate counterpart in John's universe had also made one thing astonishingly clear.

John and that Miranda had been romantically involved.

It wasn't hard to make the leap to that conclusion once she allowed herself to really contemplate how he acted every time he was around her; the familiarity he had towards her, the intimate things he knew about her and the references he constantly made to them, not to mention the sudden awkwardness he displayed when she flirted back with him.

The more she thought about it, the more she came to realize that John was trying to rekindle his past relationship with her. A slow, menacing smile spread across her perfectly shaped lips. She had unwittingly played right into his fantasies. And now, she had the knowledge and the leverage Cerberus so desperately needed. All that remained was coming up with a plan and putting it into action.

It wouldn't be long now….

**.x.x.x.**

"Hello, Thane."

"Siha."

A small, welcoming smile came to rest upon the drell's lips, but the look in his dark eyes was troubled, his expression guarded.

"I came by to see how you were doing." She hesitated, not quite sure if he would appreciate her prying into his affairs. "You left in such a hurry. Is something wrong?"

He glanced down at his clasped hands, as though debating whether or not to continue, before he rose out of his chair and walked toward the terminal in the corner of the barracks. Keeping his back to her, he stared down at the orange screen and took a shaky breath. "I'm glad you did," he finally replied. "I'm dying."

"What?!" Jane exclaimed. "Thane, you told me everything was fine!"

He twisted around to look at her and his features softened. "I know. I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure. Your ship's doctor just confirmed my suspicions. I have Kepral's Syndrome. The disease is common among my people due to the humid climate on Kahje. Drell are used to a more arid world. Our lungs simply cannot handle the moisture. Over time, the tissue loses its ability to absorb oxygen. It becomes harder to breathe. Eventually, we suffocate. This…," he paused, releasing a small sigh, "was not entirely unexpected."

"Is there anything we can do? The Normandy has a state-of-the-art med bay and a doctor with two year's advanced knowledge. There has to be—"

"If the finest medical minds in the hanar illuminated primacy can't solve the problem, I doubt your ship's medic could," he said.

She was quiet for a moment as she let everything sink in and then asked softly, "How long do you have?"

"A year. Maybe two if I'm one of the more fortunate ones."

Jane's gaze fell to the floor as she bit her bottom lip and wrung her fingers together. It seemed like lately everyone she allowed herself to get close to was either getting hurt or dying.

Thane moved forward and slowly pulled her hands apart.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You needn't feel sorry for me. I have accepted that this is my fate," he reassured her. "I do not fear what is coming. For now, it is a reminder to live each day to its fullest and to appreciate what I have right in front of me."

If there was any hidden meaning to his words, it was left unspoken as he continued to hold her hands. His light touch was cool against her warm skin. The air crackled around them, and suddenly she was afraid to meet his eyes, worried about what she might find in them. Had she been sending him the wrong signals? Did he think that all the time they had spent together talking and her concern for his well-being now meant that she was interested in him?

"Thane…I…." She swallowed hard and tugged her hands out of his grip. "I-I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but…."

"You and the turian?" he prompted gently, trying to catch her gaze.

"No." She shook her head. "Not anymore. We— No."

His lips tightened as he nodded in understanding, and that simple action almost caused her to lose control of the reign she had been keeping over her emotions.

Thane seemed to sense that.

"Holding everything inside all the time isn't the way to overcome grief, Siha," he cautioned. "Trust me, I know this too well."

She angled away from him. Two tears, silent and unbidden, slid defiantly down her cheeks as she nodded.

"Talk to me," he said, lightly touching her arm. "Let me help you."

Jane swiped angrily at the errant tears and sank down to the mattress of the nearest bunk with a heavy sigh. "My mate is dead, too," she whispered. "He died protecting our team from Saren and his geth, right before we ran into John and his crew. Not having time to mourn because we were saving the galaxy was hard enough, but then when we boarded this ship and I-I saw him standing there…alive and well and…." She faltered, choking on her words. "But it wasn't really him. Everything we'd known, everything we'd had together, was gone."

Though Thane appeared shocked by the revelation, he said nothing as he waited for her to continue.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at him every day without being reminded of what I'd lost." A derisive laugh escaped her lips. "So I went out of my way to avoid him. I thought it was working, too, but somehow this Garrus still managed to find his way into my heart. And even then, I had a hard time letting myself get close because I was so damn worried that I was falling for him simply because it was a way for me to get my mate back."

"Was it?"

"No," she replied sadly. "The more time I spent around him, the more I realized just how different he was. I fell in love with that shy awkwardness that came over him every time we ran into each other, his dry wit and sharp sense of humor, his loyalty and devotion to our cause."

"Did he understand your initial hesitation once you explained everything to him?"

"I…never told him," she confessed.

"Siha…."

Jane averted her eyes guiltily at his reprimanding tone.

"Why?"

"I was worried that if he knew the truth, he would always wonder whether or not I was just using him," she said, exhaling through her nose as she recalled Garrus' heated words during their awful fight. "And when he discovered the truth on his own, that's exactly what he thought—all because Iwas afraid to tell him! Oh Thane, I've made such a terrible mess out of things! And now I've lost him forever. He'll never be able to trust me again after this."

Thane sat down beside her on the bed and draped his arm around her shoulders. She turned into his embrace and buried her face in the coarse fabric of his suit. He sat there quietly as she clung to him and finally let go of the anguish she'd been holding in.

"I don't know what to do!" she sobbed. "How did you accept Irikah's death? When does the pain stop?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he wrapped his other arm around her, reaching his hand up to gently stroke the length of her red hair.

"I feel like I'm being torn in half. Like I'm being forced to choose which one of them I love more. And I can't! I just can't!"

"You don't have to choose," he soothed. "It's possible to have more than one love in a lifetime. You can still hold onto what you feel for your deceased mate, but it's also okay to let another in to fill that void. You said yourself that you love both of them for different reasons."

She pulled out of his grasp enough to turn her tear-streaked face up to look at him.

"One chapter in your life may have closed," he assured her, tenderly brushing a tear from her cheek, "but a new one is just beginning."

"Even if things were that simple," she whispered brokenly, "how do I fix what I've done? How do I make it right?"

"All you can do is give him time. Give him a chance to move beyond his hurt and anger, and when you've both had a moment to calm down, explain to him why you chose to keep things from him."

"And if he doesn't? If he can't forgive me?"

"The only thing you can do is try, Siha. If he can't forgive what you've done, then you must respect his decision and carry on."

She grew quiet as she reflected on everything. Then she straightened up and scrubbed her face with the palms of her hands. "You keep calling me that. What does 'Siha' mean?"

He smiled. "Siha is the name of one of the warrior angels of the goddess Arashu. She is fierce in wrath and a tenacious protector. You remind me of her."

Jane returned the sentiment with a half-hearted smile of her own, before she stood up and looked down at the armor she still had on. "I guess I better go change."

"Of course. Have I helped to ease your mind at all?"

"A little," she said. "Thank you."

"Be strong, Siha, and I'll be here for you during the times you can't."

She left the crew quarters feeling more at peace than she had in days. Confiding in Thane had helped immensely in lifting some the burden of sorrow and guilt from her shoulders. He knew, and understood, what no one else could—the gut-wrenching ache of losing a partner.

Owning her mistakes hadn't been easy, but for the first time since her falling out with Garrus, she felt like she could breathe. Thane had given her hope, and in the wake of their conversation it had slowly begun to build in her chest, thumping in tune with her heartbeat as it grew in intensity.

She took a deep breath, pulling the air deep into her lungs and then slowly exhaled through her nose, enjoying the feeling of simply being alive. With her focus renewed, she jogged to the med bay. Thane had assured her that he had accepted his illness, but his readiness to change the subject told her that maybe he wasn't as okay with it as he was leading her to believe, and she was determined to find some way to help him.

Dr. Chakwas greeted her with a smile as she walked in. "Commander. What brings you to this section of the Normandy?"

Her visits had tapered since Kaidan had been released.

"I wanted to talk to you about Thane."

"You've heard, then?"

Jane nodded. "Is there anything we can do?"

"I'm afraid not," the doctor replied. Her tone was empathetic, but also held an unmistakable note of professionalism.

"Not even with everything you know from the future?"

Chakwas' eyes softened. "Even in the future there was no cure for Kepral's Syndrome. Our Thane had it too. That's why I knew the symptoms and was able to diagnose him so quickly. I'm afraid the only thing we can do now is make him as comfortable as possible."

"How?"

"I seem to recall EDI saying something about the area in Life Support being slightly more arid then the rest of the ship. It seemed to help him a bit."

"Life Support? Hmm…okay. I'll see about moving him in there, then. Thank you, doctor."

"You're welcome, Commander."

Jane returned to the mess hall and frowned. Having that conversation with John was going to be fun. Miranda was currently using the room for her own private quarters, claiming that it was necessary she had privacy since she constantly had to keep the Illusive Man up to date with progress reports on their mission. Personally, she thought Miranda was just manipulating John's feelings for her to get what she wanted, which was isolation from a crew she couldn't stand, but every time she tried to bring up any issues regarding the Cerberus Operative, John immediately went on the defensive.

But opening up that can of worms could wait until she got out of her hardsuit.

There were some days she really missed her medium-grade armor. It was hardly noticeable, not at all like the hot, heavy, bulky Kestral armor she was wearing now. Her current setup wasn't nearly as comfortable and didn't allow her to move around as nimbly as she was used to.

She began unsnapping pieces as soon as she walked into her room but stopped just short of the closet and looked back toward the exit. Something wasn't right, but Jane couldn't quite place what it was. Everything appeared normal. She shook off the feeling and continued removing the rest of her armor until it was all lying on the small sofa opposite her closet. Then she locked her fingers together, lifting her arms over her head to stretch out her stiff muscles.

"_Attention all crew!" _John's voice blared over the intercom. _ "I want everyone assembled in the debriefing room in five minutes! Shepard out."_

The whole crew. That meant EDI had found something.

She spun around and hurried out to the elevator. Thane was waiting for the lift to arrive when she rounded the corner. He bowed his head slightly when he spotted her.

"At least I got the chance to change," she laughed with a lighthearted shrug.

Her reward came in the form of a slight shake of his head and an easy smile, and as they stepped into the elevator headed for the second deck she felt ready for whatever was going to happen next.

**.x.x.x.**

Garrus lingered at the back of the room, eyeing members of the crew as they slowly shuffled in one by one. Although it was certainly not something he intended to do, the detective in him couldn't help but read their body language and the expressions on their faces, trying to assess what they were thinking. Some, like Zaeed and Wrex, seemed more at ease with the sudden request, while others, like Liara, appeared more apprehensive. Tali was busy keeping a wary eye trained on Legion, Ashley didn't look like she cared whether or not she was there, and Jack just looked bored.

By now, the majority of the crew had arrived. Only a few people were still missing, most notably Jane and the drell. Garrus' brow furrowed into a frown and his mandibles clicked together as his mind went to work thinking up all sorts of reasons why they weren't there.

"Easy there, big guy," Kasumi said. She nudged him with her elbow and tipped her head. "I'm sure whatever Shep called us in here to talk about isn't as bad as you think."

"Huh?"

"You're doing that thing with your…." She pointed to her chin and made a couple of quick circles with her finger in the air around her jaw. "It's kind of scary."

Spirits. He hadn't realized he was doing it. Garrus crossed his arms and exhaled loudly through his nose, telling himself that just because Jane and Krios weren't there yet didn't mean it was because they were doing something together. He put an end to that thought before it could go any further, and reminded himself that it wouldn't matter to him anyway if it did.

But when the source of his current agitation finally sauntered in a few minutes later, walking side-by-side and standing way too close to each other, he had to bite down on his tongue to keep from growling out loud. Jane's eyes, while still rimmed by the dark shadows of lost sleep, seemed more alive than he had seen them look in days. Color had returned to her face, tinting her cheeks a healthy shade of pink.

It was like someone shot a bullet straight into his already bruised and beaten heart. The battered muscle in his chest clenched and screamed out at the injustice, demanding to know why he was the only one who was still suffering. Garrus wasn't sure what hurt more; the actual lie that had plunged them both into the situation they were in, or knowing that she had already moved on. He wasn't an idiot. He knew that it was an eventuality he would have to face some day, but he never dreamed that day would come so soon. If he had any lingering doubts that the whole ordeal might have just been a horrible misunderstanding, they were squashed the minute she walked through that door.

The soft murmur of voices drew his attention away as everybody began chattering all at once, and it wasn't long before Joker and Donnelly started taking bets on the reason why they had all been called together.

"I wonder if it has something to do with the geth," Tali said, her voice dripping with suspicion as she continued to stare at Legion through the smoky glass of her helmet. "I hope they don't attack again."

"You have nothing to fear from this unit, Creatorrrrrr Zorah," the geth stuttered.

"I think it has something to do with Cerberus," Ashley said.

"If it does, I hope it's kicking that snobby-ass cheerleader off this ship," Jack quipped.

"God, let's hope so," the Gunnery Chief dryly replied.

Garrus did a quick survey of the room, noting that Miranda had yet to arrive.

Jane stood off to the side, quietly watching the rest of the crew. If she knew what was going on, she wasn't saying anything. At one point she tried to catch his gaze, but he quickly shifted his eyes away the moment they made contact.

The door opened a second later and John marched in, dressed in one of his more formal black Cerberus uniforms.

"Whoa-ho, Commander," Joker immediately howled. "Why didn't I get the memo? I didn't know we were supposed to dress up for this meeting. Do you have a fancy date afterward or something?"

"Can it, Joker," he snapped. "All right everybody, listen up! Earlier today I asked EDI to do a search for any doubles of my SR-2 crew that could be out there in this universe."

Mordin's head reared up. "Would strictly advise against contacting any of them, Shepard. Seeing oneself would disrupt time-space continuum. Paradox would be imminent."

Garrus almost missed seeing John roll his eyes when the doctor turned his back, and had to wonder what that was all about.

"But EDI said the chance of a paradox was less than one percent, remember?" Kelly countered.

"AI most likely attempting to placate crew in order to avoid mass hysteria," he said.

"Oh."

"There is absolutely zero chance of a paradox happening," EDI said, the AI's smooth voice cutting off any further speculation as its blue orb emerged in the center of the long table.

"Why not?" Ashley demanded. "What makes you so sure?"

"According to results of my search, every person in this universe who has a duplicate on the SR-2 is dead."

"What?" several people exclaimed at once.

John and Jane shared a look that bordered on alarm. Apparently that hadn't been the answer they'd been expecting.

"How is that possible?" Jane finally asked.

"When John and his crew entered this universe, they forever altered the space-time continuum, creating this alternate reality," EDI said. "But the universe demands balance, because two of the exact same person cannot co-exist on the same plane. So when this alternate reality was created, the universe took measures to even out the parallels."

Jane's brow crinkled into a worried frown. "Even them out how?"

"By killing off all the doubles," John concluded.

"While not exactly the phrase I would have used," EDI replied, "Commander Shepard is accurate."

Garrus stole a glance at Jane. A stormy look had settled over her features, clouding her eyes with an unreadable emotion.

"Wait a sec," Jack said. "So we're all dead in this world?"

Without being prompted to do so, the Normandy's artificial intelligence began to list the cause of death for all of John's team members. For most of the crew, the situations surrounding their demise sounded strikingly familiar, as the events that took the lives of their identical counterparts were things that had happened in their past as well. It was eerie to think that one wrong move, one small twist, could have had such catastrophic outcomes.

EDI went on to explain that Zaeed died of his injuries from being shot in the face by Vido Santiago, Kasumi was killed trying to save the life of her partner, Mordin perished when his clinic on Omega was attacked by mercenary gangs , and Jack didn't survive Cerberus experiments on her.

"See? I told you that bastard deserves to die," Zaeed retorted. Then he jerked his thumb toward Garrus. "What about ol' Archangel over here? If a rocket to the face couldn't take this guy out, I wanna know what brought him down."

"Garrus Vakarian was shot and killed by a geth sniper on Virmire," EDI replied.

Garrus' mandibles twitched at the revelation. Virmire. That was right before the two crews met.

"Figures," the merc grunted. "You'd have to be pretty sneaky to get a jump on that son-of-bitch. Just look at the odds he had on Omega and how that turned out."

Everyone from John's crew was making a joke out of his prowess, while Jane's half remained respectfully silent. The turian flicked his eyes back to Jane just in time to see her bite her bottom lip and shift her focus down to the floor. Her pain and grief were palpable and very real, and the sight of it made his stomach lurch.

This wasn't right.

For the first time since that awful night, he allowed himself to sympathize with what she had been through. He had been so wrapped up with how he felt, how everything affected him. Maybe he had been too harsh, too quick to pass judgment.

He opened his mouth, about to tell Zaeed and the rest of the crew to knock it off, when Thane reached up and gently placed his hand on Jane's shoulder. She responded to his touch with a weak smile and leaned into his palm. As Garrus stared at the green hand nestled under her red hair, any notions of forgiveness he may have been contemplating instantly vanished as a wave of rage washed over him, extinguishing everything but the intense need to skewer Krios to the nearest wall. He shot the drell a look of pure loathing, but Thane's expression remained defiantly indifferent.

EDI continued to drone on in the background, but Garrus was no longer listening. He moved his eyes briefly to Jane again, who was now watching him in turn, before he forced his attention back to the AI's hologram in the center of the table.

"Gabriela Daniels and Kenneth Donnelly were together when their shuttle was hit from behind and crashed into an office building. Rupert Gardner was knifed in the stomach when he tried to break up a fight in a bar on the Citadel. Kelly Chambers had attempted to negotiate with a batarian who had taken several hostages, but he killed her before taking his own life. And despite all of my efforts, I could not find any information that supported Dr. Karin Chakwas ever existed in this universe."

"Oh my," Kelly whispered. "This is just horrible."

"If what you say is true," Liara interjected, "about our doubles not being able to exist in the same plane as us, then how does that explain John?"

All eyes turned expectantly to the blue avatar in the center of the table.

"The answer to this question was not easy to find, and required not only a thorough examination of each Shepards' galactic and military records from both universes but an extensive search through the Citadel Archives as well. However, I was able to determine that the reason John and Jane are able to co-exist in the same universe is because they each had a twin of the opposite sex that died during childbirth."

"What?!" the Commanders exclaimed in unison.

Suddenly the small room erupted into a cacophony of jumbled noise as several people started talking all at once.

"Okay, okay. Everybody calm down!" John shouted. "EDI, are you sure?"

"I am certain," the AI responded. "Your records were the most difficult to track down, not only because I had to rely on archived information from our universe, but because some of those records had also been sealed. Your mother's name was listed only as N. Shepard. She had a history of drug use—mostly red sand—and repeated incarcerations, and had been homeless at the time you were born. She gave birth to you in a darkened alleyway in the slums. Because of her weakened and malnourished condition, she went into cardiac arrest while she was in labor with your twin sister, causing them both to die. You were found by the local authorities a few hours later, who promptly turned you over to the nearest orphanage."

"Goddess," Liara breathed.

It was the first time that Garrus had ever witnessed the color drain out of his Commander's face.

"No…no, I think you're mistaken, EDI," Jane asserted with a stubborn shake of her head. "My parents and I were close. There wasn't any reason why they would hide something like this from me. They would've told me I'd had a twin."

"Maybe they had every intention of telling you and were just waiting for the right time," Kaidan said softly, "but never got the chance before the attack."

"I-I don't know. This is a lot to take in. I need some time to process it all."

Gabby nodded. "You can say that again."

"As morbid as these revelations are, I can't help but find it all very fascinating." Donnelly said. "I mean, we have two different versions of people and somehow the universe has managed to keep track of everyone on both sides in order to even everything out, so to speak. Does anyone else find that interesting?"

"It makes me wonder if things turned out this way by chance, and we're all just lucky to be standing here, or if this was all part of some grand plan," Kelly mused, but it was hard to judge from the tone of her voice whether she was awed by that aspect, or just grateful to be alive.

"I've often thought that myself," Jane said. "It seems like the more we try to use the knowledge of what happened in your world to fix things in ours, the more we just help them happen anyway. Maybe we really can't escape fate."

"Like with the Collectors," Garrus added. It was the first time he'd spoken since the meeting started. "We knew what was going to happen, and took steps to prevent it, but they attacked anyway."

"But we were able to change it a little bit," John pointed out. "I died in the original Collector attack, but both of us are still here now. And both Ashley and Kaidan survived the events on Virmire." He paused. "Jesus, this shit is making my head hurt."

"You think your head hurts," Jane snapped. "I don't even know what reality is anymore."

"Perhaps ours is not to understand the reasoning behind it," Thane commented philosophically, "but to simply accept what is."

Tali scratched the outside of her hood, a common quarian gesture that conveyed she was thinking. "The universe sure has an extraordinary way of bringing people together."

"It certainly does," Thane said.

The way in which the drell delivered that sentence had a cryptic, yet provocative edge to it, his tone tinged with subtle suggestions of possessiveness that made Garrus' hands clench into tight fists. There was definitely dual meaning behind his words, and he was pretty sure he was witnessing Krios' seduction of Jane Shepard as he watched helplessly from the sidelines. Thank the Spirits that Jane hadn't seemed to pick up on his inflection, because he wouldn't be able to control what happened next, and he didn't think anyone would appreciate him snapping the neck of their newest crew member.

He dragged a taloned hand down his face. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was Thane's sudden interest in the Commander bothering him so much?

John brought his hand to his chin, running his fingers along the stubble that covered most of it as he shrugged. "I guess that rule doesn't apply to machinery. EDI's still functioning and Legion is uhh... sort of working."

"Have you had any success figuring out how he can communicate with the geth collective?" Jane inquired, aiming her question at EDI.

"No," EDI replied. "Every test scenario I run ends with Legion giving this universe's geth collective two year's worth of advanced information. But," it added with a note of optimism, "I will keep trying."

"Hey EDI, did you look yourself up?" Joker asked playfully.

"There was no need to, Jeff. At this current point in time, Cerberus had collected my rudimentary programming from the base on Luna, but I had not yet gained full awareness."

"Wait, EDI, you were the rogue VI we fought on the moon?" Jane said.

"Yes."

"Ugh," Ashley groaned. "I _hated _you!"

"What the hell's the point of all of this?" Jack snarled.

"The point is that I wanted you all to hear this so you know what we're up against," John said.

"I think what he means," Jane elaborated, carefully trying to choose the right words, "is that because some of you are technically dead, it might cause considerable trouble if you were seen wandering around the galaxy like nothing's happened."

"So what," the biotic flared hotly, "I'm being held prisoner on this ship because of shit that happened that I had no control over?" She shook her head in angry denial. "Fuck this!"

Jack pushed her way through the crowded room and took off through the door.

"Jack, wait!" Kaidan called out. He hesitated and then turned to Jane with a pleading look in his eyes. "Commander, permission to—?"

Jane nodded her approval, and the tender-hearted lieutenant broke into a run as he hurried out into the hallway to catch up with her.

"That pyscho biotic bitch has a point, Shepard," Zaeed said. "What're we supposed to do? I didn't sign on just to sit on this goddamn ship and rot."

"Nobody's asking anybody to rot on this ship," John responded dryly.

Jane stepped forward and placed her palms on the table. "Look, the council already knows that half of this crew is from the future, though whether they choose to believe it or not is still up for debate. It's not like we've been hiding that fact from them. All we're saying is that we need to take extra precautions and coordinate our missions accordingly. John," she said, directing her next thoughts to him, "I think we should sit down together and look at everything; what we already know, if there are any other potential allies we want to recruit, those sorts of things, and then plan our next course of action."

John nodded. "Sounds good. I also want to check with Miranda to see where we are with the Cerberus resources."

Jane's green eyes narrowed when she realized the Cerberus Operative wasn't there. Her brow furrowed into a deep frown, and though she said nothing to countermand him, it was clear that she didn't agree with the idea.

"The rest of you are dismissed," he said.

The crowd began to disperse and the crew quietly made their way back to their posts, each no doubt contemplating everything they'd been told. Even Joker was oddly silent, seemingly without any smug or witty comments about their situation.

A somber mood had settled over the Normandy, and the ship itself seemed to reflect that. The usual back and forth banter between the crew in the CIC was absent, and the conversations they were having had been reduced to nothing more than a few whispered comments here and there. It was the same on the third deck. The long corridors surrounding the elevator were empty, and the mess hall, which was normally bustling during this time of day, was uncharacteristically devoid of activity. Only Mess Sergeant Gardner was there, keeping a solitary watch from his position behind the kitchen counter.

Garrus gave the cook a passing nod on his way back to the battery, too wrapped up in his own troubled thoughts to stop and make any sort of conversation.

Firing up his terminal, he began scrolling through the results of the analysis on the Thanix cannon he had set to run before he left and concluded that living in space definitely wasn't for the weak. The monotony of seeing the same metal walls for weeks or months at a time and dealing with the claustrophobia the came along with it, coupled with personality clashes and conflicts between crew members was an inevitable recipe for disaster.

Often, turians serving on military vessels would engage to hand-to-hand drills and combat simulations as a way to blow off steam and lessen the anxiety that had built up from being confined in such close quarters for a substantial amount of time, but the rest of the crew seemed reluctant to resort to such physical measures, even though John both encouraged and supported it.

The stress was starting to have an effect everyone, and the tension that was constantly present in the air these days wasn't helping. A storm was brewing. Garrus could feel it deep down in his gut. And if they couldn't find a way to put the feelings of animosity, suspicion, and hurt aside and start working together as a team again, its path of destruction was going to tear them all apart.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I'd like to take a moment to say that Sisypheria seriously deserves a medal. She's been my rock and has put up with a lot from me, especially because I kept going back and forth on what to keep in and what to save for next chapter.

So, about that... I still have so much left to cover before I hit the next big plot point. But the more I think about everything, the more I realize that I'll never be able to include it all in the next chapter. So what I've decided to do is split everything up into smaller, more digestible chapters as I build up to everything (think 3,000 to 4,000 words). They'll be like...chapterlets. Yeah. I like that.

Okay, one last thing. Time travel is tricky! I found myself thinking a lot about Back to the Future II and how their present reality got so skewed so quickly. I took some creative/artistic license to make everything work. Hopefully it does. Pretend it does :)

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this installment. Thank you to everyone who has added this story and/or me to their alerts and favorites, sent me a PM or left a review. Each and every one is read, cherished, and appreciated! I'm continually amazed by it. I LOVE YOU ALL!


	30. Neither Here Nor There

**A/N: **I hope everyone had a fantastic N7 Day!

* * *

><p><em>"Just because something is theoretically impossible doesn't mean that it's not possible." – Oliver Wells, Bones<em>

**Chapter Thirty – Neither Here Nor There **

Despite the eternally slow creep of the elevator, Kaidan caught up with Jack in the small, enclosed corridor between the engineering deck's outer hallway and the engine room.

"Jack, hang on!"

She stopped on the landing between the two sets of stairs. "Go away!" she screamed before covering her head with her hands and running the rest of the way down.

He ignored her and charged down the stairs behind her, only to be met at the bottom with a powerful biotic blast that nearly knocked him off his feet.

"I said go the fuck away, Alenko!"

Grabbing the railing to keep from toppling over as he bore the full brunt of her blast, Kaidan waited for it to dissipate and then straightened up, shaking his head firmly. "No."

Jack's eyebrows scrunched in response to his determination. She pulled the corner of her mouth into an angry sneer, letting out a low growl as she picked up a small locker with a biotic field and hurled it at him. Using his own biotics he deftly swiped it to the side and stepped back into a defensive position, preparing himself for whatever else she would throw at him next.

Her second attack came in the form of a devastating shock wave of blue energy. Kaidan dodged it the best he could, ducking down behind one of the ship's metal girders for cover. Taking advantage of her cool-down time, he popped out just long enough to return fire with a biotic throw. The surge of energy hit its target and she staggered back, slumping against the side of her cot with a breathless grunt.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong," he said.

"Nothing's wrong," she ground out in between heavy gasps.

He crossed his arms over his chest and gazed down at her with a stern look, one that clearly saw right through her. "Something's got you more agitated than usual."

"You think just because we've had a couple conversations, it suddenly means you know me?" she threw back at him as she slowly regained her footing.

"I know that whatever's bothering you goes deeper than the idea of being trapped on the ship. I want to help."

"I don't need your help," she snapped, and then added with a sarcastic twist of her lips, "I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. Now leave me alone."

For as far back as he could remember Kaidan had always taken the kinder, gentler approach when it came to disagreements. His sensitive personality often led him to choose the peaceful solution, even if it came at the detriment of what he really wanted. Not this time, he decided resolutely. This time he wasn't backing down. He was tired of tiptoeing around, tired of being meek and unsure of what he felt. It was time to show Jack that he wasn't as weak-willed as she thought him to be, and if that meant risking her wrath by staying in order to show that he cared, then so be it.

"What, you got so many friends in this galaxy that you can't use another one?" he said, shifting all of his weight to one hip in an attempt to appear unfazed.

"No, I just don't think your pretty little head could handle all the gory details," she fired back at him.

He continued to stand there, arms still folded over his chest as he stared at her, and patiently waited for her to elaborate.

"Fine," she said, throwing out the word like she was throwing down a gauntlet and accepting a challenge. "Just remember, you asked for it. You remember when I told you how Cerberus kidnapped and experimented on me?"

"Yes." It was not something he would soon forget. He had seen Cerberus' sick experiments before, but he'd never understand how they could go as far as torturing a little girl, or what they had hoped to gain by it.

"And you remember how I said I'd dealt with them?"

"Yes…," he replied cautiously. "But you never told me how you—what was the phrase you used?—settled the score."

"I planted a huge bomb right in the middle of my cell and watched it explode from orbit! I destroyed that facility! Nothing left but a burn mark on the surface of that shithole planet! And you know what? It was all for fucking nothing! We come here and I find out that place still exists. And I'm dead! And…and…" She sank down to her cot. When she spoke again her words were softer, more despondent. "It's fucking with my head. I don't know what to feel."

Kaidan swallowed his shock, knowing that it if he showed any kind of sympathy, Jack would erect an impenetrable wall around herself and shut him out again. He risked taking a step closer to her and ventured, "Will you tell me about it?"

Jack looked up at him, the heat of her anger all but gone from her eyes. She looked lost, scared, vulnerable. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to reach out and put his hand on her shoulder.

"The first memories I have are of my cell," she slowly began. "Cerberus kidnapped me when I was little and raised me in a research base. They tortured me, drugged me, performed twisted experiments on me in an attempt to create a stronger biotic. There were other kids there too, but I was kept in isolation. I didn't interact with them unless I was fighting them. The doctors used them too, experimenting on them first to see if they could withstand the treatments before they tried them on me. A lot of them died."

She grew quiet, lost in the dark memories of her past.

"The other kids hated me for it. It didn't help that I was forced to fight them. The doctors shocked me when I resisted, pumped me full of drugs to reward me with a sense of euphoria when I complied. It got so I liked it. Looked forward to it. One day something happened—some sort of emergency—and I was able to break free. The kids came out of their cells and attacked me. The guards attacked me. They weren't counting on my biotics developing so fast. I killed everybody that got in my way, stole a shuttle, and got the hell out of there. Drifted until I was picked up by a freighter. If I thought things were going to get better, I was dead wrong. The crew used me, then sold me, and I've been on the run ever since." Jack hunched forward and put her head in her hands. "I thought I'd finally put all this shit behind me when I blew up that base. I was stupid enough to believe that I could start moving on. But now…. You don't know what it's like carrying shit like this around with you. I'm never going to escape it."

Kaidan pressed his lips into a thin line and eased himself down next to her on the cot. "You can't allow yourself to be trapped by your past. You deserve better than that."

Jack made a noise deep in her throat that closely resembled a scoff.

"I mean it. Maybe that's your problem," he pointed out. "Maybe you don't think you deserve to have a normal life."

This time she did scoff. "A normal life. You're a goddamn riot. In case you haven't noticed, I'm about as far away from normal as you can get."

He shrugged. "Maybe you weren't before, but there's literally nothing stopping you from having a normal life now."

"Except that apparently I can't leave this damn ship."

"No, that's exactly why you _can_. See," he hastily explained when he saw her brow crease into her familiar scowl. "Your history in this universe actually _gives_ you freedom."

"How?" she demanded edgily.

"Well, EDI said that the other you didn't survive the experiments Cerberus was doing, right? And all that happened when you were a child, right?"

"Yeah…."

"So, you have complete anonymity. No one, including Cerberus, knows who you are. They can't chase you or track you down. For all anyone knows, you're just a crazy chick with a bunch of tattoos and severe daddy issues."

Jack laughed in spite of herself.

"Look, what you went through wasn't easy," Kaidan said softly, "and I can't imagine what it's like to have all those feelings dredged up again. But don't let those assholes dictate who you are. Cerberus wins if you do that."

She stared down at her hands, and after a minute of reflection, nodded slowly. Then she glanced up at him, fixing her eyes on his intently. "Most people walk by now," she stated. "What do you get out of all this?"

Kaidan stood up, smiling enigmatically as he raised his hands in a sort of noncommittal shrug. "You helped me, I helped you. Now we're even."

**.x.x.x.**

Jane had long since reached her breaking point, but she fought through the fatigue, ignoring the way her muscles cried out for mercy. Her hair was soaked. The thick, red strands were plastered uncomfortably against her forehead. Sweat beaded at her hairline and trailed down her cheeks and neck in rivulets. Breathing out short, controlled puffs, she pummeled the punching bag, methodically repeating the pattern of jabs and blows until her body threatened to give out completely.

But even then she refused to relent.

Confusion, grief, hurt, and anger; all those emotions spinning around in her head were violently channeled into the bag with such force that even a krogan would think twice before picking a fight with her. Her heart desperately struggled to understand, while her mind grappled to come to terms with everything she'd learned.

She had had a twin. A sibling her parents had kept secret from her. A brother whom she'd gone her whole life never knowing about. Had he been born alive? Had her mom and dad given him a name? Would they have shared that bond that all twins seemed to have? Would he have been like John? Jane would never know. The answers to those questions died along with her parents that fateful day the batarians raided Mindoir.

And if that revelation wasn't enough to take in and digest, EDI had to completely turn her world upside-down by explaining, in morbid detail, how the universe strategically eliminated key people so that no one would be duplicated. The looks on the faces of John's crew were devastating, but they were nothing compared to the heart-wrenching knowledge that her mate had to die because John screwed something up and brought the other Garrus into her universe.

Garrus. She shut her eyes, as if the simple act of closing them could erase the way he had glared at her during the briefing. The sheer amount of unconcealed hatred emanating from his body had been staggering, and at the sight of it her newfound outlook quickly evaporated into thin air. His countenance had made it quite clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Jane paused to wipe the sweat from her brow with her forearm and then she stepped back, releasing an anguished cry as she delivered a brutal roundhouse kick into the side of the bag. Without taking a second breath, she charged in close again, pounding both her fists into the bag over and over, before she finally threw her arms around it and collapsed against its weight as she smothered a sob.

**.x.x.x.**

"Commander!" Miranda gasped. "I was just coming to see you."

Miranda retreated a few steps to allow John to enter. He walked through the door and gazed around the room. He still couldn't get used to her being in Life Support. In his mind she belonged in the XO's office.

"We missed you at the meeting," he said.

"Oh," she replied, covering her eyes with her hand. "I got so caught up in trying to finish what I was doing that I completely forgot. I'm sorry."

"It's all right."

Miranda folded her arms over her chest and settled back into a casual stance, jutting her hip out to the side as she narrowed her eyes perceptively. "You look like you could use a strong drink."

He laughed. "Yeah. That's an understatement."

She considered him for a moment and then walked over to the corner of the room, where her footlocker sat on the floor next to the window. She opened the lid and rummaged through its contents. "Fortunately," she said, setting a bottle of scotch and two glasses down on the table between them, "I keep this on hand for just such an occasion."

John picked up the bottle, turning it over in his hand so he could read the label. "Belanian Scotch, 2163? I'm impressed, Miranda."

She smiled wistfully. "It's just a damn shame they won't be making any more of it."

"Why?"

"The planet was struck by a comet last year," she replied, taking the bottle from his hand to pour two fingers' worth of the liquor into each glass. "I was lucky enough to secure a small cache right before the hanar declared a state of emergency and their economy collapsed."

She handed him a glass and he took it from her, gazing down at the amber liquid. "If it's so rare, why aren't you saving it for a special occasion? Why are you wasting it on me?"

Miranda shrugged and sat down on the edge of the table, draping one leg over the side. "I figure, what's the point of holding on to it and keeping it locked away in a box? I might as well enjoy it before the reapers come."

"We'll find a way to stop the reapers," he told her.

"And I'll have the scotch to celebrate with when we do," she said with a hint of a twinkle in her eye.

"Well then, to fine liquor and kicking the reapers' asses!"

The Operative laughed and clinked the side of her glass against his.

An hour later found them both sitting on the floor, their backs slumped against the wall underneath the window, with the nearly empty bottle of Belanian scotch situated between them. John had filled Miranda in on what she'd missed during the meeting, they'd talked a little about Miranda's pride for working for Cerberus, and as the liquor made its way through their bloodstreams, the two fell into a companionable silence.

"This is nice," John mused. He tipped his head back and rested it against the wall as he finished off what was left in his glass. "I haven't felt this good in a long time."

"Glad I could help with that," Miranda drawled.

He shot Miranda a sideways glance. It was surprising to hear her say something like that. But he didn't dare question her for fear of disrupting the moment. So he stayed quiet, and another couple of minutes ticked by, during which neither one of them made any effort to move.

"It's getting late," the Operative eventually said. Her eyes were closed, and she didn't bother to open them as she spoke.

"Yeah," John sighed. "I guess I should go check on the rest of the crew."

He shifted his weight and let out a groan as he got up. Miranda slowly followed suit, but she stumbled as soon as she was on her feet and toppled into him as she lost her balance.

"Whoops!" she cried with a giggle.

He reached out, instinctively wrapping his arms around her to keep her from falling over. "It's okay, I've got you."

Miranda pulled her head away from his chest and looked up at him. Her lavender eyes grew darker as her expression suddenly turned serious. "Why yes," she whispered. "Yes, you do."

John held his breath as he watched Miranda's gaze center on his mouth. She slowly leaned in but turned her head away just as her lips brushed his and buried her face in his shoulder.

"Ohhh…," she moaned. "I think I had too much to drink. The room is spinning."

He couldn't help but smile as he cradled her head in his hand. He had been so close! "Here," he said, easing her back to an upright position. "I think the best thing to do is sleep it off. Let me help you to bed."

Turning her around carefully, he steered her to the cot on the other side of the table. Once there, she dropped onto it unceremoniously and released another muffled giggle into the pillow.

"Are you going to be all right?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied sleepily. "Much better."

"You sure?"

She turned over and looked up at him with a wry smile. "Yep. At least when I pass out I make sure to do it in my own bed and not on the floor of someone's office."

"Ooh, touché," he chuckled. "You're kinda spunky when you're drunk, Lawson."

"Mmhmm. Now get out. Don't make me call Jane again."

"Hey," he laughed, holding his hands out in front of him, "you don't have to tell me twice. 'Night, Miranda."

John had never witnessed Miranda so relaxed and carefree—even back in his universe—and he certainly couldn't remember her giggling over anything. This new side of her was refreshing, and he was suddenly filled with a warm, contented feeling that he was pretty sure wasn't just from the scotch. He brought his hand to his mouth, touching where her lips had made brief contact with his, and smiled as he walked away.

**.x.x.x.**

_Omega. _

_The turians called it "the world without law." The asari name for it was "the heart of evil." And roughly translated in human language, Omega simply meant "the end." Though each culture differed dramatically from one another, they all shared similar attitudes towards the lawless chunk of rock in the Sahrabarik system. Described by many as the Terminus Systems' dark, twisted counterpart to the Citadel, Omega was the major hub of mercenary groups, eezo trafficking, and narcotics and weapons dealers alike. _

_For Garrus Vakarian, Omega represented the end of one phase of his life and the beginning of another._

_Driven there by his disgust of the Council's dismissal of Sovereign and the geth following the death of Commander Shepard, and fed up with all the bureaucratic red tape in C-Sec, he set out to lead by example and right some of the wrongs that nobody there seemed willing to do anything about. It wasn't long before others started taking notice. Those who opposed the injustices were quick to join his cause, and soon he had a team of twelve men, including himself—krogan, human, salarian, batarian, turian—all of them in some way a victim of Omega's ruthless tactics and all of them more than ready to defend its citizens and deliver payback to the mercenary groups that thrived there. _

_How easily his idealistic concepts of making a difference had been shattered, crushed under the heavy heels of the very merc organizations that they were fighting so hard against. _

_Ten bodies, bloodied and almost unrecognizable, were scattered about the upper floor of the apartment, the positions in which they fell a grim testament to their state of ignorance. They'd been caught unaware, mercilessly slaughtered while Garrus was away checking out a potential lead. He had returned hours later to find everyone dead. Except one. _

_Sidonis…. Had the mercs taken him out first? Had he managed to escape? _

_Garrus inserted a thermal clip into his sniper rifle with a shaking hand, weakened by the devastating effects of hunger and lack of sleep. Exhaustion had set in hours ago, fatigue weighing down his muscles and making them ache as he repositioned his rifle to his shoulder. It had been three days since the ambush, three days of near constant assault on their base of operations by the merc gangs. At any other time he might have found a certain satisfaction in knowing that the Eclipse, Blood Pack, and Blue Suns had all teamed up together to take him out, but all he could think about now was how much he'd failed, how he'd let his team down, let Commander Shepard's memory down. _

_Some example he turned out to be. _

_He didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to hold out. The onslaught had been relentless. So far Garrus had managed to retain the upper hand by sealing all the entrances and forcing the mercs to cross a bridge in order to reach him, allowing him to pick them off from his sniper's nest as they funneled through. He knew he was making a dent in their forces because with each new wave of fresh, able-bodied men, the colorful, customized armor appeared less and less. The gangs must have had to resort to hiring freelancers, which meant they were getting desperate. _

_That thought brought him a small amount of comfort. At least he wasn't making it easy for them. It seemed a fitting end to his run as a vigilante: to make one final stand and die alongside the rest of his men. _

_The street below had become eerily quiet. Too quiet. Garrus ejected the spent heat sink and reloaded, rising from cover just enough to glass the area through his scope. Three freelancers: a man and a woman both wearing Cerberus uniforms, being led by a third person who wore a helmet and had no identifiable markings on their armor, had managed to scale the makeshift barricade and were now advancing on the bridge. He followed the leader in his scope, carefully lining up the crosshairs for the kill shot, and then pulled the trigger. _

_His heart stopped when an all too familiar cry reverberated through the air. _

_No. _

_It couldn't be. It wasn't possible! _

_Logic and caution fled from his mind as he threw down his rifle and ran for the stairs, skipping two at a time until his feet hit the landing on the ground floor. He dodged the obstacles in his path, jumping over toppled furniture and dead mercenaries as he made his way toward the fallen soldier. _

"_Shepard! Shepard!" _

_The two Cerberus lackeys instantly trained their weapons on him, but his shouting of her name must have instilled enough doubt in them because they hadn't yet opened fire. Garrus ignored them as he dropped to his knees and skidded to her side. Dark red blood was pumping rapidly from the bullet wound in her chest, pooling around them to create a warm, sticky puddle. _

"_Jane!" he cried, gently coaxing her helmet off her head. He pressed one hand over her heart and applied pressure to try to stem the bleeding. "Spirits. Jane! Wh-what have I done?" _

"_Gar…." Jane's eyes fluttered as she coughed, his name garbled as blood quickly filled her lungs. It trickled through the corners of her mouth, painting her lips a ghastly crimson. She lifted her hand to touch her fingertips to his left mandible in disbelief. "Garrus?" _

_Garrus winced, releasing a muffled cry as he gathered her in his arms and held her tightly against his chestplate. He cupped her cheek with his free hand, inadvertently smearing the ugly evidence of his transgression across her porcelain skin. _

_All this time, thinking she had been dead, only to have her reappear and then lose her in as many seconds. _

"_Jane," he moaned into her hair, his lips brushing lightly against her damp forehead as he rocked her back and forth. "Spirits, forgive me. I didn't know it was you. I—" _

_She tried to speak, but all that came out was a gurgle before her body shuddered and went slack. _

Garrus lunged out of bed and was on his feet before he could even register where he was or what was happening. When he realized that he was in the main battery, and not back at that apartment on Omega, he let out a sigh of relief and sank back down to his cot.

_What's with all these dreams?_ he wondered as his heart continued to thump against his ribcage. What was his subconscious trying to tell him? Not only was it making him relive the most horrible moments in his life, but now it was twisting the events that he knew to be true into an alternate reality where Jane replaced John and kept dying no matter what he did. First he had had to watch her struggle for air while he was trapped in the escape pod, and now she had died by his own hands.

Garrus dropped his head into his hand, a gesture that was becoming all too familiar, and closed his eyes. He had his suspicions about why Jane kept appearing in his dreams, but he wasn't quite ready to acknowledge it. Not yet, anyway. However, regardless of the reasons why he was having the nightmares, the feelings they evoked were very real. The last dream he had, the side effects had stuck with him long after he'd risen from his bed and started the day.

Easing himself down to his pillow, he tried to erase the terrible images that filled his head, instead letting his mind drift back to the discussion the team had a few hours ago. EDI's information caught them all off guard. The accident that threw them into Jane's universe had wrought devastating consequences upon them all, and it seemed that no one had escaped unscathed. It was more than a little unsettling to learn that everyone had once had a double, and that they were all dead.

For the first time since the Omega Four relay accident, Garrus regretted the events that brought them to this universe. Maybe if they hadn't crossed into an alternate reality, all those doubles would still be alive. Maybe….

"Oh Spirits," he breathed. His stomach rolled and he swallowed, trying to keep the bile that had risen to his throat down. "I killed him. I killed Jane's mate."

A cold chill settled over his body. It was bad enough watching her reaction to EDI's emotionless recap of his death, but knowing that his presence in her universe was what had ultimately caused it filled him with shame and self-loathing. By this time Jane had no doubt come to that same conclusion herself. As if things hadn't been tense between them already. He honestly wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to him again after this.

Those were the thoughts that his tormented mind clung to as the darkness once again claimed him and he fell into a fitful sleep.

He woke some time later, feeling disoriented and oddly out of sorts. A quick glance at his omni-tool told him why. The morning had come and gone without him, and it was now early afternoon. He groaned and sat up, trying to shake off the drowsy effects of oversleeping. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so late. Probably not since he was a child back on Palaven.

Pushing himself out of bed, he stood up and immediately clamped his eyes shut at the dull ache that pounded against his temples. He felt terrible and was glad that he could hide away in the battery working on his calibrations the rest of the day. But before he could do that, he needed to do something about his headache. It wouldn't hurt to put something in his stomach while he was at it.

He opened the door and winced as he stepped out of the dark room and into the hallway. The lights in the mess hall seemed brighter than usual, making his head throb even worse. Squinting against their onslaught, he slowly trudged toward the kitchen. But he was brought up short when he spotted Jane in front of the counter. Thane was standing a few feet behind her. He reached out, touching her elbow affectionately as he said something Garrus couldn't quite hear. She nodded in response, turned to look up at the drell, and then shook her head, but her reply was too low for Garrus to make out.

_Why does he keep touching her? And why is she letting him?_ Garrus silently fumed, his mandibles twitching angrily against the side of his face.

_You know why, _his subconscious answered. _You've shut her out, refused to talk to her, and denied her any chance to explain her side of the story. Thane hasn't. He's been there, willing to listen. You've practically driven her into Krios' arms! _

_Damn it!_ he yelled inwardly as his insides twisted with ugly, jealous rage. It should've been him by her side. _He_ should be the one comforting her. But that wasn't going to happen now. He'd blown all chances of that happening right out the airlock because of the way he'd been treating her. Add to that everything EDI had told them, and she had even more reasons to hate him.

He whirled about with a snarl, disgusted with himself and his actions, and stalked back to the main battery before he said or did something he would later regret.

**.x.x.x. **

"You know, for an assassin, you're not really that sneaky," Jane commented, trying to hide an amused smile by looking down at her datapad.

She had heard the approach of footsteps and sensed it was Thane even before he made his presence known.

"I was not trying to be stealthy. If I were, you wouldn't know it until it was too late," he replied, touching her elbow lightly as he came up beside her and leaned against the counter. "I wanted to see how you were holding up. Are you doing all right?"

"As well as I can be, I guess," she said, giving him a halfhearted nod. She turned to face him, trying to play off her distress with humor. "It's not everyday you get news like that, so…I'm coping."

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Have you had a chance to speak to him?"

Jane shook her head. "No. I—"

She stopped abruptly when she felt Thane's finger jab into her side. His eyes were focused on something behind her. Following his gaze, she twisted around to see Garrus stomping off toward the main battery. How long had he been there, watching them?

"It's hard to work up the nerve to talk to him when he makes himself so unapproachable," she finished softly. "And it seems like it's only getting worse."

"I see," he said, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "It's getting worse, you say?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm not foolish enough to think that this is just going to blow over, but lately…. Well, take last night, for example. Did you see the way he looked at me? I can't describe it. Anger? Hatred? I don't know. I think maybe I should just drop it. Move on."

"Have you considered that he might be overcome with guilt?"

"Uh-uh," Jane replied, her brows scrunching in bewilderment. "Why?"

"The events of yesterday came as a shock to all of us. One can't help thinking of all the ways things might have turned out differently. And while it is useless to travel down that path, for I believe the universe is destined to be what it is, others might feel responsible for what happened."

"You think…?" She stared at the red panel on Garrus' door and her shoulders slumped. "I don't blame him, if that's what you mean," she said quietly.

Thane followed her gaze. "Perhaps you should tell him that, Siha."

"We'll see," Jane said, but her tone was noncommittal. While it was something that needed to be said, it was the kind of thing to bring up _once_ they were talking to each other again. She sighed and picked up her datapad. "Anyway, I should get going. I need to finish some things before I meet with John to go over the next steps in our mission. But maybe we can talk later?"

"Of course."

Excusing herself, she hurried to her office, setting the datapad down on the desk as she flicked on her terminal. She wanted to check her email for any messages from the Alliance that might prove useful to their cause, and she also wanted to go through the old Miranda's notes one more time to see if there were anything in them that could point to possible new recruits they hadn't considered yet.

As the terminal hummed to life, she bent down to pull out the drawer containing all the personnel files on John's crew and paused, her hand hovering over the handle at the sight of the black crack of space between the drawer and the desk.

"I haven't been in this drawer since…before the collectors attacked," she said.

Tiny pin-pricks of alarm made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She thought back to all the little things that had been out of place here and there and realized with dread that maybe she wasn't going crazy after all.

No, someone had been in her office. And from the looks of things, more than once.

But why?

"EDI," she called out. "Can you search your logs to see if anyone's been in here while I was away?"

"One moment," EDI replied.

Jane folded her arms and leaned back in the chair, worrying her bottom lip between her thumb and index finger as she waited for the AI's results.

Who would come in here while she was out? What were they looking for?

_Maybe it was Garrus_, her mind supplied. Her heart skipped at that possibility. But it was just as quickly quieted. That idea didn't make any sense. Garrus had absolutely no reason to be in her quarters, and she really couldn't see him as the creepy-stalker type, anyway. Besides, whoever it was had been rummaging through her desk, which she couldn't understand why. There was nothing in there to take. Just the information Cerberus had the on the old Normandy and the files on the Lazarus Project.

She froze.

The Lazarus Project. The blueprints. The files in that drawer were essentially a treasure trove of information about the future, something that Cerberus would definitely be interested in getting their hands on if they knew about it. She and John had been careful not to divulge anything that wasn't necessary, but what if…?

"I have completed the search of my databases, and there are no instances of anyone entering your cabin without your permission, Commander," EDI announced, interrupting Jane's train of thought.

"No one?"

"That is correct."

"You're sure?"

"I am positive, Commander."

Okay, maybe she really was losing her mind. "Thanks."

"Is there anything else you need?"

"Actually, there is. Can you tell John to meet me in the debriefing room?"

"Yes. Anything else?"

"That will be all."

John walked into the debriefing room roughly ten minutes later. By the time he arrived Jane had taken the files from her office and had spread them, along with several datapads, all over the table.

"What's all this?" he asked.

"Research. I thought maybe the best place to start is to figure out where you've already been."

"Makes sense, I guess."

"Okay." She breathed a heavy sigh and tried to collect her thoughts. "So you got the new Normandy and recruited a team. Then what? What sort of missions did you go on?"

John came forward and surveyed the information that had been laid out in front of him. "Most of the missions we did back then are pointless now. Between the two crews we've got a good team, we've already figured out why the collectors were targeting human colonies, and the Normandy is still equipped with the IFF."

"And the IFF will allow us to go through the Omega Four relay, right?"

"More or less."

"Well, given what we already know, why can't we just do that now? Why not take them out while they're not expecting it?"

John hesitated, something Jane didn't see him do very often.

"We're not ready."

"What? How can we not be ready? You know everything that's going to happen."

"I made mistakes," he said. "And it's not easy for me to admit, so I'd appreciate it if you kept your comments to yourself."

Jane raised her hands and shook her head.

"The Normandy isn't as upgraded as it should be. We lost people when we went through the relay because of it. Cerberus has brought a couple of things up to spec, but there's always more we can do. I think we should work on that first."

"That sounds reasonable," she agreed. "What about crew members? Is there anyone you know of that we haven't recruited yet?"

"There's Grunt. But uh…"

"Who's Grunt?"

John's features softened as his eyes took on a look of nostalgia. "Grunt was a genetically-engineered, pure krogan. But I don't think he's been…made yet. He was partially created using collector technology by the warlord Okeer. Cerberus originally passed along the information to me. With it being two years earlier, I'm not sure where Okeer is in his research, or where to even find him for that matter."

"Maybe that should be our next goal, then. We'll work on making sure the Normandy is up to the standards it should be, and in the meantime we can track down Okeer."

"Okay," he nodded.

"There's one more thing," Jane said. Now it was her turn to hesitate. She wasn't so sure letting John in on her paranoia was such a good idea. "Have you noticed anything strange lately? Like things in your cabin being moved around?"

"No. Why?"

"I've found things in places I don't remember leaving them. I wondered if you'd experienced something similar, or if it was just my imagination."

He shrugged. "I haven't noticed anything."

"All right." An awkward silence descended upon the room. Not knowing what else to say, Jane started gathering up the file folders. After a moment stretched by, she said, "I'll have Joker set a course for the Citadel so we can start shopping for upgrades," and walked out.

**.x.x.x.**

Thane didn't feel the need to hurry back to the crew quarters, so he lingered in the mess hall for a while after Jane left. Sitting down at the large table in a chair that afforded him a view of both her cabin and the main battery, he placed his elbows on the table's surface and contemplated everything he had discovered.

At first he thought he might have been mistaken, that he was making something out of nothing.

Part of him felt guilty for not telling Jane. His heart clenched as he listened to how she thought Garrus' anger was meant for her. He had remained quiet, not wanting to reveal that the turian was actually directing his fury toward him. Their eyes had locked in a silent battle of wills, Garrus' ablaze with rage and jealousy, while Thane kept his gaze neutral as he assessed the turian's body language. When he put his hand on Jane's shoulder to offer her comfort, he saw him tense visibly before he rewarded him with another contemptuous glare.

The same thing had occurred earlier. Thane spied the turian leaving the main battery as he was approaching Jane, and had decided to put his theory to the test. While nothing he did or said was overtly possessive, he altered the tone of his voice so that his words flowed off his tongue like fine silk, and made every effort to touch her in some casual, yet affectionate way. His plan had paid off; Garrus had nearly gone through the ceiling before he wheeled about and stormed back to the battery.

It was obvious to him, even if it wasn't to Garrus, that the turian still cared very strongly for Jane, and he was going to enjoy making him realize it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So I guess the trick in getting these chapters updates out quicker is to tell myself that I'm just going to do a couple of short chapters. This one turned out longer than I expected, but still shorter than the other ones have been. I just wanted to remind everybody that the next ones will be shorter as I try to move the plot along. Hang in there with me, because trust me, it'll be worth it.

I hoped you've enjoyed this installment. Let me know what you think. I'm going to try to get back in the habit of replying to reviews. More to come very soon.

Thanks! ~Jamie


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